TTC after second or third trimester loss

[MissingMyBaby]

Hi, I thought I would start a thread to see if there’s anyone who has had a second or third trimester loss and is TTC or will be in the next few months.

I was pregnant until a few weeks ago where i sadly lost my so wanted baby at 20 weeks. It’s a horrible pain. We’ve decided to wait until April to TTC so that we can grieve our baby and try to heal mentally and physically. It’s difficult as I really just want my current baby, but my body is also aching to have a living child in my arms.

I’ve now had my first period since the loss and i’ve started tracking so i can start to understand my cycle post loss.

I've had 4 of the 5 sessions. I've found it really useful. A judgement free zone where I can release things I've been trying to hold in to be "normal" in day to day life. My counsellor has been really kind and thoughtful. They've also done some practical grounding exercises I can use when I start to feel overwhelmed. I hope you find it useful. One of the things she is very clear about is that grief doesn't go away it just changes over time. I've cried a lot during the sessions and it is hard to relive what happened but I've definitely found it helpful xx

@Moosey898thank you so much for sharing. We’ve had our assessment appointment so just awaiting the sessions being booked in. My partner struggles to open up and talk about it. He hates to get upset (I think it’s a man thing!) so I’m not sure how he’s going to find it all. I think I need some help to properly deal with what’s happened to us and have some trauma to go through.

I like the ball in a box analogy with grief. It’s always there but at the beginning the ball is large in a small box and it hits the sides a lot. Then over time the ball gets smaller (or the box gets bigger) and it hits the sides less often. So it’s still there but it hits you harder at the beginning and more often. Hopefully over time it lands softer and less often.

I hope everyone is managing ok on the run up to Christmas. I find it quite a difficult time of year

Hello, I’ve read your messages and found them really quite helpful so I wanted to say hi. I hope that’s ok. We lost our little boy at 20+6 exactly a week ago. We’re definitely not anywhere close to ttc again yet but hope to again in the future. I’m so sorry that you are all also in this heartbreaking situation.

I am so sorry for your loss 😔 does your little boy have a name?xx

@Wishingforwhatshouldhavebeen so sorry for your loss. Everything must be so raw right now. It’s awful that we have all been through these heartbreaking situations but I do also find comfort knowing that I’m not alone.

Just checking back in and to say so sorry for your losses @Wishingforwhatshouldhavebeen @Fullofconfusion@Ash2345fwho have joined since I last wrote.

and thanks for everyone’s responses about their cycles returning. I don’t know what’s going on with my body as just a few days after what I thought was my first period, I’ve started having some dark red blood only when wiping. I though it was due to ovulated sometime in the next 5-7 days so who knows… frustrating as I’d like it to normalise asap but also recognise that my body needs time to heal. It’s only been about 6 weeks since my loss.

The ball in the box analogy is great @Fullofconfusion

Welcome and I’m so sorry for your losses @Fullofconfusion @Wishingforwhatshouldhavebeen.

Keep going @Wishingforwhatshouldhavebeen. You’re in the darkest stage at the moment, but you’re already surviving. I’m so sorry you’re here. Are you getting support from family and friends? I’m only two months in and the grief analogy above is exactly how it feels. Slowly but surely i’m functioning better but I still miss my child terribly.

I’m really jealous of those of you who have had success with counselling. I tried it, but I didn’t feel much of a connection with the counsellor. I think i’ll try to find my own.

How is everyone doing? We decided to wrap a blanket and put it under our Christmas tree. Having to wait until April to TTC feels so long.

@MissingMyBaby- what a lovely idea. I really hope you get to unwrap that blanket with a bump or baby next year. Do you think you’d move your April TTC date forward?

I am hoping to have my first Petals session in January but feels like so long away. We have the baby’s funeral next week but it will just be me and DH attending as we want to keep it private. It will be awful, but also in a way helpful to make a little peace with it maybe.

It’s day 22 here of what I think is my first proper cycle post miscarriage but no sign yet of ovulation so I have booked an acupuncture appointment tomorrow. Then typically my LH test strip was quite dark today, so maybe O is on the way sometime soon after all although we’re not TTC again yet. I’ll keep the appointment anyway… Will be relaxing hopefully if nothing else.

@MissingMyBaby I'm doing ok thanks. Pretending festive season isn't happening because I just don't feel like it.

We're waiting to hear from the genetics lab to have a call and go through the PGT tests they will do. We're hoping to start IVF early Feb. Can't come round quick enough!

If it helps with timelines, my first cycle after losing my daughter Ava, ovulation was day 18, second cycle day 15 and then I'm now on third cycle, period stopped sooner but I'm not tracking ovulation as we aren't allowed to TTC now ahead of IVF because it's costing the NHS.

@i123i It’s annoying having to wait, but unfortunately I have to wait until April for my body to heal due to post birth complications. But to be honest it’s not too bad because i’m using the time to get healthier and fitter so I can give my body the best chance.

I’ll be thinking of you this week. The funeral will be tough, but i do hope it brings you some peace and helps you to feel closer to your little one 🌹.

Let us know how your acupuncture appointment went and if you would recommend it. Did ovulation happen?

@Moosey898 I’m with you on the zero festive mood. I can’t wait for it to be over.

I’m excited for you in terms of Feb, it will come quickly! I imagine it’s frustrating to not be able to try in the coming cycles, but it will be worth it.

Thank you for sharing about your cycle because i’m not sure what to expect with mine - i’m about to start my second one and not sure what to expect in terms of if ovulation will be consistent.

Thanks for sharing your experience on ovulation timing after miscarriage @Moosey898. Hopefully mine will regulate over the next couple of months. I hope February comes quickly for you and Christmas helps distract you, helps you take some peaceful time to yourself, even if you’re not in a festive mood.

@MissingMyBaby- yes that’s a good way to frame it, using the time to get healthier etc.
The funeral was very emotional but also helped with healing in a way 🤍.

The acupuncture appointment was ok. I didn’t gel with the therapist so much but the actual treatment felt relaxing. And I think I did ovulate on CD 22-23 in the end, (coincidentally CD 23 was on the day of acupuncture) but just waiting on my temperature app confirming it.

Hope you’re all being very gentle with yourself over this period. It’s not a fun time for many even if we hadn’t gone through this horrific experience. So sending you all hugs and best wishes for the days ahead x

I’m glad Christmas is over now. The day was nice, but it was hard. I woke up crying as i held my baby’s ashes. This isn’t how Christmas was meant to look. Seeing everyone having great times on social media didn’t help. Hope everyone had manageable days.

Now just to get over NYE…

How did you get on with your temperature tracking @i123i ?

We lost our first at 40 weeks whilst I was in active labour. So I physically had to go through labour and birth. We started trying again 6 weeks later. 15 months after our rainbow was born. Ditch the cycle tracking, ovulation tests etc. they just cause stress and that’s not helpful when ttc - just have sex and lots of it!! I had reflexology and acupuncture to help me recover physically and mentally, along with private counselling.

@ForUmberFinch i’m so sorry for your loss and so happy that have your precious rainbow baby. Can I ask how you’ve found parenting after loss? Are you happy again?

I think you’re right about the testing. I think i’m going to stop tracking once i’m familiar with my cycle. It caused me anxiety before and funny enough, i fell pregnant the month i didn’t track.

I’m not tracking this cycle. I had an odd 25 day cycle last time around which totally threw me. My cycles are usually clockwork 30/31 days with ovulation around day 19-21. So to reduce stress over the festive period I’ve stopped tracking using strips. I’m just listening to my body and looking out for the usual signs. I’m cd14 today so coming up to halfway through my usual cycle length. No sign of ovulation yet.

I hope you’ve all managed to have a peaceful Christmas. I think I know what everyone’s new year wish will be. I hope it comes true for us all

Hello again everyone I hope you’ve been kind to yourselves over Christmas, it was definitely harder than I expected it to be. We spent Christmas Day with my in-laws including their young baby and the whole day just felt like one of those old game shows where they show all the prizes at the end and go “here’s what you could have won”! We’re lucky enough to have a 3 year old but seeing him interact with his little cousin broke my heart over and over again. And just to add to everything my periods decided that Boxing Day was the perfect day to start again… which was horrible timing but also a little bit reassuring I suppose. Which would have been exactly 30 days after our loss @Ash2345f. Sending you all love.

@Fullofconfusion we've just been accepted by petals and waiting to hear about a start date. I’m really hoping it’s helpful.

Thanks for the thoughts @SparklyGreenTiger, hope you are doing ok.

@MissingMyBaby- so sorry to hear Christmas Day was so awful. Impossible not to imagine what it could have been like instead. I try to take social media breaks every so often which helps.
Yes, my temperatures confirmed ovulation, temperatures stayed high and then dropped yesterday. AF came today. Bang on 12dpo as per pre-miscarriage cycles, so at least that’s reassuring I guess….

@ForUmberFinchso sorry for your loss, but so glad you now have your rainbow. I might ditch the tracking at some point, I just want to make sure my cycles are regular again first. (like @MissingMyBaby, we also fell pregnant in a month I didn’t really track)

@Fullofconfusion- hope ovulation comes as expected and the not tracking helps with stress reduction. I find CM is my most obvious indicator and impossible to ignore, if not tracking with strips or BBT.

@Wishingforwhatshouldhavebeen that sounds like a really tough Christmas Day. I am sure your 3 year old still had a magical time. We are about on the same timing then as my AF came today… although not expecting ovulation until CD 20 or so until my cycle regulates (this will be my second cycle post miscarriage).

logging back in after the Christmas period it’s been a tricky one to navigate through that’s for sure…I hope everyone is feeling as good as they can be 💙 after our loss on 05th November I though I had my period on 2nd December it certainly seemed that way and I tracked it as that…anyway I was due to have a period on the 30th December going of my usual cycle but it hasn’t arrived…. What’s everyone’s cycles been like since their loss? Thanks in advance x

@i123i I’m glad you got your ovulation confirmation and your cycle is on track. Very big win. Have you and your DH agreed on when you’ll TTC again?

@Ash2345f hope you’re doing well too. I’m about to enter my third cycle and it seems to be getting back to normal and consistent, however from others’ experience, i know it can take a few cycles to regulate so i wouldn’t worry. Will you be tracking ovulation?

How is everyone doing? Hope the new year is positive for us all especially after navigating Christmas and the feelings it can bring.

@i123iI think I’ve ovulated today. A couple of days of EWCM and then cramps this afternoon which I believe were ovulation cramps. If I’m right then my cycle has righted itself again and I’ll just put last month down as a hiccup. To be honest I wonder if I ovulated at all last month, I caught a rise in LH but no real peak and then AF arrived a week after that so I wonder if it just didn’t happen. This month I’m feeling more hopeful.

@Ash2345fI had a loss at 22 weeks (medical management) and bled for about 2-3 weeks. Then seemed to had my first period at 6 weeks after. Then it went back to my usual pattern, if that helps. I wish you all the best with your journey and I’m so sorry for your loss

Hello I was just wondering if anyone has any vitamin recommendations? We’re waiting for the results of the postmortem before we even think about ttc but I want to start doing something positive now so thought taking some vitamins or supplements again could be a good step. I was just going to start taking pregnacare again as that’s what I’ve used before but thought I’d ask first. I stopped when we had our loss so am really conscious that I probably need to build everything up again to give us the best chance.

Hello, think I can help with this. I've been under the care of a recurrent miscarriage clinic and the generic recommendations they make to everyone are 2000ui vitamin D3, Omega 3, 600mg Coq10 and 75mg aspirin. I've also just started taking Ovum after it was recommended by my acupuncturist. Unfortunately it's not cheap, but like you I'm trying to do everything positive I can after 2 miscarriages and a 16 week loss.