Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

The BESH 30's TTC: "Shall I get me rat out, Doctor?"

998 replies

ChoChoSan · 02/02/2010 16:14

The Palace is open and the anti-freeze is flowing - Blue Bols 50p a shot! Two for one on Archers and orange, for the classy BESHies (the ones who keep their hats on whilst undergoing an internal examination).

We have Vampire Bill and Brian Cox in the Dungeon, and David Mitchell and Brian Eno tending the bar....

OP posts:
Scorpette · 09/02/2010 11:22

Congrats SalvadorDali! And here's the Palace's 'Well, DURR' award for least surprising updiff news

Am sending stay-away aggressive vibes to Cho's droid, which is NOT going to arrive, grrrrrrrr.

And am also sending massive good luck vibes to Poopyhead and Mr. Poopyhead today - hope you get good news and if not ideal ones, then a big ole goodie bag of Teh Clomid.

PS ShinyCunt - am here for you during the menkul: 14 days now? Far too bastard long!

rollerbaby · 09/02/2010 11:26

Polly good luck love, hope they are nice to you and give you lots of drugs. May I ask how did your man fare at the old jizz test? Mine has sworn blind he will never do it to order. Frankly I don't see the difference between me telling him to drop his knickers, or a nurse. Well, small difference, but you know...

Sorry to sound well fick, but wots progesterone gel when its up your foo foo?

ChoChoSan · 09/02/2010 11:39

Progesterone gel is supposed to help keep baybeez in your tum tum, if you have a teflon womb like what I do.

It is given as a matter of course with some fertility treatments, such as IVF, I think, but I had to have a couple of lickleangelbaybees before they prescribed it for me.

Some docs think that it can help with short luteal phase (if they believe in luteal phase problems), and I think it can help with womb lining thickness, if you have an old lady thin papery lining like me!

I hope it fucking works if I get diffed again - I think perhaps it just clogs up your minge so much, the baby can't fall out!

Hopefully find out this month!...if I am not riding the white pony by this time tomorrow, I am going to start getting optimistic...C'MON GIRLS...rub those ovaries WIDDERSHINS, and put wooden spoons under your beds tonight!!

OP posts:
TwinkleToes76 · 09/02/2010 12:02

Sal congrats me dear! Even though we all bloody knew days before you did! Well done! keeping everything crossed for you that you have a healthy pregnancy.

Good luck today Poo and Mr Poo!

I am rubbing ovaries widdershins as we speak Cho!

laurielou · 09/02/2010 12:25

Am rubbing ovaries in a pervy Vic Reeves kind of manner.

honeymoo get the ole man jizzing in a pot. Honestly, my boyf couldn't believe his luck when on a wet Wednesday morning he was shown to a room full of porn. He keeps asking if he needs to re-test

Eadwacer · 09/02/2010 12:47

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I leave the palace for a bleeding second and there's an outbreak of diffment. salamander WHOOOOOOOOOP WHOOOOOOOP! I'll get me growler out at this afternoon's bizness meeting to sellybrate.

poopoo hope you get all the druguliciousness you need........all appendages crossed (save those that must remain uncrossed for the forseeable).

Scorpette · 09/02/2010 12:51

TYF has to WIAP at home and then race it to the hospital. Trouble is, he's moaning about having to go 5 days "without expelling semen" - a moan which prompted me, with a facial expression that would put Medusa out of a job, to force him to look at pictures of colposcopy machines and read all about the procedures that could happen during a colposcopy - but more importantly than that, the stupid fucking Dr has insisted that it has to be taken to a certain hospital, which is so far away from our home and even further from TYF's work (will only just be able to get it there under the time limit), that he will have to take a few hours off in the morning just to take it and he'll never be able to find his way around because the layout is so confusing and complicated. Meanwhile, we live 15 mins away from another hospital and the 'rude bits' department is the nearest to the entrance, but the Dr insists we have to use the fuckwit hospital (which is also a shithole and a 'failing' hospital), cos it's where they usually send samples to. TYF is so shy and so lacking in even the most rudimentary sense of direction that I am going to have to go with him! Grrrrr. I know it has to be done, but how hard could it be for the GP to let us take it to the easiest place to get to? Fucktards.

rollerbaby · 09/02/2010 12:52

ChoCho that stuff sounds great. Seal up yer vag, cross legs and fingers and who knows you might win a baybee this month!

ChoChoSan · 09/02/2010 12:57

What a pisser, Scorps...surely they can do a jizz test anywhere and send off the results?

There are a small handful of local clinics near us that do it, but the Boyf went into the wrong one, with his sample pot, explaining he needed to leave a sample...the Receptionist screeched "YOU CAN'T DO IT HERE!!!!", as if he was going to whip his cock out there and then, and tell her to scrape the sample of her face!!!

Tell TYF to tuck it under his armpit to keep warm, like a little duckling!

OP posts:
Scorpette · 09/02/2010 13:31

But how does he drive to the hospital with a jizzpot under his arm? Could it nestle in his groin on the way? I suppose if I go with, I could pop it under my armpit.

ChoChoSan · 09/02/2010 14:02

I would suggest that he buys an automatic car and works out a route that involves only left turns.

OP posts:
Scorpette · 09/02/2010 14:25

Unicycle?

idealcamel · 09/02/2010 14:58

My husband's WIAP was the most expensive ever - he managed to destroy his iPhone in the process...

Polstar How the hell have you managed to get ahead of me in this game? My appointment isn't until 18th Feb.

Congratulations, Sal!

ChoChoSan · 09/02/2010 15:04

IdealLadyHumps...My, your husband must have been working vigorously towards his intended goal...or did he cause a software failure whilst attempting to download material to suit his personal pecadillos?

Scorps...I can see a Frank Spencer episode in there somewhere

OP posts:
laurielou · 09/02/2010 15:19

PMSL at your tales of WIAP joy. My boyf had the option of the mad dash from home, or park up at leesure, stroll to the appropriate department & enter the room of porn. All that was missing was a good steak dinner before & it would be the best date he'd ever had.

cho where can I buy foo-gloo?

Scorpette · 09/02/2010 15:19

True story: about 2 years ago was stuck in a bus in traffic. I was sat on one of those seats that's facing the windows, not facing forward, so had good long view of the road. I suddenly noticed the weirdest sight and without thinking said 'look at that!' and pointed, then everyone turned to look out of the window - a man was cutting through traffic on a unicycle, but he had some sort of long rope of luminous light wrapped around his head and torso and he also had a massive ostentatious handsfree ear thingy on!!! It was a really incongruous and bizarre sight; he truly looked like a character from a crap sci-fi film about the future! This sounds much less groovy than it was, but I cannot amply describe just how freaky he looked.

Cameltoe, you can't drop in a trufax like that and then not explain further... SPILL (the beans, not the jizz, hurhur)! Did he put the pot in the same pocket and it leaked onto it? Am imagining all sorts of gruesome possibilities, as Cho suggests!

PS Cho, that's a brilliant version of Camel's name

Where's Eadbanger got to today? I like the cut of that girl's gib!

Thank gawd for you guys giving me chuckles - have been having a bit of a sob due to baybeeneed this avo (day off). I'm so rubbish.

Eadwacer · 09/02/2010 15:41

Scorps I'm a-lurking. Filthy day. Filthy. Just girding my loins up for a meeting at which men who earn millions a year and are powerful beyond description will doubtless feel it necessary to belittle me, basically a powerless slave in a gimp-mask, paid peanuts, and with the limpid innocent eyes of a labrador to boot.

Bastards. If I'd've remembered the meeting was on I wouldn't be wearing an unbecoming black T shirt with egg-stains all on it

PollyPoo · 09/02/2010 15:42

Ok, just got back from the hospital - instead of leaving with a bag full of drugs, I left with a handful of tissues covered in snot, tears and makeup and looked like an extra from a disaster movie, due to the bitch of a nurse that we had the misfortune to see this time. I feel this may be a long one, so go and get yourself a tea gin and make yourselves comfortable... and I will begin.

Before I can go on to tell you what happened today, I will just fill in the newb's on our first appt - basically, we saw a different nurse who was really lovely, and offered us clomid there and then, with an HSG after 3 months if not diffed, or the option we went for - the HSG first, then 6 months of Clomid. (She took into account my fluctuating FSH levels and the beneficial effect that acupuncture had had on them and told me to keep on with the treatment.)

Today, the nurse could not have been different - her whole attitude was cold and brief and brutally honest. She said I couldn't have the Clomid because my FSH was 14.something and it should be under 12. I pointed out that the result to which she was referring was NOT the most recent and the last one was 12.9, so definitely coming down in the right direction (and I'd been told the 12 limit was a guideline, rather than set in stone).

She wanted to refer us to the consultant MrD in light of my fluctuating hormone levels to discuss other options. She then proceeded to tell us all the options we'd have if we did not already have a child (3 cycles of IUI, followed by 2 cycles of IVF... "oh but actually you are too old for IUI, so we'd skip straight to IVF".) She then went on to say that unless we can pay for IVF, then Clomid is our only option. I then started thinking about the family I'd seen in the reception, arriving for ma's 20wk scan, with husband and toddler in tow, and my eyes started leaking.

I thought there was little point in seeing MrD if we have no other options - she said 'well he might decide to give you the Clomid anyway'.

I then told her that I was having acupuncture and traditional chinese medicine to help bring down the FSH level and thought that today was all about getting the drugs (as per the discussion at our previous appt). She then offered to give me the Clomid today (wtf?!). I told her that under the advice of my TCM practitioner, I wanted to delay the start the Clomid until the TCM has had chance to work (3 months) which will take us to around April time. She said 'ooh that is a good idea' and gave me another blood form and told me to go back to the doc's for another Day 3 test once the herbs had kicked in.

At this point TG wakes up and starts asking about his sperm results, only to find results not back yet as it can take at least 2 weeks. FFS - what are they doing with them? They must have been dead a week ago! TG is then having a very relaxed conversation about how he hadn't really been worried about his test until he'd dropped the sample off, so was quite keen to know the results, even though we'd been told that, due to the fact we have a child, it is probably not his fault. She then went on to say well I don't want to worry you but... and then basically gave us this big lecture about how having Iris could have been a fluke - he might have v low sperm count and I am obviously not ov'ing every month - say for example that I am only ov'ing 2 months per year, and how 'at your age' the eggs are vastly reduced in number and quality and if my FSH levels are rising due to menopause there is no point me having Clomid as it will only raise them further. (Never mind the fact that my temp charts so far indicate that I AM ov'ing every month.) At this point she leaves the room to get me a new blood test form and have a few minutes to compose myself - meanwhile TG is looking at me like 'wot on earth is wrong with you?' I couldn't trust myself to speak.

Anyway, we left, with our blood form and leaflet about Clomid in hand, and were told to go to reception and make an appt for when we are ready to come back. I promptly burst into tears and had to leave without making the appt cos I couldn't compose myself.

Reading this back, it is hard to see why I am so upset by her - TG couldn't understand it and said 'but she didn't tell you anything you didn't know already'. But then he admitted that he didn't really understand what she'd meant about the hormone levels and referring us to MrD - revealing that he has not listened to a single fucking thing I've said over the last 18 months. Cue more tears and snot. Anyway, it was her attitude that I found so upsetting, she was v negative and short with us, until I started discussing FSH levels, details and acupuncture etc. Then she was slightly more conversational, but it was too late by then. I tried to tell TG that wasn't so much what she said but how she made me feel - which is bascially we don't have a snowballs chance in hell of having another child and not only I am ridiculous for expecting to get up the duff at my age, but why am I not grateful for what I have? There was absolutely no compassion or empathy from her at all. TG said he appreciated her brutal honesty and thought I was over-reacting and she didn't mean to upset me. I was then even more upset because he was fucking defending her!!!

Anyway... I have exhausted myself writing all that.

It is just so fucking galling because, after 21 months of failure I had finally started to feel positive and stress-free again, get my depression under control etc due to the TCM and that bitch has just put me where I was before christmas.

I will shut up now. Promise. Bet you wished you never asked.

Eadwacer · 09/02/2010 15:50

pollyhon I have to rush out to stupid meeting but just wanted to in an unBESHly fashion: Am flabbergasted at the fucking insensitivity and incompetence of the bitch and to be honest think you showed immense self-control not to thump her - wish I could write more now but know the other BESHes will.

So important not to take all that bollocks and negativity to heart, but when it comes in a nurse's uniform

PollyPoo · 09/02/2010 15:52

And I'd just like to point out to those that don't know - I am 38. Not fucking 48!

PollyPoo · 09/02/2010 15:56
Scorpette · 09/02/2010 16:08

Jesus Fucking Christ, my blood is BOILING for you, Pol (and my heart is aching for you)! What a fucking cunt! How such people get jobs in a so-called 'caring' role is beyond me. I guess they see so many people week in, week out, that they being immune to the subject, but that's no excuse whatsoever.

HOWEVER... you must cling to some important facts here:

  1. YOU know you are ovulating every month. Her talk of 'flukes' and all that shit are just her verbal diarrhoea, not fact. You are producing an egg every month, just like you should.
  2. This isn't necessarily 'all your fault' - Sperm count and quality is not fixed, so TG's could've got worse. Erm, that's not exactly helpful, but a fact - and lifestyle changes can really help men with that.
  3. TBH, she didn't sound like she knew what she was talking about - reading the wrong levels, changing her mind about if they're okay or not and whether or not you should have Clomid.
  4. the TCM seems to be helping, keep putting your faith in that.
  5. She is a cunt and can fuck right off. All of that is just one useless cow's thoughtless waffling. I would complain about her cold 'tude and demand you see someone else ASAP and say the delay in TG's jizz results is unacceptable. But you'll hardly feel like doing that right now.

I too would be be hurt by TG's attitude, but men talk so brutally to each other that they find it hard to see what constitutes thoughtless, tactless, etc. Still, no excuse. I would be giving it him with all guns blazing. You need love, hugs, tenderness and above all, understanding. I actually have teary eyes from reading what you wrote and just wish I was there to offer you my love and support. So will have to do it from here

salander · 09/02/2010 16:08

oh polly that's massively wank. poor you.

yr nurse sounds like she is utterly not cut out for the job - there is no need to have dat kinda attitude esp when in a job where you would think to be v caring and supportive would be in the job description. she also sounds like she didn't really know what she was doing? saying one thing then saying 'well ok then have some clomid'.

could you make another appt and try and see either your first nurse or maybe even the doc?

non-v helpful suggestions i am afraid but sending sympathy and another

PollyPoo · 09/02/2010 16:19

Thanks Scorpy, your reply made me cry all over again! But in a good way this time, honest. Am v glad you are all saying she is an utter cunt as TG had me thinking that maybe I was being over-sensitive and ridiculous.

I think what I have to do is, write off today like it never happened - after all nothing has really changed. I don't think she really knew what she was talking about, and her 'tude changed towards me when she realised that I do know what I'm on about.

So, I just have to forget it, get back my PMA and keep on with the TCM. I'll do my bloods again at the end of March/beginning of April to hopefully prove that the FSH is back under 12, and then get me some Clomid. Or, what would be really nice - get diffed with just the help of the TCM and tell that bitch to fuck the fuck off.

But first will allow myself the shock and upset plus some torturous watching of midwife programme on channel 4 tonight.

PollyPoo · 09/02/2010 16:25

Sals Thanks.

I think if my hormone levels aren't down by April then I will take the option of being referred to MrD - at least that way I will be talking to someone who knows what the fuck they are on about!