Mega mammoth post alert!
Hi girls! Thanks for all your concern! Im ok, just much needed time out, was gonna stay away til next week, but I lurked this morn to catch up on all your news & such lovely posts by Sabs VJay Blue & Barbie and all yesterday I had to post to say how much I agree and that despite my absence, each & everyone of you, are my true therapy and support. The last few weeks have been really hard for me, Im an anxious wreck about my job, the pressure of ttc & the treatment deadline, and slight at the round of pgs & scans etc & cos Im so desperate to be a mummy, but all combined have overwhelmed me mentally & physically til I genuinely worried for my sanity, was crying every day & full of which I know was taking its toll on my body too. So, I stepped back, tbh Id had a great w-end but when read mn on mon it made me feel v low, had our tests on tues which was positive & even went boating in Regents park, so deduced that the whole ttc/treatment thing is something me & wonderful DH ARE coping well with, its the outside influences that brings me down, we are very fatalistic & remain foreverhopeful & so strong together & i know even if it ends up being via adoption, one day we WILL be parents.. then on weds back to work & briefing on our redundancy/job issue which left me sooooo low, sobbing, thumping headache & ms type nausea hitting me in waves. Its then I worked out that I think the work anxiety is the thing causing most distress. Not much I can really do about it but take one step at a time. Am hoping to get pg then wont have to commute, but then thats pressure ttc again, so am just gonna take one week at a time & try every method of stress relief poss. I went GP yest to see what could get on NHS, not much it seems! Recommended yoga(!), would back me up with any stress related time off, if/when I need it, very sympathetic, but not v pro active! Having another scan to check no probs in4-6 wks, but as had so many each pg doubts anything will be up, have smear on tues (had dodgy cells removed a few yrs back) but basically that was it. I finished off by going to have the spa massage DH paid for for my birthday, and it was bliss! Booked another 3 on the spot. She said I had incredible tension in my body, not a big shock to me! Might look at yoga, & manager will refer to hypnotherapy for coping with anxiety & just chilling me out. This very longwinded tale culminates in the fact that after discussing all this with DH & mum, realised that the only counselling I need, I am already getting from you lovely ladies. That no counsellor could give the varied support rec'd by you all. From the inspiration of the likes of Vjay, Sabs Annie and fellow big panters that you can come through the other side, to the empathy & understanding of the first fear fuelled wks of early pg that Gracie Barbie Neeko Curly and co are experiencing, to the pain & heartache felt for Jools MLS Bluemoon that like myself, have come on here after 1mc, to go onto have another, and then the frustration of Mermaid Hoping and co that have been through this & feel like me that they are in groundhog day & desperate to move on.. Each and everyone of you are an inspiration and are amazing. Im still stepping back & switching off a bit, but am not far away & will have the occasional lurk to check up on you all! Just another week or so, I think its healthy I find me again but I love you all so much & thought Id just fill you in. xxxxxxxxxxxxx