Thanks y'all. I do realise I'm being silly, as have 'only' been TTC for 8 months and apart from babyfails, don't have specific reasons to be freaking out yet, but I'm a thenthitive thoul and don't deal with upset well, which I try to cover up by trying to be funny (tears of a clown, etc.). Cho, PhD is deferred cos can't get any funding, and can't see me getting any thi year, either . I can't have Clomid or IVF due to medical reasons, so I have the panic of there being no back-ups available for me and TYF and so I dunno if they'd bother referring me to an IF department, if tests showed up any problems. And, if I'm being honest, I deal with things so badly that my reactions might make them think I'm not capable of dealing with treatment (still keep crying with worry over the fucking colposcopy, like the twat I am).
Weirdly, I am an oasis of calm and sense in a real crisis or when actually having medical treatment (have had to have some nasty shit done to me over the years) - I just work myself up into 'a state' by overthinking everything. Anxiety runs in my family.
But I know what would cheer me up - lacing up my cuntkickers and heading over to Dorchester Hospital en masse. Do I need to bring my own flaming torch, Poo? BURN THE WITCH!
Oh, and the last time I asked to see a counsellor on the NHS (long story), I had to wait over a year and the first thing she said was 'have you accepted Our Lord Jesus Christ as your personal saviour?' - I walked out - and then when I complained and told the doctor that I refused to see her, he told me that by refusing I'd taken myself out of the system (or words to that effect).
PS Cunty - yes, am 2Woofling. Refuse to mention it, as made fool of myself in the early days of the Palace by excitedly proclaiming every little symptom a sign Am now back to my usual pessimistic self, working on the basis that if I don't get my hopes up, the worst happening can't come as a surprise. Happyhappy joyjoy!