One-tubers TTC again....

[boodleboot]

right then,

DH has decided that after two regular cycles post EP we can try again....was very excited about that prospect until it hit me like a thunderbolt....i only have ONE TUBE NOW....of course i knew this but now i really KNOW this IYSWIM and now feel a peculiar mix of and of course and at the whole situation we find ourselves in....

I want to be positive that it will happen and won't require assisted conception but am really nervous and scared it is going to take forever....or not happen at all....{trying not to think like that....}

calling all one-tubers for a bit of handholding and good old MN support......lets go through it together....

Hi All,
After reading your thread I thought I would be brave and see one of my friends who has recently announced she is pregnant-I hate to admit I'd been avoiding her. I met her for a coffee today and it was really lovely to see her. I'm really proud of myself-I know it seems silly but a couple of months ago I would have had to run home and cried for an hour afterwards. So a positive day for me.

Appleton hope the scan went ok-I've been thinking of you.

edwinak thanks for the advice on acupuncture I will see if I can find someone local and give it a go-anything is worth a try eh? Hope your enjoying your rural fresh air-you've certainly chosen the right weather!!

scrum hope your feeling a little less sad-the best advice I had is baby steps-its so easy to just want to tell yourself to pull yourself together but its better to heal and that rtakes time. Thinking of you.

A warm welcome DameGladys! Sorry to hear about your EP, pretty grim aren't they? You are in good company here though, we all understand what a tough time it is.

BBE Well done you!! That's a brave thing you did today, it's so hard but brilliant that you enjoyed seeing her. I was exactly the same before I had DS (I had 2 MCs before him) I found it way too painful to see pg friends but I try and approach things differently now. It's so uplifting to face your fear and survive and actually enjoy the experience! Good luck with the acupuncture - I had a session this morning and just find it brilliant!

Appleton How did you get on hun? Have been thinking of you too.

scrum Just sending love..... xx

Thanks for the welcome edwina, much appreciated.

Everyone around me is pregnant (exaggeration? possibly) so I know how you feel BBE. Well done.

Hello damegladys. Sorry you have to come here, but glad to have you! I lost my left tube, too, but I can honestly say I haven't missed it so far!

It is lovely to have this thread, especially right after an EP, to try and get some handle on wtf it all means - I had absolutely no clue about chances of conceiving after EP when I had mine (never thought it would happen to me!), but being here was really great, both in terms of support from the regular ladies, and all the random people dropping in to say it hadn't had any effect on their fertility. I hope you find it helpful, too.

I need to get better at writing future dates on this thread - that's the second time people think my scan is a week earlier than it is! My scan is Monday 24th May, in the afternoon. I'll definitely report back as soon as I can afterwards.

I hope everyone is having a good week. DH has just started a new job, which means he has to leave the house at 6.30am - and I have to get DD up, ready (not easy as she doesn't like getting dressed), take her in the pushchair to nursery and then on to the train station to get my train into London to start work at 9am! He only started yesterday, and I'm shattered already! I got too used to being driven to the station in the morning. But, we need him to have a permanent job for when I go on mat leave, so fingers crossed this becomes long term (he works as a labourer, so generally only has a job for about 2 weeks, not good for financial planning!).

Right, better take myself off to bed as yet again I'm shattered, and snapping at DH!

Hello Ladies

Welcome to DameGladys. So sorry to hear about your EP. Mine was in October last year and I remember the awful few weeks afterwards so hope you are doing OK - as Edwina and Appleton have said you are in the right place and as you can see we have some lovely success stories and some proof of ability to conceive in a shortish time with one tube stories (even if they ended very sadly).

I wanted to come on here to say hello to new and old friends as you have been so supportive I didn't want to go too quiet on you. However, I think this thread should broadly be focusing on TTC with one tube and not me having venting my sadness and heartbreak about recent events too much...if anyone is interested I have been posting over on Antenatal Choices under Women who have chosen to terminate after abnormalities V which has been helpful in terms of venting feelings and also getting perspective as there are so many people even worse of but I will also continue to post on this thread as I am a one tuber and (drum roll) we are ploughing ahead and starting to TTC again. Actually we are doing it with a vengeance as because of my age (and it took a year to conceive the EP) we are going straight to IVF which gives us the best statistical chance of conceiving. I was lucky enough to get a cancellation appointment last week and if all goes well we should be starting on my next period. Its still only a 20-30% chance (over 3 cycles) of a baby but my odds naturally are 5% each cycle so we are going to go for it. Its slightly cheaper over here in Australia then in the UK but still quite daunting but I feel that even if we end up being unsuccessful I want to know that I did everything I could do to make it work. So. That's me. Keep your fingers crossed for us. Part of me thinks gosh we have had such bad luck then surely this will work and the other part said that is what everyone one said before the 12 week scan and dice have no memory so terrified it won't work and also terrified it will work and will have an EP, MC or abnormalities again. Although I keep telling myself that you have to be in the game to win it. Terrified though.

Hope everyone else is doing OK. Edwina I think of you often and with empathy. Even though our pregnancies ended differently, we both thought that at 12 weeks we were leaving our appointments with good news and would soon have a baby so I feel that we are on the same horrible path at the moment.

Spk soon, good luck for those that need it, hugs to those that need them and excitment cheers for those that need them x

Hi all,

I'm away at my mum's having some r&r but couldn't resist logging on.

Appleton hope I've got the right Monday this time & all went swimmingly?

Scrum really great to hear from you, I've been thinking about you loads too. It sounds like you are doing well and great that you are thinking about the future too with the ivf. I had a rush of excitement when I read about your plans, I will be keeping everything so tighly crossed for you. I'm totally with you, I can't quite give up either - you worded it perfectly, I need to know that I tried everything too. We are going to try again, although I'm absolutely TERRIFIED!!!!! I think we'll wait til August, this MC has knocked the s**t out of me health wise so I am throwing all my energy into reparing myself before we start again. Seeing as we are also going to the expense of the private testing, we might as well wait until we've got the results from that first. I appreciate what you are saying about the thread being about TTC, if you'd like to email me directly at any time for mutual support, please feel free - like you say we're threding similar paths.

Hope everyone else is doing well & enjoying this amazing heatwave. Sunshine is defintely what the doctor ordered - life just seems a whole lot easier when the sky is blue!

love to all. xx

Hello,

Thanks for the welcome and good to hear you're both keeping on going and will hang around for a while.

I've spent nearly the whole day waiting at the GP's surgery and then back at the hospital where I had my op. Turns out to be a waste of time but ever since the shock of the ep I feel like I can't take any chances, whereas in the past I would have just left it for longer to see if I felt better.

On friday I started to get abdominal pain again. It reminded me of the ep pain, but also of the ovulation pain I've started to get since having my DS 2 years ago. So I hoped it was ov pain but it kept going and getting worse, particularly last night when it was quite sore.

The doctors all just looked a bit blank but I guess that was reassuring in that there wasn't anything bad they could think of.

Of course I now realise I should have asked on here first!

Hi DameGladys. Poor you, I had exactly the same thing the first time I OVd after EP - I was in agony. I went to my EPU and got scanned, it turned out I was OVing on my bad side & had a large corpus luteum, the sonographer said she wasn't surprised I was in pain. Anyway, it subsided after a couple of days. Interesting that you mention OV pain after pregnancy, my DS is nearly 2 too and I have had significant OV pain (never had any before) since then as well - I'm not sure why but it's pretty uncomfortable and shows no sign of improving. I hope you feel reassured by the hospital visit today, not much fun but always better to get your mind put at rest.

Hey guys, Sorry I haven't been around I've been on a bit of a donwe and didn't want to bring you all down as you're all so positive. Feeling a little better now but its that time of the month so v v emotional I find I have ups and downs and I think I started allowing myself to think I could get pregnant and dare I say it I hoped I would. However with hope comes crushing disappointment.

Damegladys I am exactly the same-always worrying that each pain is the EP happening all over again. I seem to get so many more pains now which doesn't help either!

Appleton hope everything went ok-thinking of you.

Scrum I'd be really interested to hear how you get on with IVF as that is something we haven't ruled out of things don't happen naturally for us. Good luck

Edwina good to hear you're having some time out-it does us all the world of good to get off the treadmill every now and then enjoy. x

BBE - so sorry to hear you've had no luck this month. It's the worst rollercoaster ride in the world and you've been doing it a long time.

I definitely don't think you should worry about bringing anyone down on here. I think that's part of what it's here for, to be able to vent where people will understand.

Edwina - thank you. I knew after yesterday's hanging around that the moment I posted on here, one of you would have had a similar experience.

The ov pain thing is weird isn't it? I've tried to read a bit about it and it does seem to get more common after you've had children. Mine often lasts 4 days or so though which doesn't seem to be so common. It can be linked to endometriosis I think. But I'm comforted by the fact that the doc I saw yesterday said that they would have noticed any endometriosis while they were doing the op. So at least I got a free check for that thrown in!

scrum lovely to hear from you, and I have my fingers tightly crossed for you in the coming months!

edwina hope you enjoyed the sunshine while it lasted - it went as quickly as it came! I have to say I'm a right grump when I get too hot, so I kind of like the cooler weather (and having grown up in Scotland I get burnt after 10 minutes in the sun down here!)

damegladys hope the pains have gone now - it's horrible once you've had an ep that you never really trust yourself ever again. Hopefully next month will be less painful!

My scan went well on Monday - and because there was a trainee working, I got double the scan time as it was all done by the trainee first, and then by the sonographer! Which was just as well, as DH was late (luckily I learnt my lesson from last time and arranged to meet him there, rather than be late myself!).

Hope everyone is enjoying the week - not long til the bank holiday now!

great news about trying again scrum - that is a really positive and very brave step....i admire your guts and your grit and really hope it will be no time before you are whizzing thru the pregnant weeks again...lots and lots of love.

edwina - how are you recovering now? physically all better i hope and on your way to emotional recovery? (as much as you can be...)

I am 24 wks now and finally starting to think that this is going to go all the way....we never really relax i guess but this is the most relaxed i have been now that i have reached the magical viability time of 24wks....god willing baby stays in there another 12wks.

appleton so pleased with your scan news - that is amazing.

hi to the new ladies - welcome - really hoping you get the magic sticky beans that you are wanting very soon....

Hi Ladies

Hope you are all well & enjoying the long wknd.

Well, AF returned last night for the 1st time since the ERPC. The fertility consultant had told me to go in for a blood test between days 2 & 4 of this period. I got in a complete flap as they are closed on BH Monday & couldn't bear to have to wait until next month. Anyway managed to speak to someone & went in for the blood test this morning, they took 8 vials!!!! Anyway, all this means that we will have the complete results of all the tests in a couple of weeks - gulp, keep your fingers crossed ladies!

Apple Yay!! Thrilled to hear your good news & great that you got that extra time with the trainee. Hope you are feeling relaxed and well. You're right about the sunshine disappearing as soon as it arrived, feels like a distant memory now!!

BBE Hey, you're not allowed to feel bad about feeling down about here, that's exactly when you should be posting! . Getting AF is just the worst! - it's so hard not to get your hopes up each month. Sending big hug, stay strong hun, it will happen. Have you tried 'cycling'?! - slightly embarassed to share this but a great friend of mine shared this excellent tip with me & it worked a treat. Basically, straight after sex stick your legs & bum in the air & cycle!!! (she gets her DH to do it with her!) Apparently, it helps get the swimmers in the right place, she says all her friends swear by it!

Damegladys Yes, my OV pain lasts about 4 days too, I find it really uncomfortable. I also only feel it on the right. When I last fell pg I was convinced I'd OV'd on my bad (right) side as I felt so tender on that side but when I was scanned the CL was on my left ovary - weird!

Boodle I'm doing ok thank you. Still feel absolutely knackered but the MC strangely seems ages ago all of a sudden. The counsellor I'm seeing seems to think that is natural progression so I guess that's good. Just concentrating on trying to get fit and healthy for my next go - gulp! Great to hear you're doing well & now 24wks & can breathe a bit easier. The little'un will be here before you know it!!

Hi All, gosh you can tell the weather has been nice and we've all been out enjoying it! I'm feeling much better and a lot more positive. I've spent some time with my lovely little family and I think I'm starting to feel more of the c'est la vie attitude. What will be, will be. Thanks for the tip Edwina will defo be trying it soon!! Every little helps as they say. Hope you are all ok. xx

Hi all

Hope everyone's ok. Things are moving on for us, we had the chromosome results back, all normal... phew! Also had a few bloods back, also normal although a few more results to come. I had the scan & swab too, the scan was normal and will get the result from swab and the rest of the bloods in 2 weeks. The consultant also told me that I was ovulating on my left (good side) this month which means that in theory it should be the left side again when we start trying again in Aug. He also said when we meet again in 2 weeks we will discuss how we can minimise the risks for a future pregnancy, I'm kind of intrigued what that might be but it's nice to think there might be options.

BBE Glad you are feeling much better hun. Sounds like you are in a good place mentally. I've also started to feel a bit better physically these past few days too, amazing what a bit of sunshine can do for you!

the weather is truly pants here today however! rain galore!

glad the tests came back normal edwina - fingers crossed for some nice and quick TTC for you...

i came across another trying to conceive after ectopic thread which seems a bit more active than this one - you girls should take a look?

alls well with me 26weeks and starting to get very swollen feet which is not so great but ive a feeling its the way its gonna be from now til the end! Oh well, then ends justify the means i guess! My husband keeps calling me Len Grossman tho....the tom cruise character from Tropic Thunder. The film was crap but that character was absolutely hilarious and had really massive hands which resemble my swollen and bloated digits! He keeps asking me to do the len grossman dance for him - so funny! You Tube it if oyu not seen it!

appleton - how are you doing?

scrum - love to you - hows it going now?

DG and BBE - are you both actively trying again now? I can recommend fertility friend for charting (*and general obsessing) if you are?

Hi All,

Boodleboot-I'm actually thinking about giving up I'm not sure I have the energy emotionally to carry on its been 18 months of hoping and then bitter disappointment then counting and obsessing. I'm thinking at the moment I might just try and enjoy our son otherwise he is going to grow up and I'm going to have missed it. Sorry to hear about the swollen feet but glad that everything seems to be going swimmingly. xxx

Hi all

Oh BBE you sound really down, I hope you are ok? Maybe that's the best attitude, I've heard of other people 'giving up' and then, bingo! You are right though to try & focus on enjoying your son, my DS turns 2 on weds, I really hope I don't look back on this last year of hell & am only able to remember the bad stuff.

Boodle I hope you aren't too uncomfortable. Summer seems to have vanished so at least you won't be in any danger of over-heating!!

Things are ok with me. We've got the final appt with the fertility specialist on Sat and will get the last of the test results then. I've been continuing with the counselling too, the counsellor seems to think I'm mad to want another baby before DS is 3 but I just can't help it! I as I said before I've had in my head that we'd start TTC again in Aug and was talking to DH about it the other night when he dropped the bombshell that he thought it might be too soon. [shock} This hit me like a train, I got SO upset, it made me realise (not that I didn't really know already) how desperate I am to be pg again. DH opened up & said how hard he'd found it to see me go through the latest MC and he wanted me to be 100% before we try again, I know he's right but I can't bear to keep waiting. He says it's up to me though so we'll see but finger crossed.

Hope everyone else is ok.

bbe - totally understand how demoralised you must be feeling....its a long time of putting everything on hold. I think its a very sensible decision to refocus your thoughts on to the miracle that you already do have - your son! Lets hope that attitude invokes sods law for you and you get preggers immediately. Don't leave the thread tho unless you want to....you may need support!

Edwina - my DH said pretty much the same thing to me straight after my EP and i went into a bit of panic mode....i hope you come to the best conclusion for you both. My DH had had some serious issues with seeing me in such a state over the EP and the serious of it all, how i could of died etc - he needed some time to recover and i still think that i badgered him into trying again too soon for him....

i am feeling pretty meh this week as had a pre eclampsia scare at my MW appt on monday and bedrest, and doctors and all a load of drama that is making me wish this pregnancy away.....going to go on maternity leave earlier than i was planning as just cannot cope with my huge bump and all the stress of working. I am measuring up at 32 weeks at 27 due to the blinkin fibroid and will be rescanned next week to check babys growth (they think it is small) and also how big this fibroid is getting. Its very annoying.

still....a healthy bubs at the end of all this is still the dream and hopefully getting nearer to becoming a reality. Bubs moves all the time and seems to have a little pattern now and really comes alive at bedtime when daddy spends his time talking to him/her...

apple - how goes it?? xx

Hi all.

I'm in a similar situation to you edwinak, my DH dropped the bombshell on Sunday that he diesn't want to ttc at the moment.

I was gutted but know that he's right really. Our DS has been referred left, right and centre following his 2 year check because his language seems delayed and other issues. I've got numerous appointments to go to for him and really do need to focus on him at the moment.

But it's still gutting nonethless.

Hopefully, I'll be back!

Hi All, I'm in the opposite situation: my DH wants to carry on trying but I want to give up. I'm not saying I never want to have another child I just kinda want to shut myself off to the hurt that comes with trying. I literally feel battered and bruised emotionally from this whole process and feel like I want to protect myself a bit.

I'm not saying I want to start using contraception again but take the focus away from it all.

I'm probably going to carry on with the referral to the fertility specialist as these things seem to take so long-it would be silly to halt the process. I think I just feel totally fed up and at the point where I want to say actually forget it! Sorry to rant

BBE - that makes total sense. After shedding many tears about what DH said, I actually felt a sense of relief.

There is some comfort in the certainty that you're not going to be wondering/hoping/worrying/scared for parts of every month.

Would your DH be ok with just taking a break for you to be able to relax a little?

Oh I don't know, that's probably crap advice as I don't know whether I'm coming or going these days.

It's just tough isn't it?

Hi Everyone

Long time no speak but I have been pretty active on the Antenatal choices board as I try and get my head around what has happened to us (with varying degrees of success depending on what day of the week it is!).

Just dropping into say hello to everyone, and love and good luck to everyone. Gosh, to try or not to try that it is the scary and hard decision. We are due to start IVF next month hopefully (have had weird bloods/things since my pregnancy ended which has been part of the reason for not posting as have been in medical limbo)but I am terrified to start trying and equally terrified to not try. But on balance we are happy with our decision to go forward although if I was a bit younger I may well have taken about 6 months out to get over things but I think if you ultimately want to have a/another child then it is pretty much at the forefront of your mind.

Love to Boodle and Appleton and special shout to Edwina - I think of you often and hope that you are doing OK on this shitty journey.

Lots of love Scrum xxx

Hi all

It's been a weird week for me. We got the rest of the results from the fertility specialist. I tested negative for everything except NK killer cells which was a bit of a surprise. I don't know if any of you know much about it but it's really controversial in the medial world and people seem to be split 50/50. It basically hinges on the theory that if you have elevated NK cells in your blood they may attack the developing fetus & can cause recurrent MC. Everyone has these white blood cells and in any other circumstance they are really good as they fight disease. The specialist explained that they fluctuate as well. The whole thing is a bit strange as after my ERPC they told me I had low white blood cells - so I'm totally confused. I was tempted to ask for another test but at £175 a go, I need to be sure that that would be helpful. So the long & short of it is that he prescribed a cocktail of drugs to take once I get pg again but some of them have side-effects and I'm really hesitant to take anything for something that may not be a problem or even exist as a medical theory! So, I'm in a situation where we've forked out a lot of £ and have been diagnosed with something that may or may not exist and most of the medical profession are in dispute about - not good!!!! My sister is a doctor and I have talked at length with her about taking the chance of going forward without the medication but I just feel in such a difficult decision - will I blame myself if I MC again having known that I may/may not have this problem?????

The specialist said it would be fine to start trying again so DH is happy with that but of course I am now in a complete quandry about the hell to do.

Scrum great to hear from you, I think of you often too. I totally understand your fear. I just can't imagine how I am going to summon up the strength of character to face the fear, worry & sheer terror of it all! Keeping my fingers crossed for your IVF, at least that rules out the ectopic risks - one less thing to think about.

BBE Chin-up hun. Even if you take the focus of it all for a month or so & go back to it, you may feel a whole lot better for the mental break. Only you really know how you feel, it's always going to be tough after what we've all been through but if you are not feeling strong then a 'holiday' from it all sounds like what you need.

Dame Gladys Sorry to hear about your DS's probs, I hope you get them resolved easily. I found it quite a shock when DH said he was worried about TTCing too soon, not sure why but I realised that I'd been thinking it was only my decision which of course it's not .

love to all
xx

Hi All, Hope you are all ok. We've just got back from an appointment with a fertility nurse today which was the first step to diagnosing any fertility issues we may have. At the moment I'm feeling a little bit of a sensory overload but I think it will end up being a positive experience. (As long as I remember to book all my bloodtests and scans etc on the right days of my cycle).

I think our holiday has done me the world of good I have a newly refreshed attitude towards this whole experience and feel a lot more positive. So we will see. I'll keep you up to date with all my appointments-keep your fingers crossed for me

x