Feisty & Fabulous at 40+ more adventures of TTC

[gonepearshaped]

Actually now I feel guilty using up the last post of the thread - hope this will do as a continuation

TFLS Thanks so much. Not too much detail at all. That's what I wanted to know. DH got me some towels and painkillers earlier.

I'm just scared of the pain or of the whole thing getting out of hand. EPU said to go to A&E if I felt out of control at all.

Boys were very upset but I know they'll be ok. 6 year old asked me if I was ok with a dead body inside me - little boys have very active imaginations don' they! I just said it was fine, it's been in there all this time and it's only tiny.

I can't believe I'm not pregnant anymore

Sorry if brining back horrid memories for you TFLS.

Don't worry about that at all hippy. Just glad to help in a tiny way.

They told me it would be like a bad period. To be honest (no point lying) it was a bit more intense than that but wasn't too bad. I've never given birth but I imagine it was about 0.5% of the pain you go through. The worse bit was the terrible sadness.

Bless your little 6 year old. He clearly has understood it all. Must be so hard for you to explain it all.

Ahh bless you TFLS. You've been fab. Thanks for your email address. To be honest I do have painful periods anyway (cos of endometriosis). So hopefully I'll cope.

Yeah, I guess if I can do labour I can do this but I got something so wonderful at the end of those experiences.

As soon as we told the boys they both clung to me and started crying. It was one of the most shitty moments of my life. Probably only superseeded by the death of my Dad!!

God, sorry I am really too miserable to be on here - just bringing everyone else down!

Somone on a thread about MMC said that the mc started once she was told the baby had died, like her body was waiting for her to know. It's weird cos my bleeding is getting heavier now I know too.

Also getting endo pain which means things are definitely happening. I'll email you TFLS if I need help. Please try to stay positive for your little bean - I don't want you to worry.

Hippy I am so sorry. Thinking of you.

I agree about getting some sanitary towels in and I would also say rest and treat yourself nicely, don?t try to do too much. I tried to do the ironing while I was having my miscarriage, maybe just trying to take my mind off it. I don?t remember it being very painful but there was a lot of blood, more than a heavy period, which is what I was told to expect. I would just be careful that you are well-protected so you don?t have to deal with that side of it too. Please find out all the info for your situation and make the best decision for what is next. Eventually, I had D and C (a few years ago) and it was fine but as I say, find out what suits your situation best. I am sure the boys will be OK, I agree with thefatladyscreams that they will bounce back.

oh Hippy am so sorry. Echo everyone's love and best wishes.
I chose an ERPC after my MMC, but I had had no bleeding at all, no sign that anything was wrong. Found at my scan at 12+6 that heartbeat no longer there, they estimated baby had died at 11+6. (Have a paranoia that something wrong with my cervix as DS was an EmCS as failure to progress despite bloody huge contractions). So I went for surgical management as

1. felt I needed "closure", and couldn't bear waiting for things to start
2. have virtually no local support, so dealing with DS would have been difficult.

It was an absolutely fine procedure, scan was on Monday, appointment at EPU on Tues, op on Weds. Under GA, in and out by 2pm. Felt fine almost immediately. Physically anyway. Bled for maybe 3 or 4 days.

The only thing I would say is that I sometimes lie awake wondering if sonographer got it wrong and I aborted a healthy baby . That may sound ridiculous, but I really regret not asking for another scan.

It sounds as though if your bleeding is getting heavier you may be able to let nature do her best/worst; I hope so. Please look after yourself. I am so sad for you and your family.

I actually dreamed last night that I was bleeding and had cramps. I am feeling a bit pessimistic today. But this is about you. So sorry.

Hippy how are you doing? Have a glass of wine and relax, make your dh do some handy helping things. Pamper yourself if you can. It?s very tough but this will pass and you will feel better once it is more resolved.

jollster Please don?t think about the idea of the hospital removing a healthy baby instead of a procedure for miscarriage I am VERY sure that did not happen. My D and C was at an early stage, perhaps before they could be sure of a heart beat, but they said they could not see brain activity etc and when they looked on my scan they could see it was not alive. I think they look very thoroughly at these things and know the tiny life is no longer alive. I had little pain, lots of blood, old brown and red new blood but I think the red stuff only really came after they told me about the scan. It was almost as if once it was confirmed my body could let it go but it does not always happen like this. Also, all mine did not go, which is why I needed the D and C. In your case you needed some help too. Sorry to jump in and offer you advice, I just felt sad about what you said, I'm sure they can see on these scans all they need to know, they are usually tentative about saying if anything is wrong until they are really sure.

hopeful45 We started injections about a week ago but the actual treatment will not be for about 6 weeks. I am ahead of the donor and other recipient. All the best with yours.

Hippychick, really sad for you, too

Oh Hippy, I am so sorry.

ILGH, I would say you did the right thing, overriding FF.I would agree on your O date.

Hippy I'm so so sorry. How crushing. It's amazing how excited you can get in a few months. I've had 2 m/c. The one last year was at about 7 weeks and was a blighted ovum I believe so there wasn't much there. Just like a heavy period. The other one (about 8 years ago), I was at about 11.5 weeks and they said the baby died at about 9.5 weeks. I had a lot of cramping and didn't expel everything. The specialist said the cramping and bleeding could go on sporadically for months in my case so I opted for a d&c. It was day surgery. Much more emotionally painful than physically painful.

Italiangreyhound thanks for the update

Oh hippy I'm so very sorry. I don't know what to say. It's so hard to be catapulted from the happy and hopeful state of being pregnant to nothing in the space of a few hours. I know how devastating it is and i hope you're ok.

i don't have much useful info for you i'm afraid. i m/c'd at 9 weeks but with absolutely no warning whatsoever and lost everything an hour or so after i realised what was happening. I second what TFLS says about alternating paracetomol and ibuprofen because it gives you much more effect without overloading your system too much. I found the miscarriage thread brilliant for info and support - they've been through absolutely everything there, they really saw me through it.

some people do feel better opting for an ERPC, maybe if you feel you want to get it over and done with asap. i imagine that's easier if you need to try to "move on". I felt it was an intrusion but i can see it might help to have things speeded up.

We're all rooting for you. Sending a big virtual hug ((( ))))

Thanks to all for your kind messages. I'm bleeding now but it's not heavy and the pain is coming from my endometriosis more than anything else.

If it hasn't happened by Monday when we go back to emergency gynae I think I might ask for a D&C. Am now becoming paranoid that it was molar or something and we wouldn't find out if we went for a natural mc. Am i paranoid or what??

It's so annoying that we weren't able to see anyone yesterday cos they might have been able to tell me exactly what was seen on the scan. I didn't ask at the time cos I was too upset .

How is everyone else??

Hi everyone
Hippy I'm sorry to hear your news.
Poor you and your lovely DCs, they sound absolutely gorgeous and sensitive little souls.
I think I would be tempted to go for the D&C if nothing happens in the next day or two.
I had to have a termination when I was in my late twenties. I was in a foreign country and they didn't do general anaesthetic there, but it was still fine. I remember being told to take it easy for a few days, which I did, as they were concerned that I might start bleeding, but I didn't. Did take it easy for a day or two anyway, as it had all been a bit traumatic for lots of reasons.
I did bleed for a few days afterwards and had antibiotics.
Having seen stories from a few IVF ladies I would say not to let it go for too long, some of them went for weeks, taking tablets to start the whole thing, which didn't work properly and then taking more and then finally having a D&C.
I hope you and your family are all giving each other lots of hugs and cheering each other up.

Hi all. Thanks rowing yes my boys are wonderful.(I'm biased though).

We have really pulled together over the last couple of days - I do feel very close to DH and boys.

My sister has been wonderful as well - unfortunately only via phone as we are emotionally close but not geographically close.

My work sent flowers and the person who collected the money said she had never collected so much money in such a short space of time - she said everyone was devastated for me. The irony was I'd only told them at work that i was preg about a week before.

Reading back through all your kind words and I realise that I didn't respond to Jollster, I do understand what you said about not having any symptoms and wondering if you should have asked for another scan. All i woulod say is that I think Italian is right. They know immediately when something is wrong and they would always make really sure. My Dh was looking at the screen and he could see there was no flashing light immediately. The girl still asked me to empty my bladder and did a vaginal scan. DH said, "Bless her, she searched about alot to be very sure there was no heartbeat."

I really hope you don't torment yourself about it. I guess I'm lucky (????) cos I am having bleeding and cramping so I know there is no doubt.

I wish I could just have the D&C right now. I feel like I want to get the physical part over with and not knowing if the cramps are suddenly going to increase is frightening.

Sorry to be so miserable and bring you all down. Go off and be loving with your DH or DP - Hope you all got nice valentines.

My Dh has NEVER given me anything for valentines cos he says it is a holiday invented by the card manufacturers etc. He does make up for it in other ways though He's good in a crisis!

I am most sorry to hear about the mc Hippychick. I hope you and your family are ok ... as much as you can be. (((hug)))

Oh Hippy ! Sending my love to you.

On a completely different subject ...

After all my stresing about which of all the drugs needed to be refrigerated, it turns out that our horrible old fridge is just too damn cold. When the milk froze I rang the drug company to find out whether the Pregnyl may have been comprised, and the simple answer is yep, and I'd have to buy some more. I had a bad moment there, as the drugs cost SO much, but it will cost only £15, so not so bad. I'm picking up a new prescription on Wednesday, when I have my first scan, and am looking for a new fridge!

I really hope everyone else is having a restful weekend, Valentine's Day or not.

Hi all

Hippy Hope you are looking after yourself. Hope that you will get some things sorted out with regard to a D and C quickly. Do think about if there is anything you want to do to mark the pregnancy or remember that little one that did not make it. Some hospitals have miscarriage books where you can write a message and other people might plant a tree or a plant or something (though possibly not in the garden in case it does not do well - I am not at all green-fingered). It does take a time to come to terms with it all. We are all different. Some people move on more quickly and others not so, whatever is right for you, is right for you, whatever other people's experiences. God Bless and glad that the family are supporting you.

KiwiKat Sorry to hear about your fridge, I guess these fertility drugs are a way bit more expensive than milk! Our fridge did that at one time, it was quite disconcerting to find food frozen stiff in the fridge.

How is everyone else doing?

Hi girls.
I've been reading daily, but not posting, as I don't have much to say. Now it looks like I won't be ttc anymore, but don't really want to face it!

There's no logic in my wanting another baby, except maybe that I'd like our LO to have a sibling close in age.He has 4 other siblings but when his nearest sister is 18,he'll be 10, so he'll be more like an only child I suppose.There's nothing wrong with being like an only child, I just think it would be nice to have a sibling close in age. However,it is hard to face that my baby days are over.I suppose I am one of those women who just loves all of it: pregnancy,birth,babies,children,being a mum.I guess my identity is bound up in it too,when you consider how much of my adult life has been devoted to it! However, I don't really feel ready to throw in the towel.
But my DH and I have been discussing it and he'd rather not go down that path again. And I completely understand his point of view, as he is 50 this year and is ready to start a different phase in his life.
What is funny though is that his reasons for not wanting another are more about how it affects me - how it will be hard to be pregnant with a toddler (if we are lucky enough to conceive soon), he worries about the testing( I would do an amnio) and how I'd cope with a new baby and the LO we already have.
I suppose I look at it with rose coloured glasses, or perhaps you could just call it optimism: I think we'd manage fine and the benefits would outweigh any hardships by far.

Sorry about the long ramble...I guess I'm feeling a bit sad . I still haven't ruled it out completely and I know that my DH would obviously be fine should it happen again, but I don't think he wants to actively persue ttc, and may even want to actively tta (try to avoid conception).

So,I'm not sure how much I'll hang out here.I do want to see all of you have a baby, so will definately keep up with the news.

You are all so supportive, I have loved coming here, so who knows how much I'll actually stay away?!

thinking of you today hippy; hope you are doing ok. Thanks for your kind words, and you too ItalianGH, I know rationally what you say is correct, and I had my scan at Kings and I believe they totally know what they are doing, he got a colleague in for a 2nd opinion etc etc. But you know what tossing and turning at 3am when you're often not at your most sane can do for you !!
Also Hippy your DH sounds like mine - what's Valentine's.... .

Gumblossom I felt I should comment on your post; only because I am the youngest of 4, my nearest sibling was 10.5 (other 2 were 15 and 18) when I was born. Mum was 39, dad 45. I think there were just as many plusses to being the baby and such a big gap, as there were drawbacks. Yes in some ways I was an "only", but I got mightily cherished by my big siblings, and got to do lots of exciting things with them as I grew up. So whilst I totally understand your pang for another, I just wanted to say your LO will not suffer! Hope it resolves in the best way for your family - whatever that is.

Hi to all. Special wave to tfls - hope you're doing ok.

Gumblossom, I fully understand the limboland you are in. The logic still cannot displace the hope, can it? Stay around!

Just to up date you all. Am booked for the evacuation tomorrow at 7.30am. Hoping nothing happens naturally before then. Bleeding still stop start so should be ok.

Feeling ok. Glad to get the physical side of things out of the way so I can think about the emotional.

gum If this preg had gone ahead - this little bean's closest sibling would have been 7 years older. Also if we do decide to try again we could be looking at 8 years. I wasn't worried about that gap. He/she would have been spoilt rotten by all 4 of us and I hope wouldn't have felt like an only one.

Having said that, this is a very personal decision between you and your DH. I hope that whatever you decide you feel at peace with the decision and happy. One thing this whole nightmare has done for me is to make me so very grateful for my boys and so pleased that nothing like this happened with those pregnancies. I guess what I'm trying to say to you is, if you decide not to carry on then just lavish all your love on the children you already have. I'm like you, I love pregnancy, babies, being a mum - I feel it very much defines me too. But you will always be a good mum even if you have no more children. Hope that make sense? My mind is all over the place.

Just calling in for an update and saw Hippys news. I'm so, so sorry, it must be so awful to get used to the idea that the pg was real only to lose the baby. My heart goes out to you and hope it goes ok today. Take care.

Gum it's very difficult to stay away. I keep hitting a brick wall and deciding it's all over but it's a very hard habit to break especially when everyone is so supportive.

Hope all's well with everyone.

Hippy - sorry I couldn't post last night - Mumsnet was down - was desperately trying to get on to wish you well for today. Thinking of you.

Today I read I can use egg white instead of Pre-seed. Is that true? Anyone have any experience with that?

Hope it all went smoothly today hippy.

Thinking of you