Ignoring the LIES, DAMNED LIES, and STATISTICS: Fiesty & Fabulous 40+ers TTC

[xserialshopper]

Open to all 40+ers TTC.

We're friendly - not cliquey (sp?) and would love to know you{smile]

Hi everyone,

Firstly, hope everyone else is doing ok? Special hugs for those waiting, Rowing in Hungary, Spiral and ITOFR, and newcomers all. Sorry don't have much time to say too much except that it looks unlikely my pg will go to term. Expecting m/c anytime in next few weeks, but this will be more robustly confirmed by scan in a week. Bloods give very little hope so quite teary today.

Keep chins up all round, I'm trying to, but with dp away and not really understanding it all and trying to be positive with me on the phone from London, I find it hard to tell him how dire things are. That is the worst thing ever to have to try to do. His voice is always so positive and brave but I know he is upset and so far away.

Oh nanbred, I am so sorry to hear that.

I've had two miscarriages, and I know how miserable and vile and disappointing they are - but don't feel you have to keep your chin up. I think it's one of those times where you have to accept that you will feel miserable - and you have a total right to. As someone said to me, it is a kind of bereavement, not just of the pregnancy but also all your hopes and optimism.

and a very un MN

Please accept hug from a stranger nanbred. I have suffered 4 m/c and share your pain - as soon as we see that bfp our baby becomes real and we picture its future - so what you're suffering is a bereavement so please allow yourself a little time to grieve. I have heard people plant trees in memory of their lost little ones and take comfort from watching them grow. I gave all mine names and know that they will be waiting for me when the time comes.

Please take good care.

xx

Nanbred
I echo what Dixie wrote. It is a loss and it is horrible. Allow yourself to grieve. Right now you have every right be be upset and mourn your loss.

Thinking of you. Hugs xx

really sorry to hear that nanbred, i'm trying to think of something helpful to say, but there isn't anything is there....i had one in november and it is such a personal challenging thing...i just hope your dp gets back asap and can look after you.....i really opened up to my dh and he was brilliant.....let yourself wallow if you want....thinking of you and fingers crossed that it may still work out....xx

nanb so so sorry it looks like sad news for you. look after yourself in the best way u can til dp comes back. hope the week wait for the scan isn't too unbearable. please keep us posted about how you're feeling. x

welcome girls! to dixie n rockD (waving!) Best of luck to us all!

Vonsud I have a similar thing at mo - am still spotting on Cday 11 and wondering if infection. (TMI coming up) A tad itchy down there but often happens in 2nd half of my cycle & possibly exaggerated by starting clomid. I've administered some yoghurt, which was an interesting and cold experience! Do you have any other symptoms?

Sorry everyone else if you're making the tea!!

So sorry nan that things are not looking hopeful.
Can't think of anything useful to say but thinking of you and sending big hugs x

Nan, I am so terribly sorry. I had 2 m/cs myself within 3 months at the end of last year. It's so heartbreaking and awful anyway, but the dreadful limbo period you're going through now where you are just "waiting" feels like insult added to injury. Nature can be so cruel sometimes.

I hope your DP can get back to you soon.

Hello all you lovelies,

Found your sensitive messages and hugs a great comfort. Am trying to keep myself together, managing just about. Really grateful for so much support. Having more bloods done tomorrow (at my insistence) and then not too long til the scan. Have cancelled work for rest of week. Just can't face people at the moment. Keeping it all quiet is really burdensome, and was supposed to be going for a meal to wish my friend and colleague good wishes for her maternity leave tomorrow night. Feel bad for saying can't go.

If anyone believes in miracles, if you could try to send one over tomorrow eve at about 7pm, I'll be having last blood sample analysed.

Meanwhile, how's everyone else? Would love to hear about more hopeful BFPs...........??

I haven't forgotten you Rowing, and have been standing as promised on the grass, outside the clinic with virtual vices, and reassuring hugs to hand as required. Hope all has gone well? Hope the clomid is under control Fruit, and doing its' thing. Beamel it is lovely to hear from you, busy bee!

Take care all,

Nan x.

God Nan that's awful. Just back from my trip away so only just caught up with the thread. Thinking of you and hope that your miracle happens. Big hugs.

Still no sign of AF here. Did a test this morning but the &%^)& thing didn't work. It was a different brand and I was half asleep so it may well have been user error or it was just a duff one.

Though how difficult should it be to pee on a stick? Send Spiral to the back of the class....

Nan I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. Sending hugs and hoping for a miracle for you. Best of luck to you Rowing hope everything goes really well. Welcome to Dixie and RockD.

Nothing to report here, day 15 no sign of OV wondering if my opks are all duffers or if I should join Spiral at the back of the class...

Hi Nan will send a prayer your way at 6.55pm

Spiral hope you manage to pee straight soon

I am so angry with myself .............. I really need to get a grip! I'm only 6dpo (ish) and I'm already symptom spotting like a mad woman! I have spent the last 2 days surfing the net almost constantly reading every pregnancy forum going .... this is totally ridiculous! It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have a life but I do ........ I'm studying for a degree and supposed to be completing a research project and 2 assignments in the next 3 weeks and I have a 6 year old who deserves a little more attention than a grunt and 3 older boys who would like to speak to mum and know she is listening! Omg I must get over this, its not like I haven't tried before we've been trying 12 months now - this has got to be my worst month so far I really am pathetic

Anyway rant over and while I think about it my symtoms so far are ache in the top of my buttocks/lower back and a feeling that af is imminent which is bizarre cause she not due for another 13 days.

Thanks for letting me spill - will go and prepare the dinner now and perhaps have a conversation with a real life person maybe even introduce myself to my children

babydust to all

I, on the other hand, seem to be loosing the symptoms I had. Tender boobs are no more and the cramping (which I had just about accepted was womb expanding) have stopped. Still knackered, but that might have something to do with my DS waking me at 5.30 every day. Now fully expecting scan next week to show a big fat nothing. Will keep you posted if symtoms reappear.

Nan so sorry I misread your message and thought you were already bleeding. I think you are talking about the hcg levels now, if thats the case these can vary hugely. Its the % increase that is important - just been on ivillage (usa) and a lady there had really low hcg and even 48hrs later was still below "average" but the increase was okay, her bloods just 36 hours later increased again - so don't loose the faith just yet and I will send extra babyglue and a special prayer your way.

itofr I'm sure you will be fine - buckets of babyglue coming your way too! As long as the red witch stays away there is always hope and a bfp is a bfp! Only 4 more sleeps
until your scan and the reassurance that you need.

love and hugs to all

xx

hang in there ITOFR

Hi everyone,
thank you all for your fantastic support, you are all very lovely!!!
Nan, I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. It's hard to know what to say, but I am sending you lots of positive vibes and hoping for the best outcome.
ITOFR stop it! Even when we are pg we symptom spot like crazy women. Hope you get some sleep soon and your DD has a nice lie-in.
Hi Dixe, you sound as if you have a lot on your plate (and a very large plate to boot). Welcome to the thread!
Sorry Rockdoctor, I missed you when you joined, welcome to you!
Have I missed any other new people? Please bear with me!
Beam - Rhetorician did the Marion Glenville book, did you see up the thread? Are you going all organic? Bit expensive, but, supposedly, the retail prices will go down now, so that might help.
Hungary - well, didn't see much of it, but the bits I did see would have benefited from a quick Hoover. Nice people though and I didn't have time to sight see, so will try to avoid doing it a disservice.
Slept in an airport last night, on a bench. Loverly! Now feel like a zombie - but the appointment went well.
The doctor was quite happy with my results, although some were missing. He reckons I can start as soon as AF appears and I have a load of pills and needles in my rucksack (just did hand baggage). So I can start the IVF process next week, now I have to try to book the time off - they won't like it, right in the middle of exam time (I work in a university).
The Hungarian unit of currency: the forint, is dropping in value and since that is how we are paying, hopefully, we will pay less.
The really positive thing is that they will transfer up to four embryos in Hungary as opposed to two here at our local clinic. This raises the odds for an old bird like me, so I feel quite happy.

Great news about your hungary trip rowing. Glad it was worth all the hassle.

Am a moran. Keep swinging from being convinced it's over to having faint moments of symtom spotting. Will definately sleep well tonight whatever. Am absolutely pooped. DH back tomorrow - have already warned him he has the morning shift until further notice.

Hi everyone

Hopefulness has left the building and I am to have a planned DandC towards end next week following a scan. Am over the worst of the nightmare of it all, the emotional resignation has always been the hardest bit for me. DP home tomorrow and lovely nurse at hptl tonight offered me an overnight stop! Declined as need some space away from needles and medics. My phobia seems to be resolving which is a plus.

Still so encouraged and held together by all of your combined support girls, you don't know how important you have all been when we haven't told a soul, and dp been away.

Boss rang this pm and asked me the answers to a form he has to fill in about my absence from work. I told him I had unresolved abdominal pain. Response - "there's no option for abdominal, so shall I say it's a stomach/unexplained problem then?" Needless to say he is a bloke!!

Good wishes to all, sorry if bringing anyone down. Will perk up by next post - promise.

Spiral confidently walks back to the front of the class only to slink back to her chair 5 mins later Day 41, no sign of AF, BFN. Am clearly setting the record for the world's longest cycle. DH was starting to believe I might actually be pg but is being lovely and supportive.

Nan so sorry the miracle didn't happen - we're all here for you and know exactly where you're coming from with not being able to talk to people about everything.

Rowing - glad to hear that your trip has left you in good spirits and hope that everything continues to go well.

ITFOR - Hang on in there - Rowing's right about being crazy women. I'm still feeling nauseous and my boobs ache despite everything.

To echo Nan hope this doesn't put a downer on everyone. I'm off to try and shake off this feeling of being useless...

Hi everyone

Spiral so sorry about your bfn and long cycle - I had a long cycle last year for no apparent reason it was horrible! Have you visited the dr's?

So sorry Nan huge hugs coming your way and a strong virtual shoulder from all the lovely people on here xx

Only 3 more sleeps now itfr, hope you have a lovely relaxed weekend.

Rowing thanks for the welcome glad your trip went well!

Just wanted to thank you all for the lovely welcome - finding you has probably saved what little sanity I have so good to be able to come on here and share and not feel such and "old" fool.

Thanks again
xx

i'm really sorry you're having to go through this nanbred, the whole point of us being here is that you don't have to worry about what you say or how you feel, so take your time and say whatever you need to without worrying about bringing anyone down...you too spiralqueen...you are not useless and we all understand what it's like...i hope you get some resolution soon.

it's looking good rowing...fingers crossed

Evening All !

Rowing - fantastic news, you must be so excited ! That trip was so worth it.

Lates - Am going to look for that post, and am taking the book away with me this weekend. Not really one to read in the coffee room at work !

Spiral - I had a dodgy OPK last time round, it does happen. Call it an 'equipment failure', clearly not your fault ! Hope your cycle has sorted itself out.

Nan - really hope you are OK, and I agree with lates - you can say anything here that you need to let out. You won't bring us down !

(Waves to all !)

Well AF has shown her ugly face so my investigations are all booked up, and hopefully will have some answers soon as to whether my ovaries are up for it, and whether IVF is even worth considering. So bring it on !

Best of British to those still waiting !

Nan, I'm sorry this didn't work out. You know we all support you on here.
Beam when does everything happen?
Spiral I hope AF shows up soon. My last cycle was 37 days, after a cyst. I don't know if it was coincidence, but on day 35 and 36 I decided to take Agnus Castus and I got AF on day 37.
Dixie I'm all ears and you are not an old fool.
Speaking of odd cycles, AF turned up yesterday on day 25? I thought I had better wait to see if the bleeding stopped, but it has really turned into normal AF-type bleeding, so I guess it is just early this month. For me this is very unusual.
I wonder if it was from the stress of travelling: four flights in under 48 hours, three of which I was convinced were doomed. Oh and there was the internal scan on Wednesday.
Has anyone else had stress or flying or a scan prompt an early AF?
The doctor wants me to start taking the pill when AF shows up, which was supposed to be Monday or Tuesday, so I'm just about to email him to say things are a bit off schedule.

Aw so sorry Nan. I have been on hols for a week and just catching up. Need to unpack and wash clothes but just wanted to say 'big hugs' to you. It's sh*t isn't it?

When you're going through hell - keep walking.

Good luck everyone else.