The BESH 30's TTC: "Shall I get me rat out, Doctor?"

[ChoChoSan]

The Palace is open and the anti-freeze is flowing - Blue Bols 50p a shot! Two for one on Archers and orange, for the classy BESHies (the ones who keep their hats on whilst undergoing an internal examination).

We have Vampire Bill and Brian Cox in the Dungeon, and David Mitchell and Brian Eno tending the bar....

I have a moustache? ace.

Would rather pierce my eyeballs with porcupine spikes and piss thistles for eternity rather than be filmed in labour.

Oh now see I'm looking forward to it

That's next Xmas's entertainment sorted anyway. Screw Wizard of Oz...

Muse, am thinking of the footballers from Glee performing that song now

Bad Cunty. I lurk and knoweth what that refers to and I agreed with her (and it was clearly only about 2 certain people). Next time, the cane

Poor old TYF is back from work and worrying he now has rubbish swimmers. And worrying about taking his JIAP to the hospital tomorrow. Can't believe I have to get up early on a day off just to accompany him. Ah well, c'est l'amour.

lurkers never prosper scorpio lurkers never prosper

And besides, whatever it refers to it was a mildly amusing flouncerama and was pre-destined to have the rise taken out of it. You can't deliver a semi-sanctimonious one liner like that and expect to get away scot-free .

True, but that's only cricket when the person is present

BTW, it's still okay to watch you through my night vision goggles, right?

Any documentary of me giving birth would be shots of me screaming in the most undignified fashion ever witnessed whilst a consultant tells me my waters haven't even broken, interspersed with footage of me hissing things like 'did you see that widwife's hair? Hello, 1992's calling and it wants its wig back' and 'I refuse to let a woman who spells her name Mandii put her fingers inside me' and 'TYF, she just said 'vast majority' - please go and tell them I request a new midwife'.

you should see how my midwife spells her name then scorps!

I think the cameras in OBEM are fixed to the wall, so no crew.

The colposcopy nurse is called Salli, Casper. What are things coming to? If she draws a heart over the i I shall be suing the NHS for mental distress.

What's your MW called then? Spill!

scorps will lend you my treasured copy of 'Birth Skills' (or how to give birth the Scientology way). Nobody need scream when riding the wave of a contraction, unless it's with excitement.

scared to in case she lurks scorps I want her to look after me! something that would be normal if it weren't for the Es and Is in the wrong place.

Just finished batch of pancakes. 4 for me, 10 for him. nice to be appreciated.

Euphemia Isn't that normally shortened to Effie? She might make it an Effee, or even an Eph'e

i is up for cornbeef and baked bean pancakes. Hand them all over.

Husband wants to watch The Shits, so i will have to cancel Survivors again to tape the Sprog birthing show. He is sooo selfish. I even cooked him dinner now he is refusing to do pancakes til i help. These sperm machines are so demanding at times.

SheShootsSheSCORES bloody good news. Quadruple gins all round to celebrate.

Ps. Since when was birth a spectator sport?

Some names that end in 'i' are proper names tho scrope

Yeah, what sort of woman allows herself to be filmed giving birth? I can't wait to watch it later

HMM interesting Brits opening with lots of prams

I would rather watch some fit young lasses fight some scary topless tribal warrior ladies meself. So that's my plan. Tho I currently seem to be watching Milan v man u....

Mr gin will have to leave the room in a minute tho. Well my tea's not gonna cook itself is it??

Gin - young Master Ginlet has a proppah name, innit. I merely object to normal names spelt in a different, ie tacky way.

Cunty -

what? what? what have I done now?!

lily allen looked ruff! Obv i am some super hot rock fashionista who knows what i is on about when it comes to looking good.

It is not a very Caucasian name tho...sounds fab when said with a Scottish accent tho...

Ummm yeah what has cuntchops done? I done missed sumfin...

I think it's the Scientology birth book rather than Cunty. Please tell me more about it!

Oh god, why does Lady Gaga exist?

Not unpopular with me luvver...