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Emmsys Onwards & Upwards part VII - hand-holders and hair-strokers welcome!

1001 replies

cupcakefairy · 25/07/2009 23:12

Shiny new thread for us

The race is on for the first BFP!

OP posts:
SabsBigPants · 30/07/2009 16:00

I do think that if more people did speak about it, I would've known how to cope a bit better when it did happen and not have been so freaked out about it all. Next week is my 5 year wedding anniversary but it is also the time last year when we got our BFP. How my life has changed since then! But I know that I am so lucky as I have something to look forward to. This lo is due at the same time i had my mmc....

OK, i'll stop now

barbie1 · 30/07/2009 16:05

i wish more people talked about mc, i often thought of collecting all our thoughts from the thread and making a book about it.

Mc is still so taboo and it shouldnt be, i only really found out info once i had my mc and would of coped so much better if i knew other people or at least a link to this web page, somewhere i could of come straight away instead of feeling dirty and useless as a women.

My friends didnt give a shit to put it bluntly, most were all ready pregnant and it made them uneasy to think, some had kids already and didnt know what to say, the others mearly said sorry and then turned the conversation to what to wear on saturday night.
Its them that are uneducated not me, although it took a long time to realise it was there problem and not mine.
Only two friends helped, one flew from ireland to be with me as dh was away, the other wrote a lovely card and sent me barbie sweeties. These same girls had no experience but had compassion..it goes miles....

I do believe i am a better person now, i can offer advice without be patronising, i understand when somebody wants to talk about their worries and if god forbid one of my friends had a mc i will be there with the tissues, the chocolate, the hugs and most of all a shoulder to cry on. I will not walk away.

barbie1 · 30/07/2009 16:09

from every negative comes a positive....

Mine is everyone of you on here.

I cant wait to tell my child about the help she got from a mermaid, a cupcake, neeko, a mm, a village mum and many others in my quest to have him or her

In fact i was even thinking of getting mls to do a piece of art work for me, something with us all in...it would be kind of fun...Or indiviual pictures of each thing, mermaid and cupcake would be easy....mm could be a mm sweetie, barbie...well thats easy too....a blue moon.....a blue satin sash...

SabsBigPants · 30/07/2009 16:13

Oh barbie youre going to make me cry now

I take great comfort from my religion, as its written that if you lose a child, in whatever way (and that includes mc) your child will be waiting for you at the gates of heaven and will only go in if you accompany them, because they dont want to live without their parents. So whenever I feel down, I always think that my lost angel is waiting for me in heaven and I will eventually meet him or her again...

cupcakefairy · 30/07/2009 16:50

Barbie that's sooo sweet what you said. I too can't wait to tell my future LO all about you girls and how he/she came to wear an Emmsys hat made by a lovely girl

sabs that's so beautiful about your child waiting for you. I believe I'll hold my angel in heaven too, and that will be an eternity compared to this short life

OP posts:
barbie1 · 30/07/2009 16:52

damn these tears......

VJaybigpants · 30/07/2009 17:43

I always think of my little angels in heaven with my lovely grandad and grandma. It's a nice thought that doesn't make me feel so lost. I like to think they're not alone.

barbie it would be nice to put something together for future mummies with lost angels, because it can be such a difficult and indescribable time for everyone, but especially the parents. I think it's nice to know we are not alone, but also for others that don't go through it to have a bit of compassion and understanding.
Unfortunalty like most things, if you haven't been through it you are unlikely to understand. I find this with both my mc's and ds's autism.

This emmsys thread has been an absolute god send for me, without I would have just been a lost mummy with lost angels, so thankyou my lovelies, and may the love and support continue

barbie1 · 30/07/2009 17:50

aw emotional afternoon for the emmsy's mummies!

Group hug!

Im so bored tonight, didnt realise a round of golf took so long wish i had the energy to do something but i havent....

gingermumi · 30/07/2009 19:38

oh sabs that's so beautiful, tears here now.

AF has got me so not feeling so great

mm1509 · 30/07/2009 19:54

Ladies OMG you have my tears flowing here!

Just came in from an afternoon with a friend, had a quick lurk and bang here come the tears......

vjay you sum up my thoughts exactly 'this emmsys thread has been an absolute god send for me, without I would have just been a lost mummy with lost angels'.
I honestly cannot imagine how I could have came out the other side without all you ladies who got me through the tough times. When I think back to the dark place I was in a year ago before I found the emmsys thread I almost don't recognize myself.

One thing I did have round me during my mc's was support who did understand. I had two people, one friend and one family who both have experience of mc. I could talk to them, the problem was when I did talk it felt like I was opening old wounds so in the end you keep it in. I knew I could come on here anytime and rant away and not be judged or feel like I was worrying family, there was always someone to listen.

barbie I think it would be lovely if we could do something to help future mummies, it almost feels like we should leave a legacy to help others like we were helped. One of the hardest struggles I had was the fact that I believe everything happens for a reason and for such a long time I couldn't see any reason why my babies weren't allowed to make it. I still have my struggles with this but if we could help others in the future some good would have came out of our heartaches.

Sobbing away now, think I have just lost a contact lens somewhere down my cheek, need to go and compose myself before dd finds me like this. I think we all have a long way to go together as our journeys continue .

Neeko · 30/07/2009 20:08

My goodness you girls know how to make a hormonal woman cry. I don't think there's any woman on this thread that doesn't understand how helpful it has been. I'm certain I'd have had some sort of minor breakdown without you. You've been my therapy, my strength and my hope and I've told many people that you wonderful ladies are the only reason that I'm still struggling on from my deepest darkest time. A lot of people have raised concerns about internet safety and suggested I could be talking to loonies (but I know we're loony together ) whilst others think I've joined a cult . But I know how special you are and how much you've helped me and that the bonds here will last a long time. I like to think I'll want to let you know when my lo sits up, talks, starts school, dates, passes a test etc because we all know how wanted and hard fought for our babies will be. Blue was so right when she said last week that this is a special thread and it's special because you're all in it. I think that why sometimes we all need a break because everyone here cares so much and sometimes you need to ignore your troubles.

Blue Sorry I was unclear earlier. I only have one brother. His kids were born exactly 2 years apart! (This makes me a little sad now as my lost little one was due on my DD's birthday) DD had a ball at the party and we all ate too much.

Sabs enjoy working from home but don't work too hard.

Barbie The horrormones are currently building your ability to be strict with your lo when he/she is naughty. That's why you feel so cross - it's preparation for the terrible twos!

Curly have a fab holiday.

Hi to everyone else. All the chocolate talk is making me feel queasy!!!!

GracieGirl · 30/07/2009 21:04

Tears rolling down my face reading this. Its all so true, I'd never have coped without you all.

Having an early night as back to work again tomorrow.

Night all.

bluesatinsash · 30/07/2009 21:08

What lovely, lovely posts sabs and barbie . Echoing everyone in agreeing that this thread has been a godsend, from small acorns do mighty oaks rise .

Neeko - two years apart to the day now that's organised bd .

Ginger - TEW showed up...

Hi MM - hope your enjoying the hols with your DD.

anniebigpants · 30/07/2009 21:30

Crying my eyes out reading posts from Sabs and Barbie, lovely words.
I agree that this thread has been a godsend, i couldnt have got through the last 6 months without you ladies, nobody in RL really understood what i was going through, people think im weird now if i start to talk about my mmc, as if somehow i should be 'over' it by now.
I,ll post properly tomorrow, im too emotional at the minute, tears are flowing too fast and i cant see properly.
Night all Xx

GracieGirl · 31/07/2009 07:27

Its certainly true, people get very funny and panic stricken when I mention my previous pregnancy, they talk over you and don't want you to talk about it.

Just off to work, talk later. x

barbie1 · 31/07/2009 08:45

happy thoughts today girls! what an emotional day yesterday!!!!

Off to walk dog on the beach will be back later minus the tears

SabsBigPants · 31/07/2009 09:05

positive thoughts from me too today, sorry for making people cry yesterday

The sun's shining, its friday and i'm working from home today again!

Have a happy Friday

MrsKate · 31/07/2009 09:42

morning girls

what a emotional day you all had yesterday xxxxxxx big hugs to everyone

cupcakefairy · 31/07/2009 10:18

Morning everyone...there's so much love on this thread!!

It's interesting what you've all been saying about putting something together for other mummies of lost angels. Maybe MN should publish a book like their others, with lots of women's thoughts and feelings following miscarriage, so other women know they're not alone when it happens to them...

ginger so sorry TEW got you that sucks.

OP posts:
hopingalways · 31/07/2009 10:39

cupcake I think you might have hit on what you could write about...all I could find to read was science stuff and celebrity sob stories. Nothing about what it was actually like to lose lo after lo, and certainly nothing about how you can manage to pull your life back together and keep plodding on.

sabs I left your emmsys angel hat at my parents, going to collect it this evening. A little package of woolies should be winging its way to you next week as you've got the first of the hats, constructive criticism welcome - I'm not precious about the pattern, I want to make something that you can treasure. So let me know what it is you want! vjay yours is still coming on, when I can extract the kitten from the wool...

Thank you so much for your support this week - it's been pretty brutal, with the whole unresolved fear of dying cropping up again . The good part has been remembering that I was so brave once, I can be that brave again. So planning for/ expecting a life without a dc, and hoping(always) that a lo joins us soon! . I'm not going anywhere ladies - even without a DC of my own I'm going to have all my cyber nieces and nephews to coo over!

bakingqueen · 31/07/2009 10:45

Hello all reading all your posts yesterday brought a tear to my eye and made me glad again that I found this thread and all you lovely ladies and made me find my sanity again after my mc.

Hope your all well today it lovely and sunny here went for my day 11 scan today. It was the same radiographer that did my uss when I found out I had mc'd. Made me a bit emotional . They saw two follicles there but not big enough yet for injections and womb lining not thick enough so hopefully will be thick and big enough when they rescan Monday morning [hopeful face].

Hope you all have a lovely day. Back later
x

4everhopeful · 31/07/2009 10:57

Mega mammoth post alert!

Hi girls! Thanks for all your concern! Im ok, just much needed time out, was gonna stay away til next week, but I lurked this morn to catch up on all your news & such lovely posts by Sabs VJay Blue & Barbie and all yesterday I had to post to say how much I agree and that despite my absence, each & everyone of you, are my true therapy and support. The last few weeks have been really hard for me, Im an anxious wreck about my job, the pressure of ttc & the treatment deadline, and slight at the round of pgs & scans etc & cos Im so desperate to be a mummy, but all combined have overwhelmed me mentally & physically til I genuinely worried for my sanity, was crying every day & full of which I know was taking its toll on my body too. So, I stepped back, tbh Id had a great w-end but when read mn on mon it made me feel v low, had our tests on tues which was positive & even went boating in Regents park, so deduced that the whole ttc/treatment thing is something me & wonderful DH ARE coping well with, its the outside influences that brings me down, we are very fatalistic & remain foreverhopeful & so strong together & i know even if it ends up being via adoption, one day we WILL be parents.. then on weds back to work & briefing on our redundancy/job issue which left me sooooo low, sobbing, thumping headache & ms type nausea hitting me in waves. Its then I worked out that I think the work anxiety is the thing causing most distress. Not much I can really do about it but take one step at a time. Am hoping to get pg then wont have to commute, but then thats pressure ttc again, so am just gonna take one week at a time & try every method of stress relief poss. I went GP yest to see what could get on NHS, not much it seems! Recommended yoga(!), would back me up with any stress related time off, if/when I need it, very sympathetic, but not v pro active! Having another scan to check no probs in4-6 wks, but as had so many each pg doubts anything will be up, have smear on tues (had dodgy cells removed a few yrs back) but basically that was it. I finished off by going to have the spa massage DH paid for for my birthday, and it was bliss! Booked another 3 on the spot. She said I had incredible tension in my body, not a big shock to me! Might look at yoga, & manager will refer to hypnotherapy for coping with anxiety & just chilling me out. This very longwinded tale culminates in the fact that after discussing all this with DH & mum, realised that the only counselling I need, I am already getting from you lovely ladies. That no counsellor could give the varied support rec'd by you all. From the inspiration of the likes of Vjay, Sabs Annie and fellow big panters that you can come through the other side, to the empathy & understanding of the first fear fuelled wks of early pg that Gracie Barbie Neeko Curly and co are experiencing, to the pain & heartache felt for Jools MLS Bluemoon that like myself, have come on here after 1mc, to go onto have another, and then the frustration of Mermaid Hoping and co that have been through this & feel like me that they are in groundhog day & desperate to move on.. Each and everyone of you are an inspiration and are amazing. Im still stepping back & switching off a bit, but am not far away & will have the occasional lurk to check up on you all! Just another week or so, I think its healthy I find me again but I love you all so much & thought Id just fill you in. xxxxxxxxxxxxx

cupcakefairy · 31/07/2009 10:59

Hi baking did you find your book?
Thinking very thick thoughts for your rescan on Monday 2 follicles is good though right? I've heard of people who have 3 or 4 being advised not to bd that month because it could result in too many babies I hope we get some baking twins!

Hi hoping, good to see you sounding more positive

OP posts:
VJaybigpants · 31/07/2009 11:02

Good morning, and here's to happy day

hoping I can't wait for your emmsys hat, thankyou

bakingqueen here's hoping you are nice and thick on Monday

I've got a busy day here, I'm ringing electricians to get quotes, waiting for builders to come round and give me quotes, so actually not that busy , just a lot of waiting

Neeko · 31/07/2009 11:40

Morning all!
4ever Lovely to hear from you. Keep lurking away and let us know you're ok. Take care.

Baking Good luck for Monday.

Blue still counting with you.

Big hugs to everyone else. I have a child-free day today DD is with MIL. I've been to the hairdresser and am just off to get stuck into the housework before meeting a friend for lunch. My roommate from Uni is coming to stay this weekend with her DH so it'll be lovely to have our first real houseguests in this house Due to visitors I won't be around much this weekend. Hope you all have a good time. Take care x

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