Mid 30s TCC Gin Palace

[SkaterGrrrrl]

Welcome everyone from the old 'Mid 30s and TTC for the first time' thread. And welcome newbies too. Don't mind the poster in the corner dipping pregnancy test sticks into her glass of gin.

or even lol got carried away with my s

NOT describing the moment you push little Horatio out your poonanny as the most beautiful of your life.

Unless you're willing to offer the smack around

Really can't bear Cath Kidston tomfoolery.

Also yelled fucker at a man in a car today from my bike and gave him the two fingers.

Think the hormones have kicked in.

ummm...

is it slightly spooky to shout your newfound love to a room full of strangers (even if most of them have been guzzling gin) ??

only i have never ever ever found a thread on mn that has banned fluffy acronyms and laughs in the face of the Daily Hate...

it has truly felt like stalking, reading to this point, but i am smitten. you guys rock.

reasons why i could belong here - my house is very very white (which is cream but paler) and i believe that wine helps towards my 5 a day, as does the lemon in my g & t.

and i am 35 next month so exceedingly mid 30's.

however i may be banned as

a) i do already have a small person (who has been made very clever by the lots of tequila i drank when i decided i WOULDN'T EVER get pg and was in fact 5 weeks gone ) also drank a wee bit when bf but it didn't make the bugger sleep. oo shit i sound like a jerry springer episode...

b) i'm just getting over a shitty mmc at 12 weeks which can make me a gloomy drunk and a wee bit highly strung,

and c) i have an annoying habit of not being arsed to type properly when i'm tired which makes my missives look like they were written by a moron.

but if i just sit quietly (ish) in a corner and don't say too much then pleeeease can i stay?

and if anyone wants to know about the horror untold joy of living with a newborn/not sleeping for 17 months etc etc then you can always ask

Nocoffee you have got to be up the duff!

Started testing my week for a hormone surge this morning... gotta find me two days!

SkaterBoy back from Glastonbury tomorrow and I intend to put him through his paces.

Went to barbecue today and drank lovely vodka tonics... ahhhhhh But declined all spliffs.

Also what the fuck is a sticky bean and please can we not say it? [hmmm]

pudding Please join us - you can lead the way because you know about stuff like whispers "childbirth" - and whilst we know the way around 1000 bars in 1000 ports, we're not well acquainted with our poonanny stuff. Or other stuff. E.g., piles ahem, or as I have discovered this weekend - "normal bleeding". Seriously, you'll be able to tell us stuff that the books won't!

I like your nutrition style and many people forget that tonic water also prevents malaria! So bottoms up!

Skater A sticky bean is a pregnancy which remains a pregnancy rather than letting you celebrate the joyous news for 4 days before landing in your gusset.

nocoffee have you manned the fuck up yet? Piss on the bloody stick and then go and buy some decaff.

Dentists this morning! Top hole! (literally)

PS pudding With your shortly approaching the Birthday Of Doom - are you able to feel your ovaries shrivelling as you type?

trig remember you don't need to take your knickers off at the dentist!

How are you getting on ski?

I have come to conclusion that some joker has lined my uterus with vaseline a branded oil-based lubricant (at whom I know not)

trigger I'm doing OK - obviously I still don't know what has happened. I have stopped bleeding and last night managed to produce a fart so violent we both assumed the dog had done it as we ran across the room giggling and hiding in the corner slagging off the dog... whom it transpired was actually downstairs.

But I'm taking comfort in the fact that following a miscarriage many, many women seem to be super-fertile so hopefully if it is gone a new one will catch this month.

OH is fed up with analogue (!) sticks and wants only digital from now on. I am banned from peeing on them. I have been ordered to pee in a cup and hand it over to him as I cannot be trusted with such sophisticated devices.

Have you been to the doc yet trig? I'm told that the NHS will only investigate once they've got 3 on your books.

OH said "that's not human"!

You smelly old cow

Not faffing around with the docs at this point - not entirely sure I'm of a mind for medical intervention on account of me not really wanting to give up gin. I doubt I'll even notify them - what can they say?
Me: I've miscarried again.
Them: Oh.

We'll see what gives over the next few months. TBH getting pregnant has now come to feel like a temporary state so I'm clearly not in the right frame of mind to try again just yet. Big box of twat sucking cock cunt. There I've said it.

Morning ladies,

Well, I'm definitely in the right place for a large dose of "what the fuck?" My "period" lasted 24 hrs. Said it once, but I'll say it again - what the fuck?

As I assumed it was full on period I shoved a mouse up my fango & got on with it. How was I to know you shouldn't do that & should use a pad? (Dear God, the thought of those things make me shudder).

I'm in a FOUL temper this morning, already giving a poor just-returned-from-holiday colleage "the stare". Poor sod.

And managed an email row with DP. Its not even 10am FFS.

Until I read your messages on normal bleeding I'd convinced myself that I was starting the menopause (well I am 37 in 2 weeks time). Fuck, bollocks, shit - what is going on?

I think its time to POAS then sod off over the pub. They open at 11am, right?

Oh, welcome newbies. Please don't be put off by bad behaviour rants - we're a friendly bunch!!

Lushes, what an eventful weekend. Manly punches on the shoulder and slaps on the back to all who need them.

I do feel a special mention has to be made of trig's fuckety fucking fuck sentence. A fine piece of writing, you should be very proud.

I have my consultancy redundancy meeting in a hour. Oh joy.

Still, in lighter news, I went on a bike ride with a load of blokes yesterday and I kicked ass. I do like being faster than most of the boys, both up and down hill .

Blimey, can't believe it took 1200 posts-ish to introduce THAT WORD to our vocab. How restrained are we? Well done.

Welll, I peed on a stick yesterday evening and it was obviously negative. I also just spoke to doctor who tells me to "wait and see". I'm to POAS at the end of the week if nothing turns up. Thankfully though I now know that tests become most accurate at 14 days post conception and that some women don't conceive until 10 days post OV. Thank god for the NHS. Groundbreaking.

Very glad to hear that normal bleeding abounds!

Yours

Frustrated ain't the word

Gawd it's all getting a bit dramastic (sp intended) now isn't it? I can't keep up with everyone! I'm really glad we are all ignoring food and drink advice as I had both champagne and wine at my graduation, and in the last week have eaten goat's cheese and brie [2fingerstothe'experts']. My poor drug-addicted, alcoholic freaky fish-baby loves you all!

trigger I've always respected a gal who can toss the word "cock" in to a sentence. Brava.

Geeky Well there's a bit of common sense involved isn't there? Shrink-wrapped brie from Waitrose OK, brie melting off the plate at an outdoor wedding reception in august... not so great perhaps.

As for ignoring eating device - when I started bleeding on friday the first thing I did was go out and buy a "family pack" of ciggies.

"Hello, is that the Daily Mail? Yes I think I have found your nemesis. Yes that's S-K-I..."

haha we really ought to be careful - what with newspapers lifting the crap garbled here - we will end up being chased through the streets by Middle England brandishing pitchforks and 'statistics'.

Speaking of the "s" word - don't look at the fecking BBC news website. It's enough to make you swing by boots and buy 1000 supersafe condoms.

Now then ummmmm 'Man cleared over Girls Aloud blog' or 'Morris men banned from school over blacked up faces'?

Either or trig. It was an article saying that anyone who has problems early in their pregnancy will deliver THREEHEADED PRETERM BABIES - it could've been a Daily Hate article actually it was that venemous.

Is that not true then?

haha you've just described my "normal" knitting and outed yourself as an expert knitter!