30s TTC - After all, we're not nice 'down there' at the BESH of times...

[CUNextTuesday]

Sorry, guys! Should have said it was NSFW - although very edumacational.

Ew.

CUnTy It is Very Important to try not to kill people at work. But sometimes it can't be helped. There are some people who just deserve it.

Polly I felt very much like that last friday... nearly all symptoms (except whinging) disappeared...

How's your cervix?

If she's not got an ugly vagina now, she will do in several months time

I ain't bought my Secret Santy prez yet - on the grounds that it's the middle of November. Bah Humbug! I can't get a proper feel for what my victim will like from her FB profile and so on, and I pride myself on getting really 'right' gifts for everyone. On that note, would it be rude to get MIL a six-pack of soap, giant roll of foil and a Government-approved pamphlet on food hygiene?

I too am stalking mine via fb but she's not a prolific user. Fack it, how wrong can I go with a bag of weed?

Camel, you is WRONG! Why is there no 'spew' emoticon? The '23 and pg' pic makes me think of the eyeless monster and his lair in Pan's Labyrinth Incidentally, that's the film me and TYF went to see on our first date: appropriate, much? (We thought it was going to be a dark fairytale - NOT one involving graphic scenes of torture and so on. Arrrgh, am having flashback now - the hand-torture scene, waaargh!)

Cunty, I was only slagging off H&S for comedy purposes. Being moderately OCD and more than moderately uptight and anal about stuff like that, I would probably find your job v interesting and rewarding. I'm the one who's always nagging the others about hygiene and so on at work. But all training at work is deathly dull - it is The Law.

PS, could you come to the IL's home with me at Xmas and lecture MIL about stuff (see above)? Ta!

(or send her an anonymous letter on the topic, hehe)

Afternoon all, just popping in as I am at home for lunch, having come home to wave off my car. Feeling much more awake today, unfortunately there was no SWI as we were both too tired, so as I have had no ov symptoms, am worrying that it's not happening this month. Boo!

hello, gud mornink...

I have just completed my first woolfing, being realtively sane, so can I now get going properly please?

Symptoms 7dpo :

1. A few moments of feeling slightly nauseous - (this has not happened before when pg, but maybe that means I might have won a proper baybee wot won't fall out of slippy foofoo)

1. Beginning to go to bed slightly earlier (though hopefully won't interfere with watching True Blood tonight), and am still really sleepy when my alarm goes off in the morning.

However:
NO sore or swollen breasts.

So, what do you think - should I decorate the nursery, or should I paint a face on a wooden spoon and make a tiny bonnet for it?

Hang on Ski, I'll find me speculum and then stick me camera phone up and hey jizzmo, you'll have a pic.

Er no sure really - have of course stuck a finger up and it seems quite high (I can only just touch it) but I'm afraid I don't haven't in the past taken much notice of anything except blood. TMI?!

Yo Chochocho I'd say that is fairly positive at 7DPO. Fingers crossed for you this month, maybe you will get twins, what with the turkey baster AND the foofoo sex.

Obviously even if you think you are diffed you should paint the spoon and then pretend to be v surprised when POAS +ive, so as to circumnavigate sods law... Makes perfect sense dunnit?

But then again, I am at height of 2woofling so don't listen to me, I is proper menkul this monf. [grins like a crazy with a nervous twitch]

Polly, Scorps and I are always touching up our cervix but I'm with you - unless it's bloody I have no idea what it's doing.

ChoCho wooooooooh! Ramp yourself up my love - your 2WOOFL starts now! Why don't you go and spend a ridiculous amount of money on Isabella Oliver? And order a pram from Horrids.

Medee Make sure you do the nasty stuff with him tonight - and keep to the foofoo sex as you claim to be doing.

Dear scorpy's slatternous, rancid, festering MIL,

Please amend your hygiene practices forthwith lest you Kill Someone. In this day and age with fridges and anti-bacterial spray there is no excuse for poor practice. You are putting not only your life at risk but that of those around you and for that you ought to be thoroughly ashamed of yourself.

I trust we will not have to speak further on this matter.

Yours,

cunty

Actually Cho I think money spent on silk lingerie, ski holidays and new cars would be much better at ensuring a +ive. Especially if its all on credit....

Medee go for it tonight girlfwend!

Ski...don't mention farking Isabelle Oliver...last pg I had just got to the point where I was slyly eyeing up pg gear in secret, when m/c ...

Like the idea of being prepared for all eventualities...I will dress up my wooden spoon like 'Milky Joe' on the Mighty Boosh's coconut island.

Cunty that is great, pmsl. Scorps you could print it off and stick it in a xmas card to MIL!

Oh Ski - TG says if you are my secret santa the bag of weed will go down very well thankyou. He is supposedly banned from da weed until I get diffed.

I'd like to clarify that Ski means we are all touching our respective cervixes (I always feel that should be 'cervii'!). Not that this stops her begging me to give her a go on mine, the big lezzy slaaaag. She claims she needs to know for her spreadsheets

Acksherly, I've only felt my cervix once. It was doing what it should've been doing. I am an inveterate gusset-checker and fanjo-botherer, mind. My FFJ obsession would put that TCOYF bint to shame.

Thanks for that letter Cunty, I shall print it out and take it to Devon with me next month. Was disappointed at lack of official terms like 'massive skank' and 'heinous grebo', though. Actually, am genuinely worried about her appalling hygiene this Xmas - what if I do get updiffed this month: how do we tactfully say 'wash your fucking hands, you freak - do you want your first grandchild to be a drooling, misshapen head on a cushion or wot?', esp. as I wouldn't want to be telling them at only 7-8 weeks gone. And if I'm not pg (sob!) then I'll be in full 2WOOFL at Xmo and will be bricking it that her skank will fuck potential wombular happenings up

ChoCho - at ickleangelbaby but at your promising symptoms and at Milky Joe. I think a coconut is much more practical than used Sanpro AND if you get a girl coconut, you can have hours of fun styling her pretty hair, OMG LOLZ!!!11!!!!1!

Afternoon everyone. Think I did a bit too good a job yesterday at invoking some symptoms after taking ski's advice to poke my boobs. Now have v large boobs, feel sick and realised I haven't shouted at anyone in my usual pre-droid way yet. Think I might be in with a shot or is it all in my head???? Budge up and make room for another on the WOOFLing bench please.

scorps I think you'll find that it would be cervices

Pandora for sure you must be diffed. POAS, quick.

chocho I love your posts

Scorpette Whilst I want to get you diffed (ooer, I typed that a bit Freudian but it's too good to delete!) asap, surely I can't be the only one who'd find your rantings over xmas about hygiene during your 2WOOFL more entertaining than any Dr Who xmas special the BBC could throw at us?

Polly I see. So this is why you all want me here? For my access to drucks and woman-shagging alsatians?

ChoCho Their clothes are utterly gorgeous. My budget probably stretches to a pair of socks. I will be pointing my mother's creditcard in their direction for xmas/birthday.

Pandy I have tears gently rolling down my cheeks at the revelation that poking your boobs increases their size! You should take an ad out in the back of J17 offering to reveal your "increase your cleavage today" secret for 19.95 + P&P

Cunty I'll service your cervices.

Non-TTC Question of The Day: I have a mahoosive spot betwixt norks and collarbone - would it be acceptable to paint it brown with my eyebrow mascara and call it a supernumerary nipple?

Yes, eyebrow mascara - I rock the full brow look (think Brooke Shields, not Noel Gallagher).

Cunty - phhhththtpththhtpththththh

Ooh Scorps I also have eyebrow mascara, tis great. Have you got the Benefit one? I love their stuff... i love the packaging speshly. (think perhaps i am marketing persons dream)

Ripping off gullible teenagers? Sounds like a good way to make a few quid. Perhaps I could include a well packaged box of tissues and charge an extra £5 for the Pandora Patented Cleavage Enhancer?

Scorpette - fine to do the supernumerary nipple so long as you don't start attributing symptoms to it on your next 2WOOFL!

hmm, can't decide if I have implantation pains or if I just need a wee. What do we think?

I will go for a wee and report back.

How banal is my life?