TTC#1 - Looking for Others in the Same Boat PART TWO THE SEQUEL WHERE WE ALL GET OUR BABIES???!

[MocktailMe]

www.mumsnet.com/talk/conception/5093665-ttc-1-no-previous-pregnancies-cycle-6-looking-for-others-in-the-same-boat?page=40&reply=144772936

Hi everyone!

I can't quite believe it but after a while year we only went and filled the last thread.

I'll tag you all below so that you can find me!

If anyone silently reading along wants to keep following - here's the place. If anyone wants to read the fertility journey for the last year have a look through the last thread.

I think it's tough because a lot of people seem to assume IVF = guaranteed baby. Ive had a lot of people saying to me like well if it doesn't work naturally at least you have your IVF lined up and I do agree in the sense of, well, thank god IVF DOES exist, and it will (hypothetically at least! Not guaranteed!!) circumvent ectopic risk and help give me a interuterine pregnancy. But as we all know that's not even guaranteed, and even so, that's only hurdle number one!!!!

I think with the 'thats exciting' comments and vibe that's actually the sort of 'normal' reaction a lot of people say to people who say they're starting TTC naturally. Not any of us mind 😂😂😂 because of the heartache and slog TTC has been I would never say that's exciting to anyone telling me they were trying!!!! But I think that is a typical reaction for lots of people - people who think TTC also equals guaranteed baby! We are all cynical and pessimistic but that's because our journeys have made us this way! We are guarding our hearts at all times.

@Waitingformiracle whilst I think it would be amazing if you did catch before the IVF starts I think that's the sort of comment people IRL should simply keep to themselves. I don't say to pregnant woman it would be amazing if your pregnancy is healthy and exceeds 12 weeks for example!!! Even though it's a nice thing TO hope it's cruel to say out loud!! And so is telling you they hope you'll conceive before IVF! Like OBVIOUSLY you all hope that but why focus on it???

Amazingly I haven't tested again yet I will tomorrow probably. Too scared 😰

@Waitingformiracle lolll I’m very eye rolly when people say that but also am 100% hoping I can turn into one of those UNBEARABLY smug people who is that lucky 🍀 Everything crossed!

Thinking of @PearOpal and @MocktailMe I’ve totally started symptom spitting I got a bit of discharge today and inspected it for a bit too long 🫠🫠🫠.

We’ll see if I can resist testing…

Checking in @Waitingformiracle and @CharLdn - how’re we doing ladies?

@MocktailMe are you testing again soon? I tested today DPO 11/12 - BFN so guessing I’m out this cycle. Just waiting for AF now and focusing on have a really good BBT chart to look back on.

@PearOpal im resisting the urge to test… but might tomorrow just so I can see if I can have a glass of wine or two tomorrow… I haven’t had any signs so don’t think this month is it..

Hi ladies Im still hopeful for you both!

Secondly, I've started bleeding this morning. Hopefully this is just my period; if so it means I ovulated same day as my HSG. We did have sex that day but it was in the evening and weren't allowed to have sex in the days prior. If that's the case it makes me feel much better as means I didn't really have the change to get pregnant rather than we tried multiple times and failed!

I will test once the period is over as I'm so paranoid around ectopic bleeding, but I haven't tested the last couple of days. I do think likely my period though which honestly if it is then I'm hoping that's going to ease my anxiety - that means the cramps were simply pre-period ones and means I shouldn't be so anxious over every bit of pain I feel!

@CharLdn ill be crossing my fingers for you if you do test - you never know!

@MocktailMe It totally makes sense that you’d be worried about that. Hopefully it’s truly just AF and a sign of things normalizing for you so you can move onto a fresh start next month.

@MocktailMe fingers crossed it’s period.

In my rollercoaster day I’ve convinced myself I’m preggo because my Accupuncturist did some unusual pins and I’ve been super bloated with trapped wind.

This all could obviously be pre menstrual but hopes are officially briefly up. I’m going to get some early preggo tests now and go and squint at some lines.

I'm hopeful for you 🙏 you don't often say you feel like it's likely! So I hope it does mean something for you.

Small update on my end, we've had DH's results come back. He has a very high sperm count but 1% morphology, everything else normal. I wonder if the high count makes the low morphology a bit less of an issue but we're going to go over that with the GP. I just feel glad we have something we can work on. Still waiting on an appointment for my referral and I've decided if I haven't heard anything by the end of July I'm going to look into some private tests as we'll be on cycle 18 by then with absolutely no investigations on my end (other than the blood tests but nothing has come from them).

@CharLdn I'm hopeful for you! I'll be testing tomorrow at 9dpo, see if I can have a guilt free drink at the weekend!

@Tater05 thats positive there’s something to work on for you after so long. My Accupuncturist always says sperm are very sensitive so there’s lots of difference you can make.

I tested yesterday (BFN obv) but I’m not sure when I ovulated as I had CM day 18 I’m not sure how many days PO I am. My temperature is still high…

I guess by Monday I’ll know? As then I’ll definitely be over 10days PO

@CharLdn he's been taking supplements and doesn't have much caffeine anyway, and only the occasional alcoholic drink. But I definitely think there's room for improvement on exercise and healthy eating so maybe this is the kick he needed!
Your high temps could be promising, you're not out yet! I might not test today, I've started getting the pre-AF cramps so I'm fairly certain it would be yet another blank test.

How're you getting on, @MocktailMe ? Does it seem like AF?

Hi guys.

@Tater05 my partner came back with 2% morphology but higher than average count and mobility. They said having more of them be less optimally shaped is cancelled by there being a lot more of them. As you know he's got me pregnant twice - and ectopic isn't caused by sperm. I wouldn't get too down about that. From everything I read count and mobility are more important!

I'm still hopeful for both of you guys.

I'm pretty sure it's just a period it is really heavy actually. I'm just paranoid after my previous experience! But mostly I'm feeling excited to have a proper whole cycle ahead to try on.

Ladies I’ve officially gone from symptom spotting to the land of I just want to know… no symptoms but I’ve tested twice and BFN - I’m day 27 but I think I ovulated late and my luteal phase is 10-12 days…

I’m pretty sure it would show on a test if I was so I think keeping hopes conservative is good.

I’m struggling to decide how many drinks I’m allowed at the moment because technically we could be 3 months away from IVF so should not drink, but also if it’s the last summer before ivf I want to have fun… (I’m overthinking this!) the fertility consultant said don’t not drink but if you do be sensible?! Anyone else overthinking alcohol?

@MocktailMe that's good to know, thank you. You're going into this cycle really positive, let's hope it brings some good results!

@CharLdn I'm exactly with you here, day 27 and a BFN (yes I caved and decided to test). Sometimes I prefer to know from a test rather than going to the loo one day and AF just being a nasty surprise. I'm just waiting for AF now so I can get on with the next cycle.

I have definitely been overthinking alcohol and now I just have a drink or two if I'm out somewhere and feel like it. I don't think that will hurt and you have to enjoy yourself. Especially if the consultant said some is ok. I'm not sure I'll even want to drink too much this weekend anyway, alcohol+ heat and alcohol+ period don't mix well for me so all three is just a bad idea 🤣

Hi all, great to see a new thread!

@MocktailMe , so glad to see your remaining tube is good, and that you are back to TTC while pencilling in IVF later this year, that's a solid plan!
Same for @CharLdn, it is good to know we are giving all options the best shot possible.

Good luck to everyone in TWW or preparing for the next month!

I am 21 weeks pregnant now, and all goes well so far.

On alcohol, I have never been a big drinker but I had my last drink a month before our successful conception. I don't know if that played a role, as a lot of people I know who got pregnant kept their moderate/occasional consumption!

@Tater05 making it to CD27 to test is a feat of strength in my book! Sorry to hear about the BFN but I totally get your mindset about knowing before AF shows up.

@CharLdn i think there’s general agreement that it’s better to limit driving but I can honestly say I haven’t done much in that regard. Perhaps I’m lowering my odds but I also don’t want to totally change my lifestyle for sobering that might take months or years. That being said I’m not the heaviest drinker so I tell myself it’s ok.

Im totally sober and as we all know there's been countless cycles where I haven't got pregnant 😂 meanwhile I think plenty of people have one too many and end up pregnant without even trying! I don't think getting drunk would really be a good idea in all honesty, but I don't think the odd one would really drastically change your chances. If I was a drinker I'd probably feel comfortable having 1 or 2 drinks once a week outside of the 2 WW without worrying about any TTC impact.

i do think that sort of thing is personal choice though - do what you feel comfortable with. Those of us in it for the long haul understand how hard it is to put life on hold. It's all very well when someone is TTC for 6 months! But two years plus - well that's more than a pause that's an entire lifestyle overhaul!

Thanks @MocktailMe

I’m now day 29 - my temps still high. This is first month post hycosy so there’s a chance…

I don’t want to get my hopes up but they’re on the rise. I ended up having 4 drinks yesterday which I regret but also so many of my friends have drunk through TTC and had no issues so I think it’s probably OK to be moderate.

That said I think I probably need to stick to a 2 drink limit next time!

Side note the tanqueray Sevilla non alcoholic gin is delicious if anyone likes a G&T!

Hey ladies!!

@CharLdn please don’t feel guilty for your drinks yesterday, the cycle I got pregnant and MC’d id not had a drop of alcohol for a good few months. The cycle I fell pregnant id had a fair few drinks due to the wedding and all is looking really good at 15wks we even found out gender yesterday so that’s a very accurate upto date check too. Fingers crossed for you!!

@MocktailMe was it AF that had arrived?

@CharLdn nothing wrong with having a bit of hope, have you done a test this weekend or are you holding off? Either way I wouldn't worry about having a few drinks, I think the main effect from alcohol is on egg health so having a few wouldn't effect your chances now, and it also doesn't effect pregnancy in something like the first 8 weeks.

@MocktailMe I think you've hit the nail on the head, it's fine to make changes if it's going to be 6 months but when it starts to become 2 years, plus hopefully another 9 months during pregnancy, you're changing your whole lifestyle with no guarantee of result. And when you have people getting pregnant with very unhealthy lifestyles it doesn't help you stick to the regime!

@PearOpal I used to never test at all and just wait for AF! And I very rarely test before 10DPO, I used to feel like I was jinxing it if I test early.

AF did arrive, exactly on time. I was at a lovely wedding yesterday but it was also quite difficult, being on day one of cycle 17 and surrounded by kids and babies. I've been quite sheltered from it because most of my friends know what we're going through and are very good about it, and I work freelance so I don't have to deal with colleagues talking about it. But yesterday the amount of times we were asked when we're going to start thinking about kids... Especially when someone said 'you better get on it because all your friend's babies are starting to grow up'. Thanks. We started trying at the same time as them, just what I really needed to hear. Nearly burst into tears right there. I would've come back with the absolute hard truth if they'd said that earlier in the day but it was 1am by then and I just wanted to go to bed!

What a horrible comment @Tater05 !
Also, completely irrelevant. When I was a kid I made my own friends! I remember all my mum's friend's kids who she wanted me to be friends with never being quite who I would have chosen myself 😅 I think past babyhood the idea of your children being besties with your friends children is really quite unlikely. Their timeline is their own, and it's nothing to do with yours! Good for you for keeping your cool - it's more than I would have managed!

Sorry to hear AF arrived at the wedding too. I know it sucks.

@MocktailMe it made me realise how lucky I am that most of my friends are so understanding about fertility struggles - I actually forgot that most people assume it happens quickly! That's such a good point thank you, yes it can be very cute when they grow up together as besties but you can't force that to happen. You're much better off making your own friends rather than the offspring of your parents friends

@CharLdn I wouldn’t worry too much about having the odd night of drinking. In nearly two years of trying I have gone months and months without drinking and it has made no difference, and I’ve also had months where I had loads of fun and drank and it didn’t make any difference to my egg count for IVF so try not to worry. Plus the one time I did get pregnant I drank so much the night before ovulation that I spent the next day with my head in the toilet!! So you just never know. So much of this is just random good luck and I’ve spent a lot of time making myself feel bad about every single thing I do or put in my body but I’ve now gotten to the stage where I say life is for living. If I’m blessed with a child I’ll be so thankful but I also don’t want to look back on these years and say I didn’t live my life because I was so obsessed with getting pregnant. I went out and had loads of drinks this weekend even though I’m hopefully doing a transfer in a month. That’s just where I am at now with all of it, obviously everyone is different and it’s a personal choice but please don’t feel guilty!

@Tater05 I’m so sorry that happened to you. I find weddings particularly hard. I have a raft of them coming up over the next 3 months and I am dreading them I must say. Sending you hugs!

@Waitingformiracle @Tater05 weddings are hard as it’s those awful catch up conversations with life milestones.

I’ve found having some safe people who know what’s going on helps and a few glasses of bubbles helps!

@Waitingformiracle we’re now playing waiting game as to when we actually start ivf - going nhs so it’s likely to be glacially slow.

I’m trying to just not get stuck in waiting mode in the meantime but it’s taking up a lot of mental space :(