TTC after second or third trimester loss

[MissingMyBaby]

Hi, I thought I would start a thread to see if there’s anyone who has had a second or third trimester loss and is TTC or will be in the next few months.

I was pregnant until a few weeks ago where i sadly lost my so wanted baby at 20 weeks. It’s a horrible pain. We’ve decided to wait until April to TTC so that we can grieve our baby and try to heal mentally and physically. It’s difficult as I really just want my current baby, but my body is also aching to have a living child in my arms.

I’ve now had my first period since the loss and i’ve started tracking so i can start to understand my cycle post loss.

Hi @MissingMyBaby I'm so sorry for your loss. We lost our baby girl at 22 weeks on 4th September - I went into triage with spotting and turned out I had an infection that was borderline septic, and they had to induce me as they were seriously worried about my wellbeing. She lived for a little over an hour but with the infection and how early It was, she was just too small to survive.

It was utterly devastating. I totally understand the aching feelings, and just wanting a baby in my arms.

We started TTC again after my period came back. We've had such a long journey (9 years and 4 missed miscarriages prior to losing Ava). So I'm currently 3dpo on our second cycle trying again. We also have a referral and IVF consultation on 8th December as I have diagnosed chromosome abnormalities which means I'm eligible for NHS funded PGT, so if we try or not next month depends on if we would be able to start IVF in January. If not, then we will keep trying for another month.

Hi @Moosey898 i wish you weren’t part of this horrible club too, but it’s comforting to know someone on a similar journey because even with all the support, it can feel lonely. I’m really sorry you lost your precious Ava, especially as you’ve already had such a difficult journey.

I’m keeping everything crossed for you for this cycle. I’m really glad you’ve also got the back up of IVF. How do you feel on the emotional side of things with managing grief and TTC? Does having something to look forward to help?

I’m afraid I’ve nothing helpful to add but I’m on the same journey.
I lost my daughter Poppy at 21+4 on September 9th. The birth experience was the worst of my entire life. I had an infection too, lost 2.5 litres of blood in the delivery and placenta removal surgery and received 4 litres so have had to contend with very low energy levels and being unwell since then. I miss her so so much especially as Christmas and her due date approaches. She was perfect. She was also an IVF baby our final embryo from the cycle that gave us our 2.5 year old daughter (I know we are very lucky to have her). I’m 41 steps time is not on our side. I have had my second period and we are TTC naturally while waiting to do another IVF cycle in the new year.
We had planned to do the cycle in January but my AMH was tested two weeks ago and I got a call today to say it is very low and the clinic want to retest in January and scan my ovaries (they couldn’t see them when they scanned at the start of the month which suggests they are repressed). This just feels like a huge kick and so unfair after everything we’ve been through. I am so upset just feel like giving up.
I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through. I thought infertility was the worst club in the world but baby loss is so much worse.

Thank you - it's always nice to know we're not alone when going through such significant trauma and grief. It feels like a lot of people in my life see it like a first trimester miscarriage (not that miscarriage is insignificant, but having experienced both they are worlds apart in terms of grief and trauma) and they totally miss the part where not only did we lose all our hopes and dreams, but I gave birth, had a traumatic medical experience and held my baby girl in my arms watching her try to breathe. It broke my heart.

In terms of coping, I've been having therapy through the charity Petals and my counsellor has been amazing and an absolute lifeline. Outside of that I've thrown myself back into losing weight and getting fit to give us the best chance of a healthy pregnancy that I can - I guess trying to control the controllables.

We have also booked to see one of my favourite groups sing in Amsterdam in April, along with spending a ton of money we had saved for maternity leave on things we have wanted a while or have put off because we needed the money in the bank. It has helped temporarily although now I'm worried we won't have enough if I do get pregnant again!

@SparklyGreenTiger I'm so sorry for your traumatic experience and the loss of Poppy - that's a beautiful name.

I feel the same way - of all the things in my journey (initial infertility, recurrent miscarriage, chromosome abnormality diagnosis) baby loss is by far the very worst and hardest part of it.

I really hope you get a natural miracle pregnancy - and if not that IVF can be successful for you in the new year. I'm terrified of starting IVF and to have no good embryos, but I guess we will cross that bridge if we come to it. Trying not to dwell on all the future things that may go wrong xx

Hello, joining if that’s ok. So sorry to hear about everyone’s losses. It’s just so awful.

We lost our perfect baby in October, at 18 weeks. my tests have come back clear but we’re still waiting on the post mortem (which will take another 2-3 months) on baby. But there might be no known cause found anyway.

I feel for those especially to those who had to go through a long TTC journey or IVF to then end in loss as I imagine it’s an extra tough journey. @Moosey898im glad you’ve got the appropriate referrals. I’m waiting on my first Petals appointment- hoping it’ll help. @MissingMyBaby - yes also aching arms here. @SparklyGreenTiger- I’m 39 so also can’t wait around.

I’m having my first period now since the loss (at least I think that’s what this bleeding is, although I only had 1 week of no bleeding after 3 weeks continuous bleeding post miscarriage), but waiting to see if my cycle goes back to normal. I’d like to TTC immediately but DH wants us to have more time to think and grieve I think, as I think he’s worried it would happen again. Which I understand but it’s also hard for me. I also want to talk about the baby lots but don’t want to make people feel uncomfortable or don’t want to cry in front of them. Does anyone else feel like this?

Hi everyone, in case anybody would like some further support there’s a WhatsApp chat group that was created for people who are trying to conceive after loss. The amount of time the losses occurred vary but it’s a really supportive place and it’s nice to be able to talk to people who have gone through the same experiences as you. Posting here I case anyone wants to join https://chat.whatsapp.com/GLSZVksNVEyEn0oPzy1KLI?mode=ac_t

I’m so sorry for all of your losses. I hope the post-mortem gives you something helpful for your next steps @i123i. We didn’t get one as we know what happened, devastating as it is.
I am lucky to have a good support network in my friends, some of whom have had similar experiences. I find talking helps, I try not to dwell but I don’t want to put on a brave face or pretend Poppy didn’t exist or that it never happened. I’m starting bereavement counselling tomorrow. I hope it’ll help. I don’t love crying in front of other people but I don’t have a choice most of the time and tears never seem to be far away these days sadly.
I’ve been trying to get myself into the best space I can. I’m doing acupuncture, taking vitamins, doing fertility counselling/hypnotherapy, looking after my teeth etc. but it feels like none of it is worth a damn if my amh is so low.

Thank you so much @Marvelftw - I’ve requested to join.

I’m so sorry for your losses. @i123i I would love to speak about my baby all the time too, but yes, people get uncomfortable with the loss. I guess a lot of people don’t know how to handle it, but it is frustrating. It’s why forums like this and the support groups i attend are so helpful.

@SparklyGreenTiger what you’re doing is amazing - we can only control what we can so even if your amh is low, you’re still doing the best you can for your body.

I hope the bereavement counselling tomorrow is helpful @SparklyGreenTigerand glad you have a good support network in friends. That really helps. One of my friends had a stillbirth a few years ago and has been a great support even only via phone as she lives far away. Sounds like you’re really getting in the best place possible. I might give acupuncture a try especially if my cycle doesn’t regulate soon.

@MissingMyBaby- glad I’m not alone in feeling like that, it’s such a major life event but almost a hidden one.

For those here who’ve had losses earlier in the year than me - have your cycles regulated yet? How are you tracking for TTC?

I just wanted to send you ladies much love and lots of luck. We lost our baby at the delayed 20
week scan. The months afterwards broke me. I then went on to constantly miscarry 5 times before eventually having a successful pregnancy. Stay strong.

I only lost my little girl 6 weeks ish before you, but I've I'm in my second cycle now since. It took 6 weeks for my period to come back, and both periods have been longer and heavier (6-7 days when they were always 4 before).

First cycle was 30 days, ovulation on day 18
This cycle so far, ovulation was day 15

Ovulation used to be day 14 so feels like things are settling down.

I lost my son at fifteen weeks in July and then had a chemical in October. I'd also had a missed miscarriage in March.

I think my cycle is pretty much back to normal this month. My period is due on Monday so we'll see.... I have been having accupuncture for a few months.

We've been trying for two cycles now without any luck.

Sorry just to add - I had a baseline scan for my IVF clinic today, and everything in there apparently looks totally normal, good uterine lining and I did ovulate this month. So things are definitely settling down.

@Moosey898- thanks, that’s good to know. This first period definitely feels heavier and longer than ones before. That’s great the scan shows everything is normal, must be reassuring. I am hoping to track ovulation this month even if maybe not actively TTC (DH wants to wait a bit post loss), so hoping my cycle isn’t all over the place.

@bk1981so sorry for your losses but good your cycle also seems to be back to normal. I think I will look into acupuncture too.

@TakeMe2Insanity- thank you for your message and so sorry for all your losses, it must have been awful, but I’m really glad you’ve now had a successful pregnancy.

@i123i I’ve had my period as well after my October loss and even though we won’t be TTC until April, i want to track as well so i know what’s going on. It looks like I ovulated and i just hope my cycle regulates quickly. That first period felt like a punch in the gut though, I can’t believe i’m back here tracking again.

@TakeMe2Insanity thank you for your well wishes. I’m so sorry for all your losses, it’s heartbreaking. I’m really happy for you that you went on to have a successful pregnancy. Can i ask you - what’s life like with a living child and the losses in the background? Sometimes i fear that we may be blessed to have a living child, but i will still be heartbroken.

I am very fortunate to have two children, one very nearly 10 and the little one just turned two. The two year has filled our hearts and to an extent healed us as a family as he came after a bereavement. Life is a joy, however due to the ages of our children people sometimes assume DH is step dad to the eldest! When older dc is with school friends and all the various siblings are there I am very conscious of the fact that our dc isn’t here as it would be the same as those siblings. The thing people always comment on is the age gap but honestly I just tell the truth that things didn’t work out for us but now they have.

The heartbreak is there but like all grief as time move forwards you life gets bigger. While the pain is there, theres so much going on that while it doesn’t shrink it’s not such a big part of your life. I still take myself to my baby’s grave, it will always be my child.

Thank you so much for this. It really helps to understand how this grief will grow with me and it’s reassuring to know that it gets better in some ways. I like that you are honest about why there’s a gap. In the early days I wasn’t sure how open i would be about the loss to people who aren’t close, but I think i would also like to be honest and speak about him.

Hi everyone sending virtual hugs to all! can I ask when did your periods return after your loss we lost our little boy at 18 weeks on the 5th November x

I’m sorry about your little boy@Ash2345f. My period returned just under 5 weeks post 20 week loss and it was very heavy. My cycle has always been pretty regular so now waiting to see if it will still be like this going forward.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It took 6 weeks for mine to return after being induced at 22 weeks x

I’m so sorry for your loss, so heartbreaking. It took 5.5 weeks for mine to come back after 21+4 loss. I was warned it would probably be heavier than usual but it wasn’t.

Hi everyone,

so sorry to hear everyone’s stories.

We had a loss at 22 weeks last June. We found out at our 20 week scan that baby had a heart condition and made the heartbreaking decision to TFMR.

I then had a chemical in March 2025 and a missed miscarriage in June 2025. We’ve been trying since but no joy.

The idea of another pregnancy fills me with dread to be honest but the thought of not trying to have a rainbow baby is worse. Time is sadly not on our side, I’m 40 now.

I’m currently waiting for my fertile period this month. Sending love and luck to others also trying

We are both starting counselling shortly from Petals. Has anyone else had sessions with them and did you find it helpful?

I’m not really sure what to expect as I’m not expecting them to be able to make my grief any less. Just a bit nervous I think. I feel like I’ve probably suppressed a lot of my thoughts and feelings about the TFMR and I’m worried about how I’ll feel going through it all again.