CD1 ttc after loss carry on thread #3

[Ladyinpink1]

I went to reply and you were right, the thread was full so I couldnt post a link to a new thread, also, because it's a new thread it wont give me a prediction to tag when I type a name, so I have just copied and paste the names off of everyone who posted on the very last page of the thread, I hope anyone else can find it OK. Sorry, maybe there is an easier better way... if anyone else can remember extra names and spellings, please tag 🙂

@samilicious

@Wise0wl

@ThelastRolo20

@13lucy

@Bugdem123

@HerbaceousPerennial

@13lucy thank you. We went to the service today. There was a casket with baby [my surname] on it as well as my name and the date of the surgical procedure. There were 8 babies in the casket and 2 other couples came along as well. They has poems and readings and it was actually a really lovely service. When the grave is full they will put a headstone on it with the dates of all the babies buried there. I'm really glad I went.

I always stop temping after ovulation confirmed and I've only temped on 2 cycles to check I was deffo ovulating. I just know it would send me round the bend otherwise. And the MC was nothing you did, I am certain of that. Have you contacted SANDS at all? They support anyone who has experienced baby loss including MC. They might be able to support you sooner than 6 months perhaps. Waiting lists are so long now. I'm sorry you're struggling.

@moosey89 I've heard good things about HSG. I'm sure your tubes will be lovely and clear after. I'm sure I remember you saying before that the month you fell pregnant there was some blood when you ovulated? Made me think at the time maybe there was a blockage or something and the release of an egg pushed it through. Who knows though! But I'm feeling positive for you. Do you have a plan if you were to fall pregnant again? Will they prescribe progesterone or something to try and maintain it this time?

@Mummysparrow I have had very light periods since MC, but the last 2 have been slightly better. Am hoping that means things are going more back to normal. That's good you've got counselling sorted. I got some counselling through work which is starting next week.

Well I managed to work out the vitimins and spent £120 last night buying everything!! I'm going all in this month. Low sugar. Doing 10 mins HIIT every day. Blasting myself and DP with all the vitimins 😂 I will get pregnant soon god damn it 😂

@HerbaceousPerennial totally get you wanting to sort this bit first before going for it at work. I hate the "women can have it all" trope because you really can't. If nothing else your health suffers big time and pulls you back to reality trying to do both at full speed - or so I found 🤪

@13lucy agree with herb - going in and telling them what you want always worked for me. My GP actually said "ok so what do you want to do next? You know more about this than me" 😂 it's so horrible that you feel like that about your body. I definitely had a time feeling the same. Then I started talking to my lady parts every time I felt like that, saying thank you for the things they did do. I know it sounds a bit woo woo but it helped me a lot - especially as I had completely disabling period pain around the time. I was ready to throw a stick of dynamite up there tbh

@UrsulaSings123 sorry you're feeling sad this week but glad the service helped ♥️ I didn't get anything like this for mine as I went through BPAS for the TFMR due to timing and really regret not having any kind of acknowledgment of a loss. At the time I was adamant I didn't want anything, but feel like I missed part of the process and can never go back. Love the dedication! They are crazy expensive but hopefully you won't need em for long 🤞🏻

@UrsulaSings123 good to hear the service went well today. Originally my service was supposed to be last week but as we were away they put it back to August service for us so we will be attending our babies service in 3 weeks time.
I changed from pregnacare pregnancy tablets to trying to conceive tablets the day after my TFMR and put my hubby on them too so we have both been getting vitamins and some coq10 on us but I have added additional coq10 in as of today and may add omega 3 in as well but I need to remember to take those with food to avoid the fishy burps 😂😂

@13lucy also when therapy isn't available to me I find writing everything down really helpful. Getting it off your chest as if you would with a therapist - out of your head and into a page. Once I made a list of all the things I was worrying about and it was 67 things. 67! I thought that was ridiculous and that logic somehow helped me worry about some of them a lot less.
Also have you tried Tommy's? Might be similar wait list but the more the better hopefully

@UrsulaSings123 glad the service went well. It's nice that they do that. I don't think my hospital had the option but the ashes get scattered in the memorial garden. Yes I thought once ovulation is confirmed I don't need the added stress! At least it's not the first thing I think about when I wake up for now. I haven't tried SANDS but will have a look. It baffles me that there's not more readily available support specifically for this. Good that your periods are getting longer/heavier. That happened with mine (although they were still very light and short compared to before) so hopefully a good sign.

@samilicious maybe I need to be more direct with my GP then. Seeing as I can't have APS test until September anyway, I might book in an appointment with her to discuss next steps. I have spoken to Tommy's but more for a chat about things than mental health support. Writing down is a good idea but I'll have to burn it or something afterwards 😂last time I did it, it really helped but lots of tears in the process. DH and I had a good chat yesterday and he's really struggling too. It was nice to chat about it in a way as he tends to keep it to himself whereas I want to talk about it all the time!

@UrsulaSings123 all went well with the HSG - wasn't exactly comfortable and parts were pretty painful but even the radiologist said that sometimes it can be therapeutic and help, so you never know! Not resting all my hopes on that (I hate having high hopes and just being disappointed) but being open to it being a possibility.

So next time there's no real plan - my NHS trust only does progesterone after a scan at around 7 weeks, so I might go private for an initial prescription. I don't want to leave it if it could help. My issue is that I've always had a scan around 7 weeks with a heartbeat, but it's never ended well, heartbeat was slow in 2 of the 3 losses at that gestation. It makes me feel that there's something genetic wrong, and we're still waiting on genetic testing results from the last loss. But we're trying again this month and will see what happens I guess!

Hope you're doing ok x

Sorry I have been MIA, I have felt hopeful, as I always do, but at the same time I have felt a bit like "it's never going to happen" more than usual, I think because this is cycle 12, so if it doesn't happen this cycle then I am past the year mark which is how long it normally takes up to if it's going to happen. Anyways, don't want to be a Debbie downer because as I said, I am hopeful at the sane time (ahh so many feelings when ttc lol)

@Mummysparrow
I posted a while back about this, I enjoy red wine and port so I had Googled to check if it had any effect on ttc and a study showed ladies who drank wine were more likely to fall pregnant so yay ☺️ That's great you have a good egg reserve, and good to be getting exercising again. Hope you are doing ok, where are you in your cycle now? x

@UrsulaSings123 I have been off work and eaten so badly too, but I have really enjoyed it, back to being good tomorrow. I get my peak opk on cd12, what cd are you now? That's good your test is booked, that's for progesterone isn't it? Oh I'm with you, I love my opks, I have a little cycle diary too it's going back 2 years from when this all started lol. It's all very sad but I love it x

@samilicious I'm really sorry things have been so stressful, that must have been really tough 💜. How are you doing now? How long until your scan? x

@HerbaceousPerennial how are you? Your dh getting an earful is fine, helps them understand even slightly what we are going through 🙂 x

I'm glad the hsg went well @moosey89 I hadn't heard of it so I Googled it and then Googled about the test abs fertility and this came up There is scientific evidence to suggest that in some women there is an increase in pregnancy and conception rates following an HSG
I hope that's the case for you x

@Ladyinpink1 well this is music to my ears 🤣 I don't drink wine often but do like a glass on a Friday evening. I am only cd6 today so hopefully will be ovulating towards the end of next week if my body behaves of course.
Feeling on edge this week as it is only a matter of time now until I get notified the results of the postmortem are back and to get a consultant appointment booked in. Babies funeral is on 1st August and they agreed to email me the details as they usually post them yeah week before but I am only getting post once or twice a week so worried I would miss them otherwise.

@moosey89 glad the HSG went well. I feel you on the ‘no real plan’ next time, just a case of wait and see. I feel very powerless. Have you asked your doctor directly about progesterone? I discussed it quite a bit with the Tommy’s midwife and it was quite useful to work through. I hope you get your results back soon from the last pregnancy.

@Mummysparrow thinking of you with you baby’s funeral coming up. I hope your results come in soon too and that they give you some answers.

@13lucy slightly worried now as my APS was only about 6 weeks after my miscarriage! Although the fact it was negative is somewhat reassuring as I think the risk close to miscarriage is you get a false positive. Hope you’re doing ok

@samilicious agreed! The only women I know who ‘have it all’ are stressed out of their minds and don’t seem to enjoy it. I’m lazy and want to enjoy my life 😂 how did the interview go?

@Ladyinpink1 ah it’s a lot isn’t it, I feel a bit the same, and you’ve waited so long now. It’s very unfair. I keep having to remind myself it’s not been that long since the last MMC but it’s a year since we started trying now. It doesn’t help that I’ve no idea where I am in my cycle, I’m worried I’ve missed an ovulation somewhere and every period it’s at least a 4 week wait until ovulation. Except I always start fretting after about two weeks in case this is the one time I have a ‘normal’ cycle. I think this time it’ll be even longer than usual as no signs yet and I am so fed up of waiting. So much waiting! Anyway. How was your time off? Hope you had a lovely chilled time

Oh also, if anyone has any tips for how not to think about pregnancy and babies about 500 times a day I’m all ears 😂

@Mummysparrow that's good ovulation shouldn't be too far away, I hope it arrives when expected.
That's lovely that there will be a funeral, good to have your loss validated too, can I ask how far along you were and were those P.M tests done as standard? We never got one either time, I don't think it's done where we are maybe, but I'm interested just incase we are ever in that situation again x

I'm so sorry @HerbaceousPerennial that must be so hard not knowing when you are going to ovulate, I can imagine you are so fed up waiting. Hopefully this time next year, we will all be thinking back on this time as a distant memory as we have our newborn babies snuggling up 🥰
Yes it was lovely being off, didn't want to go back today. Lol x

@HerbaceousPerennial get a puppy? I got one in February just before I fell pregnant after my dog died at Christmas and he is full on 🤣 so might take babies off the mind otherwise not sure 🤣🤣
@Ladyinpink1 I was 14 weeks technically (15 weeks to my dates) and had medical management. I wouldn't have been able to have had a postmortem if i had a d&c. My 12 week scan showed the baby had congenial diaphragmatic hernia and single umbilical artery and not very good odds. So I am not expecting too much more than that but I found out after I had baby that there was a 1 in 2 chance baby had downs syndrome so I just want confirmation of that was the case and my odds of it happening again. I had to sign some paperwork after having baby to say I was happy to have a postmortem and happy for them to keep the tissue slides for future research. I could have done my own funeral but having a communal one so baby is buried with other babies 🥹

@13lucy yes burn away! Glad talking to DH helped. There's a very woo woo thing about burning things you've written down:

The Green Fire ritual is a powerful way to clear psychic congestion. It signals your subconscious that you're ready, willing, and eager to release the past and again move on, into a better version of your life. The woman who introduced me to this practice likes to do it four times a year, once each season

@moosey89 hope you get your genetic testing results soon. It's terrible you've had to wait so long. But glad the HSG went well

@Ladyinpink1 you're not a Debbie downer, it's completely understandable. Always here ♥️ just trying to ignore time/everything now I know it's not ectopic and see what happens. I don't think time has ever gone so slowly. Not sure how much I could try again if this goes tits up

@HerbaceousPerennial also lazy and want to enjoy my life - why isn't that on a bumper sticker?! So my old boss has given me a job a bumper the salary a little bit to be closer to what I was on in my last job. Just waiting for all the paperwork to come through before I jinx it too much though. Your cycle stuff sounds proper nerve wracking :( I don't know how you've managed to catch before with it being so crazy! If it's happened before when you weren't expecting it maybe it will do the same again

@HerbaceousPerennial thank you - apparently progesterone is unlikely to do anything for me as that isn't my issue. Test came back positive for trisomy 15, which apparently is one of the more rare chromosomal issues. Me and my partner are having blood tests today to see if either of us are carriers, but there's only a 5% chance we are. They also test for all the other major chromosomal issues too. Takes 8-10 weeks for the results to come back so even more being patient is needed!

It's so hard feeling so helpless isn't it....

@Ladyinpink1 thank you - I'm trying to remain somewhat hopeful without relying on it helping if that makes sense. I know how much it hurts when everyone said "you're more fertile after loss" and then it took forever to get pregnant again each time. Hope you are doing ok, don't ever worry about sounding negative here, it's such a hard thing we're all going through! Xx

@Mummysparrow I'm really sorry, I hope you find out what you need from the tests and I think a funeral with others is lovely. Hopefully not long until you get the results x

Hoping this week goes a little faster for you @samilicious x

Yes I know what you mean @moosey89 you have to guard your feelings each time or you would go crazy. Yes I hate that whole thing too, from what I have seen on here abd my own experiences being fertile after a loss is definitely a myth. It's just chance I believe each time x

@Ladyinpink1 don't worry about feeling down, it's good to share those feelings. This journey is very tough and will knock even the best of us. I am on cd13 but ovulated cd11. The last 5 months it's been cd12 so don't know why it's suddenly one day early. It's rubbish going back to work when you've been off! Have you got any plans for the summer hols?

@HerbaceousPerennial genuinely I've found the thing that helps me think about it less is stop googling everything fertility related that comes into my head and come off all the pregnancy related forums, then plan nice things to do I can look forward to/plan for. Even though I love the support of the forums I just had to totally turn my mind away from all that for a few cycles. The waiting is sooo hard. It seems like TTC is just basically all waiting around.

@Mummysparrow that is the funeral that my baby had as well and it was really comforting.

Thank you @UrsulaSings123 and i am 2dpo today also so we are tww buddies! I am cd14, I ovulated the same day as my peak opk on cd12. Maybe think of anything different in a cycle as a good thing, for you ovulating 1 day earlier I mean 🙂.
I have some more time off soon, but just me, dh will still be at work, so will prob do some easy day trips with my dc, and garden days if the weather is good. Maybe even some organising around the house which I love... rock and roll baby! 🤣 What about you? Any nice plans? x

@Mummysparrow that made me laugh, a puppy would definitely do it! It would be carnage, I know very little about how to actually look after a dog and DH is firmly a cat person. So it would definitely work!

@Ladyinpink1 thanks, I was having a bit of a down day about cycles again I think. I think AF may be on the way though as I am very grumpy and then had a sulk because I don’t even know if it is that or just other weird hormones. But I remembered I was like this about this stage last time after my miscarriage too, I think it’s the ‘being back to normal’ stage but still in limbo. Glad you’ve got some more time off booked, those plans sound lovely. I’ve got a few days off from Friday too.

@moosey89 that makes sense. I think progesterone is often put forward as a miracle cure but like you say it really depends on the issue - it seems to help things ‘stick’ but that’s not the problem (it’s not for me either, in fact quite the reverse). How are you feeling about your results?

@UrsulaSings123 you are right! You’ve reminded me, I made a coping plan this time and doing more fun stuff was on there, I’ve got on it tonight and arranged dinner with a friend. DH reminded me we’ve got stuff booked for the fringe too so need to keep this good stuff front of mind. TTC is far too much waiting for my liking. Have you got some nice things coming up?

@Ladyinpink1 well every cycle I have shared with someone they have ended up getting pregnant so hopefully the same for you 😂 haha I love a good sort out and clean out! Our house is so small so it needs getting rid of stuff frequently! My DP is such a hoarder though, I have to scurry it away before he notices 😂
We had a garden day today which was nice cutting the bushes back and stuff.

@HerbaceousPerennial I'm glad I reminded you of your plan and that you have arranged dinner with your friend. I did that on Friday with someone I hadn't seen for a while and it was so nice. We're going camping next weekend, then a wedding the weekend after, then going to visit family the week after that. We're going camping the day after I'm due on so if I get my period (probably!) then at least we'll be busy and I won't be wallowing so much (that's the idea anyway!)

@HerbaceousPerennial yeah exactly - with early losses and early bleeding I totally understand having it, but yeah similar to yourself the "sticking" isn't the issue. I feel ok about the results - we're trying again now, I have a small bit of anxiety about another loss for the same reason, but with only a 5% chance of being a carrier and a 95% chance of bad luck, we decided it was a risk worth taking as it took 9 months to conceive last time so we don't want to lose time with the 2+ month wait for blood test results!

@HerbaceousPerennial I'm sorry you are feeling hormonal. I hope you find out what is going on either way soon. I think you were waiting on ovulation but mentioned you may have missed it, I hope you didnt miss it and Af isn't coming, maybe it could ends up being ovulation is close? I feel so frustrated for you hun. Do you have plans for your days off? x

So do I @UrsulaSings123 my dh is quite organised too but my oldest dc is a terrible horder, I will find receipts, tags from clothes, sweetie wrappers etc that have to he kept because they are "special treasures". This being the cycle for us would be so lovely but i'm really feeling like i am really struggling to imagine it ever happening now. Am going to keep the hope still though, even just a little x

@samilicious sounds like a good idea! I certainly have a lot I need to get out of my head and into flames! 😂

@HerbaceousPerennial I thought 6 weeks after would be ok and I've seen it in many places online too! Good it came back negative for you anyway. Wondering whether to ask my GP if they will do it to save us the money but I feel anxious about asking. I know I should just ask though. I totally get you with it being on your mind all the time - I've found learning the drums has taken my mind off it somewhat as it keeps my mind busy! Is there anything new you want to get into?

AF arrived this week but I was kind of expecting it. Also had COVID this week which has been rubbish as I haven't been able to do anything social. My period seems more normal this time round which I'm finding really comforting (never thought I'd say that!).

Finding that I'm ok with not being pregnant right now and I think that's because I'm so scared of going through it all again. It's the first time I've felt like this and I think it's because I'm wondering whether it will ever happen for us and needing to be accepting of that. I think having a plan in place with the private consultant is also helping me feel more in control.

Hope everyone else is doing ok?

@Ladyinpink1 I’ve started with a bit of bleeding now, incredibly light but think it’s AF starting. I got really anxious and upset last week and I’m feeling much better so I think it was horrendous hormones in the lead up. The mad part of me wonders if it’s implantation bleeding but I’ve never had that before and I’ve no symptoms of pregnancy at all, think I’m just struggling knowing it’s then four weeks until ovulation again. But we’re away with family at the moment so I can just enjoy myself instead!

@moosey89 fingers crossed it’s just bad luck and you’re not a carrier. Totally understand the anxiety but it sounds like the odds are very much on your side. Glad you are doing ok. Hope you are taking good care of yourself, it’s a lot to process.

@13lucy if it’s any comfort I found my GP very empathetic. It’s well worth asking, even if they say no then you’re no worse off. Glad you are feeling ok about not being pregnant, now I’ve started AF I feel better about it again, for me I think it’s just the relief of knowing where I stand albeit briefly! I do think the hormones are playing a bigger part than I thought too. I think I had covid a few weeks ago too, either way I was very poorly, and it seems to have knocked things slightly off kilter again.

@UrsulaSings123 being away this weekend is definitely helping! I got into a negative cycle of thought at home and being away really seems to have given me a bit of a reset. Hopefully anyway! Has AF shown up for you? Hope the camping is lovely and you’re having a great time

I'm sorry you have had covid and your period arriving on top of that. How are you feeling now? Good news that you had a more normal flow. I have that fear too, if it ever happens for us again and we concieve, what if it's ends in a loss again, it makes me feel sick to think of dealing with that again, I guess we are brave ttc again whe you think of it.... although the chances of it happening a third time surely must must be slim. I'm ok, have my 2nd progesterone test on Monday (I will be 8dpo for it) x

@HerbaceousPerennial I'm sorry about the bleeding, has it gotten any heavier in the past hour or so? Oh lovely, are you away anywhere nice? I hope you have good weather, it has rained here all day x

@Ladyinpink1 just visiting family in England but it’s been really nice. Weather today has been mostly sunny but not too hot and we’ve got some willing babysitters for this afternoon, hooray! Bleeding if anything is tailing off 🤷🏻‍♀️ really not sure what’s going on. I’ve had spotting on and off since my last period so maybe things are still settling down. It’s been three months now though since the miscarriage so if it doesn’t settle soon I’ll go to the doctor’s. It’s annoying as my first period after the miscarriage was on time and totally normal. How are you feeling about your progesterone test? Hope it all goes well.