TTC after a Miscarriage - Keep Trying!!!!

[Diddle]

Well ladies, its about time we had a new thread, the old one is getting very long. Plus I think we need another fresh start, with lots of positive babydust:

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Get a big handful girls, i think we all need it.
I was trying to think of something great and positive to put, but this TTC lark is getting us all down, i'm fed up of trying, but we will all succeed eventually, our times will come.

It will be much better for our little ones to have a good start when our bodies are truly ready to carry them.

I've felt like that too when chatting with others who've lost much later than me and they've been so kind and supportive despite what they're going through. But a loss is a loss and one of the hardest things to come to terms with is the re-adjustment in your mind of what your future life is going to be like. Realising my dd would not be 2.5 but more like 3.5 when another one (hopefully) arrives, that I'd be at work for another year, that the holiday we'd planned to take account of the fact I'd be heavily pg wouldn't be the same, etc. And you can do a lot of dreaming in 3 weeks!

I agree in so many ways already having children makes it easier - they keep you going and smiling - but also you know what this little baby would have become and that makes it hard.

Certainly not a fraud! It's like when you're feeling down about something and someone says "ahh but there's always someone worse off than you ... think of the starving people in Africa". Yes that's awful but doesn't make what you're facing right now any easier to bear. We'll get through it though!

Welcome Baggybear. We all a bit mad and slightly obsessed on this thread. You are most welcome if you fit that criteria. ( if your not then just give it time, you probably will be )

Diddle, OPKs arent fool proof either. They measure LM hormone which stimulates the release of the egg from the ovary (thinking really hard here) but there is no guarentee that the egg will be released.
Do you use fertility friend ?

spub - the 14 days before AF is just an average, so it's quite possible that you are OVing, just later or earlier than average. As long as it's at least 10 days before AF that's ok, if it's later then it can be a problem.

oh feck. If I have no luck this month then it's the fecking chart and the digi thermometer then!
Does the, ahem correct CM not give you any clues or is that no guarantee either?

cori, yes used it one month, then went to use it again and i noted my progress on the chart but it didn't show any predicted ov or af time, so thought i must have buggered it up somewhere. might try it again now youve reminded me though.
Trying not to be too obsessed with it, and if i start charting again, it might be on my mnd too much, I think my own tension could have quite an effect on my success.

So cori (you've become our ov expert!) ... I usually get pain around the time of ov so have always assumed I have actually ov'd ... do you know if this could be just cos ovaries are stimulated and not necessarily released an egg?

This puts a whole new dimension on it doesn't it. Don't want to start charting either ... as know obsession level will skyrocket.

Diddle
You have to be really careful about taking temps at the correct times otherwise it can be a inacurate. You got pregnant quite quickly in the past though didnt you? , and you are quite young. So you are probably ovulating regulary,no need to be obsessed.

On the other hand I am 35 and last pregnancy took 8 months so I need to be a little more aware, the clock is ticking loudly...

What about slippy clear CM??
Is that a surefire indicator that you are ovulating?

Wishingchair, I had never heard of OV pains until recently. I think if you are having a pain that must be the egg being released hence ovulation. DOnt quote me on that though.

Spub, having CM is not a definite sign that you are about to ovulate, though it is an indicator that you are probably about too. It also possible to have several patches of CM in a month.

oh noooooooooooooo! (runs screaming from the room)
I so hope I get my smiley face soon. Not sure I could get my head around it if it turned out I wasn't ovulating. I did conceive dd month 2 and conceived my wee lost one month one in April so I'm hopeful but then I suppose things can change and you can go from being a regular ovulator to having difficulties. Would a m/c "contribute" to ov difficulties, do you think?

cori - I'd love to be able to say 35 and 8 months last time round. I'm 39 (not for off the next one either), and last time was 32 months (previously 18 months and 30 months).

Blimey LS.
I dunno how you managed to keep going but I'm very happy that you did and I hope it happens for you again this time.

I have heard that its not uncommon to have an ovulation free month straight after a M/C but I have also heard that you are meant to be more fertile after a M?C. So who knows?

Lunarsea, I am sorry I know you have been trying for ages. Hvae you mentioned investigating for secondary infertility to GP.
My first miscarriage was after two months of trying. DS was concieved after another two months. My recent miscarriage was after 8 months. I started trying in June last year. I think my body is slowing down and not producing the viable eggs. Thats what worries me.

Welcome Baggybear! I'm so sorry for your m/c, but as the others have already said we're all in the same boat here regardless of our different circumstances. Hopefully with a little light relief and chat from all of us you'll be adding to your family in no time

I read somewhere that cm was the most reliable way of predicting ov (better than temping and easier to do!) So I'm trying that this month. But to sure, lot's of bding must be the key!I can't remeber the name of the site but it was a medical one from the us and the doctor said getting to know your cm cycle was a better way of telling when ov happened because (if you pardon the expression) it's something tangable that you can see.

cori - am currently changing GP as existing one still thinks that there is nothing wrong and won't refer us, or do any tests, or anything! I've posted about it before, but basically he doesn't think there is any such thing as secondary infertility, and if you can conceive once, you can conceive again. Trouble is with an average of 2 and a half years ttc per conception, and 2 out of 3 m/c I'm running out of time to just wait and see.

Temping is a pain I agree. I havent bothered withit this month. The problem relying solely on CM is that you can have more than one patch of it in a month. I often have it luteal period.

But then you just have to bd both times....just to be sure

But seriously, I wish I looked into it last month, as I'm still getting to know what my different stages are like, so it might take a while to get the hang of it. Hopefully something will happen this month though!

Cori - Yes still young and no it didn't take long to conceive last time, The longest it took was 3 months. It has now been 4 months since the last m/c, and i am so impatient, i just want it to happen again. But i know It could take much longer.

Hi all, and welcome Baggybear, so sorry about your miscarriage, big (((hugs))) to you xx. I read the words you wrote for your baby, and they were beautiful. I cried my eyes out, they really spoke to me about how I felt about my lost little ones, but I have never actually sat down and written it on paper. Am seriously thinking I need to though, as I have nothing tangible (sp??) from my last mc, it's all kind of locked up inside still. I try to avoid thinking about it as it hurts so much, but I think maybe I need to address it, as it's dawning on me I haven't really greived properly. DH and I had alot of relationship problems that were all hinged on me getting pregnant last time and the miscarriage, and I cut him out emotionally for a long time. I cut myself off emotionally too, just functioned iykwim, and now I'm finding all these feelings coming back to the surface again . Wonder if maybe all this locked up greif could be causing the probs I'm having with my cycle.
I am feeling mega hormonal today, really bad pmt, shouting at the DSs, tryng to organise what we're having for tea and got all the ingredients out of the cupboard to do a chicken and green lentil casserole thingy, then remembered I did DH a lentil and bacon salad for his lunch, so he would essentially be having the same lunch and tea [really stupid emoticon]. Took me half an hour to decide what else to cook..... put it on to cook, and then left it to burn while I was out in the garden with DSs with myself. I really feel like I could pick a fight with myself at the moment so God help poor DH when he gets home. The worrying thing is I'm not due for a week and a half .

Meant to say but forgot amidst the madness, excellent news Lunarsea about changing GP, really for you.

Nic-
Sorry you are having such a crappy day.Maybe you could just go out for a wee walk by yourself once DH gets home or climb into the bath and have some time to yourself?
PMSL at the "what the f**k to cook/made it already/burned the replacement meal" scenario but only because it's so recognisable!!!

Sorry about the crappy day nic. I had a least 3 of those last month. Felt like I was my own worst enemy but couldn't get away from myself. Like Spub says, nice long bath/walk whatever and a big scream and cry (into the wardrobe or a pillow works for me) and I'm sure calm will be restored (a least for a while )

Thanks everyone for being so welcoming.

Cori - Don't worry I'm pretty mad and obsessed already!! I think I'll fir in just fine!!

Nicmum2boys - It does really help to put it on paper. I've never been very poetic and don't think I've ever written a poem (well, not since primary school anyway!) but those words really did just come to me in the early hours of the morning. I had real trouble sleeping that night and was up til 3.30am, then the words came into my head and I found myself a piece of paper and a pen and just wrote as the words came. After I wrote them, I fell asleep. It seemed to just lift something. I didn't intend the words to be in poem form, thats just how they came out, but just writing how you feel will help too, I'm sure. It brings things out into the open, even if you are the only one to read them. You must grieve, and facing it will help the process. I'm talking like I'm an expert, which I'm not, and we all face things differently, but I do think that these things shouldn't be bottled up. I hope things get better for you. lots of {{{{hugs}}}} nic xxx