30s TTC - After all, we're not nice 'down there' at the BESH of times...

[CUNextTuesday]

Actually carrots, thinking bout what cunty n ski said,maybe you should consider this month as a sort of sacrifice,y'know,sort of part of a Gin Palace Initiation Ceremony?

lol@sexdoctor

Howdy Beshes!

I am without a shadow today, so I figured I could just climb right on here and see how we are all doing...

Curly V.V. Happy for you! How long have you been trying now? (please add a year onto the actual amount of time TTC so as to save me from jealous rage)

Scorp you are more than welcome to have a go on OH but you will have to wait until tomorrow because he is depositing ANOTHER sample tomorrow morning and we need all the contents he can provide... He is not happy this time now that he knows the true humiliation of handing it over to pretty young nurses...

ANOTHER friend announced updiffment yesterday. I dealt with the matter swiftly by downing almost an entire bottle of wine whilst doing some hand sewing (Rock n' roll!)

awright extreme I haz kwestion - how long before you decide to go down spermz testy route?

I was finking that maybe in the new year - I could go to Dr - not skisexdoctor tho - that might not help

Yeah, VAG, her 'DH' it that Lee Meads/ Jospeh fella and has multicoloured dream spunk, innit.

Incidentally, I feel guilty every time I type out your name, because 'vag' ("vadge") is what I call my foofoo . Although I can write Cunty and Cuntshine with no blushes. Daft me.

'Rots so sorry. And your theory about God only proves that if he exists, he is defo a 'he' and has a sick sense of humour at that

PS How does a shoe box help the poor? Surely you are just shoving your fine-footwear-purchasing ability in their faces?

Extreme! Ta for pimping out ya man - I'm sure him and TYF won't mind . Oh, see, now I feel guilty! I love TYF and he's sexaliciously gorgeous and I would never roam. I'm so faithful I can't make a joke without feeling bad. Good luck with the sample stuff. And what does your sewing look like after the winestravaganza? Have you meticulously embroidered profanities and pictured of little babies without even realising it?

Being a desperate BESH, I'm now quite happy that I'm a pathetic hermit with only a small circle of friends, so that I don't have to deal with every bastard else getting knocked up left, right and centre. And seeing as that circle includes 2 separate couples who don't want kids, an older lesbian (no kids) some people who already have kids and some folk younger than me so not thinking about kids yet, for once I'm quite lucky.

I haz treat next week - girl at work who has just given birth (last week) is bringing her new baby in... yay

haha Scorps,

iggy Yu kan haz piggy flue?

rots bollocks to the metal bastard

ski I canz!!!!!!

Positive thinking Scorp positive thinking!

I went to doctors after a year without preventing pregancy (so about 3 months of thinking it would be a piece of piss if we just did the bad thing and a further 9 months of trying very hard indeed). They did my bloods first, 2 rounds, then got booked in for his test (3 month waiting list)and they booked him in for another sample when he got the results of the first came in as apparently mens stuff changes in quality every couple of months or summink.

Am going to go back to doctor when we get the results from this one and am going to start making ALOT of noise to see if they will pick up their game. You really don't realise how much this malarky messes with your head until/ unless you are going through it as we all know and the NHS (perhaps just in Bristol?) are not exactly making me feel like any wheels are in motion. Think that they are placating me whilst I'm there then forgetting all about me and potentially deleting me from their "get this woman a baby quick" list.

I am wondering whether it needs to be a year from my babyfail before seeing doc? Cos that has only been 7 months but is over a year since start... hmmm

Shoe boxes are actually filled with lovely things to send to children in some country ending in akhstan. To my eternal I can't remember which one, this year.

To be filled with stuff like pencils, a soft toy, a ball, a colouring book, a woolly hat etc etc. Only shoe box I have coz I don't really do shoes (I mean I WEAR them, I just don't HEART them so don't have many boxes) was a large boots one I scrounged from a shoe shop so loads to find to put in!

Littlecarrot has gone through his toys and chosen things he is happy to give up "to children to don't have any other toys" which still look like new, which I'm calling "recycling" as opposed to "being cheap" - although obviously stuff which looks new is not played with so is currently wasted. So we have a clear up of the playroom as well as being very generous and teaching Littlecarrot a valuable lesson. Humph.

The main reason I don't know too much of the detail is that reading about it makes me bawl thinking about the poor children we saw suffering through the drought on the way to the coast in Kenya (including tiny ones with those awful distended tummys through malnutrition). So I do this stuff to ease my conscience somewhat but I try not to think about it, too. Is that too Evil Westerner? I think it is .

Anyway, I IRONED MY TUMMY. Did noone notice? DID NOONE READ MY TUMMY IRONING POST? [tosses hair emoticon]. Ooooh is that PMT?

iggy usually 6 months is enough for 30 yrs plus.

yeah rots but we ignored you cos you is clearly a menkul BESH

iggy - there is always the lie option...although your babyfail will be on the records?

I, ahem, exaggerated (only by a month!) how long we'd been trying and lo! I haz an appointment at the fertility clinic tomorrow. And the husband has to go and spunk all over pretty nurses donate his sperm in about three weeks time.

Extreme - shouty time. Or cry. Or both.

Carrots - sorry for babyfail.

Gin, Scorp, Iggy - I haz opened the pit of angst for us. It seems to be filled with some dark chocolate, whisky and lovely men. Iggy still has fite club brad chained down there, and I've captured Captain Sparrow (mmm, dirty). Let's see if they can help.

Re: tummy ironing. Carrots, you have taken over from Scropy as the resident menkul. Therefore we expect you to iron your tummy. It just seems right, somehow.

camelina are all the menz covered is melted choc and whisky??? I am so there....

Carrots & Cameltoe - how long then? i thought it was a year for under 35 and 6 months for over 35???? Can I go now den?

iggy go. If possible, claim you've been trying for longer but if not then heyho, they can only say "come back in 5 months". Have you got any chart info, etc? If you can show good reason to go - that you actually did it at the right time etc - it helps.

On tummy ironing. I mentioned it to someone IRL who laughed and said, "oh yes, you only iron naked once, don't you".

I have a very nasty red and sore line across my tummy. Remember that film with Ricky Lake - was it "hair" or "hairspray"? She ironed her hair as I remember. Thought it may work for my fat tum-tum. Doesn't. Maybe I boiled my little embryo.

rots last time I went it was cos I was pregnant - they will know how long it's been since then although they are pretty stupid there

iggs Most importantly, of course all the menz are covered in melted chocolate. Thery're holding the whisky, though, wouldn't want to damage their delicate skin.

Second, is supposed to be a year under 35, but the doctor doesn't actually have any evidence of how long you've been trying. And if it's causing you distress? Well, they may well start running tests.

Having said that, tis a bit of a poisoned chalice. My initial bloods and ultrasound were done last month, and everything was fine (bar raised prolactin, which I need to get retested this month, and a teeny fibroid). Husband's sperm count test is due in December. So really all they can check next is whether or not my tubes are open, seeing as it looks like I am ovulating. And if it turns out that all my tubes are fine, there's not a lot they can do before we start discussing much more intrusive stuff...

Alternatively, they'll just tell me to lose some weight and have more sex.

Thanks for clearing that up carrots Thought I had missed another in-joke on here. Clealry you really did iron your tum tum

My Doctors seem to think it is 'as long as we can put the barren no-hoper off for' over 35. I spoke to the Dr about this who said I was being silly and that the Government had said 'no such thing' about going to see a GP after 6 months of babyfail over 35, and refused to do anything to help (they still keep fucking up the timing of me getting CD21 tests, the cunts). This was the week after that scaremongering those recommendations were in every bloody newspaper in the land

If I'm not updiffed by the new year I'm going to storm up there and throw a rightful BESH tantrum until a Dr takes me seriously or some men in white coats arrive to section me, whichever comes first. Because I'm going to need a padded cell fairly soon anyway if no babyjoy. And yes, this is only month 5 of trying, but over 35, every month counts as two (I have decided - well, it does for gov guidelines, dunnit?!), so it's really been 10. And if you count my menkulising as another factor, it's really been 12 years 15 months .

Thank gawd for the pit of angst - budge up, Cameltoe.

cameltoe or spill the whisky

You see i may be at a disadvantage cos I have managed to drop the butter dish - so they don't need to check if I iz ovulating - cos I must have done at least once this year. Ditto with problem swimmers... I suspect the answer may in fact be to have far more sex - bring it on, I say

My doc said wait 6 months as I am over 35 even tho I have form. Fact.

Previously, aged (trying to work it out) 30, I went after 6 months armed with temp charts showing no egg laying, and immediately got blood tests starting following month (during which I laid an egg and it turned into Littlecarrot ).

iggy BUT your OH may have low sperm (and you were lucky), or you may have only ovd once that year, or you may have a short luteal phase... form, even though it was cut short, doesn't mean that there aren't problems.

Lovely Iggy, do go to the doctors and be polite but firm. Seriously.