Is 33 too old?

[BunnyLover92]

I'm 31, my husband is 34. We've been married for two years but together for 12. We've always known we want a family one day but never set a timeframe. We're both pretty sure we just want one child.

I now feel ready but he wants a couple more years so we can do one more big holiday and he can tick off some other goals, so I'll be 33 when we start trying. Is this too late? It seems like everyone around me has been having babies and I feel really left behind 💔

I had my first at 34, second at 36, and now I'm 38 and pregnant again. My friends are all having babies at similar ages. Having said that, I do know several people (although about 5-8 years younger than me) who have had trouble conceiving. Fertility is a bit of a lottery and until you actually start trying you just don't know how it'll work out.

I completely agree with this. Though apparently some women have babies at 50! 😂

Not too late but bear in mind it may not happen straightaway. We started trying when I was 34 and had ds1 at 38 and ds2 at 41. Good luck

It's not too old, but in your position I would start trying now. It can take a long time to conceive and even longer to get to a place where you are carrying a healthy baby to term.

I am 34 and regret not trying sooner. In retrospect there's nothing in the past four years that was worth putting off trying for a baby for. Also starting earlier means less pressure (this is an individual thing - you might not feel any pressure at all). For me personally, it does feel a bit like a race against time.

I was 36 with my first child and 38 with my second. Fell pregnant the first month with both!!

33 is so young IME.

I had my first at 39 and my second at 42. Normal, healthy children and I seemed to have loads of energy when they were younger.

I had my kids much later than the OP would - last one at 42 - and I don't do any of the things you've described. One difference my kids notice though is that we've taught them practical skills like turning up hems, cooking from scratch and fixing things where many of their mates have no fucking clue. I think we also did far less helicopter parenting than their friends had - not negligent but relaxed - and they've all turned into pretty chilled and competent adults.

Following from the above re older parents, my mum was 34 when she had me in 1988, that was considered very old at the time. I was only aware my mum was older than my friends mums once we got older but it was never an issue. I never missed out on any physical activity with my mum and she didn’t have old fashioned views or anything like that. She’s 70 now and very fit and active and will be looking after my daughter a few days a week when I go back to work.

Absolutely not too old but I think you will have read mix of views on here. Those who conceived with relative ease seem to be saying yes, it will wait and those who struggled are saying no, dont wait.
Basically the answer to your question is no, not too old but beware nature's effects on fertility as your age goes up.

Only you can decide but nearly everyone I know had their kids in their late 30s or early 40s. My colleague conceived with no issues at 46!

Yet another bloody thread on this!!!

No, you are not too old.

You say you're pretty sure you both want just one child. I guess one or both of you might change your mind(s), but if you don't and you're happy to stop at one, i don't see as big an issue with waiting. There is still a risk though. It might all work out fine if you conceive quickly and it's a viable pregnancy. Of course there is a risk that it could take some time to conceive and/or you could have miscarriages. Most people I know managed to have a child in their late 20s and early 30s without any issues but I do know of couples who struggled, one couple that needed fertility treatment, another couple that tried for a long time and had miscarriages before finally having their baby, both couples younger than you are now.

I guess it depends just how important it is to you to have a child full stop v having a child at the perfect time. Obviously you've been through a lot and it's understandable to want a lovely holiday before you start trying. But I would book the holiday now and plan to try afterwards, if I were you.

I was 34 when I had my 3rd child but I wouldn't have wanted to be that age having my first. I have conceived within a month each time but whilst many people do conceive within a year others don't. You don't know which category you will be in or how long it will take and you might well change your mind about just wanting one. It's up to you but I knew I wanted more children (if possible) and so started sooner.

Utter rubbish! Two of my family members had babies at 50. Big shock, not planned, both happy healthy babies and now well adjusted young adults.

i was 35 when I conceived my son, 36 nearly 37 when I had my daughter. TTC doesn’t work on your timescale. It’s not predictable. Pregnancy and child birth aren’t predictable. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, stillbirth and neonatal death. And before the MN mafia jump on me, I’m 1 in 4, we lost our son to stillbirth. If you want kids, are financially stable and happy, just get on with trying 👍🏻

For real?

You think it’s utter rubbish that the vast majority of women can’t get pregnant at 50 naturally? You’re telling me that it’s common?

Oh and it’s not ‘my’ time scale that most women can’t naturally get pregnant at 50, it’s a scientific fact.

I didn't meet my DH til I was 34. Now have DS 1 and 2 who are 8 and 10.

Noooo, not too old! All the best.

I wouldn't leave it waaaaay too much longer though. 38-39 would be the top end for me, and 33 is not too old.

Don't pay any attention to the 'you've got plenty of time, women have them at 50' posters though. The average age for a first time mum is 30-31. Most women will have their first in the 20s or 30s, and very few will have ANY babies after 40. Only in the parallel world of mumsnet!

In the real world, it is extremely unlikely for a woman to have a natural conception at 49-50 or older. And even if she does, it will likely be fraught with problems and issues.

and very few will have ANY babies after 40. Only in the parallel world of mumsnet!

SHOULD read

and very few will have a first baby after 40. Only in the parallel world of mumsnet!

That’s exactly it - the parallel world of mumsnet, where age is no obstacle to conceiving apparently 😂

It's not too late, and I had my first at 36, after a few months TTC. However, there are clearly no guarantees and if this is something you both want, I wouldn't be happy to wait too long in your situation. If you leave it a couple of years and then run into difficulties TTC would you feel a lot of regret at not trying sooner?

Yep! in the real world, I have never met or known one single woman who has had a baby at 50! (By NATURAL conception!)

Everyone seems to have had a great aunt or great gran who had one at 53 though (pre mid 1970s.) What they don't know is that the baby was actually very likely the great aunt/great gran's teenage daughter's baby who she raised as her own. Or another family member's baby, (who was not able to look after said baby herself for some reason or other...) Happened LOADS pre mid 1970s.

Same, I’ve never met a 50 year old with a newborn who conceived naturally with no issues!

Exactly, that makes perfect sense as to why back in the day 50 odd year olds were ‘having’ babies.

Well I had mine at 38 & 39 so I’d say definitely not too old. And if you only want one you should be ok. However give thought to how you’ll feel if falling pregnant doesn’t happen as quickly as you’d like. I have a friend who still feels regret as she was the youngest of us to marry but waited 10 years before TTC in her early 30s and then struggled with infertility. She did end up having kids but faced a lot of heartache and she would have liked one more but ran out of time. She wishes they’d started earlier. Whereas I didn’t get married til I was nearly 36 so I have always felt really lucky to have had 2 healthy children from 2 pregnancies before I was 40.

I too have a friend who conceived naturally at 44 and 46. However I also have 3 friends who went through menopause in their early 40s.

I’m pleased your friend managed to have children in the end. It would have been devastating if she couldn’t

Honestly. You’d think those in MN are all fertility experts 🙄 I know lots of folk who have had perfectly healthy babies with no IVF assistance in their 30s and 40s. I’ve several family members who had babies at 50 (in the 90s/00s) with no assistance. What is the deal with projecting your own fertility insecurities onto others?! I got pregnant very easily in my mid/late thirties. I went to baby classes with women in their 20s who had multiple rounds of ivf. When it comes to fertility yes there are general trends but each person is unique and doesn’t necessarily fit a trend. Unless you are on MN where fitting folk into boxes seems the done thing 🙄