30s TTC - After all, we're not nice 'down there' at the BESH of times...

[CUNextTuesday]

Just one ski thank god - not that I want to be negative about twins, but I'm cacking my pants over one, let alone two.

pol my excitement has been tempered owing to a howling row with Hombre last night over my intention to have a doula. He dismissed it as a 'con' having read precisely ONE page of the doula website, despite my having done lots of research and reading. So I was unhappy this morning, envisaging months of non-support around maternity options and unilateral decisions on birth plans. My excrutiating pain, my choice.

However, I have a little photo of the speck and I can only conclude from it that I am giving birth to either a sea-horse or a kingfisher, or a mixture of both

cunty excellent news - have an affectionate arse grope from me.

ski fanks BESH.

scorps just a thought - but did you do the whole reset to factory settings thing? Cos When I gave it to you I had it on day 66 or some nonsense from failing to press M for a month... so maybe that why it thinks you don't need to poas yet? Obv you don't need it anyway tho

cunty little answer to hombre's concerns. My personal experience was my mum was my doula (she's a retired MW). Littlecarrot was back to back and possibly in distress. They stuck on the foetal monitor which showed a slow heart rate and were about to cut me open when mum realised it wasn't positioned right - and was - get this - reading MY HB. They were too busy to notice. . She coached me through and with her help I avoided everything - drugs, forceps and the section I would have undoubtedly had without her (because of back to back and monitor readings). Nothing wrong with drugs BTW but I didn't want them and I'd had problems at birth from pethedine so was V glad to avoid them with littlecarrot.

Anyway, point is that a doula doesn't get in the way of the midwives and doctors but DOES give you continuity and support which gives you something to focus on. They bring continuity to you mentally, and also to your care - someone who knows you, your wishes, and also how your labour is going when MW shifts change. There is no way I'm doing it without one. I will have my mum and this time also an independant midwife to attempt a home birth.

That's assuming that this one takes. I'm not suddenly flipping into ante-natal mode.

My feelings exacty rots I've heard nothing but good about them - Hombre thinks she will interfere with the special moment, but like I said to him, I want it to be as special, chilled and in control as poss, not be some raging frightened harridan who needs loads of intervention - surely that is preferable from both a mother and a fathers perspective? And I want someone that is competent in massage and reflexology and other hippy shit to make it as lovely and memorable an experience as possible - for the right reasons. With the best will in the world, a stressed-out bloke beside me going 'just breathe through it' is NOT going to help

Yes yes yes. Absolutely. And the hippy shit is EXACTLY what most people need anyway. Simply because, relaxing eases pain. Everyone knows that. Doesn't mean it stops you having to have other pain relief but it really helps to keep you in control.

This may help. Consider a doula as a translator. You're in a place which is completely alien, it's scary, things are happening fast. You can't do anything but focus on the contractions. Hombre will be focusing on helping you focus on the contractions. You don't want to have to listen to what the docs/midwives are saying and understand it and make educated decisions (it's not possible). You need a translator. Someone who knows you and hombre, what you want, what you're happy to accept, who will deal with the technical stuff which is going on and leave you two in peace for those special moments.

Incidentally, labour was not too bad for me and I am not at all concerned about going through it again. It wasn't easy, and yes it hurt, but other things have hurt as badly or more and given the mental space to "go into myself" and cope, completely leaving my mum do to the decisions and to look after me, meant that I was absolutely fine.

Get a doula.

Doula's are really quite normal here in clog-land. They're also big fans of a homebirth. As soon as I'm diffed I choose my homebirth team and I'm with them from start to finish, naturally of course I'll go to hospital if needed.

I'm sure there are some stats - possibly in the Naomi Wolf book-of-horror - that suggest that labour is much less traumatic when you have an experienced woman helping you through it.

More to the fucking point, your body, your choice - this applies to labour, too. Special Moment, my arse. He's clearly in a world of fluffy white cotton robes and beautiful pink babies, not the blood, shit and vomit that (afaik, not having done it) labour entails.

Ooooh, an erroneous apostrophe - is that a symptom?

camelina blood, shit & vomit? Has you been bad in the pit again?

If 14 year olds can give birth alone in the parental bathroom it can't be that hard right?

camel I agree, it's all your choice. You'll have enough people trying to tell you how to be pregnant/raise it - the least you can do is make the birth as comfortable for YOU as is possible.

And on that note... does anyone else get severely exasperated at the "ohmygodIateaBriesandwichforlunch" threads?

iggy ew. If I had been bad in the pit, there would be other messes to clear up - those are just the wrong types of bodily fluid.

Are there ohmigodIate etc etc threads? Surely you either eat the stuff you want and don't worry about it, OR you decide not to? It's not the world's hardest choice, is it?

You learn something every day. I thought Douala was in Cameroon....

you never know what does it for people camletoe

at this point can i say

BUMSEX

thank you.

you can have all the BUMSEX you like now iggs

camel In that particular instance this was before she'd even got the bfp! I'm not sure I can tolerate an ante-natal thread full of such things. I'll be sending parcels full of over-ripe cheeses to people.

iggy I did mean to say BUMSEX for you, which actually is all you're allowed now otherwise your gentleman friend's penis will upset the baby. Lube up sistah!

what is the name of that thing where you get updiffed from bumsex

iggy I've heard that doctors (old skool) called them "backwards babies" - maybe your dad would know of such un-PC terms?

Imagines asking own dad such question...

um no

haha I was wondering how you might broach the subject and I was thinking along the lines of "da-ad, you know how doctors used to use such acronyms as TFBUNDY and NFN, were there any other things they used to write in notes before people were allowed to look?"

Or ask your mum... I mean she must be liberal right?

I ate 2 sofly poached eggs for my lunch

It is the first thing I have eaten today though apart from half a boiled sweet (phthooed the other half out of the car window cos it was making me bilious), half a slice of lemon drizzle cake from M&S and two bits of nougat.

Three, my mum's just brought me one for afters

ski my mum has filthy sense of humour - plus was a&e sister - she will give me the knowledge.

cunty manly slap on shoulder - well dun old chap.

iggy www.b3ta.com/interview/kuntandthegang/ - the question about Cornwall. So obviously other people use this term too.

cunty I trust you washed them down with absinthe before cleaning the oven and not opening the windows? Your three-cocked baby will be very popular at Scouts.

lmao @ popular with Scouts

Right that's it with pregnancy updates now, I'm finding myself very tedious. As you were, and in fact as I was.

pint of gin please?

cunty am so pleased, must've put your mind at rest. And hombre will have to suck it re doula, unless he is planning to give birth. It's likely that it's a bit early for him to get his head round the actual birth, so just calmly carry on with your plans and he will get a sense of perspective in a wee while. The birth by physical neccessity is about you,and the priority is finding an approach that makes you feel as safe as poss.

rots congrats! You are no BESH but hey,we still like you

have a feeling I'm gonna be out this month. Am super mega pissed off. No droid but am almost sure it's coming. So,that's a year,that's past my due date,that's just generally shit.

Sorry to be miserable right now...still really pleased for everyone else. And hoping for ski too.

Good luck today kim thinking of you.

I will lurk but prob not post for a bit as am a bit on the teary side. And have a lot of complex stuff to sort at work.

Laters

Chin up gin (or should that be gin up?)

We'll be rooting for you even if you just lurk xxx