Assisted Conception and the bits inbetween

[soosy]

Welcome to the new thread I only hope I can link it to the old one

Can I apologise for my last downbeat post? I'm kind of an assume the worst kind of person - during 3 years of FTC it has kept me sane. However, I do know that 2 decent embryos is a great outcome and sorry for moaning that it didn't quite go to plan. Despite myself they have become "the boys".

Nappy - glad you're managing to rest a bit. If we do have to go through this again (I'm being positive - perhaps for baby no.2 ) I'll definitely take a week off from egg collection. Finally started to feel myself again yesterday - though carried on milking it and DH made me breakfast and then dinner and let me watch CSI all night without complaining .

I'm testing on 22nd - so before NV even though EC was after? Think I'll be taking that day off to wander about with DH and a bottle of champagne - depending on the results either he gets to drink it all or I do

PSML at NoMoreMagnolia's post "Tell your DH exactly what to do if you want him to help...." so very true!

Best of luck and fingers crossed for NappyValley and Rattling over the next few days. It is a shame you can't drink during the 2WW, because it would really really help

Nappyvalley do you think your DS has picked up on your stress/feeling different and this is why he is waking at night?

Hope everyone else is well

rattling that is interesting that you are given an earlier test date. Mine is supposed to be 24th, but they are ding a blood test on 23rd instead. I now feel a lot better but still suffering with indigestion and stomach pains and odd ovarian twinges.

The clinic called on Sunday to say that of our other 4 eggs 2 were blastocrysts and v good and the others were nearly there, so they have frozen them in pairs of good and not so good.

Not sure what that really means in terms of trying a second time, but will cross that bridge as and when. But we were both pleased that there was something to freeze, as I was not expecting anything.

Now DH is just panicing that this whole process might work too well and we end up with twins!!!!

Nappy, just popping in to see how you're doing - best wishes for the rest of the 2ww.

Really touched at the clinic thinking of you and your birthday celebrations - but I've always found that they will go the extra mile which is why I would never have treatment anywhere else now!

Good luck.

Hello there

Well, I've joined the roller coaster. Had our first appointment at the Lister last week, and as soon as my period comes (in next few days), it's on the pill with me. Then, two weeks later, start the drugs. Then two weeks later, out with the eggs, fertilise, PGS, and reinsert any that are OK. At around my birthday!

Feel oddly down about it. Talked to my acupuncturist last night, who has become almost like a therapist, and she said she felt the same thing: by going for IVF I'm admitting how much it all means to me, whereas before I could sweep my miscarriages and FTC under the carpet.

A friend of my age (42) who did IVF with donor sperm - the first time she'd even tried to get pregnant - succeeded, which is encouraging, though has sent me into a frenzy of angst.

herbaceous and london, I think what you're feeling is perfectly normal. I remember feeling so miserable at my first appt at the NHS fertility clinic when we'd been trying just a year. I just couldn't believe I was there.

Best wishes to you both. Fingers crossed you're the lucky ones .

Spongebrain is right, LL & Herb. I remember (stretching my memory back) feeling depressed at the prospect of starting and found the reality of it very hard. However, once I started the first cycle I remember feeling giddily excited that we were taking charge of the situation and no longer leaving things to hope, chance, fate and all those other fickle deities. It is a huge emotional, hormonal rollercoaster, no question. But it does work for many.

Doing OK here, not much resting going on though, well what do you expect when you are self-employed and have a 2yr old to entertain. BUT the boys are supposed to be off tmrrw night to inlaws. ALTHOUGH DH feeling a bit shivery tonight so might not be well enough to do a night drive.

Finally think ovaries are getting back to the right size which is good. can't believe it is a week tomorrow that we will find out if it is all over.

lottie sorry it is CD1, good luck in Norway. Make sure you get all the information and very clear on what their price covers and other potential additional costs. enjoy the holiday anyway.

herbs I understand your feelings, but agree with swerve and SBBP once you get going it all feels remarkable proactive after years of faffing about. Welcome onboard.

rattling how are you feeling? all healed?

OAP how are you doing?

Hi everyone. The time has come for me to join this thread! I've been following all your stories for a while now. I finally start downregging a week on Monday. Its been a very long wait!
Rattling and Nappy-hope you're feeling ok? I can't imagine the thoughts that must be going through your heads. I'm on my last 2ww now before starting and I feel really down too. Lottie and Herbaceous-I understand exactly what you mean.
I can't quite believe its all going to start soon. I have been convincing myself (and everyone else) that I'm fine with it all and not worried-but I think I'm kidding myself. I'm getting sadder as each day goes by and just can't work out why. Nerves I suppose. I've not slept for over a week.
Someone said on here (can't remember who-sorry!) that the only way they can deal with it all after TTC for so long is to be negative and imagine the worst and I think thats what I'm doing. Just can't see myself getting pregnant or a pregnancy sticking.
And the clinic have given me quite a good prognosis because I already have 2 children, despite my age of 41.
I have a new DH and we had a ruptured ectopic 2 years ago-I think maybe the trauma of that has affected me some way.
God-I'm sorry for such a downbeat first post. I have huge admiration for all of you, particularly those who have had more than one cycle. I'm still catching up on all your stories so apologies that I haven't mentioned everyone. Huge massive hormonal good lucks to us all

Spooks - welcome to the thread. I found I felt better once the treatment actually started - though the eczma (sp?) patches on the back of my hands I'm scratching maniacally may beg to differ .

Definitely should have taken a week off after EC, finally felt myself again yesterday and starting to think about what exercise I can do next week after the results of the blood tests: swimming and yoga if I get a BFP, back to some running if it's negative.

I'm feeling quite upbeat - not very optimistic, but happy to face whatever happens. And certainly ready to give it another go after Christmas if it doesn't work this time.

Lottie - glad to hear Norway visit is back on. I saw you say elsewhere that the wait at Guys isn't very long (though not as short as promised ), but the results in Norway do look amazing. Are they comparable to results here? Certainly at my clinic they only count a pregnancy if you make it to the 7 week scan.

Nappy - hope DH is well enough to give you a quiet night tomorrow. Managing to avoid crazy symptom spotting?

spooks welcome to the wacky world of assisted conception. It sounds like you have a whole jumble of feelings that you are not yet ready to explore (understandably). Most clinics offer free counselling as part of your package and you might feel better if you talk it through? I had 6 weeks of counselling when I first found out there was a problem and it really helped a lot. I will defo be using my clinics counsellor if this does not work or when we reach the end of the road.

rattling you sound just like me. I keep looking at my fat tummy and thinking "you had better start on the sit ups now!!" . My yoga teacher told me not to do yoga for the first trimester and then do Hatha or preggy yoga, as I normally do ashtanga style. Can't wait to get in the pool though. Did I tell you I ended up calling the clinic on Monday at 8.30am to find out if it was ok to take DS to his 9.15 swimming lesson? they said wait a week, so I am glad I called. (sorry if repeating myself!)

As for symptom spotting I am convinced that it has not worked AND I didn't feel pregnant before until wk5 so we shall see. It is only a week to go!!!

Hello, can I join you, I am my third cycle of fsh injections and not very hopeful. I have 2 children so basically unexplained infertility. I am finding the amount of scans quite stressful, I know I am very lucky to have 2 great kids already, but it is all so frustrating!

WARNING EMOTIONAL MELTDOWN NOW IN PROGRESS**

OK I am a terrible mother!! I am seriously getting cold feet about having another baby. What the hell is wrong with me! Maybe it is just these progesterone drugs.

I took some of my own advice and have made an appointment with the clinics counsellor, as I think I will be freaking out whichever result I get on Thursday.

I just suddenly realise that our life is working really well and DS is lovely at the moment and this is going to change everything far more than having no. 1 did and then I feel guilty as I have wanted this baby for so long, when did I stop longing for it?? Possibly at the first downregging injection. And if the IVF hasn't worked I will feel awful all over again.

Oh bum it seems I have saved all my emotions about IVF and let them all out in a single day - so much for this not being such a rollercoaster as we expected.

I think it could all be because I don't enjoy pregnancy at all. All the vomiting and peeing, pain and lack of sleep was bad enough without a toddler in the house.

Someone tell me this is normal please!!!!!!

miloopy welcome and fingers crossed for you.

(((((NV)))))
As someone who goes to pieces after a exam/test/whatever I totally sympathise with how you're feeling. Please just acknowledge these feelnigs and then let them go - don't fight them but don't let them overwhelm you either. You're not a bad mum at all, you're just nervous about the outcome of the IVF, which is totally natural. You've put yourself your body your family your relationship through a hell of a lot this last few weeks by undertaking IV and that's not something to just disappear overnight. Are you feeling a bit like it's all out of your hands now? It's time to let nature do whatever it is that nature does and there's nothing you can do now, that's why you're in a place where you can let go of the tension and emotion you've been keeping under control.
Hope that makes sense - am posting quickly as I think you need reassurance and I'm already a hour behind you.

Oh Nappy-the way you're feeling must be totally normal. Its freaky enough getting pregnant naturally without the added trauma of drugs and prodding and scans and the waiting and anticipation. I think NMM has hit the nail on the head when she said that its now out of your hands. I think the total trust in your body and nature is very very hard to deal with. Not mentioning the number of hormones coursing through your body. Hang on in there. You're nearly at the finishing line now
Thanks to everyone for your lovely welcomes to the thread. I've finally worked out why my mood has been so peculiar. I'm pregnant. I can't believe it myself. I am totally and utterly in shock after trying for so long. But....I am. I've done two tests.Please let it be a stayer.
I'll be following all your stories annd holding my breath. All the luck in the world to all of you.

Blimey spook you're a fast graduater!! Congratulations though, and I'm praying it's a sticky one for you

Nappyvalley goodness those hormones have gone to your head! Have you separated in your mind having another child and the actual pregnancy bit - it is perfectly acceptable to want another child just not want the pregnancy bit/new baby bit first! If it is any consolation I think I went through this my first IVF after DD, when I suddenly wasn't sure if I really wanted another child or not. When the cycle was negative I realised I did want another child, most certainly, but there were those doubts there. FWIW, I do think it is perfectly normal to feel that way

And Spook congratulations to you, such good news.

Not so good here - had my baseline scan yesterday and blood tests, and the clinic said that I really hadn't downregged at all. So no stimulating drugs for me today then....I have to start again on day 2 of my next cycle, so this puts me back a couple of months. I'll be lucky to get the next cycle in before Christmas in reality.

I'm gutted at the thought of having to wait any more time, and also pissed off at having to unpick all my careful arrangements for the next two weeks - for those of you that don't know, my clinic is 260 miles away as I like to go to the clinic I used before I moved north. On the other hand (and I am really trying to focus on this bit) there is absolutely no point in starting an expensive and time consuming cycle if it isn't all sorted out and correct at the beginning, and I also get another 6 weeks or so to lose a bit of weight, get fitter and do more decorating in the cottage. Still a bit upset and pissed off though. Whoever heard of downregging not working!

Good evening everyone

OAP How awful for you I know i'm new to this, but i had no idea down regging didn't always work I didn't realise your clinic was so far away. It is not surprising you are feeling upset. Hope you can take time out this weekend and look after yourself. XX

Spook Well it's hello and goodbye What lovely news. Wishing you a lovely sticky bean, and a happy healthy pregnancy.

NV My heart goes out to you (sorry, don't mean to sound "gushy"), with all the emotions you are going through at the moment. That sounds a really good idea to go and see the counsellor whatever the result. I'm sure it could well be due to the progesterone, but i am wondering whether it is also your mind subconsciously "protecting" you incase it is bad news next week? I hope you feel you can let it all out here, if it helps. Be gentle with yourself.

herbaceous good luck to you over the next few weeks!

rattling Glad you are feeling upbeat. Sending you lots of positive vibes.

A big hello to anyone i have inadvertently forgotten to mention!

Well, i finished taking the pill on Wednesday. I have my baseline scan on Monday, and feeling very excited and very anxious all at the same time! It will be good to get going properly though.

OAP sorry to hear you're not down-regged - how come though? Surely your clinic know what doses etc to give you? Did they offer any explaination? Sorry to bombard you with questions. Look after yourself

NV - really sorry to hear you're feeling so low. Hormones have alot to answer for .

OAP - I have heard of DR not working before, but it's obviously not common. Sorry to hear it happened to you but hope you can make the most of the 6 wk delay, trying to look on the bright side.

spook, ohmigod! Many congrats!

Thanks everyone for your support it really helped.

Feeling a lot better today, thanks girls. The feelings are still there, but they are not in charge at the moment!! I had a proper nights sleep and no food poisoning symptoms to deal with this morning. So feeling much better. I am missing my boys (who are having a great time at MILs) but Skype'd them yesterday which was great to wave at DS across a computer screen as he happily told me all he had got up to yesterday.

I think a lot of my feelings stem from guilt over DS having had a difficult couple of weeks with a grumpy mummy and constantly wondering why kissing my tummy did not seem to be making mummy's tummyache go away!! and worrying what affect a pregnancy and baby will have on him. Wanting and having a baby is a very selfish thing at its basic level. But when all is said and done my brother is 3.5 yrs older than me and we love each other very much and I am glad I have him. If this does work it will be a tough year of 3 but it will all be worth it and there is still time for DH & I to get some travelling done as well.

OAP sorry downreg has not worked. how immensely frustrating for you. I have heard of it too, not that it helps. In my clinic it only puts you a week behind, but I think you are downregging on the pill, so different. Still I love your positive take on it and go get some exercise in and put your body in tip top baby making condition. Hang in there.

spook what amazingly fantastic news. I will be praying that it sticks. good luck.

Right off to get loads done in my empty quiet house.!!

Nappy - I hope you're feeling better today. I think it seems perfectly reasonable to wonder how you are going to cope pregnant with a toddler - but you will, and then you'll have 2 kids which will be exhausting and frustrating at times, but mostly brilliant. I fought constantly with my sis, yet every good memory from childhood has her as a big part of it.

Anyway, back to me. I have been very impatient, did a test Sat and Sun (10 and 11 days post egg collection). Got a positive yesterday! Very, very early yet. Hopefully bloodtest on Wed will agree I am pregnant and with high enough levels to make it look viable. Then 3 weeks to wait for a scan.