Assisted Conception and the bits inbetween

[soosy]

Welcome to the new thread I only hope I can link it to the old one

Hello. Can I join in?

I am about to go for a cycle of IVF using frozen embryos but have asked for only one embryo be put back so the clinic are sucking their teeth and telling me it is probably never going to work... Does anyone have any good stories to cheer me up?

Can't give you any good stories littlest badger, but can say you may want to reconsider as frozen transfers are on average half as successful as fresh transfers. My first pg was FET (3 embryos ) 29 years old.

Its amazing how many people I know who were surprised they weren't getting pg and then were told by their gp they were doing it at the wrong time! Even I up until I was about 24 thought you counted your cycle from the end of your af until the beginning of your next af!

S x

Yeah - I did that cycle thing too. Also I can't believe that it is so easy to work out when you are ovulating - well for me anyway. My cycle is like a clock, well a calendar at least and yet I never put 2 and 2 together. What was I doing during those 'health', 'science' and 'personal development' classes? How is it that women aren't taught all this stuff? Or is it just like most things - we don't start taking notice until it matters . . . like IVF I had only the vaguest of ideas about it . . . still haven't heard from my clinic weather I can start . . oh the NHS!

Welcome TLB, it sounds to me like you are not wanting twins - and as it looks like you are coming under pressure so I will tell you that coming from a family where twins came last (4 in total) it really was major. Family life was completely disrupted and my mother's career just nosedived, and it could be argued it was the straw that broke the marriage. I say this, because despite the fact that I personally would like twins, if your instinct is telling you it would be too much - for whatever reasons - it probably is. Also, although we all hate having to deal with failure and the timeconsuming process of IVF, a child is a child for life and a much more serious decision than say having to do an extra FET. Listen to your instincts. Ofcourse I am assuming here that twins IS the issue, I may be wrong . . .

Hi sooty. Yes it is the twins issue! I was very lucky and got pregnant first time from full IVF and have a DD who is very nearly 1.

It took ages to go through everything and get the funding sorted to do the IVF - DH has various genetic problems so we have to do a LOT of extra counselling which took a very long time so we wanted to start on #2 with plenty of time to spare... but really not sure I can face twins at the moment

I think that biology lessons go right over most people's heads or they just don't relate these facts to real life. My sister is a classic case of this - despite being highly educated (Cambridge degree etc) she struggles with basic stuff. When her friend had massive problems and a huge ovarian cyst removed plus her uterus taken out, my sister said blithly that she would be fine surely, she could still have kids as she still had her womb left. As a scientist I was stunned at this, but I do think that people just don't relate what they have been taught to their own actual bodies.

Twins are one of those things that you either don't mind or really don't want to happen. My clinic says that everyone has 2 embryos put back apart from people who already have twins. Me, I'd love twins as I always wanted a big family but it would mean a massive lifestyle change and a huge impact on family life and DD's education. If it were a choice between twins or no baby, then twins every time! But everyone is different, and I can completely understand those who don't wish to inflict twins on themselves.

Yeah, OAP I agree with you about science - maybe it is also a women thing - where we are told to direct our radar etc.

I don't think that the choice TLB is facing though is between no baby or twins. As I said before an extra child is a huge undertaking, another cycle of FET is not. It is not all or nothing, simply a longer process to get the same result without the risk of twins. Personally, I think as TLB has a child who is only one, and potential genetic complication it sounds like an extremely sane approach . . . tortoise and hare?

Sooty I agree that TLB isn't facing that choice, sorry if it came across that way. I really meant that for me, it just seems so difficult to get pregnant that I would take the chance of twins over the possibility of no baby every time - but it is extremely unlikely anyway given my age, and as you say, is a personal choice for everyone

Just to clarify - I'm also happy to have twins and would MUCH prefer twins to no baby but we have the chance of up to 4 FETs (depending on thaw) so I would rather see how the first one goes and then decide.

It is very hard though isn't it. I had absolutely no idea how complicated this would all turn out to be - when the clinic said nothing physically wrong I thought it would be straightforward next month type thing. Slightly wrong there!

Hi all! I've been lurking around seeing the new thread come alive. It's wonderful to have some new faces with us. And thank you OAP for your clear explanation. Its such a relief not to get pseudo-science. Some of the advice I've been given over the years is just unbelievable - literally!

I really sympathise with TLB about twins. I would have adored to have twins (I think) when I finally got pregnant. But my SIL did (also IVF). She's had an incredibly hard first year (mostly due to the fact her not-so-dh decided family life wasn't for him afterall ). This time around, I feel really torn. 2 better than none, but definitely a scary prospect.

I've been in touch with my drs who've decided that I need to have a hysteroscopy before I try again. So I've got that joy booked on Monday. Oh! how many ways can we find to have fun this summer!!

Hi Ladies

Hope you don't mind me joining you, have just found out a few hours ago that my dh has a zero sperm count, he has to go for more tests tomorrow but the docs have said it's not looking good.

Just feel totally shell shocked and not sure what my next steps are.

x

millicent, I am so sorry about your news . My DH has a very low sperm count - not zero - but pretty poor so we have been referred for ICSI. I know how devastating it can be for you and your poor DH to get the results.

thinking of you.

thanks, we have to go back and see the docs and I have to get tests done as well but I think our only options are using donor sperm or adopting

Welcome millicent - but what brutal news. You must be floored.

Nice to have you back swerve - what is it you are having done ? And why? Don't hold back we like details here. . .

I am STILL waiting to hear if I can start downregging this week . . . ho hum . . .

Hi Millicent, just to let you know, my DH has really really poor sperm, and we tried 9 attempts icsi, which resulted in one pg, mc at 9 weeks. We were told that donor sperm was probably our only answer and we went ahead and now have DS as a result of IVF with donor sperm. We have 2 vials left (we had 7 extra vials for siblings) of the same donor sperm and are trying to have a full sibling for him, but things haven't gone well so far.

The donor thing has changed a lot since DS was conceived as he has an anonymous donor, but the clinic we go to does use sperm from abroad, including the states (donors are in short supply here.) DS is now 3 and knows that a kind man gave us some seeds so we could grow him in mummy's tummy as daddy's seeds didn't work.

DH adores our son and I have to tell you he has been the most fabulous gift. I would strongly advise you to consider the donor option, we told most of our friends who were totally supportive.

Swerve Nice to see you, yes spill the beans re the op.

OAP, I am with you on the twins front, I wouldn't care either. But the government want to limit to embryo transfers to one. I say NHS pay for the treatment and then I might consider it, Although I think the whole of the HFEA should go through IVF at least once before making judgments like that! TLB I also understand your position and hope that the one mega embryo makes it!

Hi sooty how are you?

S x

Oh Swerve, I had one of those once. At least I think I did - they were looking for a polyp in my uterus at the time, and combined the op with a laparoscopy to look at my tubes. The hysteroscopy would have been fine on its own, gave me no trouble at all.

And Millicent welcome. Sorry you have had such awful news, I hope you can get better results tomorrow. If not, there are other options to consider. Soosy is definately the person to talk to on this one, but my friend also had the same issue - her DH had no sperm due to hormonal issues and they tried upping his count etc, but went with donor sperm eventually and had twin boys on the first attempt using donor sperm. They have been really open about the whole process, and everyone has been so supportive and just so delighted for them when it finally worked out.

Sooty I do hope you hear from your clinic very soon.

Hi all

thanks for the kind words make me feel better talking to people who understand how am I feeling.

Is there a waiting list for sperm donors as I know the change is laws has caused some problems

apologises for the crap grammer in my previous post to much wine to dull the pain but I'm sure you know what I am trying to say

Millicent sorry I don't know much about donor sperm and regulations, but hopefully someone else will.

milicent, I'm so sorry for you. dh also has low sperm but enough for icsi. I have friends who have used a donor with great success and joy. It makes them smile how many people comment that their dd looks like her father! they went to spain as the laws still guarantee donor anonymity.

I think one of the hardest things to deal with is the abruptness of getting this news. It can feel very final when a dr tells you something like this and you need to take time to get your head around it. Remember that with the amazing skill of some clever drs and the generosity of others, it can mean that it's just a different route you're taking from the one you expected. It will all work out in the end. Don't know how, but it will.

OAP, yes, that's exactly what I'm in for. My ddr (can we add this to the common acronyms, cos my dr is so lovely) wants to rule out any polyps or other mess causing the icsi failure. And knowing my history, that'll mean a full lap (going in through bellybutton) to boot. hey ho! so off to show my ladybits to the world again! I just hope they don't give me a video of the op as they did last time. It's rather different than watching operations on the discovery channel than when you're watching your own! I'm not squeamish, but that really got to me!

They gave you a video? What next !

my dh said of it that it goes to prove, conclusively, that beauty really is only skin deep.

Millicent, there is not so much a waiting list, just a big shortage of donors in this country since they made it possible for donor born children trace there donor 'parent' (use the term parent extremely loosely as we all know that a few sperm does not make a father, or for that matter an egg does not make a mother.) some clinics do recruit donors for their own use, my clinic doesn't recruit, so no british donors are available in my clinic, but there are other ways to find donors, from abroad, and you could go abroad for treatment as swerve said. If you choose to find a donor from abroad, be guided by your clinic as they will know reputable donor banks/clinics which will carry out screening tests. Donor sperm should always be frozen, never be tempted by fresh semen as this has not been screened. Good Luck if you have any other questions please feel free.

Swerve, my god a video, I should ask that they only film your good side!

Mililcent, another thing you might want to consider - if you have the time - is a swap. My sister has premature menopause and so needs an egg . . I am not suggesting you two link up because she has decided to put everything on hold for a year or so . . . but since the advent of internet dating (a number of my friends have met their partners online including my brother) etc, she was thinking that one of her options might be to 'trade' sperm for egg.

Partly this comes from wanting to know more about the donor, but also from a desire to mutually help another couple. Also, although it might not work out this way, it also might be nice for the siblings . . . Obviously it is a lot more complicated, but sometimes in life complicated is okay . . .

Anyway, just a thought.

Hey ladies,

Sorry....I dipped in and then shot straight out again!
The move went well but we're still without Broadband - glad we're on a new thread so I can access it on my blackberry.
Just catching up on everyone - still very gloomy over here isn't it? Millicent - what a blow!
I start my burserlin on Monday...it's all begining to feel very real and scary.
I'm at the point of being quite excited but also really scared of getting my hopes up too much! I'm sure everyone feels that way?
Swerve hope everything goes well - is it happening on Monday?

Hi mowmi good to have you back. I don't take burselin, so I'm not sure what it is. Is it a downregging drug or a growing one? I am still waiting to hear from the NHS as to whether I can start downregging this weekend - three o'clock on a friday afternoon !