Just MC'd. Starting it all again.. Come and join me for the long haul, vol 2

[thefatladyscreams]

Hardly the most original title but I didn't want to loose anyone (well that's my excuse for the lack of originality!)

hello all....

apples that is adorable news....everything crossed for your dubblebubbas....

welcome sarahlou here is hoping for a 2010 baby for you.

my friend who has had eight miscarriages and one ectopic in the last three years has just had a beautiful baby girl....Maggie Rose.....and she has just told me that she cannot stop staring at her and that all the MC pain she went through was worth it in the end....a lovely inspiration to us all to keep on keeping on....xx

Evening everyone!

HUGE apologies I haven't been on for ages and caught up with the posts up to page 22 i think

We had a sudden death to deal with so funerals etc have kind of took over then crimble to plan for but all sorted now?!

Well did my first response OPK for the first time ever and got my BPF on it on 16th Dec and BD'ed that night and clenched like mad all day the following day too!! TMI arh well!
BUT I haven't been able to BD much since then!?

So by my calculations I can test on 30th Dec so no news for the big day but hopefully by new year I'll have a sticky bean!!!!!

CONGRATS to the BFP's, really sorry for M/C ladies who've joined us but your in the right place and fingers crossed for everyone else!!

Sorry for the generallness of the post?! I will catch up at some point!
And prob won't be able to be online til after christmas TBH, Working til Wed then travelling 1st thing Thu am not back til boxing night so have a fab one everyone! xxxx

good weekend

louisesh know what you mean about - if i had known it was going to be this hard would have said bugger the career and got it all done in twnties - instead of being here in late thirties ...

re: your dh - don't stress - we are all there, if i don't make advances I am lucky to see any action too - think dh's switch off abit with all the pressure, and as you say libidos slide

its especially frustrating straight after mc when you are just desparate to be pregnant again, but i am finding now it has been a while i am less frenetic about it.

apples woot woot on the twins - wow, although like mrsr i have mega twin envy - how cute is that going to be

meita keeping it all crossed for you xxxx

Hi all, there are some lovely stories as well as sad ones aren't there? I am feeling less emotional after mc last week. I guess my hormones are returning to normal levels. As I have 2 dd's and just 1 mc I'm still feeling optimistic that next time will be successful.

I too feel like a bit of a fraud when I read about people who don't have any children and multiple mc's. I am just so sorry to hear about such sad experiences.

We are going to just start ttc as soon as we can this month and keep everything crossed that it happens quickly. I was surprised that we had conceived at the fist attempt last month - that must be a good sign surely? I'd like to be on the 'list' but (sorry if I'm a bit thick) I don't understand the acronyms - can someone let me know what the all stand for?

ok sam - loss is loss....no feelings of fraud even allowed here hun....hop on the sofa and get ready to spill TMI on a regular basis...

acronyms as follows, mine for example...

Boodleboot: Trying to Conceive number 3
Usual Cycle Length: 28days
Cycle {how many months been trying} 2
Cycle Day 12

It is a terribly sad business TTC sometimes but also very uplifting to share the common journey with others.....heres hoping for christmas beans for us all....

Thanks...so: ttc #3, ucl 28, c1, cd6.

Anybody have any advice when ttc following a mc? Will my cycle be 28 days this month or is it unpredictable? Doctor said it was fine to go for it and should I conceive this month a dating scan will be needed.

As a matter of interest how do I know if everything came out during mc? I mc'd at 5 weeks, bled very heavily for 3 days and have had light bleeding for another 3 so far. I assume that's all ok?

Morning ladies - and thank you for the lovely welcome back. Especially to sarahlou, I'm so sorry you're here with me.

And a big massive congrats to apples - that's such brilliant news.

DH and I are doing okay - obviously losing this baby feels a lot more raw than losing the first, as this time it was our decision to end things due to the severity of the abnormality - plus I was further along and had to deliver her. But we got to name her - Gracie - and have a funeral for her, which has really helped us grieve.

As for adding me to the list, my vitals are as follows:

ttc #1, ucl - no idea, cycle - 1, CD16

I conceived on D13 with Gracie so am using that as my guide, so last week was a 'busy' week, shall we say.

Anyway, hope you all had lovely weekends and have a lovely Christmas week.

Viv - I'm not stalking you! just saw your name and nipped across from May to hope your big day and honeymoon weren't overshadowed by your decision and loss. I'm still impressed by the strength it must have taken.
Good luck for the future

Oh thank you Yorky, that's so lovely of youu. I think we're doing as well as we possibly can be - and the wedding and honeymoon were amazing. Just perfect in every way.

Hope everyone over there is doing okay? Will pop in and say hi from time to time. xx

Good morning,

Just noticed I am on the list so thought I'd add my stats,

ttc#3 ucl 27 days, cycle 1, CD3

sam - I mc 4 weeks ago and didn't take any precautions this month, I just thought if my body is ready it will happen. I usually have a regular 27 day cycle and AF came just 3 days late this month, which has amazed me.
I feel okay, a bit disappointed but I'm pretty certain I was showing signs of ovulating while I was still bleeding so I'm not totally surprised.

Viv - Our baby was too little to have a funeral, but we did have a memorial service organised by the hospital and it was lovely, I feel it gave us a chance to say goodbye. I have a memory box with my scan photo, a teddy that I'd bought and a few bits and pieces and that helps too.

Anyway, onwards and upwards as they say. I am feeling a bit more positive this morning, I am thinking new AF - new start.

Hope everyone else is ok x

Congratulations to Apples, thats wonderful news, twins! For the record, where ages are concerned, im 39, well 40 really as its my birthday in a few weeks.

Hi everyone,

Hope you don't mind me joining you all. I miscarried last week. Found out at my 12 week scan my baby had died at about 9 weeks. Was my second pregnancy and I feel guilty that maybe I was just taking everything for granted a little because everything was so straight forward with DS1. Horrible shock and still feel deeply sad but lots of great support from staff and friends/family so doing ok.

Really scared about trying again but also just want to start ttc as soon as possible. What are people's thoughts about how quickly to start ttc....should we really wait for AF to return and then try the next cycle? I am so impatient but also know that's maybe the sensible thing to do!

Fingers crossed for all of you tring to get back on the rollercoaster

Monday's list:

MrsRigby TTC#2 UCL? cycle WTF CD?
Tigerbear TTC#1 UCL28 cycle ? CD?
TFLS TTC#1 UCL28 cycle 5 CD25
Zayja TTC#1 UCL24-27 cycle 8 CD25
Tigger15 TTC#2 UCL31 cycle 6 CD24
CakeandFineWine TTC#2 UCL31 cycle 2 CD24
Louisesh TTC#1 UCL33 cycle 3 CD19
vivcliquot TTC#1 UCL? cycle 1 CD16
Sunburnt TTC#2 UCL28 cycle WTF CD13
RunForTheHills TTC#1 UCL30 cycle 12 CD13
boodleboot TTC#3 UCL28 cycle 3 CD12
Jollster TTC#2 UCL26-28 cycle 4 CD12
Cheepz TTC#2 UCL28 cycle 5 CD9
samanthab123 TTC#3 UCL28 cycle 1 CD6
Barrenbrook TTC#1 UCL28 cycle 9 CD5
sarahlou8 TTC#3 UCL27 cycle 1 CD3
effilump TTC#5 UCL28 cycle WTF CD?
lulabell79 TTC#? UCL? cycle? CD?

WTTC
LeeWT
Justbeenforapromenade
Fingerscrossedlegsopen

MIA (stopped at CD60)
em22 TTC#? UCL28 cycle 3 CD60
trixel TTC#3 UCL28-35 cycle 7 CD60

GRADUATES
amyboo
totally
Hoops997
Stressy BFP 22nd August
becky78 BFP 4th September
LittleOneMum BFP 7th September
Waitingisntfun BFP 19th September
Chamois BFP 7th October
Apples BFP 9th November - TWINS
Meita BFP 10th December

Glad you had such a lovely time Viv.

Does anyone mind if I gatecrash a little bit?

My SIL and DB had a mc at 11wks when I was about 5wks. It would have been their 2nd child, and they were delighted with them being fairly close (just under 2yrs) Unfortunately she has been bleeding ever since - 2months now She has had scans and they can't see anything worth doing a D&C for so she's put herself back on the pill to see if some regular hormones help - although she doesn't want to be on the pill at all as she's stressing about having too big a gap between their DS and his sibling.

We told them in person a couple of weeks ago, and they were really nice about it, but I'm dreading seeing them at my parents' for Christmas on Boxing day. Just glad I'm not showing too much yet, despite being 18wks with #3

Can any of you brave ladies offer any advice on what I should say/avoid saying? I've already put my foot in it once and am keen not to spoil Christmas.

Sorry that was so long, but TIA for any suggestions, and sorry for the hijack

Yorky what helps me is when friends and family acknowledge that I'm still feeling sad, even when I'm trying to put a brave face on.
Maybe saying something like "you must think about the baby a lot at Christmas?" and leave her to respond, or just by giving her a hug and say her baby is still on your mind. She won't have forgotten.
The worst thing by far for me is the people who say nothing at all. I tell myself it's because they don't know what to say, but I've had two fairly good friends say nothing and it has distanced us a lot.

I should be 20 weeks today, which is hard, but I have friends who are pg and I am okay to be around them, I'm sure your SIL will be too. I even bought a little blue teddy for my friends imminant arrival. I was so proud of myself. x

I

Hi All ...Hello to "NEWBIES" sorry for your experiences that have led you all to our little"family" its pants..

Thanks CHEEPZ for reassuring me its not just me with an odd DH when you hear and see stuff on tv{yes, i know its not real life!] you are led to believe ALL men want sex at any given time and there 're all starved of it by us women!!!!! LOL

Hope everyone is well...Quick entry only tired off to bed.

Hi Ladies,
Welcome to all the newbies, quite a load of you! So sorry to hear of your experiences. Also glad to have you, the more the merrier when you need a shoulder to cry on...if that makes sense. + =

Well, I believe AF's knocking on my door. I feel ok about it I guess, although I had thought 2009 was my year. Going for hsg(?) xray and ultrasound Dec. 31 so looking forward to taking some action I guess.

Congrats apples, I too have twin . Aren't you SOOO excited?

How are you doing meita, looking forward to Christmas with your little bean?

yorky, I second what sarahlou said, it's important to acknowledge. Maybe not necessarily in front of everyone (because if it were me that might make me cry), but in conversation you could ask how she's doing and tell her you're thinking of them.

Busy week, enjoy it all!

yorky It's incredibly thoughtful of you to ask - you sound like a lovely sister in law.

I also echo what everyone has said about asking how they're doing.

I've been feeling a bit up and down this week as had our first baby been okay, today would have been my last day in the office before going on maternity leave.... and the fact that we've lost another baby since then seems to be making this week even harder. But a few of my friends (one of whom is pg) have been kind enough to remember and make sure that I'm okay, and that means more than its weight in gold.

In other news, I have realisd that DH and I are spending New Year in the Lake District in a cottage with my best friends. AF should be due on New Year's Day so am hoping that being away will mean I will be preoccupied and won't descend into a test-a-thon... (yeah right!)

Hi all,
welcome to all newbies. So sorry for your losses. Must be especially painful in Christmas time. But you've come to the right place - lots of support to be had here!

yorky I agree that you shouldn't behave "as if nothing had happened" but let them know that their loss is in your thoughts. Then let them take it from there, they may not want to talk about it much. It might be that at the moment they are more preoccupied with finding out why she is always bleeding and frustrated at not being able to TTC, rather than sad about the lost baby. Having to wait without clear reasons can be very frustrating indeed. Perhaps you could also let her know that you understand that and ask her how she is dealing with it. I'd NOT tell her "well you just need to be patient, it will all work out in the end" - because while it might be true, you can't know it is, and anyway, it's not what you want to hear at the time.
It's great that you are putting so much thought into it, but don't let the situation make you ashamed or embarrassed about your own pregnancy. If it becomes an issue, I think you should kindly but firmly explain that as sad as their story is, it is NOT related to your pregnancy, you being or not being pregnant will not help them conceive faster.

On when to TTC after MC:

At the end of the day, it will have to be your decision - whatever feels right. That said, below are some thoughts that you might want to consider:

Doctors' reasons against TTC immediately:

• It will be harder to date the pregnancy if you conceive immediately.
• In some cases there are valid medical reasons. Ask your doctor why they are telling you to wait.

"Real" reasons against TTC immediately:

• You deprive yourself of time to deal with your loss emotionally. The emotions about the bean that died and the new bean or the new TTCing might all get mixed up and confused.
• Your cycle might be very confused and confusing. The first cycle might be extra long, or extra short. You might not ovulate at all. It might take a long time for HPTs to give you BFNs. Cervical mucus, basal body temperatures, OPKs all might give you misleading signals. Even HPTs can give you false positives if you test too early and there are still hormones from your previous pregnancy in your body.

This makes it hard or even impossible to TTC in a "rational" way - if you want to be certain you do not miss a chance, you might have to BD every second night. It can lead to situations where you are certain you have conceived and you get terribly excited, just to be all the more disappointed when AF arrives. Just ask yourself - can you deal with such disappointment right now, when the pain of the lost pregnancy is still raw?

I'm not saying you shouldn't - I certainly did just saying if you're considering, these are the things I'd consider. From hindsight.

Reasons for TTC immediately:

• It is said that fertility is extra high immediately after a MC.
• It's a way of looking forward instead of dwelling on the loss.
• No pointless waiting, you don't miss a precious opportunity.

Good luck in deciding! Remember, do whatever is best for YOU, not what other people think you should be doing or feeling.

Ok I hope you don't mind me hanging around - it's just that I seriously don't know what I'd do without you lovely ladies.

We flew over to Switzerland on Sunday, to spend Christmas with our families. My bean seems to be doing all right. I'm 6 weeks today. But I have to say I'm very panicked. Thing is, with my MC I was also in Switzerland and DPs sister has suggested it might have had something to do with flying. She said we shouldn't fly now... implicitly saying that if it goes wrong again, it would be our own fault . (AIBU that this makes me angry?) Now, last time my temps dropped quite a bit on a Saturday morning, on Saturday night I got a crazy (probably hormonal) headache and some spotting, then on Sunday morning temperature was in the cellar and I was bleeding like mad. So, now, yesterday my temp was way lower than expected, and yesterday evening I got a bad headache. No spotting though. I hardly slept at all... I kept imagining that my undies were full of blood. I didn't dare get up to check. I was certain I was MCing.
Temperature this morning was slightly higher than yesterday which gave me the courage to get up and actually knicker-check - and they were blessedly clean and blood-free.
Still, the whole episode seriously knocked my confidence. I think I won't stop worrying for a long, long time. So, no, Christmas with bean is not going to be a particularly relaxed, happy time; instead all I can do is try not to cry myself to sleep. It's silly, isn't it. I was so anxious to get pregnant. Then when I'd seriously run out of steam and we were hardly bothering to BD, bang, it happened. And now I sometimes feel like I'd rather not be - just because I can't bear the thought of losing another one. Someone knock me hard on the head, please.

Sorry for troubling you all with my worries. Why can't I just stop worrying and start appreciating? After all I should count myself lucky.

In other news, my fingers are double- and triple crossed for a wave of Christmas BFPs!
And if it doesn't happen, I'm sending seasons greetings to everyone, hoping you will all have some nice family time, partnership time, time off work, and maybe forget all about MCs and TTC for a while.

Hi Do you mind if I join this thread? You all sound really lovely. I have just recently had my third mc and am feeling quite down about it. I am also struggling with whether to try again to conceive or not. I am very lucky I have two adorable daughters but my dream was always to have three children. My history is that my first pregnancy was trouble free then I had 2 mcs followed by dd2 then this month I have had my third mc. I feel like I should maybe give up on my dream but the yearning for another is so strong....I am just not sure whether I am strong enough to cope with another mc....I know no one else can really advise me but just wondered if any others have been in a similar situation and what did they do?

keeva - you gotta keep on keeping on....and find yourself some people to journey with {which you have now done...welcom }

i do understand how tough it is when your in that shall we shan't we mire....its all so confusing but in your heart you will know if you have the strength to try again...i didn't think i had after my ectopic in sept, 2nd bean lost this year BUT with the right support and non-judgement from my gals i have been set on my feet again and again....anyways no-one can judge anyone on here as we are quite as bonkers when it comes to TTC as eachother.

meita stay forever hun.....x

Meita, thank you - that is so nice to hear, part of me is feeling guilty about being pregnant, so few of our family know and its nearly half cooked!
Please don't blame yourself for the loss of your bean, so many mcs are unrelated to external influences - just 'one of those things' which has to be the most horrible phrase ever. I have my fingers firmly crossed for you

Thank you everyone for the warm welcome and the useful advice, especially for agreeing with each other! Good luck to you all

Tuesday's list:

MrsRigby TTC#2 UCL? cycle WTF CD?
Tigerbear TTC#1 UCL28 cycle ? CD?
TFLS TTC#1 UCL28 cycle 5 CD26
Zayja TTC#1 UCL24-27 cycle 8 CD26
Tigger15 TTC#2 UCL31 cycle 6 CD25
CakeandFineWine TTC#2 UCL31 cycle 2 CD25
Louisesh TTC#1 UCL33 cycle 3 CD20
vivcliquot TTC#1 UCL? cycle 1 CD17
Sunburnt TTC#2 UCL28 cycle WTF CD14
RunForTheHills TTC#1 UCL30 cycle 12 CD14
boodleboot TTC#3 UCL28 cycle 3 CD13
Jollster TTC#2 UCL26-28 cycle 4 CD13
Cheepz TTC#2 UCL28 cycle 5 CD10
samanthab123 TTC#3 UCL28 cycle 1 CD7
Barrenbrook TTC#1 UCL28 cycle 9 CD6
sarahlou8 TTC#3 UCL27 cycle 1 CD4
effilump TTC#5 UCL28 cycle WTF CD?
lulabell79 TTC#? UCL? cycle? CD?
keevamum TTC#3 UCL? cycle? CD?

WTTC
LeeWT
Justbeenforapromenade
Fingerscrossedlegsopen

MIA (stopped at CD60)
em22 TTC#? UCL28 cycle 3 CD60
trixel TTC#3 UCL28-35 cycle 7 CD60

GRADUATES
amyboo
totally
Hoops997
Stressy BFP 22nd August
becky78 BFP 4th September
LittleOneMum BFP 7th September
Waitingisntfun BFP 19th September
Chamois BFP 7th October
Apples BFP 9th November - TWINS
Meita BFP 10th December