Mid 30's TTC - you're my BESH mate you are..... <hic hic>

[extremesitting]

OOOh - Hope this'll do! Emergency!

YABTFUYMB! Tbh, as they've already given you a heeeeuge pay-off and you're leaving I'd just file it in the bin.

Book the holiday to NYC/Boston and when you're there buy as many tiny-weeny-eeny pairs of designer jeans as you can stuff in your suitcase. Also make sure you splurge on a pair of Louboutins bearing in mind your feet may go up a size during pregnancy and never return. Book a hotel with a room on the 7th floor and no elevator - also try and see if you can get a layover in Zimbabwe or something. This will guarantee diffedness.

I was tempted by that ski I have to say.

I like your thinking re the holiday, good call.

Just got confirmation my new doors are being fitted on Tusday. Yeee-ha! AIBU to be so unutterably excited by a set of doors??

CosNY I'd be hacked off as well. Take it as a sign they don't expedt you to do any more strenuous work in your last few days, open the post then spend the rest of the day on the interweb researching your trip to NY. Also take a long lunch (5 hrs).

"new doors" is a euphemism for what exactly? What did they do to you at the fertility clinic?

You could always just shred it and then say "oops sorry, I think I just did this" and place the pile of paper shavings on the MD's desk. They are after all mkaing you redundant. The cunts.

Cosmo YANBU - bloody patronising tosswit. However, only a couple more days in his company, right?

I'd second VAG's recommendation - Boston is lovely. But so is New York. I'd go here and here. Ooh, and there's a fabulous "proper" diner car if you can be arsed to trog out to Williamsburg in Brooklyn www.relish.com/?page=history - ok, it's full of hipster kids but it is super-fun and pretty to look at. And the Museum of Sex is good for a giggle. Sorry, carried away with NYC love.

I think I'm the next on the boards to be dildocammed. And LBH will be the next partner to face the spunk-cup...Da da da dum etc etc.

Lol, I'm tighter than VAG, well until tuesday

I think seeing as TGO's never been to the US at all, it has to be NYC for his first trip really.

Museum of sex, yet another place where we will find out we is doing it all Wrong!

laurie (& zirc, to a lesser degree) It's really tough having to feel happy for those blessed with updiffedness when we're not, even when there are lots of good reasons to feel happy for them. Convoluted and ridiculous sentence, but you know what I mean. Am hitting you over the head with an enormo comedy hammer so that you stagger around seeing stars.

Good luck with the move CUNTY! Make sure the removal men take extra care with your gin bottles

Am jealous of Cosmo's possible trip to the US of A. Sadly, my bank balance could barely stretch to a trip to Boston, Lincolnshire You must definitely stock up on unsuitable clothes - something silky and dry-clean only should guarantee twins at least.

Am also suffering with RL sprog-jealousy. Had tactless friend with 2 kids confide in me t'other day that she is so 'super-fertile' that she has to be on the pill AND have her DH use a condom 'just in case'. Yep, just want I wanted to hear. Also just had tactless relatives on phone this morning saying 'isn't it a shame' that I 'don't want children', when I rang to congratulate my cousin's daughter on her baby daughter's christening*. Upon correcting them that I do want kids, my Aunt innocently replied 'but why have you left it too late to have any now? You'll regret it for the rest of your life'. I cut the fucking bitch off as she started to tell me how empty the rest of my life will be without kids. The cow got married at 16 and had 4 kids in 6 years. That's cheered me up good-style, as you can imagine.

If short, regular cycles are so good, how come I, with my v predictable 27/28D cycle, OVed late last month and don't have a baybay yet? WAAAAHHHH!

*Got pg at 18 after shagging a random ONCE - a random who has an IQ of @90 and mental problems and his whole family have mental health issues. And she was (and is) obese. Jeremy Kyle-tastic!

scorpy - where does your Aunt live? - I'll go round there with an ice-pick for you if you like?

[Note to DM: This is a Joke. Do not call the police. Just cos I am barren it does not mean I am a psychopath. I can't even spell it.]

Wow scorps am hugely impressed at a) the mind boggling tactlessness of your relative and b) the jeremy kyle-ness of the birthright of the baby!

You must win some sort of prize for that. Here, have this half sucked boiled sweet I found under the sofa.

Thanks Guys. She is a total thick ugly cowbag who's always 'accidentally' tactless. She always says things like 'isn't it a shame you're not thin like your Mum?' to me (which is rich, seeing as the biggest dress size I've ever been in my life is a 14 and she is a right fat heffer). TYF's fam are just as bad - last Xmas, at a small party his parents were throwing for family and neighbours, I was attempting to kidnap playing with a neighbour's lovely little girl and TYF's Aunt started teasing me about being broody. I said I really wanted kids and she said 'Ooooh, there's plenty of time for all that, you're only young'. When I said, 'sadly, I'm not - I'm 36', she looked alarmed and went 'Oh Christ, I thought you were TYF's age - why haven't you started trying yet?'. And she's a nurse.

(Just after that, MIL took me aside and asked me not to 'show off' about looking young for my age. WTF?)

Have just ordered a combo of high sensitivity POK and Updiff tests off eBay. With these and my new digi-thermomomomometer, there can be no escape for my eggy friend. Buahahaha!

Well, I'm glad I just went to AIBU and saw this straight off:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/823424-to-have-managed-to-give-birth-to-2- children-and

MIL & showing-off comment - blardy heck what the hell was that about? - what a very odd thing to say. Showing off? How is that showing off?

There's really nowt as strange as folk.

Though you have now got me re-rhinking about POKs. To POK or not to POK, that is the question.

christ I am thick. I have been in an utterly foul mood this week, and had no idea why. Just went to the loo and saw a bit of blood when I wiped. Stared at it for ages, really puzzled. Then slowly added 2+2 to make R2D2. I only twigged when I remembered I had my Day 21 blood tests last week, making today CD30. So, another 31 day cycle for me I guess (as i think tomorrow will be 1st day of the full on tide), which means once again pretty sure no ovulation occurred.

Not bothered about appearance of the squeaky metal git in the sense of diffedness as due to my inflamed ladies area we've only managed about 3 shags this month anyway, so jhardly SWI.

VAG - I think she's embarrassed that I am 9 years older than TYF, like I'm a distasteful, sex-hungry Cougar* who's pounced on and corrupted her precious, innocent baby. She's ridiculously straightlaced and uptight. TYF has a fuckload of relatives and I often get asked how old I am or they presume we're the same age. When I tell them my age, she always gets funny about it. Praps she feels anxious about her own ageing. I should tell her that the secret of my youthfulness is scrupulous personal hygiene!

(Remember my nightmare this summer when we stayed there - never washing, handling raw meat and not washing, dirty sheets and so on)

*I am, but there's no need for her to be so mean about it

Cosmosis Sorry, I think I missed something - have you had your day 21 results back yet? What were they? Surely a good regular cycle is good? I have no comment wrt your inflamed lady area.

Scorpette Next time someone fertile tells you they have to use condoms AND be on the pill. Smile, pat them on the arm and say "Luckily TYF's willy is big enough that they stay on and I've always been able to remember to take the pill OK - I mean it's not rocket science is it?" To to undermine your friends.

Btw - Cheri Blair, porker, career-bitch AND about 57 when she conceived.

Scorpette Let's go to Haarlem, NL.

at MIL & showing off about age comment. Silly bitch! Jealous as hell.

I also saw that thread about giving birth to 2 children etc etc. Had to leave it quickly...........

Eh, cock all going on today in the office. Well, I should be busy but a serious cae of can't-be-arsed has affected me.

Still miserable - how can I get in the mood to SWI when I'm so thoroughly cheesed off? Probably leading up to OV too. Answers on a post card purr-lease!

laurie Have you considered putting all the pressure on him? e.g., "But darling, I'm ovulating so you need to give me your best stuff TONIGHT - I shouldn't move around too much because of my condition so you'll have to do all the work." There, no pressure there then!

I've just been to the loo and have realised my life will never be the same again. Every wipe involves checking the loo roll for blood... and this is even BEFORE I'm pg.

Ski, you should've seen me checking the bog roll like a loon last week (well, I'm glad you didn't, but you get my drift) - obsessively wiping then poking away inside with a bit of loo roll just to try and catch anything 'hiding' up there. Probably brought R2D2 on with such cruelty

Laurie - go for the straighforward approach I use on TYF when it's Ov time and I'm not feeling like it: 'look, I don't want sex and you don't want sex, but the quicker I get knocked up, the quicker we can stop all this and go back to having fun, spontaneous sex, so knickers off and get on with it'.

Sadly, that's not a joke; I really do say it

Ski - but Cheri Blair's a Caffolick, innit. They're genetically programmed to have 85 children at the very least and be fertile until their 80s (note to Catholic BESHes: this is a JOKE).

ski I like your thinking, am going to do that tonight

That goes for all of us, I suppose.

cosmo have you had your results? And YANBU (definitely) for being angry with the stoopid cunt-face for messing with your post. Have you ever seen the film "High Fidelity" with John Cusack? If not, watch it, just for the shop moment when he imagines different scenarios when facing the other man. I frequently have imaginary "telephone in the face" moments.

"Scha-de-freude! Fuck you, lady, that's what stairs are for!"

scorpy I hope the fertile catholic isn't a joke. The boyf is catholic (or at least was taught by nuns). Obviously he's not a very good one, as we're "living in sin" & I'm definitely not catholic.

He tells me every time we have to go to church I have a comedy raincloud above my head.

No, haven't had my results of the D21s yet. Am just surmising given random pattern of dots on the temping graph and lack of ffj.

"wipe and poke" - that's my life in 3 words.

Scorpette Yes, it would be nice to have sex without it being so loaded. At least we're still having sex all month but as I understand it, it's only a matter of time before I'm growling "get off, I don't ovulate until Tuesday".

Cosmosis Now I know you're an intelligent woman - but can you really be trusted with a thermometer at 6am?

yeh ski that, funnily enough was TGO's comment as well!