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Original poster

ttc #4 ? come over here and join the noisy section..

1000 replies

tillyblue · 02/11/2008 22:35

TTC #4 and lurking in the shadows really as some people may tut and say surely 3 is enough!
Anyone else doing the same?

Oh blimey, I will cringe if no one comes over!

OP posts:
scorpio1 · 03/01/2009 18:39

Heinz, you will love 4 of them! I had pnd the first two times; appear to have escaped it this time - i wonder why? I know how scary just waiting for it to appear is....i was terrified and we nearly didnt ttc Mimi because of it.

theboob · 03/01/2009 18:49

thanks all for the test advice

heinz i have just got back from my friends,she has 4 dc.....it was so normal and calm and it must not be all that difficult

the way i see it is how lucky my dc will be to have such a large family and the closeness they will all share when they are older and have their own family,the amount of love that will be given back by all the many grandchildren we are going to get will be the biggest reward,i sometimes have thoughts where i think am i really doing the right thing,but i only have to look at them playing together to know it is

i really hope you feel better soon and you really are doing the right thing(are you pg i cant remember)

rainbowdays · 03/01/2009 18:58

Heinz -you do sound very low at the moment. I have not read the other threads, is the anything specific that is getting you down? or is it the whole "having 4" thing? I know that all through my last pregnancy I kept thinking I had made a huge mistake and it was going to be awful , but little Jak arrived and he has been the biggest blessing ever to our family. Whilst having more children brings more stress, I think that the love that grows in the family far outweighs the down sides. I hope someone will point this out to me if I get pg with #4, as I do not have a good time while pregnant, panicky and emotional is basically the worst bit of pregnancy for me, but I have been fortunate to have a supportive husband and a great network of friends here on mn. I hope that we can help you throuhg this time too.

HeinzSight · 03/01/2009 19:59

thank you all.

Basically I don't cope v well at all for the first month or so. DH was amazing when we had our first two, he basically took over, did night feeds, changed nappies and on top of that looked after me and made sure I was fed etc.

He lost the use of his right arm (he was right handed too) in a hit and run motorbike accident just over 2 yrs ago. SO when we had our DD is was a massive shock when he was unable to help anywhere near as much as previously. He's never been able to change her nappy, struggled with feeds, clothing etc. I was utterly heartbroken seeing him struggle. It compounded my PND I'm sure. It had all happened so quickly, I discovered I was pregnant within 7 weeks of the accident.

I'm so scared of getting PND, it was SOO bad last time, I had thoughts of suicide. This is very far away from teh sort of person I 'normally' am.

I guess these are my fears/hang ups:

  1. PND
  2. no sleep
  3. coping with a toddler and a baby
  4. going back to 'square one'

We're very fortunate that we are able to afford another one, and we had our loft converted a few years ago, so we've got enough bedrooms.

I'm wondering how much of this is hormone driven?

I've been telling myself how good this'll be for Niamh, and I know on an intellectual level it will be etc etc.

I'm 8 weeks now.

scorpio1 · 03/01/2009 20:02

Re the PND - i was about this (-) far away from needing hospital help before. I had therapy, pills, a support worker....but i got better. This time (3rd baby) i was given ADs to take from birth; you can BF with them too. you can take them in late pg too. I stayed on them for the first month PN, and after that i had nothing, and have been fine. It literally terrifies me, the htought of it again.

Could you get a maternity nanny?

HeinzSight · 03/01/2009 20:05

I was thinking of hiring a doula for the post natal period.

I was doing some research yesterday and discovered that doulas offer this service. They give more all round support, ie helping with other kids, housework, shopping etc

I'm sorry scorpio that you suffered so badly with PND, it truly is an awful thing to go through.

scorpio1 · 03/01/2009 20:06

Maternity nannies do similar also night duties

rainbowdays · 03/01/2009 20:26

Heinz -
I knew a maternity nanny in London (a friend of my mum), she was fantastic, really lovely. She described how she helped for the first few weeks with mums, and it was something that I would loved to have been able to afford. Heinz with your particular circumstances it would be something to seriously consider. Especially for the sleep aspect.

PND: as scorpio has said, maybe getting the meds sorted in advance would help, I know with me just knowing that medication is available helps.

I can also understand the going back to square 1 bit and the coping with toddler and baby. But Niamh (great name btw!) will love having a little brother or sister, they will develop a special friendship and Niamh will make a great big sister.

Try to remember too, that last time you were not prepared for the shock of having to deal with your husbands accident, but you have had time to adjust and you know you got through it last time (hard though it was), and this means you can do it again.

Also remember that the emotions you are experiencing now are a normal emotional reaction to being pregnant. Hormonal or not, the emotional part of "what have I done" shock of pregnancy is normal. Please feel free to vent with us, as I hope this will help.

scorpio1 · 03/01/2009 20:37

rainbowdays - that was a lovely post

Also what about a cleaner? will help alot with the coping. Niamh will love a small sister/brother you know how much they love having siblings - ds2 adores his little sister.

HeinzSight · 03/01/2009 21:12

you ladies are just amazing. I'm so glad I came across this thread.

I am on the Aug antenatal thread, but there are so many there and naturally they're all v excited about their pregnancies, so I feel unable to express my fears, a lot of them are having their first.

I am going to phone my GP on Monday, I'm hoping he can refer me to see a perinatal psychiatrist or team, am not adverse to the idea of taking meds in the last trimester, there seems to be a fair bit of research and from what I've gleaned it seems fairly safe, comparitavely.

Cleaner is a very good idea, I'll also look into maternity nurses.

I'm v lucky that my lovely stepmum, who I adore, has said she will come and stay for 2 weeks after LO arrives, she is AMAZING.

rainbowdays (what an apt name ), you're right, Niamh will make a lovely big sister, she's already very gentle with other babies, our dog etc.

Thank you dearly, I'm feeling better reading your messages, I will definitely re-visit them as and when needed x x x x x x x x x x x x x

duchesse · 03/01/2009 21:26

Hallo all.

Very tentatively poking my head round the door. Due my 4th around 9th August after many trials and tribulations and years. Older children are 15, 13 and 11.

scorpio1 · 03/01/2009 21:36

hi duchesse - i remember you from the hut. Congrats!

HeinzSight · 03/01/2009 21:39

Hi duchesse, I saw your post on the Aug thread, I'm due on the 14th. Congrats

duchesse · 03/01/2009 21:43

Thanks all. I am still rather shell-shocked, have told virtually no-one in real life, and cannot quite believe in it yet.

HeinzSight · 03/01/2009 21:51

I'll join you with the shell-shocked feelings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

theboob · 03/01/2009 22:04

heniz is this preg your 4th?

sending you positive vibes

well i'm now getting bored of TTC ,i dont wont to wait till the 21st to find out and i'm sick of BD every day
it's my birthday tomorrow and my last chance to get drunk with my friends for maybe 9 months

well back into the real world as of the 6th ,not looking forward to the early mornings
hope everyone is well

HeinzSight · 03/01/2009 22:16

Hi theboob, yes this'll be my 4th, well 5th inc my first which ended in MMC.

I hope you have a lovely birthday tomorrow

theboob · 03/01/2009 22:34

i have just read your other thread ,so sorry your feeling this way

but know that from what you have said you will be ok with all your support from mn and outside help,i have never had PND so cant imagine what your going through,but i'm a good listener

thinking of you

scorpio1 · 03/01/2009 22:39

Heinz - do you bf? I ff my first 2 dc and i bF Mimi; i wonder if that makes a difference?

HeinzSight · 04/01/2009 13:09

scorpio, that;s a very interesting point you made. I never seemed to manage to successfully bf any of them. Lots of reasons, but always felt disappointed at giving up.

However, in hindsight (isn't that a wonderful thing, hence my name!!), the times I felt my calmest was when I was bf. There has been some research to suggest that BF has protective properties against PND, but as yet this study is inconclusive.

Will REALLY try again with this one.

mrsdisorganised · 04/01/2009 20:52

Hello!
Well this thread has been busy!! Been away for two days and look what i missed

Heinz you seem to have been having a rough time...hope you're feeling a bit more positive, it's good you feel you can perservere with the bf'ing, it's hard! I did it with all mine and found it really easy with dd1,dd2 and dd3....dd4 was a complete and utter nightmare and I felt useless at times so I can completely sympathise with you, don't beat yourself up about it as long as your babies are well and fed it shouldn't matter (I know it does to you). PND is horrendous I had it with dd3 and was in complete denial, was the cause of alot of upset in our lives at that time, but that was the one and only time I had it....so hopefully you won't suffer again!
Duchesse congratulations and hello!
Waves and babydust to everone else who needs it!
Well end of af for me and back onto ttc DH home for a couple more days so going to make use of him lol! Not easy this ttc business when the 'other half' works away from home!!!

rainbowdays · 05/01/2009 19:26

Duchesse - wow congratulations, I am so pleased for you. I was in the hut with you for a while (think I was mum03 then!), I am so pleased for you. ?The last I read from you was that you had decided that you were no longer going to ttc after 2+ years?, as it was too stressful. I am so pleased for you, congratulations again.

Well I am in the 2ww, and in the middle of a huge row with dh, so good job that I am not stressed about it , Don't normally argue that much with dh, but so far we have had two days of arguing / silent treatment, I really don't know how we are going to get around it, as we are not used to this. I am just very sad about it.

mrsdisorganised · 05/01/2009 19:49

Sorry to hear things aren't that great Rainbow it's rubbish when you can't see an end to a fall out Hope it works out for you ((((hugs))))

scorpio1 · 05/01/2009 19:50

Oh RD poor you My DH is very good at the silent treatment; it breaks my bloody heart. Would a hug break the ice? Or maybe you can't get near him...Look after yourself

RuDiegetheRedNosedReinDiege · 05/01/2009 20:14

Evening . Oh RAINBOW hopefully it's just one of those horrible but short lived things. Ditto silent treatment here, it's horrible to endure. Really feel for you and feel free to let it all out on here if it helps xx
Back at work tomorrow after 9 weeks off - it will be a real shock to the system, most of all the early start I think!

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