TTC #1, over 35, struggling with the process, 3 cycles down plus…. Anyone else?

[Thisisouryear2025]

As the title says really… feeling alone in this uphill struggle of TTC. Just want to hang out with anyone else who fits into the same category as me. Currently in cycle 4, 10dpo, pretty sure I am out but AF not due yet for 5 days. Feeling more and more like a negative Nancy as each cycle passes, trying to stay sane and would like to be in a support group with others who are going through the same in terms of no other children, over 35, and already a few cycles down. I also have low AMH, despite lovely textbook cycles I am struggling to remain upbeat and happy, it’s all I can think about, I have become a googling overthinking raving lunatic! I’m busying myself with stupid thoughts like am I having too much sex, not enough sex, is there enough sperm volume, am I eating right, taking enough supplements, looking after myself enough, what if it never happens etc etc. anyone else feel like they are an obsessed loon that doesn’t really know what else to think about? We did have a chemical pregnancy last August on our first cycle of unprotected sex…. Then stopped trying due to other reasons however cycle 4 now and just feel like it’s doom and gloom! Any other ladies want to join for the ride?

It wasn’t until I was reaching for ivf that I even discovered Mumsnet was a useful tool. Wish I’d found it at the start of my journey at 36. Definitely a lot of things I didn’t know. I desperately wish I’d been using opks from the start as, as you say, timing might have been a contributing factor. You’re in a good position going forward and I v much hope your journey isn’t as long as mine! My sister came over last night (the one with 4 kids) to spend time with me while I’m recovering and she definitely managed to make me feel worse. Suggesting I should just go for donor eggs and give up on mine, and reminding me about our friends mum when we were little and how old she looked. 😾 I ended up crying after she left! She’s very kind and didn’t mean it, just a bit clueless to what it feels like (three under 3 before she was 30, now in her 40s)

@Nosejug so sorry she upset you so much! I can understand why!! Sometimes people don’t realise how insensitive things they say are. Like you say she wouldn’t have meant it. Do not give up until all options are exhausted, you are still not at that point yet and may never get there. Thank you, I hope we can just conceive this year and all is ok, I don’t think I can deal with years of trying. I think il give it this year and try IVF but after that we’ve both agreed that donor eggs and donor sperm isn’t what we want to do. I think we will move to the USA & go live a cowboy life together with our animals. I don’t feel old and age is a number! Many women have kids later these days so do not worry about that! 🩷

Omg!!!! My actual desire if I don’t have a pregnancy of my own is honestly to go live the exact life you just described in the usa (or Canada if America remains scary). You need to read this book just to give you fodder for that dream: The Solace of Open Spaces by Gretel Ehrlich.

@Nosejug I think it’s a good option right!! Life wouldn’t be too shabby!! Thanks for the book recommendation 🩷 please keep us posted, really hope you get your happy ending very soon x

@Thisisouryear2025 I am 36, turning 37 later in the year and my partner is 40, turning 41 this year. For some reason, I've made myself think I have to fall pregnant before I turn 37. I don't know why I have put this clock on myself. It's not helping the situation.

@Nosejug sending love to you, today is a new day and remember to be kind to yourself.

I hope we all get our happy ending, We've got to keep on keeping on! 🙏

@2Sugars2 ahh i was 36 3 weeks ago! And omg I’ve said that to myself as well and it does pressure on. I feel a bit “can’t be arsed” about it right now, period will come tonight / first thing tomorrow and then I can’t decide if I will track this month or have a break but I do feel a bit less interested. Think I will try to focus on other stuff and just look forward
to to having test results back in a few weeks etc.

we do have to keep on keeping on and tell ourselves that a life without babies wouldn’t be so awful despite it being everything right now. That way I feel it takes that desperation away, for me it does. Sit here thinking my life is good, it wouldn’t be bad to grow old with my partner and live a life where we travel and live in the sun and have lots of animals drinking beer and eating chips haha

@Thisisouryear2025 more beer and more chips, doesn't sound too bad! Yes, that is a good way of thinking! I used to think like that but things changed.. my partner has 2 children from previous and they actually live us full time, limited contact with their mother (long story!) They have lived with us for nearly 4 years now and it really changed my outlook on it all. I think because I was in the 'role' and I can see what life is like, it makes me want it so much more.

@2Sugars2 yeah totally get that. I tried for a baby with an ex a few years back, he had two girls from a previous marriage & I adored them. Was so cut up when we found out he had an extremely low sperm count less than 2m/ml, so we were told we couldn’t have kids naturally due to it. I’m the end we split up and I am now grateful as I have met the right person. But for years I wanted it so deeply with him as we already had that family life. I still want it just as much if not more now, but because neither of us have children yet it would make it a lot easier to live a carefree life abroad and try to cope and accept a life with no children. I think it’s harder when your partner already has kids. You will get there!!

How's your week going @Thisisouryear2025? I'm currently CD15 and trying to find my peak. I think I'm one of those women that has a sudden LH surge so I daren't admit how many opk tests I've done today.... but I'm pretty sure I'm keeping easy@home in business 😂 currently DTD every other day to cover all bases 🤞🏼

@2Sugars2 Hey how are you? I’m kinda trying to chill out a bit this cycle and not have too many expectations! Have you had your peak yet? I got mine last night so il ovulate this evening. We’ve not DTD much really, we did day before yesterday and two days before that and will today. How you feeling?

Morning @Thisisouryear2025 I'm doing okay thanks. I finally had my peak, so I'm now 2DPO. I weirdly feel more relaxed now.. I think the pressure of testing/DTD and just general anxiety about it has faded now I've ovulated. What's done is done and now we wait.
Yeah I completely get the need to try and be chill and calmer about everything... it can be so consuming can't it. It's probably good to try and relax about it but I know how impossible that is sometimes. That's good that you found your peak though and know when you will ovulate. Hopefully you feel a little at ease the next few days.

@2Sugars2 glad you are ok and feeling better now you have ovulated. I am ovulating now. Had a blazing peak first thing this morning and got the pain now. I normally surge quickly and overnight. I managed to DTD 3 times in my fertile window, every other day today included so hopefully it’s enough. I haven’t been as obsessed this month with OPKs and having as much sex and worrying about everything, I haven’t probably not done enough but oh well. I really cba anymore lol. Like you say what’s done is done and now we wait. I’m going to try not wait this time round as it’s too much. I really hope I can busy myself with other stuff!!

Can I join?

I'm in my late thirties and we're trying for our first. We're a few months in, started trying at the start of the year. I feel like I'm getting a little obsessed now, I'm taking so many supplements (they do seem to be having a photocell effect on my cycle), OPKs and taking my temperature every morning. Everything is a possible symptom right now! He's just as bad though!

I think I'm 7 days post ovulation today and wondering if I can hold out til next weekend to test. My friend keeps telling me that it'll happen when I stop focusing on it - she means well but it's frustrating as she got pregnant each time without trying so doesn't get it.

I'm inputting all my data on to an online chart - I'm not sure I understand it but it makes me feel like I'm doing something.

Hi @Daisyinthegrass it sounds like you are doing all you can. I know what you mean about your friends comment, I think it is really hard for people who haven't been through this to fully appreciate how their comments can be so frustrating to hear.
I've also been consumed by OPKS this cycle, I can't even admit how many times I've used😂I'm currently 4dpo and already trying to symptom spot. I think I will try and hold out testing until 10dpo (famous last words ha!)

@Daisyinthegrass Hey! Welcome! Ok we started trying at the started of the year too, I’m 36 & also trying for our first. He taken a step back this cycle, done a couple of OPKs but tried to have less sex and be less obsessive. I totally hear you! I’ve been the same since Jan, symptom spotting, doing OPKs, checking my bbt & just being all round crazy. This is my 5th cycle & we went to the GP today to get some
intial tests done for us both. My other half goes in for his S.A. on Thursday and I have day 21 and day 4 bloods booked so we will know in a couple of weeks if we have an issue. It’s all so consuming and whilst people don’t mean harm there is nothing more annoying than being told to relax and stop thinking about it. I probably won’t test until 11dpo maybe so I have 9 days to go haha.

I know they mean we'll but it's so frustrating! My friend is so supportive and is so excited that me and my partner have decided to try for a baby, but she doesn't understand. Her children were unplanned so she's never been through the trying phase. My mum even asked me today if I think I'm trying too hard. Again, she never really tried, falling pregnant with me as soon as she started trying.

I caved this morning and did a test. I'm only 8 days post ovulation. It was negative, I knew it would be but there was the tiniest bit of hope and excitement that I'd see a positive. My temp has dropped too so I don't think I'll get a positive this cycle (it's my first cycle of charting my temp so I'll haven't really got a clue what I'm talking about but it was climbing ilnicely for the first 6 days after I ovulated).

My periods are irregular do I did so many OPKs this month (again, first month of using them), only finished them at about 4 or 5 days after ovulation. At least they're reasonably cheap on Amazon compared to in the shops!

We only started trying at new year but we've never really used contraception - we tried condoms at the beginning but they didn't work for us and I didn't want to go on to hormonal contraceptives - so we've been having unprotected sex for over a year now and nothing has happened. We should probably make an appointment with the GP but I'm actually a bit anxious about what they would say.

@Daisyinthegrass yeah totally hear you, I have been trying the same as you and I was anxious about our appointment today, and I am anxious about the results but then the doctor said, at least we will know what we are dealing with if anything. And I guess that’s what we need to know. There is so much help they can give it’s worth going through the angst. I’d say if you’ve been having unprotected sex for over a year and you are late thirties defo book a GP appointment. There maybe an issue with the irregular cycles and ovulation meaning they can give you something simple and you will fall pregnant. That happened to my friend and she fell the first month of taking the medication after over a year of nothing.

i agree, it’s the “oooh how exciting” comments that get me too. Like just because you had drunken sex at 18 and fell straight away because you were perfectly ripe at that age 😂😂 I sadly had two terminations at 18 & 21, and have had two losses over the last 3 years, so I just can’t imagine getting a positive test. I’m just feeling impatient and sorry for myself.

if your bbt was rising then you most likely ovulated, could be something simple or not you at all. Has your other half had a semen test?

8dpo is so early, what test did you use?

Neither if us have had any tests yet. He said he'll do whatever tests he needs to do. We only started the supplements at new year when we decided to start trying. I do think they're making a difference, they've changed my periods and I feel as though they might be helping me to ovulate - the last two cycles I have had symptoms during the two weeks leading up to my period whereas previously, my period would arrive unannounced. I think I'll give it another couple of months before thinking of imseeking help.

I used ones I bought off amazon, don't know what brand as they weren't in a box, bu5 meant to be able to test from 6 days before your period is due. I've held off this morning.

Positive tests must feel like a mixed blessing for you then - excitement mixed with anxiety with your previous losses. Fingers crossed it happens soon

@Daisyinthegrass That’s totally fair enough! You just have to do what’s right for you. You have far more patience than me 🫣 that’s good the supplements are helping.

Yeah I know il have major anxiety when I finally get my BFP, but I feel anxious now with the unknown 🫣

I think I'm more scared of knowing there's a problem than patient!

I've been spotting for the last 24 hours, a bit more today than yesterday, so I think my period is on its way. I did another test last night - negative (I'm not surprised), I was going to do one this morning but my partner was being the sensible one, he suggested not to get my hopes up. If my period hasn't arrived properly by the weekend, I'll test again then.

sorry to hear AF is arriving @Daisyinthegrass its hard to stay positive isn't it. I think your partner is probably right not to test for a few days.... I sometimes think seeing a BFN is harder than seeing your AF arrive for some reason. I know that doesn't make much sense but continually testing and seeing a BFN is always so hard.

Yeah I am totally with you on seeing BFNs instead of waiting for AF. I find it really hard seeing negatives I rarely test early. What dpo are you now @Daisyinthegrass ? Could be implantation and you need to give it a couple of days to get the hormones up! My partner went for his semen sample
today so just counting the days until my blood tests and when the results come. I think at this point I’d rather know what I’m dealing with and if it’s nothing it will given me peace to keep trying

Thanks both. Yeah, seeing a negative test is tough. I don't think it's implantation bleeding, definitely my period, it started properly yesterday late afternoon. Still, I'm looking st the positives, my periods seem to be getting more frequent so the supplements are certainly making a difference.

How long til you get his results back? Is it day 3 you have to wait for for your bloods? It must be strange almost wishing for your period when trying to conceive.

Well at least your periods are becoming more regular that’s defo a good sign!!

I think we will get his no later than 22nd May, I have my day 21 bloods Monday and they will be back Tuesday. Then my day 4 bloods will be done on the 22nd and back 23rd. So in two weeks we will know the full picture I hope. Or as much as they can tell us from those tests. I’m kinda hoping we’ve conceived this cycle and then it’s all fine. But I suspect my won’t won’t be that lucky!!

that's good news about your periods @Daisyinthegrass It will be easier to track your cycle and symptoms the more regular they are as well.

ahhh @Thisisouryear2025 That's good progress to start the tests, I hope you get some answers. I appreciate it might be quite nerve wrecking for you but sounds like you are being proactive and doing everything you can.

Where are you both with your cycles at the minute? I am 7dpo and the crazy is setting in... I want to test but also I don't want to test as I assume the answer with be a bfn. I don't feel any different at all, I don't know if I'm supposed to by now? By BBT is still elevated though but I'm not too sure what that really means if I'm honest.