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Original poster

Traumatised from neonatal deaths. Pregnant again.

31 replies

Ella31 · 31/08/2024 11:15

Hi all,

I'm 6 weeks 4 days pregnant, first pregnancy after losing my beautiful identical twin boys last November. One of boys was stillborn and my second boy passed away at 4 days old in our arms in the NICU. They were our first after 2 early mc's.

I'm convinced something is wrong. I've cramps on and off and I'm not as nauseous as I was with my boys. I had slight low back cramps yesterday evening and I'm just so afraid ill lose this baby too.

I've an early scan on Thurs at 7 weeks 2 days but I am just dreading there'll be no heartbeat. Im also terrified of the ultrasound. My last one was the night they told me my baby was gone and his brother was slipping. It was completely out the blue. Thanks for listening to my rant.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ella31 · 31/08/2024 23:45

anicecuppateaa · 31/08/2024 21:57

Just wanted to say a gentle congratulations. I remember your previous posts about losing your boys

I totally understand how anxious you must be. My first dd died when she was a baby and my subsequent pregnancies were very stressful and I couldn’t imagine a happy outcome.

I don’t know how it works in Ireland, but I was under the peri natal mental health team and had a dedicated midwife who was very responsive over text. I also had a fantastic consultant who I saw weekly due to lots of different issues. You should definitely have both of these too.

Thank you. I'll be seen regularly and as much as I want. It's just getting to that first scan that scares me if that makes sense. Thanks for your lovely post

OP posts:
Original poster
Ella31 · 31/08/2024 23:48

Forest12345 · 31/08/2024 19:46

Hi OP,

Firstly, a gentle congratulations on your pregnancy.

I can't claim to know exactly how you feel as I lost my first pregnancy (a little girl) last Christmas at 20 weeks whereas it sounds like your babies where much further along. However your comments about the ultrasound resonated with me.

I'm current 7 weeks +3 with our pregnancy after that loss. I wanted to have an early reassurance scan to make sure things that started off as they should have. My MC was a missed one so there's that terror of something not being right and me walkint round oblivious again. We contacted a private scanning clinic local to us. I was very nervous before the scan due to thinking about the last time we had one but they helped loads by getting on with the scan quickly once I was in the room, kept the screen off until she was sure that it was good news and told me as soon as she located a healthy heartbeat. I was worried time was going to drag until she said anything as that was the most nerve wrecking part but within 30 seconds she confirmed that everything looked good and turned the screens on.

It's always going to be a worrying time but I'm really glad we went for that scan and it's helped me start to visualise that this pregnancy will hopefully go the way we want whereas before the scan I had my barriers up and had convinced myself it would be bad news.

Hope your scan goes well and brings some reassurance. Its going to be a long journey but different pregnancy- different outcome.

I'm so sorry about your precious baby. I'm glad to see you are pregnant again too. I was a day short of 30 weeks and I was delivering at 35 weeks due to them being identical and sharing a placenta.

How are you feeling this time? It's scary isn't it?

OP posts:
mellowfell · 31/08/2024 23:54

I remember you from last year and you were in my thoughts I was also pregnant then. I hope everything goes well and wishing you the best. I also had cramps in both my pregnancies around those weeks. My second pregnancy I didn't have nausea until 8 weeks whereas my first I knew I was pregnant at 4 weeks before even testing as I had full on nausea and later hg so I can say each pregnancy is truly different x

nocoolnamesleft · 31/08/2024 23:56

I, too, remember your posts around the time that you lost your precious boys. Really hoping for you that this pregnancy goes well and gives you your beautiful rainbow baby.

SWeal · 07/09/2024 18:18

I’m so sorry for the loss of your two boys 💙 Gentle congratulations on your new pregnancy.

I lost my first son at 3 days old in 2022. It was sudden and shocking. I then fell pregnant 3 months after losing him and will say pregnancy after loss was so difficult. I was riddled with anxiety every single day. Cramping from early pregnancy is completely normal but I know you will over analyse every single sensation, feeling and worry throughout this time. It is like holding your breath for 9 months. Go for as many reassurance scans as you need, go in to triage as many times as you need (I was going in weekly from around 16 weeks). It’s the 2nd hardest thing I have ever been through, but you can do this, I promise. Wishing you a healthy pregnancy ❤️

sel2223 · 07/09/2024 19:07

You are one strong lady, OP, I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boys.

It is completely understandable to be nervous this time round andsecond guessing everything but hopefully all will be absolutely fine at the scan and you'll go on to have a very healthy and happy pregnancy.

Best of luck OP

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