Feisty & Fabulous at 40+ - the continuing adventures of TTC

[fruitbowl]

Erm hope this will do as a continuation thread. Hello to anyone new to the thread. All welcome... xx

Hi there, have been TTC #3 for 8 years now, I'm 42. After long months of debate have just today sorted out my mortgage so that I can go for fertility treatment. It's a very scary idea (especially putting money on the mortgage!) but I feel that even if the outcome is negative, it will be good for me, if that makes sense. I need to put the TTC to rest and not spend the rest of my life wondering "what if". I left a message with the clinic, though, and felt quite shaky afterwards!

I might be on this thread a lot!

Tetley, that's absolutely wonderful news! That's just what we all needed to hear.

Welcome to the rollercoaster, Woodelf and Musicposy. We're a good bunch here.

Hi Musicposy and Woodelf (like the name)!
Hope you both enjoy your stay here.
Music, I have had two IVFs, is that what you are thinking of?

Summer poor you with the cold! Commiserates! I hope you feel better today.
I have had to get my antib dosage upped because the low dosage hasn't been working properly. Still spending sleepless nights listening to my ears going 'ting, ting, ting, ting...' you get the picture.

Lucky when does your DH get his swimmers tested to see how they are doing? Good on you practising.

Tetley, so? What did he say? Did he faint?

Ghengis are you ordering a lorry load of preseed. Beep beep beep, as it reverses down your street. Thought the romantic weekend with a small child in your bed might not quite pan out. Mind you, they are sound sleepers.

Thanks again everyone for lovely messages

OH is still none the wiser...!He came home still in a major sulk and i just couldn't face giving him the news when he was being so negative. And somehow walking around with The Big Secret is quite nice...i almost hate to share it in case it turns out not to be true if i tell someone .

If you don't mind, i'm going to hang around with you all here for a bit longer. Definitely don't feel ready for anything else quite yet.

All that seems to be missing now is a photo of me in a 1950s dress and an artificially whitened smile holding up a tube of preseed .

Tetley, I agree, it wouldn't be the ideal way to share the good news. If you have to shout 'and by the way I'm pregnant!' in the middle of a row, it's just not living the dream is it!

Ahhh tetley. Yes sounds a good idea to wait until DH's mood improves. Hope you're enjoying hugging that little secret to yourself . How are you feeling this morning - has the news sunk in yet?

Welcome musicposy. I remember reading somewhere that you tend to regret the things you didn't do rather than the things you did. So the mortgage makes sense!

rowing - that ear feeling must be driving you mad. My cold has gone into my sinuses and a bit into my ears. I went to acupuncture last night and was fantasising about her sticking a needle through my ear drum to relieve the pressure . Mind you, she did put some in my nose which really helped.

Getting weird temps and monitor results at the moment so suspect I've either ovulated early (and missed it thanks to this damn cold) or not ovulating at all this cycle. Not that I send too long thinking about it!

Thanks for the welcome! Yes, I'm thinking of IVF. We had 3 cycles of IUI on the NHS about 4 years ago. It was a bit of a disaster. First cycle I went into ovarian hyperstimulation so they didn't do it, I just kept having to be monitored in hospital. I was desperate to jump DH on the quiet, to be honest, but thought I'd better not risk it! Second cycle they brought sperm with someone elses name on it, I only noticed as she was opening the vial. But it had DHs DOB on it. They assured me it was DH's and someone had just written the wrong surname on it but said we could decline the cycle if we wanted. I felt a bit funny about it, like we'd always be a bit unsure if it worked, so we declined. Third cycle I did have done but consultant was away over the weekend I ovulated on a long weekend so I had to either do it 3 days early or a day late. I can't remember now which we went for but it didn't work. So that was it, the 3 cycles. I felt it was a typical NHS waste of money, to be honest. We weren't entitled to anything else as we have 2 already. Then I went for a final appointment, saw this registrar who was really, really nasty to me. Said I had two children already, I should go home and be grateful for what I had, and it would be deformed anyway at my age and about time I started using condoms. Plus she said "if you stay with the husband you've got, looking at his sperm count, it's never going to happen anyway."

I was so upset and it nearly split me and DH up, things were very dodgy for a while. That's why it's taken until now for me to muster up courage to think about it again. But I think, like you say fatladyscreams, you regret what you don't do in life, not what you do.

At least after the IUI I have some idea of what I am letting myself in for. All those injections - yuk! I had to eat virtually a whole box of chocolate every time to get up the courage!!

Oh music I just read your message and that sounds so awful. IMO you should write down the meeting with the registrar and send it to the BMI. These Doctors are dreadful speaking to patients like that. Do we walk into their clinics and spout nasty personal criticisms at them - no we are too polite and emotionally intelligent to throw judgements around. Sorry it's my pet peev arrogant Drs. No wonder we all seem to use so much alternative stuff now, at least those practioners are more amenable. Gosh mortagaging the house you must SO want this baba and as I say so much better to bring a child into this world who will be loved and wanted than those who use pregnancy as a pawn in their games for money or power. (just getting down off soap boxes now)
Tetley Yes I can understand you not wanting to tell a sulky OH. Hope you find the right moment - does he suspect at all? My DH watches me like a hawk now trying to pick up signs - which is a b*gger because I'd love to surprise him but the only time I did was the 1st with DD and he genuinely didn't have a clue.

Rowing hope your ears are getting better - are you sure your alarm clock isn't playing up? And FLS and any one else with a cold -POOR US-

oh my goodness tetley just got caught up on the thread that is absolutely fantastic news you must be on cloud nine and do you know what i'm not the least bit jealous
well maybe 10% jealous 90% overjoyed
ok 20%jealous 80% overjoyed
right if you're going to insist 40% jealous 60% overjoyed
only joking i think its brilliant news and has really boosted me and given me hope again. sending you lots of happy thoughts and best wishes up to your cloud

Woo! tetley! Brilliant. Definately gives me hope!

Woodelf you must think I'm crazy. I was thinking I was on the June bus thread when I was typing to you on here - duh!

Music it's scary how many women have stories about doctors telling them to b**$^$r off when they seek treatment! I mean, in our case it's not as if they can say that we're not old enough to realise issues, is it? I feel horrid being horrid about doctors, honest, but sometimes you would think that they think they're the only intelligent life on the planet.

I fear it's me next for the cold... either that or I have watery eyes and sneezes for no good reason. Bah!

[TFLS hands out copious amounts of Vitamin C]

music - that is a nightmare story. Is there any record of the labelling cock up (if you excuse the expression in the circumstances...). Surely they cannot count that attempt as it was their error that prevented you from going ahead. Have you tried puting a complaint in writing or having a word with the PALs at your local hospital to see what can be done. and for you.

Hi all.
Rowing - hope you are feeling better and the ears are improving. DH gets tested after 3 months and then again I think 4 weeks after that so got a long time to wait but we thought the practice wouldn't do us any harm.
I'm a still a bit down as went to the doctor about my 'virus' and she's sending me for blood tests to rule out annemia, glandula fever and thyroid trouble. Just something else.
Sorry again for the negative vibes....will turn them around honest.

Music just read your post....think I would have landed the doc if she had spoken to me like that or at least reported her to someone..
Have a good weekend to everyone else.
x

I nearly reported the registrar at the time, went so far as to phone up the hospital and enquire about the complaints procedure, but I was so upset about it all I never followed it through. I certainly would now, but it was 4 years ago now, so I've just drawn a line under it and moved on. You live and learn.

I found there were so many value judgements made about secondary infertility by doctors who should maybe, given their line of work, keep their opinions to themselves! Yes, I know, absolutely know, I'm very very lucky with my 2 girls, but we've still been through a lot of heartache over the 8 years we've been trying. I have an appointment in 2 weeks time (I have to go through all the tests again as it was 4 years ago) and I'm hoping that doing this will draw a line under it all for me, one way or another.

Tetley, it's great to hear of your success! Congratulations! I love hearing when anyone in my age bracket has success; it makes me feel as though there is hope . let us know when OH is in a better mood and you tell him!

Great news Tetley.

DH has been hogging the laptop so I've only just heard the big news - A BFP Hooray! Well done Tetley - it gives us all hope. It's nice to have a little secret sometimes isn't it?

Just to up-date you all. It was AF , so I've made an appointment at GP on Monday. Luteal Phase defect seems to be reasonably easy to sort out (it would be better if time was on my side but hey ho - am trying to be positive and think that at least I'm still ovulating every month.) this last LP was just 7 days so i am defo gonna need some help from the GP.

Hi, to the newbeys - it's lovely on here.

Sorry Ghengis I didn't last very long under the duvet this month - I left the chocolate there for you .

Evening all! Tetley, am still smiling because of your good news. Your preseed story inspired me to make the purchase, and I'm now anxiously awaiting the lorry-load of preseed that's heading my way. Rowing, how are the ears doing? Is your balance off as well? Hippy, sorry to hear that the lp is so short - hope you manage to get that sorted out.

And let's hope we all get a bit of sunshine this weekend!

Kiwi havn't even looked yet - but where did u get the preseed from?
Hippy I've used the chocolate to make buttercream topping for stepson's 16th birthday cupcakes - it's well sickly but v v v yum! But v sorry to hear AF appeared, hope u can get it (LP) sorted............
BTW how many posts can you make on a thread..do we need to start thinkin about a new one??? xx

Hi everyone,

Tetley how are you? Have you told him yet?

Music I read your story and was furious with the doctor you dealt with. I know what you mean about drawing a line under it though. It is wrong, wrong, wrong for her to speak to any patient/ anybody like that though. Appalling! And a load of rubbish to boot!
Is there any recourse regarding the IUIs, they sound as if they were botched. Could you have another 'on the house' if you complained? Save money where you can.
If you do have any questions I will be happy to try to answer and there is an assisted conception thread on MN, which is very helpful and well established.

Summer, you may be right, I may have an alarm clock stuck in my ear. I must look into that.

Lucky could his swimmers come back sooner than the tests? I hope the tests help. Do you feel very run down?

Ghengis those cakes sounds yummy, can I have one please!

Hippy sorry to hear about AF, roll on the appointment. Have you tried Agnus Castus, it does seem to do a good job of lengthening LP, from anectdotal evidence on here?

Kiwi, thankfully I haven't had the sicky, balance thing. I think that would have been the final straw.
So which CD is this?

TFLS and Mabh, I hope you don't get horrible cold. Please do use decongestants (very sparingly) and vaporub, especially in a steam bath thingy. Don't get a bad ear like me, it's horrible.
After more paranoia and sleepless nights things came to a head today. I just felt so depressed and weird. Started thinking that I was losing faith in my body full stop, after the IVF failures and now the inability to deal with an ear infection.
Managed to pinpoint the source of the panic attack/insomnia for the past week - blooming stuff they put in sudofed, it can cause all manner of ghastly neuroses. I honestly thought I was losing the plot.
Think I need to go to the hospital counsellor though because I need to confront the possiblity of the next couple of treatments not working out. We can't adopt because of DP's health so it would be moving on time (with huge debts).
Sorry had to vent, it's all been a bit emotional.
On the plus side have stopped taking the sudofed and am now just steaming my head and taking ibuprofen. Since starting the higher dose of anti-bs I have started to notice some progress, not sure what but feel more a bit more human at least.

Congratulations Tetley! Fabulous news.

I have just got back from a week in the sun on Rottnest Island. It sounds glamorous but it isn't at all.We stay in a "bungolow" which is pretty ancient and cheap.We go every October with our dear friends and it is a wonderful family holiday.You know there are no cars on the island, so everyone walks and rides bikes, there's no tv and no computer or phone - it's just so relaxed - I love it!
It is great to come home and read the BFP news!
Whilst on holiday and feeling very relaxed, hanging out withour friends whose youngest child is 12, I started to think I am mad to want another baby.And when discussing such things with our friends, but not mentioning that I want another, my DH kind of indicated that another one would be his worst nightmare would make life more complicated. And I started thinking the same thing.That, in fact, I need to just relax and enjoy what I do have.
Then I get home, start reading this thread, hear about the bfp, and suddenly get terribly broody again!Maybe I should stay away from the net, but I really don't want to.
Bah,Humbug....it is all so irrelevant really when you consider that I still have no sign of ovulation or AF and DS just won't stay away from the "Boozey" (pronounced "oo" as in 'book').He loves his breastmilk and isn't letting up.He has had some restless nights, where he just wanted to suck all night.I don't have the energy to wean him, so I reckon ovualation is a ways off anyway.Gives me more time to mull over the desire I suppose.
So sorry some of you are feeling sad. I truly hope that bfp isn't too far off.
Tetley - have you told OH? So exciting. Do you have an EDD?

Lucky, I also meant to say that when my DH had the reversal I couldn't wait for the 3 month sperm analysis, so we bought a microscope off ebay and was able to see the swimmers for ourselves.I cannot tell you how exciting it was to see the little wrigglers! It was definately worth doing.However I know other people have done it only to find they couldn't see anything, which sent them into despair, but they had an analysis done and there were swimmers. There's a great website you might like to have a look at:www.fertilityformen.com/.
It explains everything.I didn't buy one of his microscopes because the postage was too pricey to Aust.However, I have heard his service is excellent.
Hope that helps.

Hello All, Tibbychop here, new to this site, but aleady loving it. Well, in a department of 16 women, 3 are pregnant. Obviously, I am vey happy for them, but as I'm sure lots of you will also understand, it's TORTURING me! At 46, I know I should give up hope, but I just can't. Would love to hear of any success stories. Fingers crossed for all you ladies out there. x

Evening all - has anyone else been enjoying the dramas of X Factor? I'm embarrassed to admit how much I'm enjoying it, and all the attendant drama. Bad Dannii!

Ghenghis, I bought the preseed from accessdiagnostic.co.uk. Are you coming over to the slippery side?

Angi, I stayed at Rottnest with my sister in law about 15 years ago, and I remember the sweet little joeys - think they were called kwokas, or something like that? The diving was superb!

Ladies, wishing you a week full of sunshine and womanly ripeness!

Morning All,
Glad to see I'm not the only 40 (ahem) something trying to conceive. I have 3 children but would really love another. My youngest is 2.5 and we've been trying to conceive since she was a few months old but with no luck so far but there's always home

Sue

Hi all,

Thanks so much for all the messages, really touched to get so many It's great that my news cheered everyone up - we need a bit of flag-waving for us 40+ers whenever possible.

OH was chuffed to bits at the news, bless him, though i'm still not entirely sure that if he had to choose between #2 or lots and lots of extra sleep in the next few years, which he'd go for...!

I'm feeling really normal and well, i don't think it has really sunk in yet...

rowing sounds like you've really been through the mill. these decongestants are pretty powerful. try not think too much about anything heavyweight till you feel better physically- feeling rundown for ages can bring our mood down a lot more than we think. Big virtual hug to you

kiwi was speaking to french friend at weekend who said she was prescribed progesterone pessaries while ttc and for first couple of months when she got pregnant, even though her doc didn't seem to think she had low levels, so presumably they can't do any harm?

Hi all - see the contingent from the other side of the planet is looking forward to summer! Well, we didn't have one!

rowing hope you're feeling a bit better. I think ear infections can cause people to get a bit claustrophobic and peculiar, too, so maybe that's the root of feeling panicky last week. Hopefully it'll clear up with the anti-bs. My cold symptoms aren't all that bad except I managed to pass out cold for no apparent reason yesterday morning - I hate it! I end up feeling s-h-one-t for the rest of the day. So I am dosing up on vitamins from today. CD8 today so need to gear up for a bonk-fest!