TTC #1 no previous pregnancies cycle #6 - looking for others in the same boat!

[MocktailMe]

Hi all.

As per the title, TTC first baby, I've never had a confirmed pregnancy before. I'm 31, bf is 27.

Been trying to conceive 9 months, but due to PCOS only 6 cycles.

This year I've lost weight, and my cycles since January have varied from 28 days to 38 days. Had PCOS confirmed, and currently waiting for an appointment with gynaecologist to see if I need further assistance. Appointment is taking its sweet time so for now doing it the old fashioned way still with plenty of hope (at least some days, not so much others!!!).

I'm currently on cycle day number 28, negative tests, no signs of a period in sight, CM up to my eyeballs and a whole heap of doubt over when ovulation occured!!

If you are :

TTC #1
A woman who has never been pregnant
Pissing on sticks at an ALARMING rate
Potentially with PCOS but healthy ovaries welcome 😁

Then PLEASE join my thread, so in need of buddies in a similar boat! ⛵

No offence to those TTC #2 or more, genuinley ❤️ just hoping to speak to people who also have no idea what pregnancy would feel like, and who also maybe have the fear they CANNOT ever get pregnant ❤️

Hey ladies!!

@MocktailMe ive got my fingers crossed for you, let us know how you get on this week. I’m sure the mental struggle on the lead up is agonising.

@KTB34 Very frustrating re: your complaint!!! Not sure if I would want a privatised health system but the problems we face definitely make me question whether the care would be better and people/places held more accountable. So pleased to hear your pregnancy is progressing though 🫶

@lavafield huge congratulations!! I hope everything pans out as it should 🤞

As for me, looks like my cycle might finally be kicking back in as I got a positive OPK yesterday and it’s been the same all day today with BBT looking like it’s ready to rise. Hopefully that means AF will arrive in two weeks (feels so strange willing her arrival) but I have tissue still to pass and with our wedding on the horizon in v early April abroad, I am just desperate to know this chapter is closed so I can focus upon that. We will resume TTC either March / April depending where fertile window falls, mentally I couldn’t take the risk of needing to test and finding out prior to going away or whilst away!

It’s nice to hear some positive news though, as I’m abit down today.. I thought the positive OPK would make me happy but actually all it’s done is make me sad realising we are going to have to go through the whole TTC journey again and weirdly made the miscarriage hit home quite hard again.

So much to catch up on!

@KT199 glad your cycles are coming back and sending solidarity about being back on the TTC wagon again - we’re here with you!

@MocktailMe 🤞 for your scans good that you’re taking time off work with a lot going on.

@lavafield amazing to get a BFP 👏 this is giving me hope I will get one eventually.

My husbands ok just stressed from lots of health insurance faffs. I’m joining him this weekend to go skiing with some friends which should be fun! And it’s only two weeks till he moves back to England again after 3 months (thank god!).

I’m still waiting to see if the gyno team have approved me for metformin - to cut a very long story short my bloods are all ‘technically normal’ but with very high amh - 53.5 and low ish FSH so I think that I’ve got mild PCOS and I’m either not ovulating or giving myself enough fsh for viable eggs.

I have had a letter through to say I’ve been referred for the nhs fertility clinic - still no news as to when I’d see them…

Has anyone else tried letrozole or clomid?

I think from my extensive research I think the next steps in my journey could be:

• Scanning to see if I’m actually ovulating
• maybe vitamin bloods to check vitamin d etc?
• Hycosy to check tubes
• metformin/letrozole/clomid to make me ovulate?
• IUI
• IVF?

Mentally I’m feeling OK - I’m just sick of waiting for appointments and trying to decide wether or not to just go private.

@KT199 wheres your wedding!!!!!

That sounds very exciting and maybe a welcome distraction ❤️

@KT199 Resumed TTC is now around the corner and hope it gives you some comfort after all the heartache. It seems to be not uncommon to get pregnant again quickly after a loss, so fingers crossed! 🤞
@CharLdn Thanks! Early days, and am still obsessively testing to check the line progression.
I had a private consultation and started that route of investigations shortly before I found out I got pregnant. Mainly because I have it covered, and also because of my age, NHS wouldn't finance assisted conception for us anyways, and I wanted things to move quickly. That said, NHS was very efficient with all initial blood tests, which I am thankful for.

@KT199 a wedding is such a lovely think to look forward to and I hope knowing you are committing to your partner will help you feel suppoeted on this journey.

I do empathise. Feeling back to square one is such a horrifying feeling. I felt exactly the same at the end of my pregnancy and whilst I (might?) have been lucky to catch again quickly I know if this is bad news I'll feel overwhelmed with the road ahead again. We just have to try so hard to remember that one day in the future when we have our families this will become just a distant part of our story. I know so many people with multiple children who mention they had a loss before their first child, and to them it is now a long ago sad occurrence. It's no longer life defining. I have to believe this will be me one day too, and I definitely believe it will be you. One day in ten years you'll look up this thread and you won't be able to believe how much life has changed.

Thank you ladies @MocktailMe @CharLdn the wedding is a welcomed distraction for the next few weeks whilst I try find out if AF is going to appear!!

Good luck for your scan @MocktailMe I hope everything is perfect for you ! X

Thank you so much. I feel absolutely sick tonight.

Had my scan and HCG taken again.

My HCG has risen 1300% since I last had blood taken 10 days ago. This is a good sign. That still puts my beta at just under 1200 - EPU said they don't expect to see anything on a scan before 1500 and lo and behold nothing was seen on the scan. This was really upsetting as even though I knew it was a possibility I had obviously hoped I would see something.

However, assuming I am only just at the 6 weeks mark considering late ovulation it isn't a necessarily terrible thing. I've got another scan in a week's time where reasonably we should have an answer one way or the other.

@MocktailMe this sounds promising ! Keeping my fingers crossed for you. Was there no yolk sac on the scan?

They said they couldn't see anything - they didn't give me any specifics, but did show me my fallopian tubes specifically to show me there were no masses in them. I'm genuinely not as worried about them not seeing anything now I know my beta level is 1200 - they did say from the start that 1500 is the minimum benchmark. And 1200 is still within the normal range for 6 weeks, albeit the lower range.

I've obviously obsessively googled everything and it does seem a lot of people don't see anything at this stage - and there are good and bad outcomes to this scenario. So whilst it hasn't alleviated my concerns it hasn't reinforced them - and it means my little baby still has a chance. No news is good news I am hoping, considering the HCG has risen so much since I first had the bleed. Whatever that bleeding was, it wasn't the end.

@MocktailMe don’t look on Dr Google, you’ll find all sorts of conflicting information. You’ll have to be patient and wait till next week (easier said than done). Try and do some things to keep you occupied whilst you wait x

I've taken a few days off checking this thread and wow I've missed a lot!

Congratulations @lavafield ! I know it's early days but I hope things are progressing well for you.

@MocktailMe this is sounding really promising! I think your concerns are completely normal and valid considering your last few months, but from your updates it sounds like you're within as much chance as anyone in early pregnancy. Your HCG rising that much can only be a good sign!

@MocktailMe I wish you all the strength and patience to get to next week when there should be clearer answers for sure, and fingers crossed you will hear great news then! You have symptoms and your HCG is rising nicely, perhaps indeed it was too early to see anything!

@Tater05 thank you! I keep testing and the second line has got much darker, and I got 2-3 weeks on a clear blue digi, which is reassuring. But don't have any symptoms whatsoever, as the cramping is now barely noticeable, but looks like it is not unusual not to have any symptoms until after week 5, so let's see. I had a slight nausea for a couple of mornings only when I got my first BFP.

I am still debating if I should do an early scan (if there are any worrying signs by then of course that would prompt it anyways) or just wait for that first 12-week one on NHS. I guess there are pros and cons. I am just taking it one day at a time for now..
@CharLdn Hope you enjoy skiing!! I love skiing too, and I think nothing beats getting lost in nature, snow, sun, and fun!

Hey @MocktailMe. Gosh, the emotional toll right now must be hard. But, you are pregnant and growing your little baby as it stands which is definitely a positive. I second what @Tater05 said, you are in with as much chance as anyone else in early pregnancy of things being successful.

I read all the good and bad when I was going through similar, and I don’t know if it helped or not but I felt prepared knowing it could go one way or the other and tried to focus on the fact that I was pregnant in that moment so hoped for the best.

The next week will be very difficult undoubtedly, however sending you lots of love and hoping for good news for you. Please do anything you can to distract yourself, I found comfort in trashy American tv and reading when I could concentrate on anything for longer than 5 minutes. ❤️

Thanks @lavafield its been really fun - apart from day 2 where I got a bit ambitious with attempting a steep red run and lost my nerve a bit.

We’ve drunk lots of wine and eaten so much cheese and it’s been gloriously sunny!

Definitely felt child free in a good way this weekend!

@MocktailMe all sounds like not bad news which is good 🤞 take one day at a time ❤️

@MocktailMe hope everything is going ok?

Hi ladies. Sorry for going a bit quiet. I'm just stressed out. Nothing has changed - no bleeding etc. Still the odd cramp or two which worries me and I'm so scared that they are more on one side than the other but sometimes it does feel more general. But no bleeding and certainly no pain anyone could describe as anything other than mild discomfort that does not last. So nothing to present to hospital with at least!

I've been feeling very rough this week - feeling and on one morning being sick. Which is hard as feel so pregnant im finding myself unable to bear the thought of it ending soon. Sorry for the moan.

@MocktailMe I’m sorry you’re feeling stressed, I know how you feel. It’s hard counting down the days, only a couple of days to go. Hopefully you’ll get the peace of mind you need.

I felt cramping in one side very early too but I think this was because that’s where I had ovulated from.

Sounds like you have symptoms which is good. If it’s any consolation I’ve felt the same every day too, it doesn’t go away even when you get the good news x

Please wish me luck for tomorrow ladies. I can't bear the thought of bad news in the morning but trying to remind myself I'm strong and will get through it either way.

@MocktailMe I have been thinking of you today! 💜 Please try to stay positive and try to relax tonight, read a book or distract yourself a bit (so hard I know!), and get a good night's sleep!

Thank you ❤️ I'm going to stick a film on then get to bed and hopefully get some sleep ahead of the morning. Very anxious but at least the uncertainty over ectopic will end one way or another tomorrow. I'll be heartbroken if it is and I hate the endless waiting and healing that will come, but I'd like to either know for sure or have it ruled out at the very least.

@MocktailMe thinking of you and hope you get good news tomorrow we’re here for you ❤️ Sending positive vibes ❤️

Will be thinking of you tomorrow @MocktailMe, wishing you all the luck for good news ❤️

Thinking of you today @MocktailMe, got my fingers crossed you get some good news!

Hi ladies. Thank you for the well wishes. Unfortunately my worst fears were confirmed - this is another ectopic pregnancy and it's more advanced than last time and still growing. Heartbroken doesn't begin to cover it. I've had methotrexate, if it doesn't work then I'll have surgery next week but hopefully it will work.

This has just been absolutely horrific and in a way I'm relatively relieved there is a 3 month wait on TTC after the drug, as I think I need to give my body a break.