All new 30-something BESH buzwamcam action

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Subscribe now for 24 hour buzwamcam footage! Sit back, relax, and admire these 30 something women go menkul during the 2WOOFL. Hot men and cold cocktails on tap.

Welcome FC let the madness begin!

cock I'm sooooooo pleased for you. That must've been the longest evening of your life waiting for that answer. But twas worth it. Barman! Tequila shots all round please............

poo - any news on your sis? How damned inconsiderate to induce her when you haven't had a full night's sleep

gin ouch ouch & ouch again. How are you this morning? I had a chilli incident once & honestly thought I was going to die (prone to dramatics? moi?). Didn't even cut hand, just somehow chilli soaked into skin & didn't start burning til about 7 hours later. I tried EVERYFINK, & in the end had to go to bed with my hand in a saucer of milk. I was scared I was going to pee the bed........(I didn't).

Eh, have I missed anyone? Headbutts if I have, I haven't yet had my 5th coffee of the morn to wake me up.

loz that is the funniest amateur dramatics performance of heard of in some time You big girl's blouse! Personally I would have cut the offending appendage off and carried on life as normal, but if you want to sleep in a bowl of milk well each to their own

Thanks your preferred deity for that cock - was chewing my fingernails for you. Now out with the baster and the ceiling-mounted ankle cuffs and away you go!

So pleased for you and the missus artfuldodger, fingers crossed for a swift diffment.

Hope all's going well for your sis almostauntypolly, that's very exciting.

Oh dear. The nurses at the EPU recognise me now. How very depressing.

How is everyone this morning?

I once changed my mooncup after chopping chillies. I thought I'd washed my hands thoroughly but soon realised I hadn't. It was very ... interesting.

Yay for DodgyCock and her jizz

Fanks muchly ginhaggle iz true - am worrying less now... but I iz still prone to menkulness

lozza you nobber

Fangres crossed for your sis and that it all goes well auntpoo

lorry thanks for asking lovely...it hurts like fuck tbh! The chilli was merely the black comedy icing on the bollocks cake, it's the massive cut in my thumb that is the problem.

I just attempted to clean our fridge (we had a letter thru saying there's a fault with our model that means it may spontaneously combust so an engineer is coming to lookat it...didn't want to terrify the poor fella) and I whacked said thumb on fridge door. Nearly killed me holding in the tidal wave of swearwords/not crying like a girlygirl (can't be upset in front of small,it totally freaks him out. For about a month after I was in hospital with the mc he asked me 'are you happy mummy?' every hour....bless.)

Also yup the milk thing was quite you delicate little flower.

Yay for the jizz dodgycock

Boo to the chilli-infested-cut-thumb gin. Shall I kiss it better?

Nah,you're all northeners. Unless you are from south of the tamar

Hey poo - any news on your sis? Are you auntiepoo now?

Cock - congrats on obtaining the jizz!! Am downing vodka shot in celebration (only one, as it's pre 10am).

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')
   Yes. I'll even have the cheap stuff.

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?
   Gold digger - hey MrsF, mine's an accountant too!! I think he has a spreadsheet to work out the cost of a baybee. Haven't explained to him we can't just buy one yet.

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.
   DH trying to persuade me it's b)....I don't think so.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.
   This must be a), which is fortunate as POAS is my favourite hobby, second to punching someone in the kidneys.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.
   Assume everything is evil unless proved otherwise.

6. what colour are your walls?
   Red & white stripes.

7. Number of pets?
   I'm not allowed pets for various reasons. Not had much success with them. Will presumably do better with a baybee?

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?
   Leonardo from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The firm version, not the cartoon version.

9. Lesbian crush?
   Megan Fox (I realise this is totally predictable, but have you seen the Armani ads?)

10. What are your views on camping?
    I'll camp it up, if it's for Megan.

11. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
    i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
    ii) Over 100 quid
    iii) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks
    I have to go with ii), mostly because I fear I would be discovered on ebay - easier to hide OCD tendencies by varying the stick supplier.

Jumping Jehoshephat BESHes! I cannae keep up!

Whoop whoop cock. Am awful glad for yer. I imagined you sitting pensively gazing out of a rain-spattered window, looking at once mournful and determined, backlit by a really top quality vintage lamp. You're going to win a baybee!

poo What sisterly news?

Scorps - a nipple twist for you. Just because I can.

Welcome MrsFC. I hope you brought gin a-plenty.

Finally - what the fuck was all that fucking Rhubarb bollocks?! I read the thread. It was like someone seeing a tableful of people talking in a pub, then marching up to them demanding to know why they're not talking to them! Fuck's sake!

Meanwhile the OM and I have SWI'd twice. Once was MOST athletically impressive & I have sore ribs. Word up! The second was terribly dispiriting owing to tiredness and a worn-out nob. I shall give it another go this evening . GOD, doesn't he know I have some calligraphy to do?

Morning BESHes.

Am bouncing up and down with giddy for news of PooSis, and happy for Cockblock

Sore ribs, Headcase, care to share the deets??

Did anyone watch OBEM last night? I taped it (what is the modern word for that when you have system other than Sky+?) but my colleague said she had nightmares and I shouldn't watch it

Hey LycraShorts, how's things en famille? Been thinking of you, pal.

Har, well, the OM has decided that the single greatest achievement of a man is to run through as many VARIATIONS on a THEME as he can without losing, how shall we put it, CONTACT. Involves flexibility and a basic understanding of the principles of mechanics. OUCH.

Lyra I stayed up speshully to watch OBEM. It wasn't as good as usual but I don't know why you would get nightmares. One woman had to have an emergency c-section. But that happens all the time, baybee was fine. Another woman made very strange labour noises. And a midwife sniffed a woman's pants.

There, you don't need to watch it now.

Aha, sport shagging, good for you Ead

Things here a bit shit. Dad having a scan this morning so am all jittery, even though I haven't a clue what they are hoping or expecting to see.

Thanks Bess, that made me laugh, I will watch it later then. I'm going to guess that the sniffing was to check whether weewee or amniotic fluid. Did I guess correctly?

Sounds like fun Edbanger

Well I spent a sleepless night worrying about sis, as I had expected. Silly cow - my sis slept fine despite having some pains. They did the 'gel on the cervix' thing yesterday, today they will break her waters if things not moving quickly enough. She sounds surprisingly chipper, although tired and hungry!

She has spent the whole of her pregnancy literally crapping herself about giving birth. She did hypno-birthing (cos we did, and we such fine examples of parenting.... cackle) but even that didn't help.

However, overnight, she decided to chill the fuck out and realised that she was so fed up of being ill and in hospital that the sooner her little girl comes out, the sooner she can go home. Sounds like HCS snuck in with some frozen fish overnight.

Oh Poops, you're such a luvverly sister; you're making me feel guilty (my sisters dropped sprogs at roughly the rate of two per year for what seemed liked most of my youth, and I stopped taking any interest long ago).

Glad she's doing all righty right.

polly good news about your sis

Lyra hope dad's scan shows all healing super well. The midwife on OBEM said she was sniffing the pants to make sure it was amniotic fluid but the PESH (horsey 40 year old) made her go outside to do it anyway so she didn't have to see.

Lyra hope you get good news from the scan and your dad starts to feel better soon.

Gawd I am so tired after just one disturbed night - how did I ever do the newborn thing? I am utterly rubbish, just cannot function without sleep.

Gin how is your chili thumb? A lovely ex of mine once shoved his hands down my pants after chopping up fresh chillies. I thought my luck was in until the burning started. Fucking agony that was. Bastard. He also thought it was funny to pick nose/ears/naval fluff/toe jam and then wipe his finger across my face/clothes/hair. Strange what passes for humour in some parts.

Gah, it all gets so chatty when I'm away [needy child emoticon] Our farkin interwebnet connection is fucked so I might be away for a few days - am on my parents macbook at the mo, but won't have any other access here for a few days (my phone just won't load MN, though it can handle facecrack and so on). Waaaah! It took us THREE hours on the phone to fucking Tiscali to get them to comprehend that the issue was not with our puters and router and wifi, etc., - they just don't know what to say or what to action if it's 'off-script'. We still aren't entirely sure what's going to happen as they're so fucking useless Even TYF was yelling down the phone and he's the most laid-back person ever!

Sorry for ranting. Am v happy for dodgycock and the Missus and v excited for PooeyAunt. Good luck PooSis!

Have just had CD3 FSH/estradiol test. Phlebotomist had never heard of it - that's reassuring Also, it's CD4, but know that's okay too.

Aaaaargh, am such a net addict - how am I going to cope for a few days without proper access? Am fully prepared for privations of motherhood, me

No slagging me off whilst I'm away

PS The 'more men than women' rumour about Nottingham is just bullshit to try and attract students. But it is a cool place, even so.

Just had a text from BIL - waters broken, things moving quickly now. Woohoo!

Exciting Poll! Scorps there must be a way to sort this, we need your wisdom/humour/insanity on tap 24/7. I'm sure Tiscali would spring into action if they knew you were a farking LINCHPIN. Have you told them that?

BTW Laurie I am intrigued to know - did the glass of milk help?!

Today is the first day, in like, forever, that I didn't know what my cycle day was! Trivial but amazing for me... I have made it to CD21 without any symptom spotting or woofling. That really is a fucking miracle!

I won't get kicked out will I for being unBESH?

Scropy that is shit. We need you here. You have important business to attend to, ffs!