Feisty & Fabulous at 40+ more adventures of TTC

[gonepearshaped]

Actually now I feel guilty using up the last post of the thread - hope this will do as a continuation

I really feel for what you're going through gumblossom. My DP will be 50 too this year and i know he would be quite happy to move into the next life phase and not go through the whole baby thing all over again. But he's going along with it because i really want to. And the more time passes the more i'm aware of our different attitudes. It would be different if were already pregnant, but the months go by without that happening. It's a real limbo.

I do think there's such a vast chasm between men's and women's experience of parenthood though. It consumes so much more of my life and my being than it does DP's. Every couple's different but my Dp's life and his identity revolves so much more around his work. His childhood has so much less resonance, and almost seems to matter so much less than mine does to me.

sorry for rambling on, going off at a complete tangent there. suppose whati'm saying is that if a relationship is anything like mine, perhaps the number of children you have really matters a lot less to the man than you might think.

gumblossom Hope you feel at peace with your decision. Who knows it may just happen, whatever happens I really hope you will enjoy your children. I know it sounds so obvious! - it's something people are always saying to me (have one child and would love more) and although at times I absolutely adore her I know over the years the whole fertility thing has cast a shadow over my family life. So I guess I am saying, please don?t let this cast a shadow! All the best.

Hippy, how are you doing?

I am fed up with the no alcohol thing and have had a glass of wine as we have been told we will be spinning our wheels for 6 weeks waiting for the donor and other coupe to catch up! Just watching an amazing programme about people having fertility treatment to try and get a baby who can help to save a sibling. Very sad, very sobering thoughts even though I am having a glass of wine!

Hi all, had the evacuation yesterday (always makes me think of children in 1940's clothes being ushered onto a stream train.)

Feeling better physically, shell-shocked emotionally.

Although I'm not TTC again I am gonna hang about on this thread and see how you all are. I never really stopped haning about here even when pregnant cos you're all so lovely.

Dechen I've not heard that about egg white but it does kinda make sense. Are you not happy to use pre-seed. I've heard it's good but don't use to much - squelch squelch!

Thanks for all your lovely words ladies. I am feeling fairly philosophical at the moment. I just spent the last few days listing all the baby clothes on Ebay. It feels weird.Glad to clear out the cupboards, but still don't really feel I've given up entirely.Tetley, I totally agree with what you are saying about men and children.There really is a very big difference, at least in my experience. My DH has never really been all that keen on ttc, but has always been a great dad to each of them.However, I'm the one that gets "broody" and has the desire to do it all again!
I don't think I'll be getting rid of the more expensive baby items just yet.I just have a feeling that maybe I should wait and see.
You are all right about enjoying the children, and for the most part I really do. Since the wavering on ttc, I have felt I've focused on my LO a bit more.

Hippy, do you mean you aren't ttc soon or not at all? I do understand you must be feeling very raw right now.

Dechen, I've used both preseed and egg white.Pre-seed, though more pricey, was a bit more conveinient than cracking open an egg at the right time!!I never use the amount suggested(of preseed) as it really is very squelchy-slippery!

Rowing, ILGH, how are you going? I hope everyone else is coasting along nicely and that there are some bfp's to report soon.

Hippy - glad you're doing OK (well as well as you can in the circumstances).

Italian - I watched that programme last night - was excellent. Hope you enjoyed your vino and hope the next 6 weeks shoots by.

Gum - you must be in a very reflective place at the moment. I'm the youngest - I have a brother who is 20 years older and my sister is 8 years older. For that it's worth, I always felt I had the best of both worlds. DH has said to me that we'll be happy regardless of whether or not we have a child. They'll just be different sorts of happiness. It helped me anyway.

No idea about the egg white Dechen. My mind boggles about application though

Tetley - I have a DH coming up for 50 this year. He can't believe it!

hippy, thinking of you. Hope time heals well.

gum, same for you.

Well, I got a BFP this morning, 11dpo. Quite a clear line too. Had my acupuncture and she worked on the kidney yang, spleen qi and liver qi. She also got rid of my sinus pain. Love her! Not holding breath though til I get that scan at 6 weeks to see a heart beat and even then...well, you all know.

Dechen I have been looking at some old threads trying to get some answers to my never ending questions. I happened upon a couple of ladies discussing pre-seed and one said her partner had suffered a urine infection the first time they used it and refused to use again - it could have been a co-incidence but you know what men are like! Then someone else said that she got a urine infection when she used it.

I don't want to put you off but wonder if perhaps the more natural route of egg whites is less likely to cause probs.

There are, of course, many people who use pre-seed successfully.

gum I am getting it into my head that the MMC was caused by my lining being thin (I've posted a long rambling question on both the preg and the conception sections). Until I get some kind of answer from a doctor about that I'm nt sure I can ttc again. A bit of me is so desperate to be preg again and have all those dreams again but a bit of me thinks I should quite whilst I'm behind. DH and DS's are convinced we'll try again and be successful but they didn't have to go to hospital to have a dead foetus sucked out of them yesterday so they are not in my place - so to speak.

ps. Funny how you kept the really good baby stuff - hard to give up isn't it

Sorry I crossed with you ILGH - that's why I didn't comment on your news.

I am whispering a very quiet congrats. I know what you've been through recently. You don't seem to have any probs getting preg it's just a case of getting one to hang around. I am keeping everything crossed for you - ask them to put you into a self induced coma and wake you up in 12 weeks - only way to do it .

TFLS Thanks for everything over the week-end. Is everything going ok with your preg?

A quiet, heart-felt congratulations to ILGH All the best for a peaceful, uneventful next few weeks. It's great news.

hippy glad you're "ok". Thinking of you.

rowing where are you? We miss you. Are you down south for the funeral? Thinking of you too

tt xx

Wow ILGH - whispering congrats in a squeaky voice as well! Fully understand your hesitation in celebrating - but hey, that's one massive step forward. Really pleased for you.

Hippy - you are one strong lady. Can't believe you're back on line making us laugh already. Loving the idea of a self-induced coma! I'm OK thanks. Still not letting myself believe yet. Feeling wiped out and sick so trying to convince myself that's a good sign - but can't moan (well only to DH every 2 minutes as he'd tell you! )

I go away for a week and everything happens!
Huge hugs to you Hippy; having been there 4 times before my ds was born it's a big decision to make about what happens next. I remember thinking to myself that he was just taking his time in trying to get born - a bit like having a bad line on the phone....

Quite congrats to ILGH and TFLS... hang in there...
I'm off to try and catch up properly with the thread now

woodelf not sure i have it in me to go through this 4 times. How the flippin' heck did you cope??

Just the thought of this happening again is putting me off ttc again.

I'm convincing myself that this happened cos my womb lining was thin on days 15 & 19 but also consoling myself with the fact that the foetus go to 8 weeks and stayed in there for nearly another 4 - which surely it wouldn't have done if the lining was thin????? Surely it would have MC'd earlier. No one seems to be able to give a definitive answer.

Arrgghh I wish that question would BOG OFF!

Thanks for the compliment TFLS.

Hi ladies,

can I join you? I've been posting on the trying after miscarriage thread, I recognise lots of names here from there . I realise reading through the thread that plenty of you are thinking of the this as a time limited thing. That's the part I'm really struggling with at the moment and need to talk about. I've decided to stop trying in July, but I want to give it my best shot before then.

I'm 44, I have one DS, 4 in April, I had my last mc in late September. I'm on CD2 of my 6th cycle since then. We're going for natural conception as GP says I'm conceiving fine (DS 2nd cycle, mc1 6th cycle, mc2 6th cycle,...?)

whispers congratulations IlGH

SMtA I have never had a MC but I hope you will have success with TTC soon!

Hippy - I hate to say but I'm not sure you will get an answer. I've read that at week 7 onwards the baby goes through a lot of development and if there is any information missing it may only become apparent now. It may just be classic bad luck for you and nothing to do with your lining. I hope you do get some answers.

[TFLS waves hello to SarahMum2Alex] - great to have you on board. I love this thread as I don't feel old on it! I haven't put any time limits on it yet - I'm just going for a "if it's meant to be, it's meant to be" philosophy. Well that's what I try to convince myself!

Woodelf - didn't realise you had been through it 4 times. Hope you had a good week wherever you were.

hello... wondering if I could join you all here too... I'm 41, TTC #2, after recent mc -- waves to TFLS, TetleyTea, Hippychick and SarahMumtoAlex from other threads...

Just musing on your comments on DH's not wanting more children and getting on a bit... my DH is (whispers) 54... was already over 50 when DS was born. As for our age making us more susceptible to MC, he went through it twice between each of his first three children, when both he and his ex were a lot younger. He keeps reminding me it is more than likely rotten bad luck and the age bit is secondary. More optimistic than me. I've been obsessing over all the many possible age related issues that could now apply to me.

It's absolutely my desire for another child driving our TTC, not DH's. He has 4 already, I only have one, and I had no idea when I agreed to just one how broody you can get when you have a baby already! A vasectomy, depression on my part, then a reversal later, my MC was a pretty crushing blow. If anything, the most positive thing I got out of it was how upset DH was. It was a relief for me to know he had been really looking forward to and had already got excited about this one last little one... does help me be more positive about the trying again... but I hate listening to the clock ticking. It's time limited for us, though we haven't yet set a deadline.

Yay ILGH!

Hi SarahMumtoAlex welcome. I totally understand about putting a time limit on things, this is our last IVF attempt (at age 45 - just had a birthday) and we have a DD aged 5. We are using donor eggs. Wish you all the best with your attempts in the coming months.

thefatladyscreams I enjoyed the vino and have followed it up with ouzo! Now, I really must get back on this wagon for the next six weeks! Have not even been to keep fit for two weeks due to bad back!

ILoveGregoryHouse Well done, thinking of you.

hippychick66 Hope you will get the answers you need for closure. Whatever professional opinion you can get may help give you a clearer picture of possibilities, as may information from others who have been through similar things but I wonder if you will get a definitive answer about this situation. I would be inclined to look to the future and see what the possibilities are for the future, rather than agonising if things could have been different this time. It is totally natural to do that but, as I say, I am not sure anyone will know exactly and it sounds like you did your very best for this baby. You should have peace about it all (although I know it takes time). Thinking of you.

AlbaDeTamble Great name, where is it from? Welcome. All the best.

Hi,

Welcome newbies! Would you like to add your info. to our roll call?

I took off a few people that hadn't posted for several months.

Jollster I guessed with your updated info.

Hippy I thought I'd leave it up to you to fill in your details

My mom has suddenly fallen very ill and is in hospital (series of seizures and a stroke). I was going to go off BCP tomorrow and start the Follistim (Gonal-f) but doesn't seem possible now, particularly as I need to be out of town for ~5 days for the procedure. Hope my mom recovers soon.

Hopeful45 Age-45 - TTC#4 -DD(10);DD(6);DS(4) - IVF cycle #1 start in Feb/Mar?-own egg
Jollster Age-41 -8 weeks PG with #2 DS(1.9)
HippyChick Age- 43 -
Frosticle Age 45 - TTC#2 DD (4)
Gumblossom Age 43 - TTC #6 DS(18)DS(16) DD(12)DD(9)DS(1)
Tetleytea Age 42 - TTC#2 DD (3.5)
Rowing Boat Age 43 (nearly wrote 53) TTC#2 going for FET February.
I Love GH Age 40 - TTC#4 DSx3
TheFatLadyScreams Age 41 - ttc #1
KiwiKat Age 44 - TTC#2 DS (3.7) Starting IVF (Cetrodide)
Italiangreyhound Age 44 - TTC#2- DE cycle starting in March - DD(5)*Summersky Age 46
Totally Floaty Age 39 - TTC #4
Spiral Queen Still 46! TTC#2 DD(2)-natural conception
Woodelf still 46 TTC#2 DS(3) - natural conc.
Dechen age 45 TTC#3, DS 12 AID with Clomid), DD 9 (AID without Clomid)
Praggy Age 45 - TTC#1 after 3 m/c (natural conceptions)
Alfiemac Age 43 - TTC#3 DS's (3.8) - ICSI
SilverStuddedBlue 45 - TTC#2 DD (5)

Welcome sarahmumtoalex and albadetamble!

Should we be starting a "Shacked up and ttc-ing with a 50+ bloke" thread? Not sure feisty and fabulous quite applies here. I can think of another f adjective for my dp slumped on the sofa last night...

Am feeling very low today, a good friend was pregnant at exactly the same stage as me last year. I mc'ed in november and found it a bit hard-going watching her bump getting bigger and bigger. Yesterday she started having contractions and lost the baby late last night at what must be about 21 weeks It seems unbelievable. She had just had the 20 week scan, which had gone perfectly. How does this happen? I just don't get it. Why would your body decide to throw the towel in at that point?

Thanks for the welcome, seems like I've come to the right place

Hopeful and tetley there are so many hard things to endure, my thoughts are with you.

After a funeral last week I realised that I've entered that age, where you meet up with old friends at funerals, and I wish I could go back to the time where you met up at weddings. I wonder if it makes the TTC thing harder.

I've added myself to the roll call

Hopeful45 Age-45 - TTC#4 -DD(10);DD(6);DS(4) - IVF cycle #1 start in Feb/Mar?-own egg
Jollster Age-41 -8 weeks PG with #2 DS(1.9)
HippyChick Age- 43 -
Frosticle Age 45 - TTC#2 DD (4)
Gumblossom Age 43 - TTC #6 DS(18)DS(16) DD(12)DD(9)DS(1)
Tetleytea Age 42 - TTC#2 DD (3.5)
Rowing Boat Age 43 (nearly wrote 53) TTC#2 going for FET February.
I Love GH Age 40 - TTC#4 DSx3
TheFatLadyScreams Age 41 - ttc #1
KiwiKat Age 44 - TTC#2 DS (3.7) Starting IVF (Cetrodide)
Italiangreyhound Age 44 - TTC#2- DE cycle starting in March - DD(5)
*Summersky Age 46
Totally Floaty Age 39 - TTC #4
Spiral Queen Still 46! TTC#2 DD(2)-natural conception
Woodelf still 46 TTC#2 DS(3) - natural conc.
Dechen age 45 TTC#3, DS 12 AID with Clomid), DD 9 (AID without Clomid)
Praggy Age 45 - TTC#1 after 3 m/c (natural conceptions)
Alfiemac Age 43 - TTC#3 DS's (3.8) - ICSI
SilverStuddedBlue 45 - TTC#2 DD (5)
SarahMumtoAlex 44 - TTC#2 DS (3.8) - natural conception after two mc's

Hi to all the newbies, sorry if I haven't said before. Hope you find comfort here.

Tetley, so sorry for your friend, what a horrendous thing to happen.

Just had my first beta HCG done this evening and will get the result this evening. Will go back on Sunday for another test so we can see if the rate of change is good. Then I'm coming home to the UK on Wednesday for 5 days. Sooooo looking forward to the break as mum and dad are staying here with the boys.

Well, I saw something on another thread, can't remember which, might even have been fertility friend "God makes everything beautiful in His own time" I hope this is true for all of no matter what life throws at us. I'm holding on to that thought.

Laughing at proposed thread title, tetley, but we can still at least pretend to be feisty and fabulous, can't we? Really sorry to hear about your friend, so, so sad

Hopeful sorry to hear about your mum too, sounds pretty serious, I do hope she has all the care she needs and is recovering.

ItalianGreyhound my name is from the Time Traveller's Wife I struggled to find an MN name that wasn't already gone, and just after my mc was re-reading this Alba's their clever, confident much wanted daughter who arrived after some distressing miscarriages and a vasectomy... thought it was apt, I want my own beautiful little Alba...

Congrats and crossed fingers for ILGH

Hopeful45 Age-45 - TTC#4 -DD(10);DD(6);DS(4) - IVF cycle #1 start in Feb/Mar?-own egg
Jollster Age-41 -8 weeks PG with #2 DS(1.9)
HippyChick Age- 43 -
Frosticle Age 45 - TTC#2 DD (4)
Gumblossom Age 43 - TTC #6 DS(18)DS(16) DD(12)DD(9)DS(1)
Tetleytea Age 42 - TTC#2 DD (3.5)
Rowing Boat Age 43 (nearly wrote 53) TTC#2 going for FET February.
I Love GH Age 40 - TTC#4 DSx3
TheFatLadyScreams Age 41 - ttc #1
KiwiKat Age 44 - TTC#2 DS (3.7) Starting IVF (Cetrodide)
Italiangreyhound Age 44 - TTC#2- DE cycle starting in March - DD(5)
*Summersky Age 46
Totally Floaty Age 39 - TTC #4
Spiral Queen Still 46! TTC#2 DD(2)-natural conception
Woodelf still 46 TTC#2 DS(3) - natural conc.
Dechen age 45 TTC#3, DS 12 AID with Clomid), DD 9 (AID without Clomid)
Praggy Age 45 - TTC#1 after 3 m/c (natural conceptions)
Alfiemac Age 43 - TTC#3 DS's (3.8) - ICSI
SilverStuddedBlue 45 - TTC#2 DD (5)
SarahMumtoAlex 44 - TTC#2 DS (3.8) - natural conception after two mc's
AlbaDeTamble 41 - TTC #2 DS (2)

My beta hcg at 12dpo is 76.4. That's good right?

Doc is going to give me progesterone supps tomorrow.

ILGH I don't know the answer but I'm sure someone else will soon. Everything crossed for you (especially my bloody legs this soon after eprc).

Alba That is so strange. You've been so wonderful to me these last few days and that is one of my favorite books - I am sooo into time travel. Seems like fate. Better back off now cos you'll be getting a court injunction against me for being overly friendly.

I went to my GP today - sorry to those on the MC thread who've already read this bit.

I went to my GP today for a sicknote and talked to her about how I was feeling. She is such a lovely doc. She even got choked up for me - bless her.

She didn't seem to think the thin lining that i had before the bfp was necessarily to blame because all was going so well. My blood test at 6 weeks showed a good level of hgh etc.

She said that in her opinion this was not a problem with 'Hippy' (except she said my real name). She just thinks the embryo wasn't quite right. However, she agreed immediately to refer me to a different consultant who can check a few things out ready for when we/if we decide to ttc again. I feel much calmer now.

I said that i felt guilty that perhaps I should have gone for an early scan and if the lining was thin at that point they might have given me something to thicken it, she replied that there isn't a lot of evidence that that actually works.

I do feel that my DH & sister are right that we need to concentrate on doing all we can to make the next time work and not spend our time saying what if what if.