One-tubers TTC again....

[boodleboot]

right then,

DH has decided that after two regular cycles post EP we can try again....was very excited about that prospect until it hit me like a thunderbolt....i only have ONE TUBE NOW....of course i knew this but now i really KNOW this IYSWIM and now feel a peculiar mix of and of course and at the whole situation we find ourselves in....

I want to be positive that it will happen and won't require assisted conception but am really nervous and scared it is going to take forever....or not happen at all....{trying not to think like that....}

calling all one-tubers for a bit of handholding and good old MN support......lets go through it together....

Unfortunately we got the news we had been preparing for but hoping wouldn't come this evening (by a rubbish doctor I have to say who couldn't bring himself to rip the plaster off so I had to do it for him in an irritated fashion) and our baby does have Downs Syndrome. We don't think that we will continue with the pregnancy so in for a difficult few weeks/months etc....will probably be leaning on you heavily for virtual gin and tears sessions and thankyou both for being so supportive thus far. lots of love x

thank you all even!

oh no. i am so so sorry. i just cannot believe how totally gutted i feel for you hun. such a devastating result for you all. will be on my knees pryaing for you and your hubby every day. pls stay wiv us and let us try to support you. dont worry about our feelings - say it how it is for you. so much love and big warm hugs. xxxxx

Oh Scrum, I'm so, so gutted for you, this is so unfair. I have been thinking about you & had been keeping my fingers crossed that it was going to be the good news you wanted. It goes without saying that we'll be here for you so lean as heavily as you like.

Sending you lots of love, look after yourself and hold your DH & DS close. Just know that you are in my thoughts and am here for chats/rants/hand holding whenever you need it.

Edwina xx

This is going to sound like a really insensitive post given Srums devastating news but i had my 21wk scan yest and all is looking good. Baby as far as they can tell looks healthy and has the longest legs i have ever seen, even the sonographer was amazed! Im hoping supermodel rather than peter crouch!!

Worryingly he found a large fibroid that has sprung from nowhere since my last scan and is 4cm by 4cm. It was really clearly visible on scan and will need monitoring growth wise - great as means more scans but now i am nervous that it is going to squash bubs room to manouvre..... There is still loads of room right now tho so i guess i need to be content with that. Midwife said that explains why my bump is so high already - the fibroid!

can't ever be plain sailing for us guys can it.....

Scrum - hope you are holding up, you too edwina. xx

Oh god, scrumdiddly I'm so sorry, this is utterly devastating news . It seems too cruel to have to experience this. I completely understand how you feel about continuing with the pregnancy - I had a high risk screening result with DD and decided not to have amnio because I would have continued the pregnancy anyway, but now that I have DD to consider as well and know more about parenting I'm not sure I would feel the same way again. But ending the pregnancy must be utterly agonising. I know it must be hard to talk to many people about, but hope you have plenty of support and you are going really easy on yourself. Take care x

I forgot to say congratulations boodlebot! At least one of us has had some good news...

Edwina and Boodle I have just realised I didn't answer your questions, so here goes.

Edwina, the consultant said the BF affects the endometrium (sp?) so that it is not as well prepared for implantation and that it is probably what is causing my pre-menstrual spotting (for up to 5 days before AF arrives). This seems to be controversial from what I've read, but everything I've read suggests that once implantation has taken place BF should not affect the foetus, so as I understand it, it's unlikely that it could have caused your EP. Did your consultant shed any light on your recent loss for you today?

Boodlebot, we have decided to give it six months as suggested by the consultant and then reappraise. We could afford to do IVF with savings and it would be worth it if it worked! But DH is paranoid about having twins. We really want two kids, not three! When they did the laproscopy they said they couldn't see any damage to either of my tubes. So why it happened is a bit of a mystery...

Hi Ladies

Well done boodle as lilysma said - it's great to hear some good news. Hope the fibroid behaves itself and doesn't cause you any probs.

I am ok, well ok in that I'm back at work and life is continuing fairly normally. I am still desperately sad, it feels like a dream that I was ever pregnant but it's not even a fortnight since that dreaded scan yet - it feels like a lifetime ago. DS is so gorgeous at the moment though so he is helping to keep my spirits up.

Lilysma - interesting to hear about the BF effecting endometrium, I guess that makes sense. The meeting with the consultant went ok. He said that his instinct is to run the tests but he doesn't expect to find anything as in his opinion, my history is a random set of events. He thinks it's bad luck - an awful lot of bad luck in my book! I asked him about BF and EP and he also said there was no link. I forgot to ask him about EP risk factors once you've had one but will ask at the next appt. We have decided to continue with the private route just because it's so much quicker so no nice holidays for us this year!!! We can have the chromosome tests done immediately but the others have to wait until my period comes back.

Scrum - sending much love & thinking of you.

Edwina

Hi Edwina, yes, it is far too much bad luck . Glad he is still running the tests as at least I guess it may give you some sort of reassurance if they don't find anything and it makes you feel like you are doing something about it all. But I guess its very hard to look to the future right now and it's so hard feeling so sad day in day out, isn't it? Glad your DS is helping keep life worth living. Hang in there x

I haven't been around lately as we just moved house and getting our broadband working has been an interesting challenge.

scrum I just want to send you the biggest hug ever. Words completely fail me as to how shitty life can be sometimes. Thinking of you x

Hey Girls

Everyone has been so supportive so figured should give you an update although was trying to wait until I was more positive but that doesn't seem like its any day soon.

I don't think anyone would deal with things like this that 'well' but I don't think I am coping all that well. I was in hospital ending the pregnancy last Wednesday & am now in that dreadful 'after the funeral' period when everything is back to normal but i'm not pregnant anymore, hormones are going insane and I'm not sure how much more I can cry. To echo something Edwina said the happiness of the last few months seem like some kind of dream now. Was I really pregnant? Did I see the baby wriggling around on scans? was I really that happy? It seems a lifetime ago. I know that time will help but wish I could fall into some kind of movie montage and wake up 6 months later. Anyway, thats me and not helped by the fact it is my 40th birthday in two weeks which was also the date that my ectopic pregnancy would have been due. The joy!

Anyway, genuine good luck to all those trying and to those pregnant. You should be sharing your good news so please no one feel bad. I dare to dream that I may be sharing good news in the future so keep dreaming ladies.

Lots of love
Sue

PS thinking of you lots Edwina as we are on parallel tracks xxx

Scrum - What a horrible, horrible time, I feel desperate for you. I know exactly what you mean by that feeling that everything is over & back to normal, except you are no longer pregnant. I am feeling that very much at the moment & weirdly am finding it one of the hardest parts; I got through the diagnosis, the op, the week off work, the return to work, the consultants appt... and now what??? It feels very quiet all of a sudden & I also feel absolutely exhausted. Crying is good though, I feel like I cry constantly which is awful, it feels like it's a well that just keeps on refilling but I know from previous experience that it's the healthy thing to do, I need to express my grief. I really hope you are planning to celebrate your 40th honey, if only to stick 2 fingers up at this shitty time & grab back some happiness. If you can, try & put aside everything else that's going on at the moment just for one day & do something amazing & memorable, create some happy memories for all of you - you deserve it. It probably feels like the last thing you want to do but when you look back in 5 or 10 years time, I'm sure you'll be glad you did. xx

We had the bloods taken for our chromosomes tests on Sat - we should get the results in 2 weeks, gulp! I also started the counselling, it was quite weird pouring my heart out to a complete stranger at first & of course I couldn't control the waterworks but the 50 mins went so fast. She has signed me up for course of 6 sessions, she must think I'm a real head case!

Anyway, lots of love to all you ladies, bumps & extra big hug to you scrum

Hi Guys,
I'm a fellow one tuber and have been trying unsuccessfully for 18 months now-I have just had a referral from my GP to a fertility specialist and I'm so anxious about what this will mean. I had my ectopic in Nov 2009 and we have a little boy who is three-didn't want this much of an age gap.

I'm really interested in the idea of eggs jumping from the side with no tube to the good side-the doc told me about it in hospital but no one has been able to confirm it since.

I'm only 26 so do feel we have a bit of time to dedicate to this but I'm so desperate for another baby and EVERYONE is pregnmant-I feel like I survive one only for someone else to announce their good news. Help. x

Hi me again, I've just been through and read all the treads and I'm am overwhelmed by the mix of ups and downs you have all been through. Life can be such a s88t sometimes and it can leave some people so bitter-yet you all seem such nice warm people who are able to offer support to others when you are going through such turmoil yourselves. Without wanting to sound too corny as I don't know any of you, but I am amazed at what wonderful and resiliant women you are.

BBE Welcome! You in the right place, we all know a lot about EPs here! If you have read the whole thread you'll know that the success rate is very good although a couple of us have had some bad luck lately. The egg jumping can certainly happen, someone on this thread has definitely achieved it. The way someone explained it to me was that the fallopian tubes kind of 'waft' in the direction of the egg so if you are missing a tube, the other one will simply(!!) 'waft' over and collect the egg - sounds incredible doesn't it?! What is lovely about this thread is that everyone understands what it is like to experience an EP; how scary the onward journey is, how brilliant good news is and how devastating bad news is - we all understand what it means. The fertility specialist can only be a good move - I am also seeing one at the moment too. If they find something, you can be helped & if they can't, you'll feel very reassured. I"m sure the specialist will tell you that the fact that you already have a DS is very positive. Keep faith. xx

Edwina I cannot begin to tell you how good it is to hear all of that. I have felt so alone for what feels like a really long time. Its hard when you don't want to burden people with your sadness but are desperate to have someone to talk to. Thank you (smile)

I mean

I mean

BBE Feel free to share here. What is also useful is that between us we have all seen different doctors & heard lots of opinions so there's lots of info here. Like I said, we all understand what everyone's going through - you're not alone here.

Hi BBE

Welcome! Its always a bit sad to welcome someone to a thread which by its nature means people have been through the mill again but as Edwina eloquently says we have all been though it and many like (touch wood) Boodle and Appleton have been through the otherside. Even though its raw for Edwina and I, we do prove that you CAN get pregnant with one tube and whilst we were unlucky you should take some comfort from that.

In terms of the tube/ovary thing, it was explained to me that when you see a diagram of the ovaries and tubes it all looks v. separate but in reality is much more "mashed" together so not that difficult to for the egg to go down the 'wrong' tube. It happened to one of the girls on the thread (I think Appleton) and the ultrasound lady when I had my 6 week scan said she had seen lots of examples (although I was a same sider for my previous pregnancy).

The good news is that you have lots of time and are already seeing a specialist which is a positive step. I totally sympathise though with the changing idea you have of your family in terms of the larger age gap....i feel the same and have to take on board the fact that I am nearly 40 so may not happen again BUT my lovely (not official) brother in law came to see me on Saturday and he (who has one child via ivf after lots of problems with his previous wife) said something which resonated. He said that whatever the vision of our lives that we have in our heads, life rarely corresponds exactly and what we make of the cards that are dealt to us defines us and makes us who we are. SO, I am sure you will have another child and am sure that whatever age gap there is it will turn out to be the making of your family. And that goes for all of us!

As for me, I am still devastated and sad but better than a week ago so I, for the first time, have hope that we will get through this awful time. I also hope that horrible and heartbreaking as it is, Edwina and I have born the statistical bad news for this thread and we will all go on to good news stories.

As Edwina said, Keep the Faith xxx

Thank you for your wise words. I must say keeping the faith was one thing I really struggled with. I've always been an optimist-sometimes irritatingly so I'm sure, yet I found that after my EP i had become a real pessimist.But after reading what all you guys have said and despite some of the sadness you have experienced I, for the first time in sometime, feel positive. Like it could happen for me-who knows my pessimism may have been holding me back.

I was so sorry to read about you Edwina and Scrumdidlyumptious-I cannot imagine how devastating your experiences must have been-it seems so cruel after what you have been through already. Hopefully we can all be here to support each other through the dark times and carry each other towards the good.

I just wanted to add my welcome BBE. I was the one who was told at my early scan that I had ovulated from the "tube-less" side, so it is definitely possible.

I also understand the worry that the age gap is bigger than you would have liked - I remember writing a post on this thread just before I got pregnant really upset because things weren't going to "plan". My DD will be 2.5 when the next one arrives (fingers crossed!) and the extra few months now seem so un-important. I'm sure whatever age gap you end up with, it will have its good points - and scrum's advice is fantastic.

At this point, I have to say hello to scrum and edwina. I hope things are OK for you both. I think about this thread a lot, and it breaks my heart to know what you've been through, but I have everything crossed that things will turn around for you both soon. It's testament to what amazing ladies you are that even in this horrible phase of life you take the time to re-assure and welcome newcomers!

scrum, I echo edwina's advice to have a fantastic birthday, despite the circumstances. Here's hoping that the fresh new decade will mean everything turns for the better.

edwina I hope the wait for those blood results isn't too nerve-wracking, and that they give some answers.

As for me, things are fine. We're slowly settling in to the new house (still surrounded by boxes though!). DD just turned 2, and has started having proper tantrums - I thought she used to have them, but these are a whole new level! We have avoided too many in public so far, but I'm sure they're coming. I think she's waiting until I'm too big to be able to deal with her properly! I'll be 20 weeks on Wednesday - I have my anomoly scan a week tomorrow, so have now started worrying about that.

It feels strange to be writing about my pregnancy when others on the thread have been through so much recently. It seems so unfair that nature doesn't take account of all the crap you've had to deal with before when handing out more crap! Here's hoping that a few months from now the thread will be full of good news - I don't know a bunch of people who deserve it more!

Hi all - thanks to you all for your support, just to know you are all out there is so comforting. This thread has been such a life-line, firstly in facing getting pg after EP and secondly in these last few difficult weeks.

I think we should make a pact that no one is allowed to feel bad about what they post! I for one, rejoice at happy stories on this thread because they give us all hope and I genuinely love hearing how everyone's getting on and equally no one should feel bad about posting if they are feeling low. Ultimately, we all searched out this thread because we needed the support of others who understood.

Scrum I'm glad this week is a bit better for you hun. As you said, we are at the rough end of the stats, I think Appleton put it brilliantly when she said that mother nature doesn't take in to account previous crap when dishing out more - so true!

BBE It is hard to keep the faith, goodness knows, I've found it a struggle but I find I just have to force myself otherwise the misery just creeps into so many other areas of your life which is just horrible. I probably sound like a stuck record, as I recommend this to everyone but have you tried acupuncture? I find it amazing and such a positive thing to do, there has been lots of research done in sweden that has found that it helps your ovaries release better quality & fully matured eggs. Anyway, something to think about.

Appleton Thanks for your lovely words and your amazing empathy. Keeping my fingers crossed for your scan tomorrow, I'll be thinking of you & I'm sure it'll be fine. Will you post & let us know how it went?

I have been worrying about age gaps too, DS will be 2 next month and was also when my EP would have been due, now I think I'll be lucky if I achieve another pregnancy but at best it'll be 3yrs as I think I'm going to give myself a bit of time off. My counsellor has been telling me off for worrying about that though so am trying to let go f that. I'm physically feeling a bit better than last week. I felt dreadful, just absolutely exhausted. I had an acupuncture session and have started taking some iron tonic I was recommended and have started to feel a bit better. Emotionally I'm still battered & bruised, sometimes I think I'm completely numb still and other times I feel l like I've moved on a bit - so hard to know when you're in the middle of it. I have taken next week of work and am going to stay with my mum for a week and gets lots of sleep and country air - I can't wait!

Hello everyone!

I've been reading this thread but didn't like to butt in while two of you were having such awful experiences. I see that BBE has joined you so thought I might keep her company too.

I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through scrum and edwina.

My ep was discovered about 2.5 weeks ago now so still very recent. I had the left tube removed during the operation so am now a fully fledged one-tuber. (I was the one who was influenced to go and get it checked out because of SpookyCharlotte's thread if any of you saw that, though I namechange a lot.)

I'm obviously not ttc just yet but it's nice to be in a place where others have been through the same.