The BESH 30's TTC: "Shall I get me rat out, Doctor?"

[ChoChoSan]

The Palace is open and the anti-freeze is flowing - Blue Bols 50p a shot! Two for one on Archers and orange, for the classy BESHies (the ones who keep their hats on whilst undergoing an internal examination).

We have Vampire Bill and Brian Cox in the Dungeon, and David Mitchell and Brian Eno tending the bar....

So damn selfish Ocarina! You could've furnished every BESH in the palace with a baybee of their own. Next time, take a Tesco trolley.

Ooo though, I shall within a week or two be summoned to see a newborn (assuming all goes well). Suspect will dissolve in pile of snot and tears.

I haz never seen a newborn up close.

Suspect July may come as a shock to me.. oops.

Real little tiny newborns look slightly like they're made out of the same stuff as those jelly sweets in pic'n'mix. Not the jellybabies dusted with cornflour but the sticky translucent type ones.

Is slightly unnerving actually. And you always want to touch that dent in the top of their head.

You SICKEN me, Ocarina! How could you leave that maternity ward empty-handed? Some of us on here are over 32, so what hope for us is there anymore?

I ain't gunna read that fred, especially it's all full of women going 'When I was 52 I accidentally saw my neighbour's y-fronts on the washing line and became pregnant with quadruplets'. I used to find those stories reassuring, now they make me feel like a failure. Bricking it over D21 test results tomorrow... that's presuming my Drs aren't going to twat me about ringing me I can tell from my charts that it's going to say I have low progesterone, but I know that I ovulate and they're going to say the levels otherwise. But I get mittelschmerz (ov pains) and 2 days of positive OPKs, rivers of FFJ and so on. Will I be able to get them to accept I ovulate but my progesterone than drops, as shown by my charts? To see the Doctor agree, turn to page 46. To see the Doctor tell Scorpette she doesn't know her own body, turn to page 14. To see Scorpette beat the spider Gorgon with her magical looking-glass, turn to page 92.

Am glad so many people had sexy Valentine's Days, esp. Pooface's cystitis (well, not glad, exactly!) Me, I didn't get out of my jimjams until 4am and kept yelling 'breasts! ' (mastalgia martyr, me) every time TYF tried to cuddle me.

Aaargh, must not post on the AIBU thread about rehoming cats. Must not.

Scorps you know you are not a failure. I really hope you get some news that's helpful tomorrow, will be thinking of you.

I have just seen my s-i-l's 20 week scan pics. It looks like a baby. It looks like it's sucking its thumb. It's too early to steal it, right?

SorePolly I'm dutifully compiling my taxes, and refusing to think about POAS! (but I am a bit jealous of all the shagging, because I'm banned from it at the moment!)

Morning BESHlets.

Good luck for your bloods today scorp.

Well, SWI is ON in the laurie household . As soon as the deed was done the boyf said "aren't you meant to lie with your legs in the air or something?" Ah, the romance of it all. Then he began talking about the DNA of his little swimmers! WTF? I just wanted to curl up to sleep. AND he shouted at me last time I tried to have a pre-sleep natter.

Anyhoo, well done on baby-stealing restraint oca. Only time I went to mat ward I was about 15 & was dragged along to meet my cousin. My mum was cooing & went to hand baby to me. I sat on my hands & refused to hold her. We had a quiet hissy row consisting of "hold the baby" "no" hold the baby" "no" on repeat. Not that I was a mardy teenager

muse what say you this morning?

Ah, the romance of SWI.

Fingers crossed for today Scorps, I'm rooting for you.

All I have to say today is "where are my ER DVDs Mr Amazon?" I need distracting.

Am blowing inkly twinkly winkly clouds of good-luck dust your way Scorps. May I say I am mighty impressed with your knowledge of your body. Mine extends to having the occasional rummage around my growler to see how much FFJ is about.

Laurie hurrah for the SWIing. I made a feeble attempt this morning but the OM was curled up like a hibernating bear. I shall have to think of Ways To Make Self Irresisible tonight [contemplates bathing in artisan beer]

I too am v impressed with Scorps' body knowledge, given that I pretty much don't have a clue. Doesn't help that having decided to use OPKs this month I then kept forgetting, fat lot of good that did me. So given my lack of ability to find any nice stretchy FFJ (although again I keep forgetting to look), and random temp charts I'm currently convinced I don't ovulate.

Got interrogated by TH last night as to when droid is due. Answer: haven't really got a clue. If cycle was same length as last month then tomorrow, but if fertility friend has invented my ov correctly that would only be 7 DPO which would be bad? And as for what point I could test if droid doesn't turn up, who knows.....

His cheerful answer to my aaaargh maybe I'm not ovulating and it'll never happen was "Oh well, we'd be able to go skiing again next year then". Thanks for that.

Sorry, that was far more info than any of you needed.

Muser have the DVDs turned up? Scorps I hope the docs manage to be competent today.....

EddietheEagle, I discovered last night that power cuts are a great way to induce men into bed, on the basis that all the usual distractions don't work so there's nothing else to do. Want me to come and pull the plug out on your street later?

No dvds yet. I don't think the postman has been. All I've had is a man doing a fire assessment of the communal areas for the upstairs landlord. As I hate the upstairs landlord I really didn't want to cooperate. Stupid cow refused to contribute to redecorating the communal areas because "it doesn't need to look like Buckingham Palace".

No, it doesn't. But it would be nice not to have actual holes in the carpet. Bitch. Could someone arrange for me to win the lottery so I can buy an actual HOUSE? I'll buy you all baybees from wherever Angelina Jolie gets hers.

Incidentally, is anyone else planning baybees in a tiny flat? My mum thinks I'm insane but we really can't afford to move yet. There's enough room to put one of those drop sided cots in our bedroom, next to my bed so I don't have to wake up to feed. That'll get us through the first year, right? Then maybe we'll be able to afford somewhere bigger.

Ocarina - if you would, old thing. Mind you last time we had a powercut we ended up having immense fun lighting candles and toasting marshmallows (if I recall correctly). Sigh.

Muse - yep, us too. Small rented flat in Inner London. Tiny balcony, no garden. Small box room that's currently my study.

My granny is horrified that we'd even consider having a baby here and frets about us getting a pram downstairs.

that being said my Mum, and lots of others I know, have pointed out that all you need for a good few months is somewhere to put the baybee and a pair of tits. Plus, I point-blank REFUSE to get seduced into bonkers consumerist bollocks, like it's a special new handbag or something. Anyone see that fred where soeone was TTC and had bought 67 babygros? PUKE.

Heh heh, sorry to be such a drama queen - I feel like such a Miss Piggy (not our our bumsex queen Iggy), getting everyone thinking of me over some basic test results Hiiiii-YA!

As for my body knowledge, I am a) obsessive and v analytical, b) have been ill for so long that it's become second nature to recognise every little whatever and work out what's what and c) was always pretty naturally in tune with me workings anyway. I'm a born researcher, me. [dull face]

Have colposcopy for next Tues. Party time, etc. Can't wait to sit around loads of pregnant women rubbing their bumps happily. The worst ones are pregnant teens who clearly aren't 'bovvered' and women who are thinner than me even though they're full with child. If some fucker prods my lady-gut and asks me how far along I am I won't be held responsible for my actions.

Am having bad cramps day - do not expect much cheer from me today

But enough of my crap, how are the rest of you? Muser, how are you today? And Occie, all men are rubbish at understanding ttc woes. They just get to have more sex than usual and then comfort us when we're wailing and snotting when the droid comes a-knockin; again. Okay, so that's v simplistic - TYF really wants kids, so he gets upset and disappointed too - but they don't 'get it'. He thinks if the tests show something bad, I'll just be given some pill or injection and it'll be triplets ahoy. Yeah, right.

Good luck for your results Scorpalicous. Lets hope there is at least one competent dr in your surgery.

Is anyone due to POAS soon? I am feeling the need for some good news...

btw Laurie you are not supposed to enjoy SWIing... That is obviously where you are going wrong.

Oooh, didn't think of toasting marshmallows. We did have candles everywhere though - only way to get any sense of romance round here....

We've not got space issues, in fact have had at least one comment since we moved about needing to fill the space with kids now we've got it. Cue nodding and smiling. There are definite advantages to living outside the big city.

But although space is useful (it means we can have people to stay for starters, although when that's the in-laws I'm not always sure how useful it is...) I'm not convinced it's necessary. Like lots of wise people seem to be saying, how much space does a baby need? And having spent time last year in foreign places where people fit large numbers of people into small spaces because there's no other option and seem to get on fine I think 2 adults + baby in small flat should be a doddle. Well, relatively..... Certainly not enough of a reason not to have said baby.

But I know I'm saying this from a v fortunate position of having plenty of space.

Yay, glad it's not just me in tiny space Ead. We do have a garden (but it's all flower beds and gravel, no grass) and we own the tiny flat. Sadly property prices and a 100% initially interest only mortgage mean there's not quite enough equity to upgrade it.

We could have a kids room if MrM downgraded his book collection (our 'spare room' is a study filled with his books). Biggest problem we have is the kitchen. It's a tiny strip in the living room. Weaning would be messy as there's not that much lino space.

Oh god. I hadn't considered the pram issue. I don't think we have any space to put a pram! Umm, baby sling anyone?

We managed a fair amount of SWIing at the weekend (even got one in during the day which is unheard of!) and MrC asked me last night if I had done a pg test yet?! I then gave him a biology lesson. I clearly have not been sharing the angony of the 2woofl enough.

Muse, I truly truly wouldn't worry. If it's all you'd ever known then you won't know whether it's hard or not, would you, if you see what I mean. Maybe someone who'd had a baby in a mahoosive house then moved to a wee flat would struggle. But if from the start it had always been a wee flat then you'd just be used to it.

For eg my rather wealthier suburban sis has always had huge big changing tables, all that biz. I shall just have to put a mat down on the living room table I think. But that's what my Mum always did innit. People's expectations have changed so much [makes disapproving pursed mouth face]

Baby slings are the shiznit - specially those ones that look like pashminas. I only ever picture myself with one of them - never thought of prams etc. until my Gran raised it.

Ps - and at least you OWN!!!! I'm seething with resentment that we'll never own probably, despite having never been out of work and having a respectable income. Fucking thanks a fucking bunch, Labour. Cheers for screwing up my future.

Mornin' all.

I don't think living in a small flat with a baby is impossible - they don't need that much space and you'll cope because you have to until you're able to move. But a year in the same bedroom as a baby might drive you potty. I know I was desperate to get my daughter into her own room by about month 5 so I could get some more sleep. Having her next to my bed every night was pretty terrible - her every move, snuffle or snore woke me up and vice versa. It also meant we couldn't read or chat at night or have very much sex! I know a few people who ended up sleeping in their livingroom and giving their only bedroom up to their baby! Hopefully you'll be lucky enough to have a good sleeper and this won't be a problem for you!

Hope the results are good Scorps.

OK TTC experts, I had first droid post-miscarriage on 6th Feb, which lasted much longer than usual. I then seemed to ovulate around day 6-8, much earlier than I ever have before (although this month is the first time I have used OPKs so I suppose I could have been ovulating early all this time). So if i did actually ovulate that early will I have a much earlier droid or do I have 3WOOFL ahead of me???

good luck for today scorps.

As for people at the door today - just the Jehovah's Wits again. they're determined around here. Made SFF answer, so I could return to watching trash from last night's telly.

You should get droid earlier I think. The bit from ovulation to droidage should always be around the same for you, but the bit to ovulation can vary. I think.

I think in my head my year was including me being pregnant (should such a miracle ever actually happen), so we could hopefully move somewhere a little better around the 6 month mark. Maybe sooner. Even if it means selling and going back to renting. Or begging deposit money off some undiscovered rich relation!

Ead - owning is ok, but we are kind of stuck now. In hindsight we should have grabbed all the money the bank offered us and got somewhere bigger, but we were being sensible and didn't want to overstretch. We could easily afford mortgage payments if we just had the fecking deposit. But how is anyone meant to magic up 20/30 grand deposit required to buy a house in London?

Well, we're lucky enought to own our house, a nice spacious house with a garden - YIPPEE!! However, its a 3 story town house & mum has already said that its not really suitable for a family. As she doesn't know we're SWI (or she probably does as she seems to know EVERYFINK) I reckon she was either trying to goad me for a reaction or tell me she didn't want to be a granny. Meh, either way tough kahoonas.

So, whether you live in a tent or a mansion there are always going to be ishoos, which there are ways & means of working around.

I did very much enjoy SWI. Bah, obviously no baybee for me this month. As for getting the boyf in the mood - I was wearing my marigolds washing the dishes, told the boyf I'm fertile & when I came home from yoga I wanted him ready to go. I was kind of joking but it seemed to do the trick! I got me a strange fella.............

Why is a 3 storey town house not suitable for a family? You use stairgates when they're very little, then when they're older they get to charge around hiding on all the floors. Sounds good to me.