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Conception

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Is 33 too old?

117 replies

BunnyLover92 · 23/05/2024 14:12

I'm 31, my husband is 34. We've been married for two years but together for 12. We've always known we want a family one day but never set a timeframe. We're both pretty sure we just want one child.

I now feel ready but he wants a couple more years so we can do one more big holiday and he can tick off some other goals, so I'll be 33 when we start trying. Is this too late? It seems like everyone around me has been having babies and I feel really left behind 💔

OP posts:
Teamarugula · 28/05/2024 11:54

33 is normal. The only person I know who had a baby before 30 is my grandmother!

Ladyj84 · 28/05/2024 11:56

When did 33 become old lol, I had my last 3 at 37 and 38 and I'm almost 40

SadWench · 28/05/2024 11:59

I'm 38 and pregnant I'll be 39 when I have my second. Most of the school mums I know had their second in late thirties or early forties.

Babyhatesnaps · 28/05/2024 12:05

The issue is whether he actually wants to start TTC in 2 years. What if he says no or keeps delaying it? Or you do start TTC but discover fertility issues which increase with age (for men and women)? You think you'll conceive within a few months of trying, but many women conceive after 12 months and plenty of couples don't have any answers as to why they haven't conceived.

lemons44 · 28/05/2024 12:20

No 33 is not old at all. I think it's still young!

However my advice would be not to assume you will not struggle TTC because your results are normal. Half the time infertility is caused by the male.

We TTC for 12 months, my results were all fine, regular periods, normal AMH. Imagine our surprise when my husband did a semen analysis and it showed 0 sperm!! And we're not alone, there's lots of us on the azoospermia thread.

That's the most extreme male factor infertility but many other people struggle because even if their OH has sperm the parameters are low.

If your husband wants to delay TTC then I would ask him to have a semen analysis so at least you have peace of mind things are all good on his side too. Hopefully it will all be fine but it's such an easy test to do and at least will pick up any problems his side if there are any.

EebaDeeba · 28/05/2024 12:20

I had my DC at 35 and 37. My best friend (same age) had hers at 22 and 26. I'm in the trenches now with a 2 and 3 year old but I'm glad I had them later. Take the opportunity to get any big holidays, etc. out of the way before you start a family as, although I wouldn't change them for the world, being a parent to young kids really does limit your freedom and ability to do what you want to do.

lemons44 · 28/05/2024 12:46

Btw OP i wasn't saying those things to worry you. It's just everyone always assumes it's the female where there may be issues and not the male who may have issues. Whereas half the time it is the male so i do think if it's the husband wanting to delay then it's only fair he checks his own fertility too.

BunnyLover92 · 28/05/2024 13:59

lemons44 · 28/05/2024 12:20

No 33 is not old at all. I think it's still young!

However my advice would be not to assume you will not struggle TTC because your results are normal. Half the time infertility is caused by the male.

We TTC for 12 months, my results were all fine, regular periods, normal AMH. Imagine our surprise when my husband did a semen analysis and it showed 0 sperm!! And we're not alone, there's lots of us on the azoospermia thread.

That's the most extreme male factor infertility but many other people struggle because even if their OH has sperm the parameters are low.

If your husband wants to delay TTC then I would ask him to have a semen analysis so at least you have peace of mind things are all good on his side too. Hopefully it will all be fine but it's such an easy test to do and at least will pick up any problems his side if there are any.

Thank you, this makes sense. I think I'll suggest it closer to the time or if we don't get pregnant in the first couple of months.

We have said if there's any issues we'll use savings to see a specialist/get IVF and because I had thyroid cancer (which doesn't impact fertility) I am under an endocrinologist so should we have issues she might be able to help fast track us anyway.

OP posts:
BunnyLover92 · 28/05/2024 14:03

Babyhatesnaps · 28/05/2024 12:05

The issue is whether he actually wants to start TTC in 2 years. What if he says no or keeps delaying it? Or you do start TTC but discover fertility issues which increase with age (for men and women)? You think you'll conceive within a few months of trying, but many women conceive after 12 months and plenty of couples don't have any answers as to why they haven't conceived.

We've agreed that if it doesn't happen in the first 6-12 months we'll use savings for help rather than wait for the NHS. Although I'm hoping this isn't the case and it will be straightforward.

I don't think he'll delay it. We've spoken in depth about it.

OP posts:
lemons44 · 28/05/2024 14:05

That's good @BunnyLover92
Honestly though I doubt you will have fertility issues and I am sure you will be fine - just never hurts to do the tests for peace of mind if you can afford them.
Enjoy your holidays and wishing you lots of baby dust for when the time does come to TTC x

RedRobyn2021 · 28/05/2024 15:39

There's always something! Me and my partner were together 6 years before finally deciding to have a baby. We had our own home for 4 of those years, steady jobs, al we got a dog... there was always some excuse to wait - retrospectively we wasted time I feel

Got pregnant straight away but I was only 28, when trying again at 32 it took us 9 months. Personally I wouldn't delay

Carebearsonmybed · 28/05/2024 15:56

It's a gamble. Get a fertility check then decide.

Ciderlout · 28/05/2024 16:05

ForUmberFinch · 28/05/2024 11:42

Honestly. You’d think those in MN are all fertility experts 🙄 I know lots of folk who have had perfectly healthy babies with no IVF assistance in their 30s and 40s. I’ve several family members who had babies at 50 (in the 90s/00s) with no assistance. What is the deal with projecting your own fertility insecurities onto others?! I got pregnant very easily in my mid/late thirties. I went to baby classes with women in their 20s who had multiple rounds of ivf. When it comes to fertility yes there are general trends but each person is unique and doesn’t necessarily fit a trend. Unless you are on MN where fitting folk into boxes seems the done thing 🙄

What you taking about?, ‘protecting your own fertility insecurities on to others’. No one is doing that.

People are saying that OP isn’t too old at 33 but to not wait too long, particularly if she’s wanting more than one child as no one knows how easy/difficult conception will be for them.

I was very lucky and fell pregnant first time with 2 of my children when I was late 20’s and early thirties. I also fell pregnant naturally at almost 40 within 4 months but again, I know I was lucky. It’s not as straightforward for everyone.

LucyCL · 28/05/2024 16:49

BunnyLover92 · 23/05/2024 14:12

I'm 31, my husband is 34. We've been married for two years but together for 12. We've always known we want a family one day but never set a timeframe. We're both pretty sure we just want one child.

I now feel ready but he wants a couple more years so we can do one more big holiday and he can tick off some other goals, so I'll be 33 when we start trying. Is this too late? It seems like everyone around me has been having babies and I feel really left behind 💔

I am 34 and will turn 35 this November. Started to ttc for the 1st time last October. Had a MC this March and a CP this month. As long as you are healthy, I don't think getting pregnant is going to be a big problem for you. : )

amkw · 29/05/2024 17:33

33 is definitely not too old but like previous people have said, you really don't know how things will pan out until you start trying.

I met my partner at 30 and we started trying when I was around 31/32. Anyway, fast forward to now - i'm 34 and going through IVF due to male factor infertility.

I've got friends who tried at 33 and got pregnant literally the first or second cycle, but you just don't know.

Mamasuzette · 07/09/2024 23:42

@BunnyLover92 I think like most scenarios in life, there isn’t a right or wrong answer. As most of the comments have shown, everyone and each situation is different. I think it ultimately depends on how much you want to have a baby. I agree with other posters that if you don’t feel happy to wait that long, i would speak to your husband and try to find a compromise. I had a friend who’s DP said he wasn’t ready and convinced her to wait until 35 to have their first. She would have been happy to start trying at 30. It happened within about a year of trying for them, but by that point she had wanted it for a good 4/5 years. I think it made her feel like it had taken longer than it actually had, and she did get very upset watching other people announcing their pregnancies during that time. I’m not suggesting that this is how you feel (or would feel), it’s just an example that springs to my mind.

If you know you definitely want a baby but it’s more a case of being in your 5 year plan (and you both agree), then it’s better to wait until you feel like you’re in the position you both want to be in than rush to have a baby because others around you are. Everyone’s timelines are different. I think it’s more about the person than their age when it comes to being a parent. However, I don’t think any job/holiday is worth risking waiting and not knowing if/how quickly it might happen when you do try. If there were issues (which hopefully there won’t be), i would always be wondering if it had been easier if I’d been a couple of years younger. I feel a bit like this myself tbh. IVF is also a tough process that isn’t always successful. Age also has an impact on the success rate.

As far as fertility goes, unfortunately there are no guarantees at any age. Again it is so individual to each person/couple it’s almost impossible to predict. I think statistically fertility starts to decrease after 30, then again after 35. I had my 2 DCs in my mid and late 20s and was lucky enough to fall pregnant very quickly. We got married in 2023 and have been trying for a 3rd ever since with no luck. I am 34 now. Although i don’t know whether it has anything to do with my age, it’s the first thing that’s crossed my mind. All of my hormone tests have come back normal so far and my periods (although long cycles) are fairly regular.

I don’t personally know anyone in my close circle who has had a baby after 35 apart from my SIL. She was 38 when she had her 3rd and got pregnant within 3 months. My MIL also had her 5th at 40 but i think he was a happy accident 😂

I think the fact that you are posting about this shows that you have some concerns about waiting. Women do have an internal biological clock that men don’t have. In reality men can have babies in their 70s if they want to, so I don’t think they feel the same pressure that we do. Go with your gut instinct. If you factor in the time it takes on average to TTC then the 9 months of pregnancy, you’re looking at nearly 2 years anyway x

sel2223 · 08/09/2024 04:55

Haha definitely not old 🤣
I had my first at 37 (fell pregnant within 2 months of trying) and I'm now pregnant with our second at 41 - all my friendship group had their children in their 30's/ early 40's

In my first pregnancy I asked the midwife if I was considered old as I was over 35 and would that make me 'high risk', she just laughed and said 'we get as many your age as we do 20 year olds'
They don't bat an eyelid till over 40 and even that is a lot more common these days

For me, I was far too selfish in my 20's and early 30's to ever consider a family.....I was also with the wrong man for 15 years and so grateful I never had his children! I spent that time traveling the world, having adventures, building a career, getting on the property ladder etc looking at these 'young mums' thinking they were absolutely crazy. We are all different and i get there are pro's and cons to both, but, for me personally, it happened at exactly the right time and I wouldn't change it for the world!

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