TTC number 3 aged 42

[FiB83]

Hi

Not really sure what I'm looking for here but if nothing else I'll use this as a diary of my feelings etc. I joined a chat years ago for my first pregnancy and am still friends with some of those lovely ladies so hoping to find some people who are on their TTC journey and we can share experiences l.

As the title suggests I'm 42, I have two beautiful children aged 7 and 9, we decided to try for another baby a year or so again, I needed to lose some weight so did that although I'm still overweight according to my BMI but you know how it is... I'm fairly average at a size 14-16. I still have very regular cycles and don't believe I'm anywhere near the menopause yet....

Anyways, I'm 9dpo I think, I don't do opk or anything like that, tried one month but didn't enjoy feeling obsessed over it and it didn't work anyway..I feel I know my body quite well and am aware of the signs of when I'm ovulating if I am. With our first child it took a good 2 years with one chemical pregnancy in that time before.ewe actually got our baby. With our second child...well we thought about trying and then I was pregnant... Amazing how that happens isn't it!?

So here I am, 9dpo and with virtually no discharge at all. 2 days ago I had a huge amount of white cm that was abit stretchy. I've had a headache on and off and been soooo unbelievably emotional. This isn't normal for me but we are going through quite a bit with our youngest and other normal life events so may be that I suppose. I've had sore breasts and I swear they are bigger if that is even possible!.maybe just very slight cramps over the past couple of days but that maybe only.when I'm thinking about it...

Anyone else at this stage and fancy a buddy to compare notes? I'd love to chat.

Hi all, I’d love to join. I’m 38 and about to start TTC number three. I have a 5 and a one year old and am bizarrely also a midwife- whenever I’ve been on a TTC thread there’s always been at least two of us per thread- so strange 😂

I had a surprise chemical in October, then fell pregnant the next cycle and sadly had a MMC with a D & C in January. I’m on CD3 with my first period since the loss and I’m hoping this will be our month, although the EDD would be the 25th December with my cycle length 😆

Still feeling very emotional and that the loss is still quite raw. Work is obviously not the distraction you would hope for!

@Bumblebee413hello. Sorry about the MMC, they’re horrible to go through ❤️

Another midwife! Maybe you can give us tips.

I started spotting light pink yesterday three days before period, which sometimes I do, so this isn’t a successful cycle for me I don’t think

Morning all, welcome @Bumblebee413. Our job doesn't exactly help in these times. Sorry to hear about your losses x

I'm feeling very crampy. According to my app af is due in 3 days time. Bfn this morning on a cheap test I haven't used before, woke up in the night with horrible upper abdominal pain and nausea but wasn't actually sick...weird. still got discomfort this morning but I'm under immense stress lately so that ma be why

Lots of white/creamy cm today, I think that's unusual for me at this point but time will tell.

@Bumblebee413 so sorry for ur losses and such a tough job to be in going through such a related hard time. Sending love ❤️

I think it’s safe to say I’m out this month with that drop in rhr 😕 I was planning to test tomorrow morning but don’t think I’ll even bother now. On we go to the next month.

I’ve decided our breastfeeding journey is coming to an end, OH is going to do a week of putting her to bed and I’m sure by that stage my milk will have dried up. I feel a little sad but also I feel so ready compared to around Christmas time when I first started thinking about finishing.

@FiB83 I’m the same with cm this month and deff not the usual for me, I’m due period sat or Sunday so let’s see what the weekend brings

Pretty certain I’m out this month. BFN on a test today. So frustrating, my mmc we conceived so easily, I’d only been off the pill about 3 months

@TheFutureIs same here, bfn this morning and 11dpo so deff out. Uugh same as u I feel so deflated, we were so fortunate to conceive first time with first 2 pregnancies so I just feel so frustrated and sad it’s not happening now. This will be cycle 7 I think, the thoughts of gearing up for another month of hoping is exhausting 🫣😫

how’s everyone else getting on?

I'm sorry @DmcinT @TheFutureIs it's so disheartening 🙁

I'm only 6DPO but last cycle AF arrived 5DPO so I'm taking that as a win for now!

@Sa11yCinnamon oh hopefully it stays that way now for another few days at least for u. What would have made it come so early last month?
I am all a bit crampy this morning so I’d say af on its way over the next day or 2

@DmcinT the only thing I can think of is perimenopause. I'm still paranoid it'll start any moment!

My BBT is still up but I have a slight cold so not sure I can read anything into that.

@Sa11yCinnamon I think you recently stopped breastfeeding? I’d probably chalk it up to hormone changes from that rather than peri. You’d be quite young for irregular cycles from peri, and breastfeeding can shorten luteal phase. I’m hoping we’re too young for peri anyway, although sometimes I am insanely irritable! Not sure if it’s two preschoolers or peri sometimes 🙈

I’m fairly sure I am out also, pinky brown cm, and period cramps. Due tomorrow so I’m guessing it will come, right on time…. Yay.

It is a bit weird though. My two accidents have been miscarriages. I took a few cycles after MMC to get my first child. My second we only had sex once that month, due to business trips and staying with family. It wasn’t even at the right time, and we weren’t trying that month! As had building work coming up we had to move out for. I just feel like it’s going to be a long slog, and that 5% chance per cycle keeps sticking in my head. But that’s almost 60% chance within a year, right? Just being overly pessimistic maybe

@january1244 yes I did, we were down to only one feed at bedtime but I did read that stimulates prolactin overnight which has a stronger effect than during the day. I'm 41, my mum can't remember exactly when her symptoms started but she went to the doctor at 46 so I do hope I have a bit more time!

Sorry to hear you think you're out, the waiting is torture. I swing between being really pessimistic so I won't be disappointed, and really positive so I manifest it... Maths isn't my strong point so I won't comment on the percentages!

@Sa11yCinnamonI remember the second time I stopped breastfeeding because it was only a few months ago, and the stopping made things go weird cycle wise, as well as I got some brain fog and forgetfulness. Like actually forgot words! One of my best friends is a Dr and she said it’s completely normal for cycles and brain fog etc, from the swing in hormones. So hopefully it’s just that for you!

Yes it is, 60% in a year is good odds, and I think that was even studying people that needed IVF so the figure in reality is likely to be higher 🤞

I think it is just annoying because (for us anyway) timing loads of sex around fertile window with young kids, work and commute is an effort!

@january1244 oh that's good to know, how often were you feeding before you stopped?

Yeah we literally had sex twice this month and they were the day before and day of ovulation 😂 my son is (for now) a good sleeper but it's still hard to fit in!

@Sa11yCinnamon I think maybe 2-3x a day max- she was 18 months ish so it wasn’t massively regular.

How old is your child?

Ha I don’t like to presume, others might be having fab sex lives, not trying to mentally schedule ANOTHER time in when they’d rather read their book 🙈

@january1244 he was 20 months when I stopped feeding. I'm definitely gonna hope that's behind the crazy cycle!

Hahaha that really made me laugh - we will sit and watch 2-3 episodes of a tv show then decide we're too tired for sex 😂

@Sa11yCinnamon @january1244 😂🫣 it really is a case of making such a effort to fit it in around bedtime, work schedules etc.. there really isn’t anything exciting or surprising about it anymore haha we dtd 3 or 4 times around fertile week and then once in the last 10 days 😅

we trialed OH putting lo to bed last night and it went spectacularly bad, she wouldn’t lie on the floor so eventually fell asleep on the floor and then woke 2 hrs later absolutely hysterical (prob because she was on the floor) so I ended up having to take over and BF her anyways 😫 tell me it gets easier?

@Sa11yCinnamon@DmcinTso glad it’s not just us!

@DmcinTugh sorry you had a rough night. I had to stop for 48 hours because I had sedatives. I was planning to restart breastfeeding but she was happy by the second day, so I just never did. I gave her the bottle while we read a book and cuddled in bed. After the first couple of times shouting, she kind of got used to it. Hopefully tonight will be better for you

So diffilcult towards the end. I went the lazy way and just fed until she weaned herself. She was 3years 3 months at her last feed
We’re quite good at going up for “an early night” or snatching little pockets of time for just the 2 of us

Sorry I meant she wouldn’t lie on the bed so fell asleep on the floor.

praying tonight will be easier

@Sa11yCinnamon sending love- stopping breastfeeding is Hard.

I have a question for those trying for a third: do you always feel it’s the right thing to do or do you sometimes have doubts? I am 90% sure that I want another, but every time it is hard with my two or I struggle or wonder how I am meant to do the same but with an extra one, I have a little panic about whether I’m actually making the right choice for our family. Or if I’m just being selfish/ naive wanting another which no one can guarantee will be healthy and may reduce the quality of life for our actual living children.

I am one of three and it (most of the time!!) just feels right and I almost feel as though someone is missing. I also feel so pressured age wise- as though I Have to decide and conceive ASAP!

@Bumblebee413we go back and forwards for the very reasons you say- worried we won’t be able to cope to give them all the time and money they’ll need over the years and worsen all of their lives. We had a contraceptive failure which ended in a miscarriage. I’m not sure if it is this driving the want for a third time. Like you I was one of three, and I love the thought of them having a little tribe. I’d like three, but I think it must be normal to worry a bit? And yes also worry just because we have been so lucky with our two, are we pushing our luck with a third. So all the same worries really.

Do you mind me asking, you mentioned a miscarriage also - were you settled on three before that?

Hello, I don’t mind you asking at all. We had actually settled on two, then had a chemical pregnancy, which only lasted four days but shook us more than I could ever imagined. We had started to get our heads round the idea of being a family of five, then obviously that came to an abrupt end. The MMC we had the next cycle was, I think, the product of grief. The anxiety and worry I had during it was overwhelming, but equally nothing that pregnancy felt quite the same as it had with my two successful pregnancies and I was certain something had gone wrong weeks before the scan, so I don’t know how tied up in all that the worry was.

I do worry that the current want for a baby is driven by those losses and might be a heart over head decision. I think too because I know we could be perfectly happy with the two we have. I just think there might always be a ‘what if…?’

@Bumblebee413thats my worry too, that it’s the hormones and the ‘what if’. Hmm! We will have to see I guess. I will say my partner isn’t as on board with it as me I don’t think, which makes me worry a bit more.