Is 33 too old?

[BunnyLover92]

I'm 31, my husband is 34. We've been married for two years but together for 12. We've always known we want a family one day but never set a timeframe. We're both pretty sure we just want one child.

I now feel ready but he wants a couple more years so we can do one more big holiday and he can tick off some other goals, so I'll be 33 when we start trying. Is this too late? It seems like everyone around me has been having babies and I feel really left behind 💔

I thought they said that for after 35 and it's still a very low risk?

We've already discussed having extra testing done.

I started TTC at 31 and DS was born when I was nearly 35. I would get in with it if I were you. Holidays are possible with children. If you only have 1 you will be back adventuring in 10 years. We’re doing Rome and New York with DS this year.

Oh and I had a tfmr for trisomy 21 age 33- it happens.

I was 34 and 37 when in had mine. But it was me that delayed it for a long haul trip.

I think in your situation maybe compromise on one holiday not two.

We didn't start TTC until I was 39, had ds at 40. I wasn't the oldest in my baby group either.

33 is young in my opinion.

It's not late and you should be fine, I had my first at just shy of 33. However, we started trying when I was 29 and wanted 2 kids, ended up having fertility treatment for the first and the second happened naturally (eventually). I'm glad I didn't wait.....it is a bit of a risk waiting, but odds are in your favour. It also depends how many kids you want.

Er, no! I was 33 when I had DC1 and 37 for DC2.

It's not late at all these days. My mother was older than that. But I'd say do it sooner than closer to 40. My parents were older and while I'm swamped with young children I've got parents in failing health, I e always been jealous of those with grandparents able to help during the young kids years not add to the burdens. They never had the energy to play with me, horrible menopause years when I'm young and raging with my own hormones. And they knew nothing about the world I was growing up in and had archaic rules and sexist views. I think the key thing is that you don't burden your child with your age related problems like they owe you it, that's true no matter your age but when you have kids later in life the kids don't get much of a life before this stuff starts happening.

Not at all. I had my first at 38 and it’s entirely normal in my social circle

I don't know anyone who intentionally had a baby under 30. Most of my peers got married 29-32, had first babies 32-37.

It's not too old but I don't get why after 12 years he still needs a few more years? You are married, not dating so ... I'd say it was normal to start a family soon and whilst I'm sure he is a very nice man I have heard of so many stories where husbands string their wives along with no Intentions of actually having children with them, I can't help be wary of this. 33 is still a good age to start trying but it's a risky age to start dating all over again and then try for a baby. 1 baby is no trouble anyway you can still go on holidays and do stuff with 1 kid it really isn't that bad. I'd say if you want it now and don't want to wait - push back a little and see what he says.

I'd try to persuade him to compromise at 32. Hopefully it will be fine but fertility is never guaranteed.

Not at all. I had my first (and only) and 34 and that's about average for my friends and acquaintances.

I had my first at 28 and fingers crossed second will be 31 (we'd also been together 12 years before starting - so although on the younger end as most seem to be in our 30s, we had waited a long time).

But my mum had her first (me) at 38 and second at 41 - so definitely not too old!

The 12 years is a bit of a long story but in short he did his PhD, I had cancer, I did my masters. We didn't start living our 'adult' life until four years ago and of course we had COVID and lockdown and since then we've bought a house, got married and had a couple of trips but we didn't do any holidays in our 20's because we just couldn't afford it. I think he just wants to enjoy having a bit of spare income together before it all goes on childcare.

@BunnyLover92 - if that's the case then it totally makes sense. Enjoy some time together and get busy making babies in a few years. I had mine at 34,36,38 my age was no big deal :)

I think 33 is fine if you just want to have 1 child but I wouldn't want to leave it much longer.

It's not too old, especially if you just want one child. But I'd be worried he will keep pushing it back for "one more trip". I'd really try to pin it down to a specific time frame. I said we needed to start TTC the month I turned 32 😅 We discussed it for a year beforehand and it became a set in stone date. I have a friend who was strung along by her boyfriend, saying he'd be ready when they got married, then strung along further and further. She's now 43 and it's too late. Are you sure he wants children? There will always be more things someone wants to do before having kids, if having kids isn't a priority to them 🤍

I think if you want more time too then that’s ok. I’d just be concerned it’s an ever moving timeframe.

Sounds like you have been through a lot.

What a rude thing to say. Not everything in life is about having children. And it’s ‘adding’ to their family, not starting. They are a family already

It's not late, and might be considered normal, but the older you get the more difficult conceiving will be, and fertility is a strange beast, nothing is ever guaranteed.

I was 33 when I had my first dd, at 35 we started trying again and were never able to have a second. We had all the tests and nothing was wrong, it simply didn't happen and the gp said it was likely age related. By 40 we decide to stop trying.

Its not too late but I wouldn’t want to put it off either, there’s never really a ‘right’ time to have a baby in my opinion, especially if you’re financially secure and married. There’s no guarantee on your fertility or how long it might take. I just had my first baby at 34 and it took us a year to conceive.

99.9% of women wouldn’t be able to have a baby at 50 unless they used a donor egg. You’ve described it as if it’s quite the thing and it’s absolutely not at all.

Come on, starting a family is a very common term used for having kids.

OP, you are not too old but I would try as soon as you can if having a child is very important to you. Good luck!