The BESH 30's TTC: "Shall I get me rat out, Doctor?"

[ChoChoSan]

The Palace is open and the anti-freeze is flowing - Blue Bols 50p a shot! Two for one on Archers and orange, for the classy BESHies (the ones who keep their hats on whilst undergoing an internal examination).

We have Vampire Bill and Brian Cox in the Dungeon, and David Mitchell and Brian Eno tending the bar....

re the twin thing: As Twinks said, identicals are a freak of nature because the fertilised BOC splits in two. Non-identicals are hereditary. SFF has hereditary twins in the family, so it was something we had to bear in mind. He has non-ID female cousins, and their mother (and SFF's father) is sibling to a set of boy-girl twins. I reckon the cousin-twins' big sister is odds on to bear the next set...

The Clomid thing must be about release of extra egg. And come to think of it, many ID twins I know came from older (40s) mothers - who's already had at least two other children.

Pancakes - I want proper fat Scottish ones with loads of jam and butter. Might just text SFF now to get him to bring home more milk...

Babies or Brits? Childbirth or Peter Kay? Will defo record one and watch t'other. Or record both and enjoy later sans adverts.

Hah! vag I am sitting of the sofa with a pack of choc digestives next to me. SFF got them when I told him it was a medical emergency yesterday. Go to doctors in tears = get choccie biccies. It's a rule.

Lent? what's that? I never give anything up on a temporary basis. That's just self-torture.

Happy "helping" tomorrow scorpalicious.

me and PC slow today --eewwwwwwwww to so many of those pancake suggestions!

I got TYF his own proper pancake pan and all the fancy accessories to go with it, for Xmas (watching fresh pancakes being prepared on an outside griddle in Amsterdam is a romantic memory for us). As I said at the time, "I hope this isn't a crepe present". BOOM BOOM! It's the way I tell 'em, etc.

That man is mad for pancakes. I was going to go buy him some posh foodstuffs for fillings but felt so crampular at the PO that I couldn't face Tesco. His ability to eat the world and still be a skinny bugger is most inconsiderate and unfair. He will also make me sing the Pancake Day song when he gets home. Younger men, you gotsta love 'em

I am not having pancakes because I am a) 'lergic, b) not keen on them anyway and c) my brother isn't here for us to try and flip them onto each other's head whilst our parents piss themselves laughing, so what's the point. Am suddenly having a blinding flash of realisation that Jo Frost might not have approved of our folks' parenting style...

I'll be watching her later and One Born Every Minute. I can't handle another cunt like that Steve joker, mind. Then Charlie Brooker's NewsWipe. I live an exciting life

mmm, I have eggs, but probably not enough milk.

But but they're lovely!

One day I'll have a dinner party to which you are all invited and I'll show you oh yes I'll show all of you. Heathens. Godless wenches. You wouldn't know good northern food if it punched you in the face and said 'Hi, I'm good northern food'.

You disgust me, the lot of you.

Oh god. Have just realised I have the scan tomorrow. Quick, someone distract me!

You are all watching the wrong programmes. Me n mr gin trying to work out how we are going to watch caprica,last woman standing,planes trains n automobiles and..erm.. the football. We have decided to plug in 4 tellies and fry our brains

and Very Good News. My fairy godmother says I can go to the xx gig in brum in couple of weeks and stay in nice hotel with the mr! Woop woop yay.

other news I am seeing the lovely extremesitting on Thursday night.

Other other news I am shitting myself about the appt on Friday. Not sure I actually want to find out how fucked me lady-workings are....

scorp... good. I had a feeling it was gonna be good news. You're just not diffed yet cos tyf still learning

and I have the best biscuits. They say 'i love you'. Which means I don't actually want to eat them.

And I fucking forgot about pancake day...boo.

sorry,was all I could think of under pressure!

Will be thinking of you muchly

She's not distant and anonymous....just got the palace menkuls and was found in the corner,rocking quietly.

STAY AWAY FROM THE NIPS! They are fucking painful enough already.

Anvils and bum flashing are fine of course. I have emptied another drawer. Now to tackle the top of the chest of drawers, a disgusting mess of cosmetics and god only knows what.

I will tell her that you miss her though cunty... luckily I know how to translate northern

sorry muse just thought the pain would distract you. Can I grope your arse instead then? You still get the cocktail

distracted yet?

Gin, I believe Findus Crispy Pancakes count, if you're stuck for a pancake Day meal. Thanks for your support, am sure your inner workings will be all good. Well, unless they're messed up by all the sick shit you and extreme have planned

Here's a question: if a documentary crew were looking to film women in labour when you were due to pop one out, would you let them film you? This is irrelevant to me, as I shall merely cough and excuse myself to the powder room, from which I shall emerge with a clean, sleeping infant dressed entirely in white linen, including bonnet. I will be a size 8, with pristine hair and make-up.

Gin, please send her my love too?

Cuntface, I'm at least as northern as you and I know that "good northern food" does not have to involve three things in tins!!

Not for all the vodka in Russia scorp. I'd rather eat my own placenta.

I would have thought that corned beef and baked bean pancakes would have been enough distraction... but I'll use the old cartoon trick of lashing you to train tracks

Real or imaginary, bumsticks.

No more real or paranoia induced bleeding. I think I just imagined it before.

There is no way in hell I would let a camera crew anywhere near me during labour. The fewer people in the room the better as far as I'm concerned.

And I think the award for best distraction goes to ginhag. That paint will be a bitch to clean off though

Ooh, Bouncey's Single Ladies just came on my iTunes. Woot!

Was worth it muse

lmao at 'three things in tins'

see it's the concept that appals you, the reality is heaven itself .

I find all of your views repulsive.