Mid 30s TCC Gin Palace

[SkaterGrrrrl]

Welcome everyone from the old 'Mid 30s and TTC for the first time' thread. And welcome newbies too. Don't mind the poster in the corner dipping pregnancy test sticks into her glass of gin.

Ps anyone fancy having a wager on whether I've hit the Fertile Phase in me cycle?would be as much use as a fucking opk I don't understand them as am,as I mentioned earlier,a bit of a dumbass.

MIL (well the Living in Sin version) and her sister due in about 10 mins.that will def put a dent on my already struggling sex life (illness in temporary dormant phase tho which means am not sobbing in pain today.yay)

Pudding OPKs sound like the little imps of satan to me - how do you know when to start using them? Unless you're temping as well, probably not worth it?

Your dp makes an interesting point re: dp and I'm kinda with him. Is it one that should go on the fobidden list? Which is, as any fule kno...

The Veto List
Babydust
Babydance
Sticky Beans
TMI
AF
EW
DP (and all the other D abbreviations?)

What else?

Although I do like writing d?????!!!! P when I'm pissed off with him,speaks volumes.

He wasn't to impressed by that info tho

"The Witch"
Cath Kidson Newborn Range

TMI? Nope, you've lost me - there's no such thing.

Babydance - eeewwwww reminds me of that creepy baby thing on Ali McBeal (not that I ever watched it properly).

Off to ponder what I can call DP instead of, um DP.......

After his crashing the H&S van shenanigans the name "KNOBBER" springs to mind.

All of Cath Kidson - ffs chichi expensive bollocks.

Ah, hormonal rage, how I enjoy it

A selection of husband descriptions from my back cover copy for inspiration, laurie

Sexy Billionaire
Gorgeous Playboy
Devilish Rake
Greek Tycoon
Latin Lover
Taciturn Rancher
Top Tycoon
Ruthless, Arrogant Groom
Barbarian King
Spy and Adventurer
Tall, Dark and Dangerous Protector
Small-Town Cop

I started the day with a bacon roll at my desk. Now I have a glass of wine at my desk. I'm going to miss working here.

Greetings from the North ladies. I am watchng my mother de-stalk blueberries - note watching rather than helping with - it takes me no time at all to revert to type.

So... had all my bloods taken and have to phone tomorrow to find out what gives. Am convinced I ov'd today as I felt something pop whilst I was on the train. Or it might have been wind. I looked up in surprise when it happened which I think startled the elderly couple sat opposite, as if I'd heard the train derailing or something lol.

Anyway, been catching up on all your goss - laurie had to chortle, I do safety too and it's the type of scrape I would get into... fingers crossed for you ski, either on the job or booby front (mind it doesn't sound like you need much more in the way of booby fronts - tell me, what was it that first attracted your pre-pubescent OH?! fnar). Cosmo I think you should just stay at work if that's the kind of lifestyle it gives you. Who is going to complain if you just keep rocking up every day around breakfast and afternoon tea times???

Evenin' all, my haven't you been chatty today?

Pudding I too am confusedicated, I am on Day 18 and have lots of EGG WHITE MUCUS (ha, no more EW) and very definite ov pain but still no upwards temp shift. I have been absolutely 100% disciplined with temping and it actualy went propery down yesterday. Is Day 18 a bit late to be oving? Should temp go down a lot before OV?

Did anyone watch that BBC3 prog last night, entited something like I Wanna be Pregnant cos I'm 14 and a Bit Bored? Indescribably depressing. Put me off a bit actually!

oi oi trig punch I'm glad you're having fun and I'm glad the doctor wasn't too traumatic and I really do hope that you popped out an egg... although I've read in the Daily Mail that the feeling can be easily confused with the ovaries slamming the doors shut.

What initially attracted me to my teenage lover? Well, I'm one of the ones who met my OH online. He said one monday morning "I've had my teeth knocked out playing rugby on saturday", being the charmer I am I called him "Gummy, you'll never get a girlfriend now haha". Tsk. He got his teeth fixed, we met, fell in love, he moved in and about 2 weeks after he moved in I accidentally headbutted him and knocked his teeth out again. snigger

Seriously - I'd always thought that an older man would be more willing to commit and when he went away on a camping holiday "with the boys" I feared the worst. However, he climbed a mountain just to get reception to phone me and I melted.

coffee Just get shagging and ditch the thermometer. Oooh I might download that to upset myself a little more.

My weight is on a sharp upwards trajectory despite me doing so much exercise this week... I am officially miffed.

Aha! [lightbulb emoticon] I just found the answer to my questions. FF just told me that a drop in temp can indicate ovulation, so I now need to wait for a sustained increase in temps for 3 days. I love all this stuff, it's weird and so fascinating [adjusts geeky specs, returns to FF for more field study facts]

[and following Ski's advice goes hunting for husband. Except that he's away with work ON A FUCKING WEEKEND]

Nocoffee Saw that show - it was both depressing and frustrating. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when the two girls went into brat meltdown at the injustice of having to buy a basket's worth of shopping (whilst wearing fake pregnancy bellies) and then having to COOK SOMETHING! It was unfair to make them do it, as that was clearly far more hard work than having an actual real, live baby would ever entail

Of course, I'm just bitter because I am a selfish old hag who didn't get married to a good Christian man at 21 and start popping out the sprogs before 25.

ski I also met my barely-legal loveslave online. I always refer to him in RL as The Young Fella - so if I ever talk about TYF on here, that's who I'm on about.

Scorpette I'm so glad you found us - now I have an ally in the barely-legal loveslave stakes. They used to make me feel like a pervert!

nocoffee Selfish git, and he didn't leave you a yoghurt pot?

We were examining my boobs last night and both think they're getting bigger, fuller, heavier and I gave myself quite a fright this morning when I woke up and looked down. They were also hurting when we poked them - although I'm not sure what the time limit is with respect to "if you poke them for 2 minutes of course they're going to hurt".

ski I know what you mean - my best friend has been calling me the 'Lady Paedo' for the last few years... until she recently hooked up with a 25 yr old (she's 36 too). My revenge has been virtually diabetic in its sweetness

As I've never been pg before, are massive tender knockers a preliminary sign? And what other things are there? Am wondering what to look out for to hysterically convince myself I'm pregnant first time round in the agonising fortnight wait between ovulation time and arrival (hopefully not) of TOD...

Scorpette It's been non-stop glamour this end with 4 days of diarrhea, potent wind, bloating, general fatness, weepinness, bitchiness, thirst, death breath etc. I've had a sore back, dizziness, spots of blood from bleeding gums when brushing teeth. The trouble is none of this is 100% guaranteed of course, I mean whose gums don't bleed once in a while? Who doesn't over-do it at the gym and ache? Who doesn't get thirsty when it's hot? Who doesn't get hard nips in an air-co office? Last month I had "fluttering" feelings in my uterus which were a definite sign for me as I'd never had anything like that in my life and you can't put that one down to gym/airco! My boobs weren't significantly different at all last month. It's a bloody minefield this symptom spotting.

These men are a funny business - I was with a 50 year old a few years ago who has more growing up to do than this one.

Struck by an unsavoury thought yesterday. Cos have to let this month go by without being pregnant for once, earliest TTC would be Sept. Can't do that as if booby born in June will share birthday month with EVERYONE I KNOW and family will not thank me for more birthday expense. If we leave conception till Oct, baby will be born in July which is end of the school year and thus places it statistically at a significant disadvantage not just at school but throughout life.

Thus I have to wait till December when mini-trig will be top of the class and a natural leader.

PS HCG levels dropping, albeit slowly. Got to go back next Thurs for a recheck but between Wed and Fri they dropped from 60 to 50 (whatever it is they are measured in - bananas, say) so hopefully back to zero after next AF which is due a week on Tues, mas o menos. Then I can accidentally get pregnant again like the Vicky Pollard that I am

Apols for absence - have been weaning myself off Mumsnet after a run-in with a 'you can't know what love means until you have a child' Yummy Mummy which left me so breathless with fury and humiliation and guilt that I basically decided to throw in the towel, baby-wise, for a while. Stopped temping three weeks ago, feel weirdly liberated. No one tells you that TCC contains one of life's most basic ironies: the longer it takes you to get pregnant, the less you want to have sex. Ever again. It's like failing your driving test EVERY FECKING MONTH while the likes of Kerry Katona and Nicole Richie (How? How does she even have periods?) zoom past in Ferraris, ie, enraging and hardly conducive to passion.

On a more positive note, I got my results back from the doctor and my bits are absolutely fine, despite my being nearly 6 months beyond the BOD - I wish that filled me with smug joy, but all I can think is, oh bollocks, now I've got to persuade DB to spunk in a pot and drive to CARSHALTON to deliver it.

wildfig I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that - but I know where you're coming from. I had a little run in yesterday about mc - when someone patronised me by saying that "she knew her body was a finely tuned machine as it had already presented her with 2 lovely children and I was but a selfish barren BOD'd bitch" - I was about to go in with both barrels a-blazing... but I'd like to think we've been lucky enough to gain the life maturity and experiences which set us aside from those who are only able to breed. and breathe

I've just wailed my way through Curly Sue.

trigger That's some planning you've got going there lady - I did consider NOT trying this month as this totally deprives me of ski season... but I figure I don't have so many chances left anyway and I do actually want more than one child - so I'm not sure I can pick and choose my months. How does Nicole Richie have periods? The same way VB does - Clomid! The people who REALLY amaze me though are yes, the Kerry Katonas and as I've previously mentioned - the smackhead prossie that Pete Doherty got knocked up in rehab. I mean sure... I've had a few late nights... smoked the odd herbal cigarette or two, but I've never mainlined street heroin or sold my back bottom for a fiver.Not the same life experiences I was referring to in the post for wildfig

Howdy wildfrig, we've missed your witty repartee - nice to have you back. Sorry to hear you had a run in outside the walls of the Palace but you're safe here. Have a G&T deary.

Now, I have a 'life experience' question to ask. I've been on the pill for donkey's years so have never really known how ovulation feels. This last 3 days I have had what I reckon are OV pains in the right hand side of my abdomen - about 3 fingers' width in from my hip bone. I've had these pains at the same time each month when off the pill but I had a GOF today and it bloody well hurt in about the same place. I think it hurt a bit last month too but I wasn't really thinking about it then.

Any thoughts amigos?

Lots of love, Resident Ignoramus/Hypochondriac

PS - by that I mean that it hurt whilst shagging.

Hello wildfig think I pretty much sneaked into the palace while you were out,got drunk and refused to leave.

Just so's you know I have had one of them there children before,but am a scummy rather than yummy mummy and know that it can't make me superior in any way as I'm fairly crap at it.

trig STOP IT! That way madness lies.the little fucker angel will come along at a time that suits it which natch will be whenever is worst for you.also I am a July baby so nyyah.

I

am

soooooo

hungover

it hurts to move.on the plus side got steaming drunk,had tequila,basically did all the right things to ensure I find out I'm pg in a short while.was even in the same bar that I had the mahoosive bender in just before I found out I was With Child before...

Fuck can't type anymore.my head is full of exploding hedgehogs and something died on my tongue...

Ps nocoffee I dunno,have very little idea of how it all works...hope it's not really painful though?should I ask the 'right hole' question just to clear that one up?

nocoffee some months I feel it, some I don't. It's usually just a quick stab though - prolonged pain during sex is more linked to trapped wind.