TTC #1 no previous pregnancies cycle #6 - looking for others in the same boat!

[MocktailMe]

Hi all.

As per the title, TTC first baby, I've never had a confirmed pregnancy before. I'm 31, bf is 27.

Been trying to conceive 9 months, but due to PCOS only 6 cycles.

This year I've lost weight, and my cycles since January have varied from 28 days to 38 days. Had PCOS confirmed, and currently waiting for an appointment with gynaecologist to see if I need further assistance. Appointment is taking its sweet time so for now doing it the old fashioned way still with plenty of hope (at least some days, not so much others!!!).

I'm currently on cycle day number 28, negative tests, no signs of a period in sight, CM up to my eyeballs and a whole heap of doubt over when ovulation occured!!

If you are :

TTC #1
A woman who has never been pregnant
Pissing on sticks at an ALARMING rate
Potentially with PCOS but healthy ovaries welcome 😁

Then PLEASE join my thread, so in need of buddies in a similar boat! ⛵

No offence to those TTC #2 or more, genuinley ❤️ just hoping to speak to people who also have no idea what pregnancy would feel like, and who also maybe have the fear they CANNOT ever get pregnant ❤️

I am so, so sorry @MocktailMe that is absolutely crushing ❤️‍🩹 there is nothing to say to make it less painful but I hope you are being well looked after. We are here for you. Sending big hugs

@MocktailMe I’m so sorry 💔 sending lots of love. If you need to talk about what to expect I’m here to listen xx

Hi ladies how are we all doing ♥️

I had the results of my scan, I have an enlarged right ovary and now a fibroid 🙄

Just been for a follow up GP appt and they are referring me to gynaecology at the hospital…so a long wait for us!

Hope everyone is ok x

Oh @MocktailMe so sorry you’ve been through this sending you biggest virtual hugs xxx

Thanks so much ladies. I'm just now waiting for my HCG to drop entirely - which I'm hoping won't take too long, as it is the HCG making me so hormonal and emotional which is the last thing I need.

I've been told 'when' I get pregnant again (of course, I'm afraid it's an 'if') I need to call EPU asap as I'll be able to have a scan at 6 weeks, and I'll be given progesterone to take too. After one ectopic it isn't a huge increase in likelihood to have a second, but better safe than sorry.

Mostly I just feel numb now. Now that the risk of rupture is (almost) gone, the fear has been replaced with deep grief. I feel so sad that my baby had no chance at life almost from the start. I can't help thinking how different this would all be, and how happy I would be if things had been different. I would have been nearly 11 weeks at Christmas, and had a scan at New Year. All that is gone now. All I want is to be pregnant with a healthy baby.

If anyone has good news I'd be happy to hear it ❤️

@MocktailMe I’m so sorry. I know how you feel I would’ve been 20 weeks on NYE, it’s just shit… very shit. Sending love x

Hello ladies
I finally got my BFP and at 9w 3d I have lost my bub 💔
I can’t describe the pain I just don’t know how to cope

Me too I share your pain I would’ve have my 12 week scan on the second of January been told I lost my bub today sending love I am always here 💔

@MocktailMe so so sorry about your loss! 💔 No words in the world can help now, but it is good to hear that the risk for you is now almost gone. Hope you will eventually start looking forward to the next cycles into the new year! 🤞 It is of course no comfort right now, but pregnancy has happened, and there is a chance that next time it will happen in the right place. I am glad you will be given an early scan and progesterone next time. I am 100% confident you will get there eventually. For now please take all the time you need to heal, one step at a time!

Thanks so much @lavafield that message has really made my day.

@KTB34 and @c644775 I'm so sorry, and it's very hard to stop playing out the 'other' timeline in your head isn't it? I imagine I'll have these thoughts a lot now, at least unless I do manage to have another pregnancy within the next 9 months.

We can't have sex again until the HCG is gone, as it can increase a rupture risk, but on the whole I think it's better to wait until I have a period then throw myself into trying next month again.

Is anyone currently in their TWW? I'm sorry as I've really lost track of where a lot of you are now. Xx

@MocktailMe biggest hugs I can’t imagine after waiting for so long for the bfp what it feels like. Hopefully this is a sign you can get pregnant 🤞 and next year will be your year.

I’m not in TWW as husbands in Switzerland but I’m going to visit for two weeks so should hit ovulation then.

I’ve ordered a Fert.Lily, started taking coq10 and doubled down on remembering my supplements and ordered fertility lube.

I’ve also been eating very healthy this month trying to do a more vegetarian Mediterranean diet and I read it starts with the egg and have replaced all my Tupperware with glass so still going on with small things to hopefully make changes.

I’m having a hopeful day!

I’ve recently started listening to big fat negative podcast which is amazing too.

@c644775 so sorry for your loss sending jig virtual hugs ❤️

@KTB34 how are you feeling about that? Hopefully the referral means you’ll find out what it all means soon 🤞

@MocktailMe yes you will, it will get easier with time ♥️

@CharLdn feeling ok, I just know it will be a long wait so will keep going ! Currently in the TWW but not getting my hopes up! I’ve decided if nothing happens this month might invest in a Mira and keep trying

@KTB34 I feel you my GPS referred me to the fertility clinic and I’ve not heard anything yet… so much waiting!

Everyone I really would recommend the big fat negative podcast it’s really given me light in a dark month. It puts into words a lot of what I’ve been feeling too - let me know if anyone listens!

Hey ladies,

Hope you are doing okay @MocktailMe and sorry to hear @c644775

I had my scan with EPU Sunday and whilst thinking it’s in the correct location, I am measuring behind my dates (based off ovulation which was confirmed with ultrasound this month) so I am not hopeful that this pregnancy is going to progress as it should. They could see a small gestational sack and potentially a yolk sac but too small to say for certain. I will be rescanned on Xmas eve to confirm whether or not it’s progressing as expected but I am not confident as I was certain on my dates and got a positive on 11 DPO 😔. Already wondering how I am going to cope around family on Xmas day if we get bad news the day before

@c644775 so sorry for your loss 💔 it’s such an awful experience to have to go through!

@KT199 please keep positive it may still be good news !

hi everyone further update from me - I had private scan that confirmed missed miscarriage

I was so shocked I had seen baby’s HB at 6 weeks and it was so strong

Sunday just gone my scan showed no growth and no HB

got referred to EPU I told them I know baby has gone they still needed to do a scan so went through the process of being told again

accepted my loss and that today I could move forward to be told by EPU that they won’t do anything until I have a re scan on the 27th as baby could form a heart beat which I know is impossible my baby hasn’t grown since the 30tn Nov

I expressed I didn’t want this and I don’t want to have to go through that scenario again to be told what I already know and all the nurse kept saying was it’s policy and procedure

I don’t want to continue carrying my baby that has passed and on top of that I am so worried about infection

I will be nearly in my 12th week of pregnancy before they sort anything out for me

I’m so gutted heartbroken and angry 💔

@c644775 so sorry to hear this is the procedure you've been left with.

What I will say is that if it is certain your baby has passed away then waiting the 8 days may give your body the chance to naturally miscarry on its own, preventing the need for medical management or surgery. I do genuinely understand though, I was given expectant management and was furious - not only was I terrified of rupture I also knew my baby had no chance to be born, and I wanted this awful situation to end.

However, a week later, and my body has been managing my ectopic naturally - ive avoided invasive surgery and harsh medicine. I was certain I couldn't bear to be left carrying the remains of my ectopic but after a week of healing I am glad to have avoided intervention.

If this doesn't happen for you and you still need intervention then you can have it, knowing you gave your body a chance. Try to look at it as being kind to your body and trusting it.

Also the NHS won't use private scans - unless they have seen themselves the baby hasn't grown over a time period they have to be better safe than sorry. If there's any chance the private scan was wrong they need to be certain before giving you medication to end the pregnancy. I'm so sorry and I really do understand entirely.

@KT199 I'm keeping everything crossed for you. What I will say is be selfish - if you get bad news - or good news, or unsure news- on Christmas eve then feel under no pressure to see family. Do what's best for you - they will understand.

Thank you @MocktailMe I genuinely think I needed to hear that, not one person has said to me to stay home if that’s what I want and in reality if it is bad news I do think that’s what I will want, so thank you so much as it’s justified my feelings.

I’m pleased to hear that your body has handled the ectopic on its own. Are you still under the hospital for monitoring?

I am still under monitering and will be until I have no beta HCG left.

If there was ever a time to put yourself first it's now - there will be many more Christmases, and you should do what you need to do to get through this one.

Fair enough, hope they are taking good care of you.

Agreed - I felt the anxiety was too great with the scan being Xmas Eve and have booked a private one over the weekend where it’s almost a week since my first and only a few days before the hospital rescan so if no/minimal change I can begin to it least process prior to Christmas Eve. I was getting myself so upset and worked up, so felt it was best for my mental health as helps me feel a little more in control of knowing what is happening inside of me.

Hi everyone,

I have been thinking about you all so thought I would come back on to check how you guys are getting on.

I am so, so sorry to read about the ectopic pregnancy @MocktailMe. Also sorry to you guys all still trying, please hang in there. Keeping my fingers crossed for you @KT199.

I really hope you all get the good news you all deserve soon. Sending you lots of love over Christmas and lots of baby dust for 2025. Xx

Hi everyone

Hope you are all well and taking time over Christmas to look after yourselves ❤️

I’ve had a positive (2 days ago). We’ve had a really hard week with family things so at the moment not really given it much thought. I also think I’m trying to block it out after the trauma of the miscarriage but will call my GP Monday to get the ball rolling.

Hoping little bean sticks 🤍

Hey @ToomanyBFNs thanks for popping by - hope you are doing well.

@KT199 good idea, I think the pressure of Christmas eve would tip me over too, at least if this private scan shows bad news you will be better braced and prepared.

@KTB34 tentative congratulations, I really hope this one sticks for you. I can only imagine the fear after your loss - I know if I'm lucky enough to catch again I will be riddled with anxiety. It's very cruel how our first pregnancies ending robs us of the chance to simply enjoy pregnancy if & when we are lucky enough for a second chance. Please let us know how you get on.

As for me, my last bloods came back clear and I am having what I believe is my first period post-ectopic. This is the most painful period of my life (I'm not exaggerating) but the blood loss is actually light/medium.

Quite relieved to have a period as is further proof that my pregnancy is entirely over. I will say though that I currently have an almost delusional level of certainty that I will fall pregnant again as soon as I ovulate. I'm practically expecting to, despite the many many months where nothing happened at all. I'm just desperate to be pregnant again ASAP and if this cycle is another unsuccessful one I think it will be tough. You just read about so many women who catch again immediately after loss that I can't help but hope that will be me!