Urge to have 4th am I mad!

[Bubblebathmumma]

Hey 👋

Just recently had implant removed. 20th November. Before removal I wasn't too interested in having a 4th.
Having 15, 10 and stb 6 Yr old I always said I'm sorted. Life's on track, job, car all the in-between. OH and my children have wanted a sibling for years and I've not been interested. So why the sudden urge now. Like borderline obsessive 😂 I feel clock is ticking also as I'm 35 so now is the best time.

ive Not had the best pregnancies so I already know I'll be under a close eye. Please some advice would be perfect. I haven't spoken to any family as my brother is expecting he's first (been ttc for 4 years) and I would not ever take any thing away from he's excitement.

Please chat to me ladies xxx

But they already have two siblings????

be honest, is this about your needs and daydreams, or about adding another life to your family?

You misunderstood the point I was making. I know you meant practically. I have a sensible straight 9 teen myself. She doesn't need me to do half of the practical stuff. But when I think about her actual needs, they're myriad and worthy of consideration. She needs my time, space, undivided attention, room to flourish etc. She'd probably like a sibling in some ways, wouldn't see any issue with it. But it's my job to think about what's right for her and my relationship with her and it would be the wrong decision for us.

Sounds like you've made up your mind anyway.

You didn't call somebody a Karen there did you? I'm hoping it's a weird typo.

@chillin12 @Nineteendays

Thankyou, for understanding, your replies are much appreciated. Coming from a big family myself I totally agree, OH also came from big family. My children are very close to their cousins and auntie's (1 uncle 10 aunts 😂) also the support we are able to give our parents now they are older is great to return xx

I feel I have already decided but I do have little hunches, the bedroom would be the only situation. My.boys are sharing (room devided) and my 6yo bedroom would be able to be devided also if we didn't want/need to move.

Hmmm, seems the more I am chatting the more I realise what's sorted and what would need to be xx

I agree with the others that say it's very unusual for a 15 year old boy to want their mum to have a baby - I have a 17 year old and it's the last thing he'd want. You say they want a sibling but they've all already got two other siblings.

It sounds like part of the reason why you want another baby is so you have a reason to get out of work for a while - and this would be a nice way to do it. Perhaps you'd be better off looking into changing jobs htough for a longer term solution.

For me there are already way too many people on the planet so i wouldn't be having a 4th. I'd prefer to give more time, attention and money to the children I already had.

It's pretty obvious though that you just want everyone here to agree with you and say what a wonderful idea it is otherwise you'll resort to calling them names - and Karen really is a gross misogynistic term. I really don't think you come across at all well on this thread OP.

Don't underestimate the impact of stopping homonal birth control. Seriously, watch before you make any life altering decisions.

I wouldn't. You don't know whether a fourth might have a difficult temperament, might have special needs that you find overwhelming, you might not recover quite so well from pregnancy etc. I know a woman who had a stroke having her third baby and now can't care for any of her kids. Another whose third child had severe special needs and as a result their family life is drastically different, both now and in the future. Not to be a Debbie Downer but I'd take a good look at your life and see whether the potential benefits of adding another child (wanting to experience babyhood again? Another face at the table?) outweigh the negatives. Your kids already have two siblings, what would they gain from having another sibling and what would they lose in the worst case scenario? We have two kids and stopped there for these reasons.

@itsmyp4rty I agree, I'm probably not looking good on this thread, this is not my intention at all.
I get defensive when people start to judge or question my abilities as a parent and if I can fund, give attention to them correctly. I didn't ask for advice on that
I simply asked if I was mad for having this need to have a child. People get too deep into people's lives because they can,

Why is it very unusual for my son to want a sibling. We come from big families, its what they've been brought up around. If he was 17 he would probably say no but at the moment when OH has said kids you want another little brother or sister they all say yeahhh with smiles on their faces. He's not solely asking me to have a child. He probably couldn't care. I don't want to joke across rude, say gross words but I felt hurt by soke comments that's all

@NC098765 completely honest reply and a very real one.
certainly one to consider, i really sorrt to hear that happened.

I have four. They are all wonderful and I love them all deeply. But I would not recommend it.

Just a few reasons.

We never feel we are giving them all enough/equal attention and support, we are exhausted (not in a glamorous, “oh I’m just so busy and important!” way, rather a way that led me to being signed off work for four months), and we never, ever stop. I try to help one child with homework and the other three invariably traipse in, one after the other, needing something. I try to make a phone call and have to simultaneously sort out a fight, gesture to another child to do their homework and pick up mess. I have no hobbies unless you count the home gym at 5am since that’s the only time I can rely on being able to get through a work-out. The money needed is considerable, the organisation needed military-like. And it’s every day.

If you don’t want to continue in your job, find a new one. If you want to do something exciting, learn something new and change the direction of your life. Don’t have a baby to a fill a void.

I’ve always wanted three. Currently pregnant with baby number one and had an awful pregnancy! So thinking I’ll stick at two.

If you’re happy to do the pregnancy bit again then do it! It’s literally the main bit that’s putting me off having lots of children.

@ringstrawpot completely agree. Life is already like a military operation 😂 but I love that. Having to hide in the toilet to have a peaceful phone call. My daughter making us all sit down when house work needs to be done to watch her shows she creates. I love all that and it's what I cherish as soon they will be adults amd I won't be chasing them.around to do homework or clean their rooms 🤦🏻‍♀️

I must have made out i dislike my job some how 🤦🏻‍♀️ I love it. I work in palliative care. Long hours sometimes exhausting, makes me cherish my family that bit more x

I think you have already decided, OP, and why shouldn't you have another? It won't be awful if you want it enough..Some people just love having babies - you sound like one of them. Go for it!

@crumblingschools This, children get a lot more expensive as they get older, OP, think driving lessons, cars etc.

No! If you happy just enjoy life. Get a dog. Xxx

Quit while you're ahead. 3 is plenty. The planet is absolutely fucked. Keep life and finances manageable for yourselves. (It's HIS not he's, by the way.)

Really though? I work with teenagers (school nurse) and very few of them that I know would ever tell their parents that they 'really want a sibling', especially the ones that already have siblings. Also, whilst all sounds great now just be mindful that actually a teen doing very well can feel immense pressure and they need their parents to still be tuned in to what's going on for them; that's going to be hard when you have a tiny baby taking up all your time and energy. Honestly you sound like you're thinking it's fine to have a baby because your 15 year old and your 10 year old are practically grown so you only need to think about your 6 year old and the impact a new baby will have on them which is a bit concerning as you're potentially massively underestimating how present teens need you to be sometimes. 4 kids is spreading yourself very thin and truthfully, you also make it sound like you really just want an excuse to stop working for a while. There's nothing wrong with wanting that but do you need to have a baby to do it? If you took work completely out of the equation and focused only on your family as it is now and try and put your hormones on the side too, do you really, truly believe that a new baby is going to be a positive thing for all of you?

Disclaimer: you're asking and I don't understand why if you have your mind made up and are happy in that decision and you know it's right for your family so I'm not trying to say don't do it, I'm reading what you have posted and forming an opinion based on what I see and presenting it for you to consider as I assume that's why people ask these kinds of questions. I and most other people posting don't care in the least what you do, it doesn't affect us. So don't get defensive when you ask if something is a good idea and people say based on the information you have provided, no maybe it's not. If you've made up your mind, there's no question to ask is there!

Why are you asking a question then getting aggressive and nasty (calling me a Karen wtaf) when you don’t get the responses you want?

Everywhere is massively crowded the planet is screwed so no sorry I don’t think it is a good idea for people to have multiple children if that makes me a KAREN well so be it 🙄

And I have a 15 year old with many many friends and not one would want their parents to have a baby. Even a hint their parents are having sex is absolutely repellent to them (one lovely friend of dds mum has a new boyfriend and they are quite “enthusiastic” which the poor girl hates and is mortified so she so stays at ours)

Why do you keep saying your children 'want a sibling'? They already have two.

How do you think you'll feel after having this baby - will you want another? And another? People often recreate how they grew up, and your hormones will keep telling you to have more babies because that's what we're programmed to do.

If two of your children are already in a divided room and you would need to divide your six year old's room, that doesn't sound like you do have enough room in your house. How does your six year old feel about that? It's a long time until your 10 year old goes to uni (if they go) so it's not like a room will be freed up anytime soon.

I don't really understand why you're asking if you've already decided you want another and are very defensive when people have opinions - no-one actually cares what you do, but we do have the right to point out the negatives.

Go for it if it's what you all want OP! I have four, personally I didn't like the dynamic of three. We wanted to even it up with four so nobody was left out. It really annoys me when people use climate change for a reason against having another child. Get a life people! Back in the day families were much larger, conveniently these climate change activists (not) forget about that. I feel it all evens out with those who don't have children. We also will not have enough employees of the future if people stop procreating. Ridiculous argument 🙄

I met someone yesterday who is 40 and having her 4th- 14, 11, 5 and pregnant. Thought she’s absolutely bonkers! But hey, I won’t be the one raising her 4 kids so 🤷🏻‍♀️

"But also career has taken over my life even affecting my home so a break to be a full time mum seems like a dream to me"

Well then, live the dream! 🙄Being a stay at home mum is not a break.