Iggy Having never experienced a MC (thank the gods) yet of course having a friend who did (and who doesn't), I was stuck with the well WTH am I supposed to say. Obviously such platitudes are useless and upsetting, but like trying to say the right thing after any loss of a loved one, it's always the wrong thing.
It wouldn't stop me feeling irritated and upset by the comments if I was in that position but what else can people do or say?
I remember when my exH's father died suddenly, I was getting really upset by stuff that was being said (mostly within the family) and a friend gave me some sage advice. She said to take everything said around a funeral with a pinch of salt. Meaning, noone knows what to say and how to react and everyone's on a knife-edge, and people say the wrong things all the time without meaning to, and with the best of intentions.
Perhaps the worst thing with a MC is people's not accepting the lost person as a person. Certainly it might be that the baby had problems but does that mean you can't grieve for them? Saying that it was probably a good thing is really taking away from the baby's human-ness. Even if, it's possible that it was true, and the baby would have not survived. Or maybe a better thing would have been for the baby to get to term, and died after birth - at least then you are grieving for what people recognise as a real person....???
I am just throwing stuff out and don't know what I am talking about, clearly, especially as I never experienced it. But FWIW my heart goes out to all of you who have lost a baby and while knitting your own angel and keeping it under your pillow may not be your chosen way of "dealing with it" I do hope that you find your peace.
On another note, instead of pink grapefruit juice I plan to use Taitinger champagne as I will therefore be guaranteed a horsey child. And once the bottle was opened it would be a shame to waste the rest.