The Hut of Gl/Doom... Please don't ask about our reproductive plans as a smack round the head with TCOYF often offends

[OracleInaCoracle]

new thread.

for those who are having problems getting pg

or staying pg

or are simply fed up of being told to relax and having to smile and say "you never know"

Fuck, Fuck, Fucketty, FUCK! Sister has just announced conception of number 3 (a whoops) last one is only 10 months. I really am happy for her (even if she isn't particularly happy herself yet) but I'm just not happy for her right at this second. I mean, ffs!!!!!!

Sorry, maybe a touch too much profanity

Lily don't worry - let it all out! I felt the same when my sis announced her good news recently. Of course I was sooo excited for her but it just feel so unfair.

Lilybunny - Im so sorry - it makes it doubly hard doesnt it ? Of course you are pleased for them, but the question is WHY NOT ME ??

I kind of wish I had done something so that I would understand why I keep miscarrying .. I started trying for a baby when I was 21 - because I had endometriosis - I'm now 37 - thats sixteen years, eleven pregnancies and just two babies.. ( I dont mean "just" two babies - I know how lucky I am - but why cant I have three ? )

LOL.. Hang in there .. It HAS to be our turn soon ..xxxxxxxxxxx

Well I'm still here ttc no 1 - my NHS consultant told me to stop the tamoxifen, but my private consultant has told me to carry on. I produced 3 eggs this month so am just driving myself insane on the 2WW. I am booked in for a lap and dye soon, and then we're on the waiting list for ivf...

I have my appraisal next week at work and am supposed to come up with 3 objectives. Not sure that (1) get pregnant (2) have baby and (3) leave is quite what they're looking for..

I have officially had enough now. its been 4y since our first mc. period started yesterday and today i take the 1st tablet of my last round of clomid. think i am now too despondant and hopeless for even the hut. dh has his PJFT on thursday and joins RAF in jan. time to stop i think.

Lissie - you sound the lowest I have ever heard you, I wish there was something I could say to help, but even a virtual batch of alcohol and chocs are not going to help you right now. Take care of yourself, and perhaps in a few days you might feel like being here and re-decorating to suit your mood. I will be waiting for you.

Lissie xx look after yourself.
Hi Rainbowdays hope your doing ok.

Huge hugs Lissie .. I saw my neighbour at the weekend for the first time since I mc'd ..we were due at the same time .. she is really showing now and I got the urge to run away from her ...
Managed to stay and be nice though ...

Huge hugs to you all xxxxxxxxx

Hello all, sorry not to have checked in for a bit (my Nana just died )

Duritzfan well done for holding it together with your neighbour.

Polly Thanks

Heebee my sympathies about the appraisal, life does seem sort of on hold when you are ttc. You don't want to do this or that 'just in case'. Best wishes for all that you are about to do.

Lissie I don't know what to say, so sorry you are feeling this way.

As for me, I'm just passed mid-cycle but for obvious reasons have not done much of the necessary to conceive, so I guess I'll be back in a fortnight breaking my heart about my period arriving even though a BFP would be a bloody miracle!!!

Love to all.

Hi all

lily so sorry to hear about your nana - thinking of you..

lissie - thinking of you.. look after yourself, and hope you see you here very soon

Rainbow - hope you're ok

Duritz - hi and well done on staying strong...

Well the waiting list for the lap and dye means I will probably have to wait until Jan/mid-Feb. I tried to fluff it a bit using my private medical insurance and say it was for endometriosis. They correctly assumed that there would be fertility problems in there, but said they would do it if my consultant faxed them. My consultant said she would do this, but as they want a copy of my original referral letter, which would be for fertility issues, I'm not sure how creative she is prepared to be...

And, AF arrived today. Yee hah...

Thanks Heebee. Sorry to hear about your af.

I was wondering if anyone has tried using Agnus Castus (think I spelled it ok)? I never heard of it and a nurse was telling me about it recently as she had success using it. Anyone got any info?

xxx

I think I got as far as buying a bottle, but then started on clomid, then switched to tamoxifen and my cycles suddenly became text book (ovuating on day 14 and everything!) so I never really took it.

I would say anything's worth a go though. I've decided to start having acupuncture again...

lily, i would speak to a herbalist before taking it, it can be v powerful and annovulation is only one possible cause of infertility.

thank you all for your kind words. am really feeling no better. i always thought that when i'd had enough i would feel a kind of peace, and i dont. i feel bitter and unutterably sad for the family that we wanted. we have ds, which is more than we ever thought we would, but i feel that i have cheated him out of an experience that would have made him so happy. i feel unfulfilled, but, enough is enough.

i think i need to leave the ttc boards now. i am sad and (as i said) bitter because other people are getting pg. i know that them having babies doesn't stop me, and there aren't just so many potential children in the world, but i hate the person that ftc has made me. last round of clomid. last cycle ttc.

i hope to still see you all around and that you soon get the healthy happy pg's and babies that you deserve.
love you all and thank you for all your support over the last 3y xx

Lissie - I hope you get some peace as time progresses. I can understand your need to stay away from the ttc boards.

Looks like I am having another miscarriage, so not feeling very chatty at the moment.

Thanks for the advice Lissie. Best wishes.

Rainbow - That is awful news, I'm so sorry.

lissie sending you positive vibes I think your decision is the right one for you and N and although hard to make you will find peace x

af on her way. Foiled again.

Oh lily

There was an article in the Evening Standard this evening about the Lister offering ANYONE free IVF. I can't find it online yet, but will post if it comes up tomorrow

Thanks heebee

Didn't I warn you all earlier that I was a thread killer!!!!

lily, I'm sure it's not personal; sometimes everyone just runs out of steam in the Hut. Also lissie is steering clear of the conception threads now.

You need to get some virtual alcohol and chocolate in.

Ahhh - the hut and duchesse - like a beacon of light. I was just yesterday thinking I must bump up the hut as I need a quiet place to whinge without recrimination.

Lily- I will keep you company and anyone else who is around

I bring a large jug of Moscow Mule and 10 bars of Divine dark choc. Do we have a theme for the hut? I am proposing a refurb for 2010, a bit Space Odyssey. A dark round house with hanging pods full of pillows and goose down duvets.

Here's my backstory: TTC number 2, I used to frequent the hut in 06/07 towards the end of my 23 months of TTC number 1. It was truly a great comfort - hence I am plunging back in a lot earlier this time, "only" on my 7th month of TTC number 2 but have missed the steady middle stage of trying and headed straight from 6 months of quiet optimism (surely it would be easier 2nd time around?) to resigned negativity (I promised if I managed to have one I would never ask for another thing and I guess I am being held to my promise) I am now in the stupid 2ww where I know I am not pg but will be double bluffing myself with a glimmer of hope- gahhh, cr*p

One caveat - I have to say I clearly remember thinking in before that TTC number 2 must be very different as at least you had one already and in most rational ways it is. But of course it is the irrational which always gets you and I am already getting sad looking at other peoples bumps, scan pics newborns etc thinking I may never have that again. Stupid eh? especially as I have at least had it once.

How goes it duchesse?

Well I have already spewed way too much - back soon I am sure.

I feel ready for the Hut too- perhaps if we bump it up a bit seaside others will join??

I used to be mummy2olivia, I remember you from the temp buddies.

Me and DH are still TTC no.1 . My little girl is 7 this year and we have had a 3 year TTC journey and one MC in May 08. I have had 2 laparoscopies for endometriosis and have been very despondent for a few months now. I feel like i have an emotional blockage- does that make sense?? I had 6 months on the pill after the MC because I was so low and tired.

However, we are on a bit of a push now and although it is good to spend time with others having probs, I need support and hand holding.

I have just got another f*ing period- 5 months after laparoscopy/dye/hysteroscopy. According to the consultant after that, all is normal. minimal endo lasered away, tubes clear and all normal. Hormone profile is damn spot on. DHs SA results are 'marvellous' apparently. Why isnt it happening then?? one PG in 3 years is shite