TTC #1, over 35, struggling with the process, 3 cycles down plus…. Anyone else?

[Thisisouryear2025]

As the title says really… feeling alone in this uphill struggle of TTC. Just want to hang out with anyone else who fits into the same category as me. Currently in cycle 4, 10dpo, pretty sure I am out but AF not due yet for 5 days. Feeling more and more like a negative Nancy as each cycle passes, trying to stay sane and would like to be in a support group with others who are going through the same in terms of no other children, over 35, and already a few cycles down. I also have low AMH, despite lovely textbook cycles I am struggling to remain upbeat and happy, it’s all I can think about, I have become a googling overthinking raving lunatic! I’m busying myself with stupid thoughts like am I having too much sex, not enough sex, is there enough sperm volume, am I eating right, taking enough supplements, looking after myself enough, what if it never happens etc etc. anyone else feel like they are an obsessed loon that doesn’t really know what else to think about? We did have a chemical pregnancy last August on our first cycle of unprotected sex…. Then stopped trying due to other reasons however cycle 4 now and just feel like it’s doom and gloom! Any other ladies want to join for the ride?

Also to mention that every week I am hit with yet another pregnancy announcement that is like a punch to the gut!! Happy for others but sad for me….

@Thisisouryear2025 I am not quite in the same situation as I am a little younger than you but I have had an MMC and two chemical pregnancies. I am now in my sixth month trying again after my last loss. I know it's probably not helpful to you but I will say it tends to happen when you least expect it. It's a pain because you just wait in Hooe from month to month, I know! It isnt as easy as we are all led to believe unfortunately. I am sure it will happen for you soon, as I say, likely when you least think it will x

@Objectiontimethank you appreciate that. Sorry for your losses that’s so tough and not fair. I have to agree, il likely give up after 6 months and not try or try so hard and it’ll happen. It’s just a tough old process regardless of whether you’ve been trying a month or two years. It’s that awful disappointment I dread. I hope you get your sticky bean soon x

Thank you and you too x

@Thisisouryear2025 I'm in kind of a similar position. I'm 36 in a few months and no other children. I've been off the pill for a year in June and struggling with irregular cycles despite having tests and nothing seemingly wrong. I've been listening to all the audio books I can find to try and figure out how to fix my cycle and given the lack of pattern having to test for pregnancy every few weeks just in case. I'm now somewhere close to 35-39 day cycles with more supplements to try this month.

Sorry to hear about you're chemical, it must make each negative even harder as you know it can happen. I get all the frantic Google searches. I'm currently in tww. Not fully sure what dpo but did notice a wipe of spotting yesterday so assuming af is on the way as I'm definitely over 10dpo, but not seen anything since. I'm finding concentrating at work difficult during this tww.

I'm thinking same as you to give it 6 months and then stop actively trying as finding it to all consuming.

Hi @Thisisouryear2025 I fit this into this description, with a couple of variants.
I am 36, currently TTC for my first. It would be my partners 3rd though - He has two other children from a previous relationship, He also had a vasectomy and this year we got it reversed. We are currently on cycle 2 of TTC after his reversal. I did get tested towards the end of last year as we were considering IVF at one point so I know that I have low AMH too.
As the time ticks on it panics me.... I'm currently CD7 and using OPKS to track (although still getting used to this) and this month I have added in taking my BBT. I can already feel that this whole process is making me slightly insane so god knows what I will be like in a few months. Happy to keep you company as we navigate this.. xx

@CandH35its so hard isn’t it not to let it consume you! That’s tough with your irregular cycles, have you tried acupuncture? That sometimes helps. The tww is the worst, I get so down and obsessed!

hopefully AF isn’t on its way for you, but I get when you know she’s coming it’s easier just to accept it rather than hold out hope.

I defo think this cycle I will try to chill a bit more and give my mind a break! Has your OH had tests done?

@2Sugars2 ah I’d love you to keep me company!! Assume they tested him and it’s all working again fine so you know that’s not a problem?

it is such a hard slog each month it’s driving me mad. I need to take a step back for sure. The low AMH part is tough too because whilst I know all the time
we ovulate every month the AMH doesn’t actually affect fertility it is just a clock in our ears telling us to hurry up with something we have no control over!! So hard it really is, so many announcements and pregnant friends etc I’m like please be us soon as my heart can’t take it xx

Morning @Thisisouryear2025 he's not been tested yet, but the surgeon said he saw fully formed sperm on both sides which he said was a great indicator. He has to get tested at the 3 month mark which we've started the process for.

I had that horrible kick in the gut feeling last night.... one of my closest friends has announced last night she's pregnant. I had this wave of emotion come over me but I am really happy for her - she's also had a huge battle and this has been a long time coming for her so I am so pleased for her but I just couldn't shake my other feelings. It's a very hard balance.

Hey just to say there’s another thread going for exactly this topic “TTC #1 over 35” you’d be welcome to join in on. I started ttc at 36 but am 39 now, have low amh, have done two max protocol rounds of IVF, have had two spontaneous pregnancies one ended in MMC and the other is currently ectopic. Both pregnancies within this last year so it’s weird we never got a whif of a BFP all that time before (while my eggs were 36 yo!)

@2Sugars2thats really positive then! Maybe once he’s had the test you will feel more comfortable and calm about it. My OH is having a test in May and I think that will relax me when I know all is ok.

that feeling is the worst! I know exactly what hat you mean, you are happy for them but equally devastated for you & it’s just a sickening feeling. When I get scan photos sent to me or yet another pregnancy announcement in my face somehow I cry for a day and then try to move forward. It is really tough I know that feeling 😥

Thank you so much I will join! Wow that’s mad isn’t it, are you trying naturally still? Did they find anything out the ordinary hence the IVF or is it a bit of a mystery still? That’s so hard, I am sorry you’ve had those losses and been through that x

@Thisisouryear2025 basically a mystery. DP has suboptimal morphology (2%) but the actual count of sperm is so high that technically it should average out. More likely to do with my eggs (the miscarriages) or bad (terrible shitty) luck. My lining has always been great in any scan so I’m assuming the environment isn’t the problem, and my progesterone during this mc was very high, so my body clearly has the instructions. It’s the worst not knowing and just waiting, but I’m so much further into my “journey” than you, it can easily take a year for people with great everything’s to conceive so you’re certainly not hopeless yet! IVF was becuase we’d been trying around 2 years, my age, and his morphology. We had two nhs rounds but if you make less than 3 eggs they stop funding it and that happened this January.

@Nosejug it’s so unhelpful and unfair for it to be a total mystery, like you are just left wondering why! Which is the hardest! And like you say if your husbands count is high the the % of morphology should be ok to be less as it would be the same as someone with a higher % within a lower count. Have the doctors said that as well? What are you taking for egg quality? I take a decent fertility multivitamin including folate and not folic acid, omega 3, coQ10, vitamin D3 & K2 top up. Have you got low AMH too? I worry this is what is hindering me. Mine was 7.5 two years ago, FSH was 10.9, the August before my AMH was 12.89 and FSH 9.9, so sudden drop two years ago. It worried me so much, my AFC was 10-12 on my right and 6-8 on my left, he thinks he could see about 18-20 so was happy with that. But did say my egg reserve is low so I don’t have time to waste. I don’t know why the drop in 6 months though and I now worry what they are going to find when I get tested again next month.

he scanned me and my lining was really good with a 4.4mm lining that was triple lined at day 3, so said that was better than expected. So like you I don’t think my environment is the issue.

I had progesterone tested in two cycles two years ago as well and both were high enough to show successful ovulation and to support an embryo. I ovulate every month and regular cycles so I’m like wtf is going on!! And a chemical preg last August. I’m wondering if it was egg quality that caused that or maybe a bad sperm?

totally appreciate though that I am only 4 cycles down, I just struggle to believe that it will happen, I just don’t get why I’m not one of the every other people around me right now that only took “2 cycles”.

that’s so sad they stop finding IVF if you make less than 3 eggs, I’m guessing that low AMH will cause that which worries me if I can’t conceive naturally this year that my body won’t respond well to IVF.

sorry this is happening to you it’s not fair and life can be cruel.

really hope you get your rainbow baby. I am sure you will x

Aw thanks @Thisisouryear2025 and of course I hope the same for you too. Definitely have had that feeling, the -why can’t I be like absolutely everyone else around me?- feeling. My sister was first try at 35.

I keep seeing the sliding doors moment where a different me gets told good news and sees a heartbeat. I feel so bad for my partner as well, he feels the pain of other friends around us all popping out sproglings, or having tried ivf and it worked, or having one mc but then going on to have two easy pregnancies. I just have to remind myself that everyone’s got their own crap deal somehow. I have such a lovely supportive fun and trusting relationship with dp and try count blessings that way. But yeah I’m pissed off at our bad luck. Just have to remember that there’s worse luck available and try stem the flow at infertility. (I got to be one of the “very rare” events post cervical surgery and had a massive haemorrhage 2 weeks post op so you’d think I’d be due something good by now?!?!)

Morphology wise-yeah, the drs have always pointed out that it’s not really a cause for our infertility. My amh was only 3.8 when I was last tested, I’ve had a recent afc and have about 7 I think? My next ivf is private, we’re doing low stims this time as it’s possibly better for egg quality with low amh/poor responders. Doing 3 egg collections back to back so hopefully will have minimum 3 embryos to test, If I’m lucky a few more. We’ve had 100% fertilisation which is unusual. So sperm really doesn’t seem to be the issue.

@Nosejug that’s so tough having your sister falling on the first try at 35! I’m sick of these gut punches tbh. It’s hard!!

you will get that day for sure!! I don’t realise you could go private even with low AMH that gives me hope, if we have to go that way then at least I know there will be a clinic that helps. Like you say everyone’s got their own bad luck but it’s hard when it’s fertility related as it’s just such a precious thing to have held back from you.

amazing about 3 fertilised eggs, but then you wouldn’t think egg quality was the issue here either as a bad egg generally won’t fertilise right?

Could it be a genetic issue or a compatibility thing? It’s just odd how this happens when there are so many babies born in the world yet mysteries like this happen.

do you still ovulate alone?

yeah @Thisisouryear2025 i do seem to get nice strong opks (the cheap boots ones) and I’m very vigilant these days testing 3 times a day when I know it’s about to happen. I don’t take stock in bbt as the affordable thermometers fluctuate ridiculously, but all the midwives and fertility docs have said yes if you get a surge ovulation is sometime around then. And I just worked out that, despite around 2.6 years of no conception, my two spontaneous conceptions (ivf has only been 2 failed transfers) have been within 4 ttc “goes”. As in, they’re about 7 months apart but I was only able to naturally ttc 4 times because of ivf/miscarriage resolution. So something must have improved.

and yes! NHS treated me with 3.8amh, but I’m pretty sure private clinics will basically have no cut off apart from someone who has no eggs left. And some clinics are dedicated to low amh, and in sommmme cases (I’m not counting on it) women get more eggs on less stims. I’ll let you know how it goes hah.

luckily the sister had that child before I’d started trying, so there was no sad feeling, and I got my incredible brilliant little niece from it who I’m very close to. The other sister has 4 and had her last at 40 after a year of trying. You’d think you could count your sister’s fertility the same as your own but apparently not!

we actually just got genetics tested (£££!) but nothing came up, and since we make embryos easy enough it’s not likely compatibility (also that’s pretty rare as a problem apparently).

it’s cheesy but sometimes I’m playing “miracle” from the Matilda musical in my head, particularly the doctor singing gospel style about the infinitely small chances that make every life. Sigh. One day for both of us I hope!

@Nosejug that is so fab and so promising that you do ovulate on your own! And it’s crazy really when they say about low AMH and then it meaning your eggs are really low but yet you can still ovulate normally every month?! I almost don’t want to find out what my AMH is now as it will only drive more sadness. I used to test 3 times a day when I know it’s about to happen but I don’t anymore, I only get one dark day before in about to surge and I always surge when I sleep so I never really get a test that’s stupidly dark as I miss it. I only get a test that’s as dark as or a tiny bit below the control line but I always ovulate about 12-18 hours after that and get the one sided pain then a rise in bbt so I don’t stress waiting for the peak as I know I’ve missed it but still caught my peak day.

yeah to conceive 4 times says that something is happening right!!

oh that’s so good to know just in case we need it. Please do let me know as I always worry that if we need ivf my egg reserve will let me down.

oh that’s good and lovely you have a lovely niece. I know right?! You would think that you can’t be too far off your siblings…. Is there any further tests you can have done? It’s so hard it being so unexplainable!!

yeah that’s true you seem to be able to conceive and make embryos, is it the implantation part that fails or something?

we just need to keep that faith and know in our hearts we will get our baby / babies (I’d be eternally grateful for just one at this point) 🩷💙

Ditto! Best of luck with your next try 😊 x

Had some progress made today.... GP has agreed to refer my partner for a SA (I think sometimes they are funny if you've paid private before) but I've also ordered Exseed to do one at home.... I think I need to know for sure that the VR has worked and we definitely have swimmers! The surgeon did say it would take a bit of time for everything to kick back in to action so time will tell.... but I feel like I don't have a lot of time!!

@2Sugars2 that’s really positive!! Sometimes the reassurance is all you need isn’t it. You probably have more time than you think. How old are you?

I was you 16 months ago. We’d be trying four months and our friends announced their pregnancy on Christmas Eve. Literally ruined my Christmas. I laugh at myself now as We’re now 20 months into trying and we have one miscarriage at 10 weeks to show for it (just coming up on a year of finding out we were pregnant). We’ve had multiple tests and there is nothing wrong so I imagine we’ll be starting ivf in the next few months. I’ve actually got to the point where I don’t feel anything anymore. My brain has completely switched off emotions relating to fertility. Three babies in our family have been born since we started to trying and I love them all but my god is it hard.

@Rycbar so sorry to hear this, that’s mega tough. I hear you on the announcements front and babies being born it’s so painful to see. We’ve had 4 unsuccessful cycles and as I am 36 and he is 42 we have got a GP appointment in 2 weeks to discuss getting tests again for me to see if anything’s different and also for him as he’s never been tested. 4 cycles isn’t long but it is torture. I have to say whilst it’s still early for us I do feel like this month I’ve started to give up and feel more numb. How old are you if you don’t mind me asking?

Oh no I was feeling exactly the same as you at month 4. It’s more of a delirious laugh at myself - like omg can you imagine if at month 4 I’d know I was STILL in the same situation nearly two years later! I’m 35 this year - I have a low egg reserve too so hopefully we’ll get sorted soon. My husband has super sperm though so it’s definitely all me 😂

@Rycbar I am hoping my OH is all good too and it’s just a timing thing. Did your doctor or specialist think that the egg reserve is playing a part? I often wonder if that’s my issue. But you see lots of women conceive with a low egg reserve without issues so I don’t know if that’s matters too much. I’ve just turned 36! So time is on my mind massively. It’s funny isn’t it, how at 4 months we get so upset yet this journey could be so much longer!!