Have I missed the boat? is 35 too old to conceive?

[BrandySnaps1]

Have been trying for 7 months, brought ovulation sticks, still nada. Last month period was 4 days late - i was elated especially as i have been tracking like clockwork since the summer.

Period came and the cramps were the worst they have ever been and very heavy flow. Would have loved to have had 2/3 children, but am now worried as Im 35 and focused on my career all this time. Only to quit last year due to burn out and now focusing on mental and physical health.

Seems like a catch 22 situation and now I feel stuck, anxious, worried, did i make the right decision with anything? No mat leave, no children. Could really use some helpful opinions please.

Lilacdream you talk about biology like it's a fashion. It is lovely you have your baby but you are twisting words. Your midwife said you were young compared to other pregnant women she sees, and even that as an average is hard to believe, but in the kindest possible way you are not a young mother. Biology can't change over 50 years. There are outliers as you mention, very fertile women in their 40's , women with low egg reserve in their 20's but actually fertility does fall off a cliff, it's a very steep decline between 30 and 35. We will all know lots of couples who conceive quickly after this age but statistically before 35 is more successful. OP I'm sorry you are feeling stressed, as others have said 7 months isn't really long, make a GP appointment and hopefully all will come back within normal range, and you will have a positive result within 18 months. I do think women/ men/ couples are given such mixed messages about fertility. Many will find they can't start a family younger due to not meeting a partner, place in career, housing etc and all of these are valid reasons but to say 38 is young is disingenuous and doesn't help people make informed choices.

I was 37 with my last. Everyone is different though

I was 35 when I conceived DD, she took 7 months of trying. I found putting it to the back of my mind as best as possible was helpful as it is so easy to become fixated and that's such a turn off, doing the deed when you have ewm is a must.

i tried for 4 years and finally conceived earlier this year age 36. My baby is due in 2 months! I had almost given up and spent my 35th birthday sobbing my eyes out. Was told I had few viable eggs and if I was going to got ivf not to delay. Decided against ivf route for personal reasons, but did seriously consider it and think it's right for some people. Can highly recommend a book called It starts with the egg by Rebecca Fett / I implemented some things from there. Game changer in my opinion for me was supplementing with 400 – 600 milligrams of coenzyme q10 every day. Also know that it takes three months for an egg follicle to mature so that gives you three months to focus on doing everything you can to improve egg quality too, diet wise and also moderate daily exercise helps too. The book is way more detailed.

There is always hope 💐

It took us 3 years and I fell pregnant just before my 40th. Don't give up hope OP x

Conceived at 37. Started casually trying at 35-36 (when in same country as DP) but didn't do any research so wasn't doing at right times- took 2 months from buying ovulation tracker.
But also had polyp that was right at entrance of womb removed just before- worth getting things like that checked.
Planning on one more. Surprisingly I was not the granny at antenatal class. Very much average age!

ewm?

Sorry not quite right acronym, should be ewcm = egg white cervical mucus.

Same here - I was 43.

Funnily enough I only heard of that on here, so at risk of teaching granny to suck eggs, I won't assume you know about it (as I didn't), it's when your cervical mucus is the consistency of egg whites and it is the best time for sperm to get where it's going.
Maybe I was particularly clueless. 🙃
But I heard about that on here, then DD was conceived following cycle. She's 11 now. 😁

Possible too much info, but I remember going to the loo before bed, ds was not yet 2 so sleep was always a welcome thing, I realised it was ewcm time and thought 'ah, here's my indication the time is right, but I'm tired...' however, I found the energy, jumped his bones and the rest is history.

I've had all mine in my thirties. It's very common to still be fertile in your late thirties, but does tend to take a little longer to conceive on average. So I would say you are still statistically likely to conceive naturally, but get the ball rolling with checks anyway because there may be quite a long wait depending on your area.

Practical tips - I agree with the suggestion to read It Starts with the Egg. I also recommend bbt. It won't predict ovulation, but it's invaluable in understanding your cycle, and crucially can confirm that you regularly ovulate, and that your progesterone rises sufficiently post ovulation. OPKs cannot confirm you are ovulating.

Other general advice is to focus on your health and your partner's. If you are not already a healthy weight and drinking in moderation, no drugs, smoking etc, start tackling that now.

Good luck.

Are you temping as well? You might have multiple LH surges in a month. But temping will tell you the right one!

It’s not too late. I’m 38 and pregnant for my first. It took around a year of trying. The NHS says with having sex every 2-3 days it can still take a year on average so try not to feel too disheartened.

I had mixed feelings about using ovulation tests, GP told me not to use them and I do think maybe the months I used them I was more anxious than usual. If you don’t use them and just have sex regularly you can just go with the flow and take the pressure off a little.

I’d agree with others that maybe go to your GP as they can do some blood tests and send your partner for tests aswell just to check all is okay. Good luck ❤️

I had my second at 36. It took us 13 months to get pregnant. My first was a first month deal!

I was mentally very stressed at work when trying for the second and I think worrying over getting pregnant was just making it all worse. I think your body actually resists pregnancy if you aren't in a good place for a long time. I think you should concentrate on keeping yourself healthy and happy and if you hit a year of trying you start going for tests- we were just starting these when i found out I was pregnant :)

Any tips on tracking basal body temperature? I just dont know where to start and everything I read overwhelms me, getting my head around it all is a task in itself, and then it starts a vicious cycle as i get angry that i didnt start earlier.

I compare myself to people i even grew up with who had children in their early 20s, i know all of our paths are different but sometimes i kick myself as i feel i always take the hard route in life (not saying getting pregnant mid 30s is the hard route) but in other things in life that ive done but i didnt take it seriously and now that i am im getting worried all over again about whether ive made the right decision.

You’ve got to take into account that most people don’t announce when they are ttc so it can seem sudden to you when they announce but can often have taken a while.

At 35 approximately half of our eggs are abnormal. This isn’t something to panic about but it means statistically it takes longer to get the right egg and sperm. There are also fertility treatments you can take to increase the number of eggs you release.

I’m 36 and currently pregnant after 11 months of trying and one miscarriage. We went for a fertility check privately after 6 months who CG I would recommend if you are able but if not, support from GPs is available.

Hi would love to join. I'm 42 and I. Sure you have not missed boat at 35. I fell pregna t last year but MC in July at 7 weeks. I have 2 boys already from previous relationship however the you gest is 8. I been ttc for 2 years. Currently just started the tww.

My sister had her second at 40 hes now 2 her eldest is 19years old.
I said she was bloody mad.
I wish you all the best dont give up it can happen.

No 35 is not too old

We concieved @ 36.5

Had early miscarriage

But trying again @ 37 from march

Have u had any hormone and fertility testing ?

I highly recommend hertility health

150 gbp v well spent

And u can get results onto your NHS record

Have u asked NHS gp 2 do vitamins and hormones check? - that would be wise.
Some females need good feretin / iron to concieve.
Theres a vit d and miscarriage link - good to have good vit d

Good to take vit d supplement - esp in uk winter but also 4 good vit d levels b4 conception

Bbt - every am on waking

I personally wouldn't leave it down to NHS to help you with it, if not having children is going to be a huge issue for you. I say this because as we all know the NHS has varying rules and timeframes across the country as to how quickly they will investigate/do something (you have to have been trying for 2 years where I am and there is an upper age limit) and time will be marching on and potentially further limiting options.
There is a cheap test you can pay for that checks your egg reserve. That would be my first point of call. If that comes back ok then I would try iui privately which is significantly cheaper than IVF probably a quicker process and at your age when I checked the stats when I did it, did not have a significantly different outcome to IVF for my age and the fertility clinic I chose (which was about the same age as you, but was a while ago). You would if you went for iui probably have to pay for a sperm viability test too and maybe some other tests before they would do the iui, or you might be able to get them on the NHS depending on what your PCT (if it is still called that) rules are. I would also ask the doctors that if you paid for these tests would you have to wait for the NHS to repeat them or would they accept the clinics findings and if you had iui or any other IVF type help privately would that impact on your being able to access NHS help.
I am still miffed that the NHS refused to help me at age 35/36 (and that they shifted the goal posts of the criteria whilst I was waiting for help) but would help others in different parts of the country, but I am very glad that I didn't hang around to wait for the NHS and paid privately as I got my firstborn with enough time to try for others (naturally).

There's a very good chance that you'll conceive naturally by the end of a year. 35 isn't that old, and neither is 36.

However after 7 months of serious TTC (ie shagging a couple of times around ovulation every cycle) I personally would go to my GP to get tests underway, because if there is something simple wrong with sperm or fallopian tubes then you want to know about it and intervene asap while your eggs are as young as possible. There's a lot of faffing around in IVF if you do need to do it. But if you personally wanted to wait for another 5 months before going down that route then that wouldn't be a silly choice either.

You can ask gp for transvaginal scan to check things structurally
( checks 4 fibroids etc )
I did that last jul.
We concieved last Aug
But had early miscarriage

NHS will also do progesterone test
/ day 21 test ..

Ignore the day 21 aspect of name

Do the blood test 4/5 days after ovulation

Superdrug also sell this test for 40 gbp

Conception can be harder with low progesterone
But its something that can be fixed

Keep going x