Emmsys Onwards & Upwards part VII - hand-holders and hair-strokers welcome!

[cupcakefairy]

Shiny new thread for us

The race is on for the first BFP!

MLS get me a flight and i'll come with you. At least I'll be with you in spirit.

Big waves to the lovely Curly and her protruding bump.

Morning ladies...!

Been thinking about Vjay and Optimus all night! Hope you are embracing every second honey!

Saw BF 5day old DD after work too so its all around me! Must admit held in a couple of moments of longing & wistfulness with BF as thought that should be me next tues, it must be the most amazing thing in the world to become parents & see the baby you made come out of you & into your arms, I beg & pray to god me & DH will be blessed with that amazing feeling one day...

Fifi sorry for your loss hon.. You're in the right spot here, I had 4MC, 3 at 9wks 1 at 13wks, AF mostly 4wks after ERPC. With first 3 I got BFP 2/3 cycles later, 4th was 5 cycles later & am waiting for my 5th BFP now 8 cycles later . Everyone has their own story on here & luckily most girls have got BFP after MC & gone onto have healthy normal pgs so do take some hope. Remember MC is 1in4 so alot of women go through it & have no future problems (apart from the obvious emotional!). It will be great to have another small panted lady on here cos the list is getting smaller & smaller! You joined on a great day! We have our first graduate!

Big waves to Curly not seen you for a bit!

Had to laugh at Mermaid Blue and MLS dressing gown debate! Mine is snuggly fluffy pink with brown spots from Lasenza & despite not having children yet me & Dh flop straight into our 'comfies' by 7pm most nights too - so not exclusive to the 'parent club'!!

Gracie just want you to know will be thinking about you tomorrow. Hope you mark it in a way that is special to you. I wont be on here cos having my scan to check theres no horrid reason why im not getting that BFP (bit scared..) but wil text you... Next week wont be good for me - EDD on tues 8th and what should of been my Dads 58th birthday on Friday 11th Following mon its 2yrs since first MC.. Mermaid can I come & hide in your greenhouse for a bit? The weeble is wobbling a weeny bit here.. xx

Morning 4ever I'm frantically hunting for something to wedge under you to stop you wobbling. Here's my hand to hold and extra squeezes whenever you need them x

4Ever - don't forget that weebles can wobble but they won't fall down - we'll all hold your hand through the bad days

Sept 18th is my dodgy day this month - the anniversary of the BFP that lasted the longest and resulted in the most traumatic, terrifying and life-changing natual mc

am about to clear out the greenhouse so there is some space shall we bung in a sofa too? Its all a bit autumnal.

I have to confess I have had one and am about to have another edd and then another one in Oct. And there is a big blank on the dates in my head.

4ever somehow we will stagger through this month, you have done real well with bf and babies everywhere - a few months ago we would have found it way much harder. I am even now looking at bumps and smiling all at the same time.
So its big crossed fingers for tomorrow girl, its all ok you may get a fresh angle (ha!)on things from another specialist.. maybe.. Your dad was so young but oh my I am sure he would have been so happy that you have found your lovely dh - don't mean to sound flowery etc, but hang on to the good.xx

jools have you found your cottage yet? you will probably have better weather in Novemeber than all of the summer it is often the case here. hope you are ok toox

mls Can you take a friend to hold your hand? I think dhs get scared and its their distancing mechanisms.

vjay hope you are maybe home,and that big proud brother and your dh are all making the most of every minute of your little optimus thinking of you heaps.xxx
you just know we are going to start nagging for a name now we can't nag you for hurrying up and giving birth

Aww thanks Jools and Neeko Im more wibbling than wobbling now thanks to that wedge you found & those lovely hands to hold.. I know its not healthy to hang onto these dates but cant bloody help it - also lots of reminders.. Really wanna stick to not living in the past & letting go, felt like I really let my angels go at church on sunday & it was liberating & empowering, but just need to get past next week really.... Also am bit scared of scan uncovering something awful.. Thanks again you lovelies xxxx Im holding your hand right back too Neeko Im sure you have a whole circus of acrobats backflipping in your tummy today.. Are you back at work yet? If not try & sleep as much of the day away as you can! xxxx

xpost Mermaid - you know I was thinking I wish I could be more like you, think its very healthy you have a mental block on dates, was thinking you must have had/be having edd's recently. You're a strong woman you know... You're right too, we are getting stronger all the time.. (Back patting time..) Yep my dad was way too young - 54. Thank god he met DH & Dh even asked my dads permission to wed about 6wks before he died. It was very sudden heart failure, totally unexpected, while making a cuppa... DH has been at my side ever since, I miss my dad like mad, we were best mates & told him everything. Seeing me go through this would break his heart but sometimes I think 'what you playing at dad?!? Help us!' First off I thought well he gets to have a grandchild up there, but he's taking the piss having 4 of them! Yep - one thing it reminds me is life is for living cos you never know what gonna be chucked at you next (tho all this has made me bit of a scaredy cat of all the bad things that might happen hence fear of scan!)

Anyway rabbit rabbit rabbit - better get on with work & leave some space for some more happy postings for Vjay and the grand naming ceremony!

4Ever i've been back at work for 3 weeks! How did that happen when time feels like it is moving so slowly??
I believe that our loved ones are with us and maybe it's because your dad is constantly holding your hand that you're a weeble instead of falling down?

Mermaid lol at you using flowery language. I so love those occasional chinks in your usual pragmatic armour Sending special prayers to your lost little ones too.

I'm feeling much calmer today. i think it must be Vjay's baby being born and all the llove that was on here last night. Who knows what the scan will show tomorrow, but I know if I fall I have lots of lovely ladies just waiting to catch me...

Must do some work today!

Ohh didnt realise you were back already Neeko! You hard working teachers! Im glad you are feeling stronger about things. Yesterday was a truly magical day where we finally came full circle.. it brought out a host of proud positive emotions, so glad you feel less wobbly too! Yea dad & all my angels keep me weebling... Funny cos dad used to call me emmbley wembley woobles! When Barbie called me that it was the first thing I thought

I've come home from work as feeling rough and just scared myself silly. Had abdo cramps this morning, went to toilet at work and filled toilet with fresh red blood. After spending about 20mins sat there crying, I investigated further and the blood was from my back passage not vagina. Surely a bit soon for piles?????? (18 weeks) Should I ring Gp or go to bed and hide (best way to deal with stuff I think!)

Can't decide if I'm feeling rough from the bleed or from having no sleep last night. Had a complicated evening yesterday. My best friend has been away in Greece for 2 weeks, so I've been looking after his Mum (60 years old - physically fine but a very anxious woman who needs alot of company and doesn't cope well without her son. I've been ringing every day and going round every other). He got back yesterday and she collapsed and died a few hours later! I can't believe it! I'm really upset and my friend is in bits! How do I convince my friend that its not his fault??? He thinks she died cos he abandoned her for a fortnight and has caused her lots of worry recently cos he managed to accidently get his ex girlfriend (who he wasn't still seeing - honest!) pregnant (she's now 20 wks).

Ooh how heart-stoppingly scary I'm no expert, but would be inclined to speak to the GP if piles are causing that much blood - doesn't sound right ?

How sad for your friend too. I'm not sure what you can do about the guilt, other than just be there for reassurance

Jesus christ Gracie... So sorry to your friend... Thats bloody awful, try & say thank god he got a chance to say goodbye, that if we all have a time to go, then at least she hung on to see him one last time & he must hold the fact that he got to see her.. Back to that very true addage that all the 'what ifs' in the world wont bring her back, but will just make him feel awful & wont help him, & his mum wouldnt want him to blame himself.. It must of really shaken you up sweetheart, then bleeding like that?! Call your docs, get them to check it out, sounds like piles probably... See if you can get another week off next week too. You just been through trauma & you gotta look after you & beanie... Jeez what with tomorrow coming up too... I know you need to be there for your friend but make sure you still set some time aside for you tomorrow too.. Sending hugs love tea & sympathy xxxx

But just wanted to post and congratulate vjay on baby Optimus Prime!!!!

Lovely cupcake told me by text and so i thought I should drop in to say woohoo for vjay

Thanks to all of you for thinking of me - and welcome to fifi this is a lovely thread and everyone here understands the madness / sadness etc. So sorry for your loss.

I just wanted to tell you all that I have been talking to Dh an he thinks I should confide in a few more of my friends - so I saw one yesterday that i had been hiding from (baby...) and explained why I had a avoided her - So glad I did cos she then told me that she had an MC and took 13 months to get PG with her baby - who is now 1...

Anyway - feeling muchly happier and will drop in from time to time... but going to keep back a bit longer till am 100% more cheery.

Love to each and every one of you xxxx

Hello all been busy at woirk so not had chance to catch up abd on course all week so will not get much chance to catch up- trying to be good because I know if i'm trying to revise 5 mins on here quickly turns into an hour! And sadly the course test will not be on mn!!

Congratulations Vjay so pleased to here optimus has arrived safely and you are noth well so pleased for you all

Fifi welcome to this thread you will be happy here know it helped me regain my sanity after my mc and still helps me every month when af arrives and I become a misrerable cow!

Gracie- so sorry to hear about your friend hope knowing he was there at the end will help him through. On a serious note get yourself to gp you know as well as I do that a pr bleed is something you need to get checkout especially with the precious cargo you are carrying. Lecture over hope your well otherwise

Nothing else exciting here on day 17 no ov yet so fingers crossed will be soon feeling kinda chilled this month about things and a lot more postive it will happen for me I just need to be patient. Not even got upset to find out 2 more people are pregnant at work hoping this zen like calmness will carry on as would have been going onto mat leave in next few weeks had mc not happened.Even excited about my friends baby who is due 1 month exacly before mine would have been looking forward to meeting him. Right better do some work now back later.

Sorry for lack of individual posts will try harder next time

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Hi bakingqueen - fingers crossed for you this month but zen like and chilled is good .

Gracie - had to read your post a couple of times to take it in . What an awful thing to happen to your friend, can't imagine how he must feel but he did get back before she passed away and has to hold onto that.

I unfortunately am an expert on piles . I've had them on and off since DS and they can bleed too which always looks worse than it is when you peer down the loo. Its normally just a capilliary bursting and I would only worry if it is dark red blood rather than bright red. Get yourself some lactoluse for whenever you feel bunged up and don't ever strain. They can unfortunately 'pop' out at any time (excuse the pun).

4ever - major hand hold for next week. your Dad sounded just the best and so lovely that your DH met him before his premature passing. They say we marry our fathers and your DH has been there through thick and thin, I'm sure your Dad is looking down thankful you picked such a great guy .

Neeko - will be thinking about you tonight and willing a good scan tomorrow xx

Mermaid - Neeko is so right about a wee chink in your usual mermaid pragmatic armour. You have some dates coming up and we're all here for you x

MLS - PMSL at your boob/puppies comparison, you are a hoot! Another Thurs scan date to keep our fingers crossed for x

Annie - I'm with you on working as long as possible. Especially as its 2nd time around and time off won't be spent lying in bed but looking after boisterous 3 year old! I plan to take some annual leave every Wed. leading up as DS is at Grannies on a Wed and I can stay in bed all day

Hi Iggy - glad your getting good support in RL.

Wonder if Vjay is home yet ?

gracie honey just ring your drs, just for us, please? just so you can say 'see it was nothin girls.'
Poor friend xx

bakingqu I hope that you manage some revising amongst your chilled back approach and I have so got everything crossed.

ig I am glad you are feeling a wee bit more cheery, gold star
I do think that it really helps to have a support network in rl. I have a bit of a thing about mc being such a taboo subject and whilst I would not walk around with it embelished on my t shirt I don't see why it is hushed up in the very victorian way that society has allowed.

and breathe.

vjay hmm seems you have us waiting

I'm just off to the GPs like a good Gracie.

OMG GG what a fright you gave me. Not half as much as you must have given yourself though. I'm afraid I also know about piles . I think its just a fact of life once you've given birth. I'm never in any pain but they do bleed - how many heart-in-mouth moments have I given myself on the toilet in the last few weeks?!!

Mermaid I too am mentally blocking out dates, although I know my first edd is due on the 18th. For me it's enough that I remember my lost lo's without torturing myself with dates of mc's, dates of bad scans & what would have been birthdays etc.

Waves to Iggy & Baking, come back soon.

Now where have Vjay & BabyVjay gone? Surely they must be home by now. You'd have thought her first port of call would be MN??? Heehee! Seriously Vjay...... WE WANT PICTURES!!!

Oh & by the way, thanks to all those that mentioned it but DH is now coming with me next Thursday for my scan as he'd got his dates muddled up. He's such a numpty sometimes!

Hey MLS - great that your DH is going next Thurs. and I've soo been there with the piles related heart stopping toilet moments. Its a wonder we have any nerves left...

Gracie - hope your Doc gives you the all clear and sends you packing with some anasol (the names they think of for these things!)

OMG..you are all so lovely and thanks for the welcome and advice

Well i have been back to hospital today for my follow up scan..everything has gone, consultant did say there was a tiny clot which will come out but apart from that everythings is ok. She also said to do a test next thursday, and if its + to go back in.
I'm slowly coming to terms with it, getting over it is a bit too strong coz that will take forever but i do feel stronger and more positive.
Bleeding has also stopped, so does that mean that i class my first day of bleeding as cd1 and try from there?
DP has just said that we'll see what happens over the next few weeks and not 'try' as such, then wait for af....
i'm so glad i joined you all on here for support, dp has been amazing but its nice to talk to peple who 'know' what your going through

Oh, and sorry if the posts are a bit one sided atm, i will have a catch up with whats been happening over the next day or two.

Glad you're going to the docs Gracie...! Glad you already booked tomorrow off for your edd too...

Thanks Blue for understanding & saying just a few perfect words..

MLS wish I could block out dates, but as manager has same edd as last llo, and bf had no2 edd along with Sabs & Lion (it was only a month or 2 ago I realised that as time passes the edd becomes what should of been a birthday). I vividly remember my first mc cos it was 3 days after what should of been my dads birthday. Unfortuneatly some dates just stick & you have reminders in your face. I know im torturing myself & at least I recognise Im doing it, but half of me doesnt want to just 'forget about it' like they never happened. They might be the only babies I ever have...

4ever stop right there lady! They will NOT be the only babies you will ever have, you are going to hold a perfect baby of your own, I just know it. It will be such a lucky baby to have a Mummy like you.

Thanks MLS - Im just a bit worried about my exploratory scan tomorrow & what it may uncover. I fell pg with my first 4 so quickly and this has been a long 8months - cant help but worry theres an underlying problem... Im just being a wobbly oh woe me weeble today which feels very selfish when we should all still be rejoicing Vjays news..

It's a good job that there are lots of us around with all the hand holding thats needed for tomorrow - 4ever, tomorrow could be great - it might either uncover something fixable or nothing at all and then you will just need to continue practicing!
Has anyone heard from gracie yet?

I'm not sure if I want to block out dates or not - like you 4ever, it kind of makes them seem more real, although it makes me sad and I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing

But then I'm not sure about much at mo, so that doesn't surprise me!

Fifi - Welcome. I'm not really here but seem to have been visible a lot recently... I think you're right - you don't " get over" this, but you do get to a better place and find you again. Chocolate and lots of bedtime tears worked for me - do what you need to to get back to you