Thanks Cunty, you're right. But she's not doing it in any kind of deliberate way, ie 'Fuck off out of my kitchen with your allergy bullshit and eat what you're given, slag'. Both of us do say things, in a direct-but-respectful manner, but it's like she's so set in her ways and so rigid and repressed that she literally doesn't know what to do if it's not her 'usual way' and just sort of politely ignores the need for change/difference and carries on as though nowt's been said or requested by doing a nervous, confused laugh and wandering off, which signals end of convo.Then she gets all offended and confused if one of us tries to re-iterate it and it ends up with me looking like I'm insulting her and being difficult if one of us keeps 'pushing' it.
The point is, I'm not banned from the kitchen; despite it being a gorgeous, massive kitchen with an Aga and all mod-cons, she doesn't really cook much, she only really heats things up and doesn't want me doing anything different - in other words, if I was just heating up ready meals or having a bit of toast, etc., there'd be no problem. But she doesn't want me to actually make meals from scratch, which is what I always do, even before I had allergies, and getting packet crap is v hard with allergies, not to mention not wanting to eat shit like that. If I see her cooking some salmon, say, I'll be all, 'oooh, salmon, great, I love salmon' and she'll say good, you can have some too, etc. ... then come dinner time, the salmon is now covered in a creamy sauce and she'll say to me 'do you know what you're having?'. Even when I tell her outright to save me a piece of the plain salmon, it's like she can't deviate from her plan. And it is insulting that she can't or won't even make the tiniest tweaks for me. TYF is constantly saying things like 'if you just cut a bit off before you add the sauce, Scorpette can have some of that' and she promises she will then doesn't. It's genuinely not passive-aggression; I think she might have a touch of Lady-Asperger's (other factors make me think this too). And as the kitchen is 'her' domain, his Dad is no help. I just feel v insulted and rejected that she will not put one jot of effort or thought into being hospitable towards me - my own dearest Mama (now elevated to sainthood) is so thoughtful and giving. And an amazing cook. When my folks were having their boiler fixed, she made a cake for the repair men, despite having flu!
I understand that allergies are annoying, but it's taking the piss to cook only enough roast chicken and veg for 'the family' - a meal I can eat - and then ask what I'm going to put in the microwave, despite me and TYf repeatedly telling her that I can eat said meal too! I guess it's hard when I'm so used to my Mum being so caring and the fact that I'm so considerate to my own guests to not be offended that if she won't let me cook, then she could try at least once whilst we're here to make something I can join in with eating.
Sorry for my immense whinges. Am off home tomorrow - home to my fridge where St Mum has let herself in to place lovingly made scrumptious goodies to await our return. She will probably have unnecessarily tidied up, and put things in weird places, but it's a small price to pay!
Again, sorry for whinges and mardiness about ILs. I'll start whinging and being mardy about TTC again soon, I promise!