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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

30s TTC - The BESH little gin palace in mumsnet

1000 replies

idealcamel · 12/10/2009 14:32

The bar is open and the ticking clock has been muffled for the duration...Come on in!

OP posts:
ChoChoSan · 19/10/2009 10:18

...Come on girl, pull yourself together!!! You know what you need to do, let's go through the drill:

...1)winky/foofoo
2) stop trying and relax (baybee WILL know) 3)fanny-gargle grapefruitjuice
4)suspend yourself upside down from the ceiling 24 hours after sex and
5) DON'T WORRY, IT WILL HAPPEN WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT...YOUR BODY 'KNOWS' WHEN IS BEST!!!!

PollyPoo · 19/10/2009 10:30

Oh and Scorps - Yes, I too used to think I must be infertile as I'd never so much as had a snifter of an updiff, except one very heavy, late and incredibly painful period, which may/may not have been a m/c. Thankfully I have had no further experience of m/c to compare.

skihorse · 19/10/2009 10:31

Oooh ChoCho I didn't know 5) "It'll happen when the time is right". That's very baby-jebus of you. Does Jebus send an ickle baby to you when the time is right? If that's they case why is the time so often right AFTER you've bought a new horsebox/flights for skiing?

iggypiggy · 19/10/2009 10:38

cho I was furious the whole time and desperate for large glass of wine... but maybe will be better if manage to drop the butter dish again.

Call daily mail - bring em on

PollyPoo · 19/10/2009 10:38

Thanks ChoCho... needed that. What is this thing about grapefruit juice? Think I may have missed that. OMG.... there is a thing I have NOT been to doing to get updiffed. Which means, had I known, I could have had an icklebaybee in my arms by now.. ARRGGHHHH. (Slap me again... I like need it.)

Do you think praying to baybee bejaysus will work even if I don't believe in him?

Oooh.... a glimmer of hope. We have just incurred new debt for a car. And I have accepted a new job. Which surely much mean I will immediately updiff?

skihorse · 19/10/2009 10:44

Polly I'm Jewish but surely it's worth a punt? Oooh new debt - is it a big debt? A piffling 50 quid from a Freeman's catalogue doesn't count - you'd better have bought a glistening Merc with a 24 kt gold steering-wheel - must be a 2-seater of course. TOOT TOOT!

Scorpette · 19/10/2009 10:50

Iggy, you give me pressie, I love you long time! GIMMEGIMMEGIMME!

ChoChoSan · 19/10/2009 11:06

Ski of course it will only happen when the time is right, because your body knows what is best for you, and that is why, when under normal circumstances millions of sperm are unstoppably motoring towards your egg as nature intends, if you decide to move house or something, the sperm KNOW, and just veer off at the last minute.

It's a similar thing with m/c ..."there must be a reason for it", er, yeah, thanks!

Polly of course you must believe in the baybee Jebus - he hates people who dont believe in him and makes them barren to teach them a lesson!

skihorse · 19/10/2009 11:22

ChoCho I'm moving house next week - during my OV time. Will this help, or did I need a moving date to coincide with baybee birth? This is way too confusing for me.

skihorse · 19/10/2009 11:24

Btw, I completely agree - anyone who utters the phrase "Everything happens for a reason" needs a swift kick-in-the-cunt. Ickle angel baybees praying in heaven not-withstanding!

PollyPoo · 19/10/2009 11:24

Ski its not huge debt, about £5k I think, but its enough to put big strain on household finances, hence me having to get a job (sulks and sticks out bottom lip).

ChoCho I will try reaally hard to believe and will pray EVRY night, on my knees if necessary. (Is that praying or begging? Never quite sure.)

And can someone please explain gusset-dipping in grapefruit juice? When do I do it? Does it have to be fresh or will 'made from concentrate' do? Will it improve chances if I stick a paper umbrella/cocktail adornment up there too? (Whilst praying to baybee bejaysus of course.)

ChoChoSan · 19/10/2009 11:25

Well, on the one hand you could get pg - ref Sod's Law (see Polly's last post), but then on the other hand the sperm will know the time is not right and come to a screeching emergency stop outside you egg.

I think you should just pray to BaybeJesus and ask forgiveness for being Jewish

iggypiggy · 19/10/2009 11:25

chocho "it doesn't matter - it wasn't really a baby as is so early" or my personal fave "there was obviously some problem so it must be for the best."

Pah - as if I even talk about it with people in the 'real world' these days

ski am going to try turkey baster filled with pink grapefruit juice - that will definitely work

ChoChoSan · 19/10/2009 11:28

Pink grapefruit juice makes girls baybees

ChoChoSan · 19/10/2009 11:30

iggy...I agree, it's a great comfort to know you are turning out mutant embryos isn't it? and the point is that it might have been a good'un that just fell out due to a simple easily remedied chemical imbalance or somink, innit?

PollyPoo · 19/10/2009 11:31

Iggy I am horrified anyone would say those things to you How fucking insensitive? Did you hit/maim them? I hope so.

I'm off to sainsbury's this avo, and I've just put 'turkey baster and grapefruit juice' on my list.

givecarrotsachance · 19/10/2009 11:48

Iggy Having never experienced a MC (thank the gods) yet of course having a friend who did (and who doesn't), I was stuck with the well WTH am I supposed to say. Obviously such platitudes are useless and upsetting, but like trying to say the right thing after any loss of a loved one, it's always the wrong thing.

It wouldn't stop me feeling irritated and upset by the comments if I was in that position but what else can people do or say?

I remember when my exH's father died suddenly, I was getting really upset by stuff that was being said (mostly within the family) and a friend gave me some sage advice. She said to take everything said around a funeral with a pinch of salt. Meaning, noone knows what to say and how to react and everyone's on a knife-edge, and people say the wrong things all the time without meaning to, and with the best of intentions.

Perhaps the worst thing with a MC is people's not accepting the lost person as a person. Certainly it might be that the baby had problems but does that mean you can't grieve for them? Saying that it was probably a good thing is really taking away from the baby's human-ness. Even if, it's possible that it was true, and the baby would have not survived. Or maybe a better thing would have been for the baby to get to term, and died after birth - at least then you are grieving for what people recognise as a real person....???

I am just throwing stuff out and don't know what I am talking about, clearly, especially as I never experienced it. But FWIW my heart goes out to all of you who have lost a baby and while knitting your own angel and keeping it under your pillow may not be your chosen way of "dealing with it" I do hope that you find your peace.

On another note, instead of pink grapefruit juice I plan to use Taitinger champagne as I will therefore be guaranteed a horsey child. And once the bottle was opened it would be a shame to waste the rest.

iggypiggy · 19/10/2009 12:08

carrots It is all meant well - and I know that... Still fucking depressing tho!

poo to be fair it was my sisters and mum - both of the sisters are younger and have no kids/ plans to have any at the mo. My mum also meant well... But is kind of one those - if you haven't had one is hard to understand what you might feel. I was the same before April. Anyway - everyone's different, some people don't feel how I do...

cho well quite

extremesitting · 19/10/2009 12:43

Afternoon! I need to get back in sync with you lot - just spent AGES catching up again!

We started trying 18 months ago, the first three months we were all "whatever" about it, so have only been truly hysterical for 15 months, massively escalated by the fact that EVERYONE in real life has conceived and produced bonny baby "without even trying" Bitter.. me?

I have decided to get my hysteria ramped up from today. If no joy by Christmas then I am going to harass the NHS like a demon. They have been remarkably laid back up to now. I cannot tolerate it for much longer.

Have decided to not let ANY alcohol pass my lips until the next droid. This will be difficult as I love a lickle drinkie poo. Also limiting caffeine to the minimum, the smoking will take care of itself if I don't drink.

This morning I have ordered preseed via emergency delivery. Also ordered a bumper pack of OV sticks (thanks to royal mail will prob arrive post OV)... oh and a thermometer. I have no idea what to do with the thermometer. My doctor and Zita West and many others have advised against temping as it can apparently aggravate hysteria... but I figure in for a penny blah blah...

givecarrotsachance · 19/10/2009 12:44

cho that's another problem, isn't it. You just don't know - and neither version is great, really.

waspylady · 19/10/2009 12:44

Hey pollypoo

Just so you know the grapefruit juice is meant to increase production of ffj and make foo foo nice and welcoming for mr winky and his 'delivery'

You can add it directly to foo foo or just drink it......whatever you prefer

PollyPoo · 19/10/2009 12:50

Oh I see! Well I am rather partial to a pink grapefruit juice with gin, how handy.

idealcamel · 19/10/2009 12:57

extreme Hysteria, according to the Ancient Greeks, was caused by the womb wandering around the body. In my case, that's probably because it's trying to escape from the thermometer/opks/grapefruit juice and any other ridiculous, superstitious sacrifice I can make to the gods of conception.

Fertility Friend is probably your friend at the moment. Spend more money and time on the internet!

OP posts:
ChoChoSan · 19/10/2009 13:04

carrots re m/c...Didn't mean to sound so mean, I agree you should just give whatever support you can...it does not really matter what you actually say, and all of the coMments that I mentioned are completely well intentioned, and intended to give hope, and to a degree they DO give hope, eg I do take heart from the fact that at least I have got pregnant twice. I am taking the mick a bit on this forum, but generally I would not castigate someone for trying to be kind (seen too many thread with new mothers moaning about people asking if their baby sleeps through etc; they don't seem to realise that many people are just being kind and polite to even acknowledge they have had a baby, when in reality they couldn't really give a shit about the mewling bundle of snot you so dote on .

Even having had a couple of lickleangelbabies, I would still say some of the same things, as you hope to console people in such a situation, and frankly, even though 1st pg came after 3 years ttc, I was still of the opinion that it was a 'bunch of cells' (and years of hopes and dreams for me and boyf; and our future lives etc)

I suppose the bottom line is that really if you have had m/c, you try to have a rational conversation about it, when in fact you really just want to wail I'VE LOST MY BAYBEEEEEEE!!!

iggypiggy · 19/10/2009 13:13

cho I typed almost exactly this earlier:

"I was still of the opinion that it was a 'bunch of cells' (and years of hopes and dreams for me and boyf; and our future lives etc)"

but deleted cos thought I might be moaning on a bit... but is the destruction of the planned future that gets me everytime. And I didn't even ever want a baybeeeeee

la la la - am actually very cheery for a monday morning - when can I start on the gin?

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