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Mid 30s TCC Gin Palace

997 replies

SkaterGrrrrl · 22/06/2009 22:47

Welcome everyone from the old 'Mid 30s and TTC for the first time' thread. And welcome newbies too. Don't mind the poster in the corner dipping pregnancy test sticks into her glass of gin.

OP posts:
SarahAbroad · 20/07/2009 15:13

Longwee, that was just brilliant!

donttrythisathome · 20/07/2009 15:14

PMSL at that article! "wrapped in a black cloth" "husband will think about it before deciding on action" "2 babies and 2 stones"

VeryAnnieGertie · 20/07/2009 15:14

A stone???? Is this what happens after BOD?

skihorse · 20/07/2009 16:59

VAG I was thinking the same, perhaps a cactus with a bow on it? Here you go pudding, more BOD card ideas for you!

donttry Wouldn't it be lovely if you were to have twins? (i.e., another child with the same bloke in a year's time)

Aerie · 20/07/2009 18:04

Happy BOD Pudding! Sorry you're having a crappy day. How 'bout another stiff drink? We can all get pished as we like as Scorpette will be driving....

Welcome Longwee, the more the merrier! but Piers Morgan

Aerie · 20/07/2009 18:09

P.S. My guilty secret crush? Ben Goldacre

Scorpette · 20/07/2009 18:10

Thank you for accepting me, you bunch of alky slatterns lovely ladies. I need no booze to encourage me to dance on tables, or make a fool of myself, etc., so I will fit in fine.

That woman in the article has had 4 dead children and 2 stones. That has to be the dictionary definition of both unlucky and freaky. Poor her (am still wondering how her womb created a stone - if it's true)

'VAG' is a slightly unfortunate abbreviation, is it not? Unless there's something I don't know.

Whilst on the vag issue, Ski you will be glad to know there was no stinky-spunk aftermath at the gym... although I did hear a woman a few machines down complaining of a 'weird' smell', so perhaps I'm kidding myself

Yes, what other gift ideas are perfect for the BOD or indeed, for the over-35s (sobs)? Mixed bag of raisins, sultanas and currents? Chinese 100-yr old eggs? Giant painting of the Gobi desert? Lifelong subscription to The Daily Mail?

Would any of those cheer you up, pudding?

Aerie · 20/07/2009 18:16

How 'bout a loudly ticking clock?

Scorpette · 20/07/2009 18:19

Aerie I can't drive! I really am crap, aren't I? I also fancy Ben Goldacre, mmm. And that Dr Brian Cox bloke - nerdy but nice! Also love Charlie Brooker - he's ugly as sin but so evilly funny!

My Young Fella looks a bit like Shaggy out of Scooby-Doo, so I guess you could say that's also my weird crush!

My rubbishness at not boozing or driving has depressed me now (I also have food allergies, so don't eat chocolate or junk - just shoot me now). As if my 36 yr-old ladybits didn't make me inferior enough !

skihorse · 20/07/2009 18:26

She. Doesn't. Eat. Chocolate.

Aerie · 20/07/2009 18:33

Aaaah, Scorpette, don't despair! If you can't drive, that's OK. Just as long as you are able to call taxis for everyone, thats just as good......

Brian Cox? You get to keep him, he's all yours, bit too pretty-boy for my tastes. I'll also take Bill Oddie please. Anyone else? Thought not.

P.S. Not a big lover of chocolate myself, but do love cheese

nolongerchunkybutstillapudding · 20/07/2009 18:42

For my BOD I would like

crush of shame - Roy Keene (bet he's dirty)
rrrrrrock starrrrrrrs - kings of leon (also dirty yum)
dead sexy - kurt cobain,bob marley,jim Morrison (am now fainting with lust)
a back in time clint Eastwood...

And a bottle of tequila.

You can keep yer fucking raisins

I do not have a sense of humour today just GIVE ME THE FUCKING PRESENTS

nolongerchunkybutstillapudding · 20/07/2009 18:43

Ps no booze,chocolate or junk food?are you gilliam mckeith scorpette????

Am actually a bit scared

Scorpette · 20/07/2009 19:35

No, I am not the evil wizened hellbeast McKeith (though wouldn't mind her money). It's not that I don't eat choc, it's that I can't eat choc. I can't eat sugar, you see (or sweeteners, or even a lot of fruit). Or dairy. Or wheat. Or yeast. Or eat a lot of carbs. I have complicated yet boring problems with my Adrenal glands (has knock-on effect on digestion, blood-sugar and stuff). Is another reason why I don't drink, as it would make me iller. Am also allergic to all sorts of random shit, like any kind of spray, perfume, cleaning chemicals and have hayfever that would kill a horse. My life is supergood fun! Bah, I'm used to it now. The only thing that pisses me off is people thinking it's all in my head or going on and on about it insensitively in front of others like I want to have to talk about my freakishness all the bloody time (I'm looking at YOU, Dp's Mum ). To add insult to injury, the fucking prob makes me put on weight ridiculously easy, so am not even stick thin like you might expect. Truly, there is no God.

On the plus side, it won't affect me or any future sprogs whilst pg and I won't really have anything to give up once I do get pg! Except goat's cheese - bloody love the stuff (Yes, yes, I'm a nutter).

Pudding Can we take turns with the Kings of Leon and the ghost of Jim Morrison? I used to go out with a guy who looked just like Kurt Cobain, during the 90s. Jealous much?

Too much boring allergy info? Soz.

skihorse · 20/07/2009 19:45

scorpette I can't remember which one of us it is, but there's one of us here is rather than expert on food safety (she used to be an inspector). Her official verdict was: bollocks, eat what you want - if you get Listeria (or whatevaaaaa) you'll be the 4th case in 40 years. Enjoy your goat's cheese.

That sounds a total pita btw. I try and follow a Paleo style of eating otherwise I just balloon... it's all bollocks really. I also vomit profusely when I'm stressed... at which point the only thing which will "go down" is ice-cream. And gin.

donttrythisathome · 20/07/2009 20:10

Scorpette are you sure you're not imagining it?

I bet Royser keeps his socks on in bed, wears Y fronts, strictly missionary position, and insists on a hose down before and after. Phoar!

Whats that about the twins ski?

Scorpette · 20/07/2009 20:13

Thanks ski, I was still going to eat cooked goat's cheese anyway. I can't live off broccoli and sawdust forever!

I also vomit when stressed (also when have period pains) and well, just vomit due to virtually anything. Have already resigned myself to hyperemesis . Although my Mum never had a day's sickness during either pregnancy. And has only 2 stretchmarks (on her lower back). And was a size 8 again 4 weeks after giving birth. Why do I feel that my DNA is not going to stretch to being as kind as that to me? Ooops, off topic, head is in clouds today. See, I don't need a drop of booze to set me off rambling in a self-pitying manner!

Paleo, eh? Quite similar to my diet, I bet.

Scorpette · 20/07/2009 20:18

dttah Royser sounds just like my Ex I don't like sportsmen - I prefer my men a leeedle bit on the weedy side. Or, as I once said to a sad bitch asking me tactless questions in order to infer that I was weird to have such a young boyf, 'I like them timid, vulnerable, confused and easily-controllable, possibly on the verge of tears if I'm lucky'.

Scorpette am THE BOSS.

(Not Bruce Springsteen, I hasten to add)

donttrythisathome · 20/07/2009 20:22

My fella is a younger model too
Only by 10 days though

skihorse · 20/07/2009 20:42

donttry twins - just a snide reference to Karen Matthew's belief that she had twins as they had the same father. I was also surprised that nobody had mentioned (until today) the Karen Matthews school of motherhood.

There have always been role models though - even as early as the 80s JR was yelling at Sue-Ellen "You're a drunk, a tramp and an unfit mother". An inspiration to us all.

nolongerchunkybutstillapudding · 20/07/2009 20:48

Well fuck me i seem to be sue ellen.

donttrythisathome · 20/07/2009 21:20

S'Ellen well I'll be damned if you can come in here any time you want and use me like some stud horse.

I heart Dallas. Its hilarious that my mother thought this was essential viewing for me while Dynasty was strictly off-bounds.

nolongerchunkybutstillapudding · 20/07/2009 23:33

Happy BOD to me
happy BOD to me
now we're arguing bout the recycling
happy BOD to meeeeeeeeee

Aerie · 20/07/2009 23:48

Pudding Crappy end to a crappy day, eh?

Hopefully you'll wake up tomorrow thinking "thank fuck that's over with", dust yourself off and that'll be that

chin up chuck.

skihorse · 21/07/2009 05:06

Scorpette I'm hoping for a size 8 shoe after giving birth. I need new ski boots but there is no point investing until I find out how big my feet will be following 3 months of waddling around like a prize heiffer. Pfff... are we allowed to try and kid ourselves that your mum's size 8 was in fact a lycra size 8 from Asda or was it a proper size 8 complete with 22" waist?

pudding I'm sorry you had a crap day - birthdays frequenly are a let down, tell me - did your bundle of joy smear poo on you to add insult to injury? Birthdays and New Year's Eve are the two days you're supposed to have "the time of your life". Invariably your best friends will split up, drag you in to it, a boy will snog you and then punch you in the face, no taxi driver will let you in the car and when you do get home you fall asleep with a frozen pizz under the grill and set off the fire alarm. It's the law.