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Subscribe now for 24 hour buzwamcam footage! Sit back, relax, and admire these 30 something women go menkul during the 2WOOFL. Hot men and cold cocktails on tap.

Course gins ok to drink at work for medicinal purposes...if they tell you off that's against your human right, innit blud?

Also I is da boss innit

just made one of my staff members look down my throat with a torch so she could marvel at the scariness (to be fair she actually wanted to and therefore can't sue for abuse)

When I had tonsillitis it actually ATE a bit of my tonsil away. The resulting mess was so frightening and disgusting it was almost worth the agony. And the days of lying on a spit-soaked pillow because swallowing was too painful.

(There's no real point to, or interest in, that story. It's just it had been a good ten minutes since I last talked about myself).

Poor Ginster. I'd make a hot toddy if I were you, and heavy on the Scotch.

headbanger I think that's about the worst thing I've ever heard. You should pop over to the birth forums and tell them - that'll stop their whinging. "You think childbirth's bad? Try having one of your tonsils eaten."

Is the colleague with a torch a mum, Ginster? Even now, when I have a bad throat, my mum forces me onto my knees (I'm 8 inches taller than), brandishing a torch and peers down tutting. It's a mum thing. Lemon juice, honey and whisky all heated up. PLus copious amounst of drugs of course.

Ladies, for your perusal....

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')
   No, i don't like gin - i love it. Especially on holiday. As soon as i sit on an aeroplane i must have a G'n'T in hand ASAP - i get them to pre-book it in the travel agents along with the options for dinner, extra leg room, seats together etc. I have had a few nights on it where i seriously thought i might have been losing my mind. Never put me off though. Am made of sterner stuff than that.

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?
   Gold digger. Think i have dug all the gold up already unfortunately and spent it on unnecessary and nonsensical things. Ah well, that's what your twenties were for.

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.
   Well, we all know it's the foofoo cos the poopoo is only for emergency usage during messy period times to spare the white sheets.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.
   Hmmmm....option (a) i believe, because if i started with the babydust and angelwings shoite i would have to seriously kick the crap out of myself and i'm quite scary when i get going so i would like to spare myself that when I have other folk around who would happily do it for me.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.
   I think (b) - it's the regularity and persistence of the evil-ness that gets me. Heartless, cruel monster of a thing.

6. what colour are your walls?
   White with kinda shiny white circles on one. Am I missing something with this question??

7. Number of pets?
   Two old puzzled dogs who wonder where their comfortable and loving life disappeared to since DD arrived (lackage of time spent with dogs is another abundant source of guilt for me..).

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?
   Russell Brand - is this really inappropriate though? My friends keep telling me he's manky and minging, but i think V sexy although pretty much guaranteed to have lots of VD.

9. Lesbian crush?
   Kirsty Allsop (Location, location, location fame...)- FWOAR! I love her mental dress sense and the juicy-ness of her! Also, handily, Phil is quite yummy too IMO.

10. What are your views on camping?
    Fuck that shit. Did do it in my yoof though ? involved lots of things then that I can?t do now though?substance wise?

11. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
    i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
    ii) Over 100 quid
    iii) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks
    Another category altogether. I have a bit of a history with pee sticks, in that, i spent practically every month of my twenties buying them to make sure that i wasn't PG (even when my period wasn't due yet) so scared was i of the possibility that i might be PG. Mental eh? I then had a massive change of whatever when i hit thirty and wanted to get PG. So the reason for buying the sticks is different, but the spending is the same, actually probably less. It's been pretty much a constant for me and is factored into my budget (if i was organised enough to do a budget).

12. Are you anal about punctuation and ginger? See post before re ginger. Am V V V anal about punctuation and, to be honest and really sad, one of the things that really attracted me to this thread was the lack of the text-speak crap. I really can't stand it - tis one of my (many) 'things' and makes me want to rip my own and other person's hair out. My sister does it and I just don?t reply to her. Haven?t been in touch with her for about 6 months now.

Aries

When I were 16 I had a series of abcesses in my ear canal. You cannot locally anaesthetise an ear and it was not feasible to treat me under general for something so small. I was held down (by my poor mother) on a hospital bed, whilst a specialist used the end of a pair of scissors to pack my infected ear with medicalised gauze.

When I got home I became delirious with pain, gripping the headboard and rocking backwards and forwards, moaning incoherently. I took so many painkillers I vomited blood. When the doctor came out he put his hand on my foot and said, "Unless you get run over by a lorry, this is the worst pain you will ever suffer." I remember moaning, "What about childbirth?", and he said, "After this? A doddle."

I bet he was lying, but I'm really hoping he was right. Cuz then if my pickled-walnut-womb does finally brew a baby and the birth ain't as bad as that, trust me I'll be all over the post-natal threads like a cheap suit

PS can you tell I am bored at work? Yeah, betcha can.

I think I like you.

Although I believe you may have wanted to use the subjunctive there, viz.: 'if I were organised enough....'

Now I am going to get on with some work before I continue to endear myself to you all piss everyone off bigtime.

Mine is nowhere near that. During uni exams, I was admitted to hospital with severe abdo pain and vomiting, temperature etc etc. "Ruptured appendix!" they all yelled so I duly received a hand up the bum and it wasn't. My mum drove a four hour journey in two and a half to mop my fevered brow. "Ectopic pregnancy then?" No thank goodness - I could see her blanch with relief. It was a UTI - but it was a very very bad one, right? I had to stay in hospital for two nights on the breast surgery ward. Yeurgh - all a bit traumatic when they kept showing me their drains. Needless to say, I missed the exams.

Decaff I adore your answer about punctuation. You are my NBF.

Russell Brand? really? ewwwwww. I'm afraid I'm with your friends on that one.

But welcome - your pee stick history seems perfect proof of the menkulness which abounds round here so you should fit in just fine.

headfuck 'when I were 16'

I dunno,glass houses,stones,all that...

I had an abcess under my tooth that made me faint n vomit while working at a trade show. Emergency root canal after work,the world's strongest antibiotics,back at work the next morning [double hard bastard emoticon]

I really need to talk to you lot. But am mental busy n about to drag the entire office to the pub so no time gggrrrrrr.

Laters

Pah, fallen at first hurdle!! That's what i get for being all smart about my 'anal-ness' re punctuation.

THAT WAS A JOKE GINNY A JOKE DAMN YOU! Like "When I were a lad this were all fields ooooaaaaarrrggggghhh" (er, because they're all pirates in the West Country. Obviously).

Talking of text speak, one of my facebook 'friends' (long story but getting rid of her's not really an option) punctuates her statuses with random text speak. That in itself irritates me, but she seems to have no clue what any of it stands for so it doesn't even make sense. One of her favourites is imao, which is either a new one on me (I'm happy to be enlightened), or proof that she really doesn't know what she's on about and has miscopied lmao (what I'm assuming, possibly unfairly but I doubt it).

What's lmao?

I remembering hearing on Radio 2 (yes, Radio 2 ok?!) about a lady of advancing years who thought - not unreasonably - that lol meant lots of love and signed it in a "With Sympathy" card to a friend who'd just lost her husband. "Deeply sorry for your sad loss, loads of laughs, June xx"

Miscopied LMAO (laughing my arse off) methinks. Could be a mix-up with IMHO/IMO (in my honest opinion/in my opinion) - mibbees thats where the 'I' came from?

Hmmmm....while we're comparing medical type stories - i was in A&E years ago for abdominal pain (which, for whatever reason, they always give you a rectal examination for) and the junior doc shoved her hand in my foofoo rather than my poopoo. She pulled her hand out and the glove was covered in clotty, thick blood (because i had a heavy period at the time). For some strange reason, i waited until she had called the consultant into the examination room to tell him about the 'heavy rectal bleeding' before i explained that it was actually just the wrong hole and nothing to worry about. I think i was just lying there thinking 'surely to fuck she must realise that is not my arse??!?!?'.

Anyhoo, thanks to all for their welcomes!

Decaff - big laughs from me.

Off to pretend I have friends and a social life.

hmmm, hadn't thought that might be where the i appeared from. Would just be more evidence that she's using it without having a clue.

The lots of love/laugh out loud mixup seems to be a pretty common one, which seems all the more reason to not use it at all.

welcome, Decaff, I think you will fit right in here.

I haz a Tanqueray and Fever Tree Tonic, yum!

I have been here since before the repeal of the Corn Laws and youse lot are lightweights - just after I left Uni, I had to have a tooth removed. Now, remember that I am allergic to everything in the world apart from water and oxygen: I could only have a minor dose of anaesthetic and my jaw is so strong* [Rocky Dennis emoticon] that the dentist had to go get another dentist to come and hold me down whilst he put his knee on my shoulder to brace himself sufficiently to get the tooth out. The anaesthetic had all but worn off by that point Then the hole got infected but I'm allergic to antibiotics (never met one that hasn't nearly killed me!) so all I could take was paracetamol and put oil of cloves on the abcess. I was back living at home for a bit and one morning I woke on the sofa covered in a bloody-saliva-soaked blanket - apparently, my parents had been woken by me screaming in the middle of the night and found me in the living room on all fours, rubbing my face against the carpet and bellowing incoherent noises! I can vaguely remember that and it was mental - am convinced childbirth can't be that bad!

In other pain news, last night after having a delightful SWI-orgasm, I was in agony with period-pain style cramps. WTF? Am still crampy today and they were so bad that I couldn't get off to sleep for ages and kept waking up with them. What the hell is going on? The sex didn't hurt (quite the opposite); it seemed to be orgasm that triggered it off. This only adds to my worry that the consultant is going to find endo Unless it's appalling mittelschmerz because I've released loads of chucky eggs at the same time

Anyway, enough about me (yeah, right!) and hello Newbs! I am Scorpette, voice of sanity and reason (not to mention conciseness) and I never lower myself to 2WOOFLing, as anyone here can tell you
Pedants are particularly welcome, especially if, like me, you think there should be automatic imprisonment for anyone who pluralises with apostrophes. Hanging's too good for 'em!

BTW, I really think we have to add the ginger question to the questionnaire

*Do not have massive Bruce Forsyth chin. Good game, good game.

aries I feel your pain. A few years ago I was taken down with a mystery illness. Suspected meningities, lumbar puncture the lot and all they could put it down to was the of an spread infection from a UTI I'd had (and very much felt) a few days earlier. I ended up spending a week on an old ladies' surgical ward (no room elsewhere) where the other patients thought that because I was young, they could treat me like another nurse, despite me being completely laid out in pain. My head would literally bang inside whenever I was vertical.

And when I had six toes (obv on both feet) pinned straight in one op, the anaesthetist promised me I would not feel any pain on waking. Lying bastard. But to be fair he looked really forlorn when he realised his plan hadn't worked and I was in agony. I then puked in reaction to the morphine. And considering he extent of the bruises up my ankles from where they had hammered the pins in, it would be hard to expect NOT to be in pain!

None of this as bad as head's experience, of course, but I still think it's put me in a good place when it comes to knowing pain, and therefore I should be ok in labour. (but don't quote me on that come July)

decaff Great answers, I'm think I have a new crush

medee of the drink

I am watching Desperate Midwives on the Really Channel - much more graphic than some of the other programmes and some very cute baybees.

x-post, typing slowly today. Ouch, ouch, ouch on all accounts scorps