TTC #1 no previous pregnancies cycle #6 - looking for others in the same boat!

[MocktailMe]

Hi all.

As per the title, TTC first baby, I've never had a confirmed pregnancy before. I'm 31, bf is 27.

Been trying to conceive 9 months, but due to PCOS only 6 cycles.

This year I've lost weight, and my cycles since January have varied from 28 days to 38 days. Had PCOS confirmed, and currently waiting for an appointment with gynaecologist to see if I need further assistance. Appointment is taking its sweet time so for now doing it the old fashioned way still with plenty of hope (at least some days, not so much others!!!).

I'm currently on cycle day number 28, negative tests, no signs of a period in sight, CM up to my eyeballs and a whole heap of doubt over when ovulation occured!!

If you are :

TTC #1
A woman who has never been pregnant
Pissing on sticks at an ALARMING rate
Potentially with PCOS but healthy ovaries welcome 😁

Then PLEASE join my thread, so in need of buddies in a similar boat! ⛵

No offence to those TTC #2 or more, genuinley ❤️ just hoping to speak to people who also have no idea what pregnancy would feel like, and who also maybe have the fear they CANNOT ever get pregnant ❤️

Oh @MocktailMe I am so sorry. There are no words to make you feel better at all. But please know you are in my thoughts. Keep us updated if you feel upto it. Take good care of yourself.

Thank you @KT199 I know you know this pain :(

Just feel totally numb. Set off this morning fearing the worst but really hopeful I'd be back home after an hour or two with a photo and feeling happy.

I know there's no way the baby could survive but having a injection to end it's life is still morally tricky for me - I know I had no choice but it's sitting really badly with me right now. I feel a lot of guilt and still fear of rupture. An awful experience and I can only hope it won't end with surgery anyway even after this.

@MocktailMe I am very very sorry. I can feel your huge grief and pain reading your post. There are no words in the whole world that can make you feel better right now. But I am sending you a big hug and healing vibes, you are an amazingly strong woman!

@MocktailMe I'm so very sorry ❤️ Maybe the 3 months away from trying will be a blessing in disguise and give you a chance to get back to yourself. You've had a really tough time of it the last few months, focus on looking after yourself and I'm sending hugs.
Do you have family/friends who know?

Thank you all so much. Our parents and one friend know. My manager at work is also aware due to me having taken so much time off work - I do active in - person shift work with lots of lifting where I can't sit down at all so work is off the cards right now. They've been very understanding, although I am already dreading the questions when I return as it's been kept private.

I'm trying to do self care but it is tough as my mental wellbeing is reliant on being in the outdoors active - I can't be very active right now as I'm in a lot of pain and also have to avoid sunlight. So that's hard.

@MocktailMe so sorry to hear this news. Sending lots of hugs to you! Take care of yourself and take all the time you need x

Oh @MocktailMe utterly heartbreaking - big hugs xxx

@MocktailMe its a really difficult thing to go through, made undoubtably worse considering you was in a similar position a few months ago. I hope you have plenty of support and all your feelings are valid. It’s going to be a rough few weeks / months as you heal again from this. Sending love!

As for me, looks like my first period post MMC is arriving. I was strangely relieved / happy to see its return this morning but can already feel sadness on the horizon. Whilst I feel this finally puts this chapter to a close, it’s a reminder of a horrendous few months and the daunting prospect of TTC again. The only silver lining is it looks to have fallen so that my second period should avoid my wedding day 🫶

@KT199 I can only imagine the closure this must bring you, and the relief that this is finally over. I'm sure it feels scary to be back in a position where you physically can TTC again - even if you choose to wait until after your wedding or longer. Now that your body is back to a normal cycle though you should feel so much better within yourself. Try to think of it as a fresh start, but I completely understand the conflicted feelings this must bring you and hope you look after yourself.

I'm currently waiting on results from my first blood tests. I haven't bled yet so not sure what to expect from the HCG right now.

@MocktailMe Thank you, yes considering it as a fresh start is a good approach.

How are your results looking? And how are you doing?

Will you be TTC before the wedding or waiting?

My levels stayed almost the same (less than 1% variance) but having them taken again tomorrow which is where they look to see a big drop (at least 15%). I still haven't bled so I'm not sure whether they actually will have dropped or not.

@MocktailMe We haven’t decided, my OH wants to get back to it but my worry is that if ovulation comes a little earlier than the “norm” then my period would be due whilst away so I couldn’t drink ect incase we were successful (although feels unlikely!). My OH is very much of the opinion that I wouldn’t need to avoid alcohol until the point of a positive test, not sure I agree with that, which is why the jury’s still out on what we will do. I also don’t want to take any tests with me. The thing making me want to try is knowing this cycle is the last opportunity for a 2025 baby, which we already thought we’d have😣. Drinking isn’t a big deal to me, I don’t drink much at all but I know my OH will defo have a few whilst away, so feel like I might want to too. My OH also made the fair point that I wouldn’t have been drinking if things had worked out. I think we will have a more in depth chat over the weekend and decide. What are your thoughts on the whole drinking thing ladies?

Ah, well hopefully the next results are moving in the right direction. Have they said what the next steps are if the medication doesn’t work?

I don't personally drink at all so it luckily isn't a consideration for me personally, however I'm inclined to agree with your partner that a few drinks during the two week wait wouldn't actually matter. It would be a bit different if you were planning a massive bender, but if you're talking about one or two of an evening on holiday I don't think you need to worry.

Look at me and you before and @KTB34 before too - did everything right and it didn't work out okay. Meanwhile how many women get pregnant without knowing and live completely not expecting pregnancy for the first few weeks! A lot of women who don't track cycles might not think anything of it until they're a week or two late.

Whatever you do though I totally agree do not take tests on holiday, that will ruin your time away and you don't need that stress and hassle.

As for me, if the methotrexate has not worked then it will either be another dose of methotrexate or surgery. I'm hesitant to have another dose as this is the first day I haven't felt absolutely wiped out to death, and also can't see why it would work with a second dose if it didn't work the first time. But obviously surgery would be really hard going - although it would mean it was over there and then which is really appealing. Losing a tube is scary but I'm also certain this tube is extremely damaged so I'm not sure it's as much of a loss as a healthy tube would be. I'm hoping it's a choice I won't have to make.

Well I didn't get a choice!

Woke up from emergency surgery a few hours ago after I had bad cramping in the afternoon.

Have now lost my fallopian tube. Scary times but greatful to be alive.

@MocktailMe ohh, how are you feeling now? What a roller coaster! I hope the surgery went well and you are now on recovery path. 💐 Take all the time you need! I know you probably don't think about any next steps at all now, but if it is any comfort at all, I know someone who had to get one ovary removed and she went on to have three kids after that!

What an ordeal @MocktailMe I can’t imagine how scary that must have been for you. Wishing you a speedy recovery. It’s amazing what the body can do though and even though you only have one tube, the remaining tube will move to capture an egg from either ovary to allow you to conceive. Not sure if you already knew that but I was pretty amazed when I found out. Take good care of yourself, here for any support you need 💖

I can't really think about that yet but the doctor said the other one look okay but that doesn't mean not blocked just not infected or swollen and stuff. I'll still need a HSG to check it over.

I feel absolutely atrocious currently as I haven't slept for more than a few minutes at a time since the surgery due to being on hourly OBS. I can't wait to go home and sleep and begin to recover.

@MocktailMe sending lots of hugs. So sorry this has happened. I hope you can take the time to recover and heal 🤍

How is everyone?

I am back at home and resting and recovering. The pain is worse than I anticipated and although I'm amazed how much more I can move than just a few days ago I'm impatient waiting to regain my strength and health. This physical recovery is terrible, but mentally I think I feel better than before the rupture - the fear of rupture is harder to live with than the aftermath.

Does anyone have any good news or nice things they've been up to?

@MocktailMe glad to hear you are at home recovering now 🤍

I am getting myself ready for an early birthday meal! Still here plodding along 🤣

Ahh hope you have a lovely meal.

I'm so pleased you're still plodding along! It gives me a lot of hope for TTC post loss. I've lost track of where you are now, when is the next scan?

Thank you, I love birthdays 🤍 although I’m always at work when it comes round 🤣

There is always hope lovely, never give up trying! And there is so much help out there too, when you’re ready.

I am 16 weeks today, no date yet for next scan so patiently waiting.

That's absolutely amazing, what a milestone to reach four months, almost at the half way point. So many lovely parts to look forward to now and hopefully the anxiety will really ease off as you move through the second trimester.

Have a great dinner out!

Good morning lovely ladies!

@MocktailMe glad you are now home and recovering, hope the physical pain will be over soon too and you are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel! Did you take as much as needed off work? Don't rush anything!

I am 6 weeks 5 days now, still those scary early days!
We decided to skip a 7 week scan if no worrying signs appear. I feel I want to avoid intervention that early and also even if there is heartbeat etc it is still not a guarantee that the following few weeks are risk-free.. But we booked an early 10-week scan + NIPT, so that's our next milestone I guess. @KTB34 did you get NIPT or were you reassured with your combined screening 12 weeks scan?
I guess I am trying to live by a day at a time, and whatever happens happens. I worry every single day that any little things I do could harm the baby but logically I know it is not how these things work..Part of me wants to just enjoy what's happening, so far so good, so I am really trying so hard to stop this overwhelming worry!

@KTB34 no I didn’t have that. Well, I had the scan at 12 weeks (I was actually a few days behind) but had the test which was a combination of the scan and blood test which has all come back fine. I had a private scan at 8w 5d but in reality would probably been more like 7 weeks (based of NHS scan).

To be honest even with the two scans, test etc the daily worry is always there. I spoke to Midwife about my worries but I’m still being told I am ‘low risk’ whatever that means which is not really helped with the anxiety !