30s TTC - We BESH you a Merry Jizzmas and a droid-free new year!

[CurlyCasper]

Come in, come in. The wine is mulling, the bird is stuffed and cooked. We have a huge table at which to enjoy our festive feast, and the rippling Ricky Whittle is the centrepiece, draped in berries to be removed by whatever method you choose.

A bottle of Gin and an elf-man in a box awaits each and every one of you. Just make your wish and when you undo the bow he will appear.

There's a nativity tableau in the corner, for praying to the baybee Jebus and, most importantly of all, Santa has been asked to deliver the gift of exceptional fertility, so that each and every BESH can enter the new year with a baybeeee in their tum tum.

Oh, and I've let a few cats in to aid with the 2WOOFL menkulness.

Now, let's get together and get the tree up!

Welcome Silver, I am worried about your mushroom walls.

I am going to La France to drink lots of mulled wine and eat fondue and cake ski for a week. Not that I can ski. But I'll learn.

I did know what 2WOOFLing meant but have forgotten again. Two weeks of obsessive something somethinging?

Now someone POAS!

Oh I ballsed up my striking out. Stoopid formatting. Cannot fool anyone of my real reasons for spending a week in a chalet in France. There's a jacuzzi in every room y'know, and a chalet boy/girl to bake us a cake EVERY DAY.

That's my kind of skiing holiday - skiing should always fit around lunch/gluhwein/dinner. Frankly I always ski better when half cut. Learning is also overrated. Unless you have a fit instructor that is.

You'll be lucky to get those skiis you on cake eating, jacuzzi bathing lush!

Ffs, people. You could at least pretend to read the old threads. BESH = barren evil selfish hags. 2woofl (ta, ginhag) 2 weeks of outrageous fucking lunacy. Like 2ww but sans week and indeed wait. Droid=r2d2=red tide of doom.

Anything else?

Am feeling particularly harsh ce soir; booze plus fb updates. Fuckit; I may not have a baby but at least o have a new year promotion.

twinks well done for being super-humanly brave. Hope you're ok.

Twinks, if it makes you feel any better, I have seen another Twinkle with a worse deal than you - crappy Ch4 bodyshock doc tonight about an Indian girl called Twinkle who has outrageous stigmata (esp. bleeding from her eyes). That ain't right. Seriously, tho', old gal, well done - you were so brave. Be tender to yourself

Cameltoe, you vile career-bitch you, all this new-found power has gone to your head! Can you not just threaten to fire your womb if it doesn't correct its shape and fill itself with ickle baby camels? Or even human children, if you insist (hur hur). I do like your style though - I am now in a semi-permanent state of harshness and dark, dark nihilistic bitterness, so it's a real shame we can't get together and have hot lesbian sex moan savagely about the world together after hot lesbian sex. You know you want me, bitch.

Ah well, must go to bed soon in order to be on the ball at the long-awaited Dr's appointment. Anyone found a good way to stop one's self from crying? I blub at adverts so I know I will be snotting all over the poor LadyDoc tomorrow. Clomid or a straightjacket - which will come first?

(And I don't just mean adverts for cancer charities or animal cruelty, I mean like for Cathedral City Cheddar and shit like that. In fact, it'd be easier to write a list of what doesn't make me cry, instead of what does )

I'm really sorry that some of you get offended by fb updates, but from my pov fb is where I share all my good/funny news - less of the "woe is me" and passive-aggressive shit. I use my fb status to tell people about my horse/my dogs/holidays/etc. - I'm not trying to hurt anyone or offend anyone. Nobody is trying to rub anything in your faces.

Silversky BESH = Bitter Evil Selfish Hag, you know, having left motherhood until your 30s it must mean you're a power-driven City slapper with shoulder pads and Alexis Colby is your mentor. No? You mean you just work in a bank and don't have the title CEO? I'm oft confuzzled about the confusion over the word "career" - most of us hold down jobs, some better than others (the jobs I mean, not holding on to them) - on this particular thread we've only one rocket scientist, two Oxbridge fellows and a partridge in a pear tree.

I am very at Muser/Honeymoo and their tales of drunken skiing. And obv. Not the drunkeness, but the skiing.

Oh I think I complained about fb updates, but they don't really offend me. And I'm always delighted for the person announcing. Hey, when it happens to me I will be on there posting my scan pics and jumping around like a complete loon.

I am amazed by how many of them there are though! Up until last year it was all "I'm getting married" announcements and now everyone is on to babies. It's starting to make me feel a bit like I'm on some sort of fixed course, like the Game of Life. And I can't get off!

ski I personally don't give a fuck about facebook updates. However I do think it's fair to point out that the palace has always been somewhere that beshes can complain/offload about everything,everywhere else...and that includes fb. You have actually complained about it yourself in the past....

Generally if a besh is feeling shit about anything going on in their lives,they say it here. And no one should then make them feel shit about that. Everyone understnds really that people are gonna want to share good news on fb...I think it's just sometimes hard to take if you feel you don't have any good news to share.

So I say, post happy news and be happy...no one would want you to do otherwise really. Any fb complaining is no different to the 'ggr another one of my friends is pg' stuff. People can be glad for others n still feel shit for themselves.

gin True, I've complained, but as Muser said - you don't really feel ill will towards anyone and when jumping around like a complete loon, I didn't mean to hurt anyone. You're right though - the BESHies do come here to moan - but I would just really hate it if the BESHies resented the PESHies.

The biggest fb insult of course is all those bloody ex's who were a million miles away from commitment, announcing to all and sundry that they've fertile loins!

ski...

As far as I can tell,the peshes are exempt from 'facebook ggggrrrrr' anyway due to holding fully stamped palace membership cards...

I only said anything as I think it's important that the palace is always a place to vent. I know no one would want you to feel bad,and you don't want anyone to feel bad,and...ooo I could go round n round with this one

In other news,I accidentally got very drunk and had (fucking fantastic) unprotected sex last night. In the light of recent events this makes me A Fucking Idiot.

It really did cheer me up though.

Tbh, as long as it was with your husband and not on a girly night out I think you're allowed...

camel congrats re promotion by the way! Sorry you feeling shit luvver. I have the mixtape to send ya,though I have cheated,is actually Mr Gin's Musical Highlights of 2009...he's better at it than I am.

Will get it to ya soon!

Yeah ski I think it's fine morally...am just slightly concerned after some stuff i've read recently that I poss should not have unprotected sex til I've seen the consultant...

Well I thought that until I got a rare evening out with mr gin,and some red wine....

twink glad you ok-ish.

scorp good luck with dr.

AND silversky you can't just 'not have' crush of shame/girl crush. You HAVE to think of both. Them's the rules.

I'm sure the questionairre used to be much more random and less related to baybee making. If I could be arsed I'd try and find the old ones...

Twink glad you are out the other side, you tough old bird, you.

Gin hot sex? - go you!

Scorps - kickass with the Dr later. I also cry at everything. Even the thought of other people crying at everything.

Camel great news on the promotion - all you need to screw it up now is to get diffed.......!

And in other news......I did. And there was. So I haven't slept. And I think I must had dreamed it. Holy crap.

(The things I do for you lot, honestly.)

PS Silver - welcome, and own up to some shameful lustings immediately! The more David Mellor style the better.....

VAG OMG OMG OMG Are you for real???? More details please please please! I am soooooo happy for you!

VAG You're going to think I'm a wet blanket but I've just burst in to tears reading that - I am so happy for you. Now I have to wipe my eyes without anyone noticing.

VAG that is fucking brilliant news!!! I am reet chuffed for you

A round on me.... what shall we have - how about champagne cocktails to celebrate!

You are v sweet, ski - I have felt so overwhelmed at it so far, and cannot bring myself to think about it as anythign other than a bunch of cells in case it just slips out - and I am going to retest tonight, using a digital one. I got TSF to check it too - we stood looking and not knowing what to say (I hadn't told him I was going to test as he was convinced we hadn't done it enough this month).

I don't really believe it is real.

(BTW - oi lurker! xx)

Oh. My. Fucking. Christ. vag - am I interpreting this correctly?

twinks - glad yesterday is over for you, well done on getting through it. Take care of yourself, x

gin yey on the hot drunken sex - am v jealous!

fb - work of the devil! Love it! Its my lighthearted antidote to my inane ramblings on here. I like to think anything goes in the palace without anyone judging.

Eh what's PESH? Where is this other palace?

vag come back with full detailed explanation please. Am currently running around screaming downing G&T with my pants on my head at my interpretation of your news.

Oh vag BTW - CONGRATU-FUCKING-LATIONS!!!!

ski I'm not crying, I have something in my eye!