Mid 30's TTC - you're my BESH mate you are..... <hic>

[triggerhappybaby]

We've taken delivery of a fine new sofa. Come and rest here

Presumed, not resumed. The P key is broken on my laptop and I have to press it @8 times to get it to work. I wouldn't mind but there are 4 Ps in the first line of my address alone

Lady juice: I've read around EVERYTHING to do with conception and early signs - i.e., anything post-OV. Reported early signs are:

i) lots of juice
ii) creamy white sticky juice
iii) watery juice
iv) dryer than a nun's gusset

So there you go - you should fall in to at least one of those categories so as to allow 2WOOFL to ramp.

ginhag there are lots of people on fb with whom I want no association with - friend requests can be easily rejected and you can block them from even finding you if you want. You can't live your life in fear of an ex/someone in the past when your life is so very, very different now.

Morning!

I have £1.15 and a lovely coffee from downstairs costs £1.50. The nearest cashpoint informed me that it couldn't be arsed today and the next one is half a mile away. My Office Manager has taekn the key to his drawer home so I can't get my hands on the petty cash lottery winnings (temporarily) until he comes in at 10. AIBU to think that I cannot start my morning with a dribble of Klix 'coffe' from the free vend?

YABTU! You are not employed to drink coffee you shlag! If you want to drink something you can do it before work or after work. Same for pee breaks - and yes, I'm using the word BREAK!

If you want a toilet break you can continue to type with one hand, lift your skirt with the other and place the neck of your SELF_PURCHASED water bottle to your lady-bits and piddle.

I think I'm out for this month - stupid jailbait - he said I was diffed, but I fear I've got the impending RTrickleOD. Arse biscuits.

Oh no ski I got myself all excited for you as well. Fingers crossed it amounts to nowt much.

I just give up. I've got an IQ of 150 and I was so sure we'd been putting it in the right hole and it's something that 11 year olds from East Anglia can do! Why not me?

oh darlin

Perhaps a large quantity of alcohol would help?

Oh FGS - I've just been to the loo and NOTHING, not even a smidge or a smear - I wiped about 15 times! It was literally a spot this morning. Am I waiting on an tide of Niagara proportions or is my body fucking with me? Cast your votes now pls!

Yes, I will be partaking in a little gin this evening. Grrr.

I really don't have time to be be avidly checking bog roll every 5 minutes today. I also cannot believe my life has come to this - that I spent more time looking at toilet paper than I do the papers.

Btw - skater has fb'd me - she's verrrrry purdy - but sadly NOT on a skateboard. Nor does she have dreadlocks, a pierced nose or even knee-pads. Tres disappointing.

Well in that case I may reject her (presumably impending) friend request, on the grounds of unreasonably not living up to image.

ski am still holding out hope for you this month. You body is just messin wit your head innit.

Tonight I plan on fighting with TGO over the one remaining measure of gin in the house. Anyone want to lay bets on the winner??

ski - feelin' ya hon'. Or something.

Moment of madness part 1,000: had a funny stabbing pain this morning low down in my, er, regions. Despite not really having humped at the correct time this month, had a moment where it could have been 'implantation pain'. Of course, it is highly unlikely, I feel exactly as normal, no other symptoms, but that teensy moment of hope dawned again. And the madness starts.

This is a frickin' headmess.

Espresso martinis all round - esp for trog.

I've checked my knickers a further 2 times since my last update. Nuffink.

VAG a year ago upon feeling a shooting pain you'd have assumed you'd necked too many gins or needed to eat a bit more fruit. These days it's all "OMG, was that implantation?" Bah.

ski aaaargh.stupid fucking bodies.keep us updated on the state of your pants.

VAG yep know what you mean,I had a weird episode yesterday that made me go all 'oo wassat??' and it was prob just indigestion.

If I get a sec I'll go with trig's suggestion re FBI know what you mean ski but tbh not being on it anymore has made fuck all difference to me til now,really don't miss it.and though the ex thing was annoying,the person who found me was disturbing enough for me to have nightmares afterwards.obv I rejected the friend request,and know I could do more,but it just put me off.and like I said wasn't really using it anyway.

Only want to do it so I can letch over you lot [big lezzer emoticon] although am broken hearted that skater is apparently not tank girl.

Well we have an office piss up this afternoon.my childminder/best mate is bringing mani over to play too.BBQ in office garden if nice,browns if pissing with rain

everyone finished their drinks?how about something nice and fruity next as a bit of a health kick-strawberry daquiri?

Ooh yes please to strawberry daquiri. that will go nicely with the fish & chips I'm planning for lunch.

Hey chicks,

FB banned at work so will make cyberbuddies with you lot tomorrow. Going round to my sisters tonight for a bottle of wine and a moan.

Trigger you cannot seriously expect coffee and unlimited loo breaks. Tsk.

"Nobody wants to be outed as a secret wannabe womb-renter by some brash northerner with an ill-considered skirt on".

Does this come as a bumper sticker?

So I'm due on this weekend, will it be RTOD or POAS?

"Nor does she have dreadlocks, a pierced nose or even knee-pads. Tres disappointing."

But I have a tattoo and I can skin up one handed in the dark, do these key skills count for nothing?

Me too skate (though my skinning up skills ain't what they used to be...nor are my smoking skills!)

trig you should work for a lovely company like us,we've just forked out for a lush new coffee machine...you just press a button and it grinds the beans,makes delish expressos and empties itself [awestruck emoticon]. We're all caffeined-up and bouncing about to a bit of Friday morning reggae.

And this afternoon we are havin a parteeeee!

My knickers are still distinctly blood-free - it's official, my body is fucking with me.

oh gin, we have fancy bean to cup machine at home, is super lovely.

pah - here in the public sector we have to provide our own tea bags and milk, let's have none of your fancy coffee machine stories here....

Though at my last place we had a fridge full of soft drinks to help ourselves from, and a Gaggia. I hated it. I love my new job.

Wow gin & I thought my place was like Butlins (public sector).

Well, I tried to hang onto my sanity but I decided to let go & splash headlong into mental-dom. C'mon in, the water's lovely.

I'm convinced I'm PG. I mean, why wouldn't I be? When I streched my cardy button pinged off, ie mass-hoove norks, I feel constantly sick & sense of smell seems to have gone mad - latest offerings being aloe vera (I work with a bunch of hairy arsed ex-sailors, so I can't imagine its them), cucumber (does this even have a smell?) & cow manure. And I didn't even find that unpleasant - made me think of carefree childhood running through fields.

Currently on day 26 (I imagine this said in Geordie style of Big Brother voice-over)of a 29 - 42 day cycle. Who knows? (Though to be fair 42 dayers were at stressful times, seems to average out at 33 days).

Biggest tell-tale sign was I didn't fancy a 3rd vodka last night whilst out celebrating god-son's A level results - hell, even my holier-than-thou-roses-around-the-cottage-door perfect friend had more than me!

You'd like us tho VAG. we are nice. I bought all my 'staff' giant rocky road cookies this morning.seems to have a good effect on morale

we are not fancy nor bling,we just believe a good cup of coffee is highly important.

Tho it has made me feel slightly sick tbh.