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Original poster

Urge to have 4th am I mad!

47 replies

Bubblebathmumma · 09/12/2023 12:30

Hey 👋

Just recently had implant removed. 20th November. Before removal I wasn't too interested in having a 4th.
Having 15, 10 and stb 6 Yr old I always said I'm sorted. Life's on track, job, car all the in-between. OH and my children have wanted a sibling for years and I've not been interested. So why the sudden urge now. Like borderline obsessive 😂 I feel clock is ticking also as I'm 35 so now is the best time.

ive Not had the best pregnancies so I already know I'll be under a close eye. Please some advice would be perfect. I haven't spoken to any family as my brother is expecting he's first (been ttc for 4 years) and I would not ever take any thing away from he's excitement.

Please chat to me ladies xxx

OP posts:
Chanhedforthis · 09/12/2023 12:56

Do you have enough money? Bedrooms?

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/12/2023 12:57

Very possibly!

Original poster
Bubblebathmumma · 09/12/2023 14:25

Lovely 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Bubblebathmumma · 09/12/2023 14:25

Money yes. Bedrooms. It would lead us to being 1 over crowded.

OP posts:
PixieTrance89 · 09/12/2023 16:41

I am 34 with 14,10 and 7 year old children already and discovered last week i am pregnant with my 4th lol we are happy although it wasn't planned so I'd say go for it if that's what you want 😊

Original poster
Bubblebathmumma · 10/12/2023 18:29

So we have similar ages. I see it as my 15 year old does mostly everything for himself, 10 year old is very chill and likes to help with things. It's just my 6 year old girl.who relies on me fully, so it's not like we have 3 young children of close ages. I desperately want it to happen but I have a bad feeling that I can't shift.. Probably due to actually ttc rather than It just happening,

Did you plan your 4th?

I've also just come off implant so have had no period for 4 years haven't got a clue when I'll ovulate or anything 🤔 xx

OP posts:
ShowOfHands · 10/12/2023 18:35

Your 15yr old needs you way more than you think. GCSEs, moving on to college, navigating the change to adulthood etc, needs more careful and present handling than you assume. Undivided attention in the teen years is as important as it is for a toddler.

I'm not advising either way, but I'd think carefully about the needs of your older DC, the space you have, your health/mental load and even the impact on the environment.

There is no right or wrong answer but it should be a head decision, not a heart decision.

SerenityNowInsanityLater · 10/12/2023 18:42

Just enjoy the blessings you have and focus on your career and finances. Build up what you can be/do/give. You’re ‘mum’ and that’s the most important role, but still, at 35, I’d be looking at my career path now. Your kids are going to need a lot more support. Bigger kids= bigger needs/issues/input.

Original poster
Bubblebathmumma · 10/12/2023 20:08

I understand what you are saying, ShowOfHands.

But when I said he does things mostly for himself I meant practically. He can cook. Cleans he's very responsible. He's is a level 8 student looking at high grades and has a strong head on he's shoulders and is very supportedMyall of my children are.

May I add he also really wants a sibling. I appreciate any advice thank you

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 10/12/2023 20:11

Can you afford 4 teenagers, possible 4 lots of help through university, setting up home?

Perspectivechange · 10/12/2023 20:20

OP did you account for the fact that children now need more support from parents financially in terms of going to uni costs, learning driving, buying first car, deposit for home etc especially with all the cost of living rise and inflation. You need to think about the future for 4 children and all the realities of raising children involved in the current times. Are you and your partner both working then you will need to factor in childcare costs as well.
I am just saying all these because the practicalities of bringing up children is an important aspect for me more than just the emotional decision.

serialbunburyist · 10/12/2023 20:24

Hell no. Ride out those hormones, they’re out to get you! Although I’d say the same if you asked me about number 3 Grin

Could you really go back there to the baby stage though? I’d rather gouge my eyes out.

Original poster
Bubblebathmumma · 10/12/2023 20:25

I've been at my work place 7 years, so career is and not going anywhere and surely that's what maternity leave is for?

I agree with enjoying the blessings I have, I enjoy them 365 days of the year! But also career has taken over my life even affecting my home so a break to be a full time mum seems like a dream to me

My husband has a very successful job and is very supportive of us all. To me my mind is telling me now is the best time. While I'm still relatively young rather than kicking myself in 5 years time still working and wishing I just had that one last precious baby but by then I'm too old.

OP posts:
TheaBrandt · 10/12/2023 20:31

What will the fourth child give you the others don’t? Can’t relate why would you want to go backwards to the baby years ? Also late teens and young people are very expensive now university costs etc. Also cannot quite believe a 15 year old boy is desperate for his mum to have a baby. He must be very unusual.

Original poster
Bubblebathmumma · 10/12/2023 20:32

serielbunburyist your comment cracked me up. That part is what I'm looking forward to xx

OP posts:
serialbunburyist · 10/12/2023 20:36

In that case @Bubblebathmumma you definitely are mad and going for a 4th might not be a terrible idea for you. Rather you than me though!

Original poster
Bubblebathmumma · 10/12/2023 20:38

TheaBrandt You must be very unusual to not know a 15 year old that wants a sibling.

I asked for advice on one particular situation. Not for anyone to bring my other children in to it. To call him unusual KAREN is* *very unnecessary.

I also didn't ask you to relate.

OP posts:
Spookyxmama · 10/12/2023 20:40

I'm 25 weeks with #6.
Mine are nearly 16, 14, nearly 13, ( bit of a gap where I thought I better calm down here
Then there's 5 and just turned 4 year old, I said I was done and well look where I am 🤣
For what it's worth I'm being sterilised after. I'm 34 in a few weeks and I am feeeeeeling the pregnancy!

Original poster
Bubblebathmumma · 10/12/2023 20:50

Perspectivechange and crumblingschools* *at this moment in time with both of our jobs yes we could afford any thing our children need. Within reason. We have finds set up for.them, for those costly things like driving, first car, deposit for a house or university. We actually like to think we have set our children up to have comfortable teenage lives. We have never relied on the system and have always paid our way. All of those have come into mind. I would never selfishly bring a child into the world I couldn't support. I know people do though. Also things change/happen. Any one of us could have an accident tomorrow and end up with a lost career on benefits needing help off others.you just don't know.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bubblebathmumma · 10/12/2023 20:55

Spookyxmama
Careful you may get the mum police on you questioning if you can fund your children.

Wow 6! Tbf in one of 7.. loved being in a big busy household. Do any of your teenagers want that extra sibling? Rumor has it they're probably unusual if they do 😂😂 (came from above comment)

I can imagine as yoi get older the pregnancy is harder on your body. Xx

OP posts:
Notsurehwhattdo · 10/12/2023 20:56

It sounds like you've already decided, in which case good for you and best of luck. We all have different limits, once I had two that was more than enough for me! 🤣

chillin12 · 10/12/2023 20:58

It seems pretty straightforward to me. You know you clearly want another; your family are all onboard. I don’t see how it’s at all “mad.” Only thing to consider is age really. Which is why if you do want to try, you should do so asap, before the risk of complications in future pregnancies, arise.

I don’t understand the whole fuss about it being discouraged. You clarified that you’re in a good position to go ahead, are very willing, and quite naturally, want to make use of the opportunity, before it’s too late. Four doesn’t seem like a massive number to me, tbf. Probably because I am the eldest of five. Growing up, I’ve never felt disadvantaged by having a large family. I love it. My parents are both from even larger families, as is my husband. So, four seems fairly normal to me. 😂

Age is the only thing I’d be worried about tbh. Maybe you could get fertility checks and tests done etc, to feel more confident about a successful healthy pregnancy, god willing. But I think, go for it. If you do, I hope everything goes well xx

All the best! 😊

Nineteendays · 10/12/2023 21:00

You sound like you really want another and would regret it if you didn’t so go for it.

personally I wouldn’t but I only have 2 and am definitely done! I couldn’t imagine going back to the baby stage (mine are 8 and 11).

I would just make sure your kids would be ok bedroom wise- you have big age gaps so would 2 happily share a room if needed? Will you be able to spread your attention to the teen doing exams and the 10 year old soon starting puberty with a 6 yo and a baby too? If all would be ok and kids would all enjoy having another sibling then why not

allmyliesaretrue · 10/12/2023 21:04

TBH it's unusual for a teenage boy to express a desire for a baby in the house. Most of them are mortified to realise their parents are actively having sex!!

Nobody can tell you whether to have a baby or not. It sounds as you have the 'infrastructure' in terms of space/finances (sharing a room is not the end of the world!) and you really want to do it, so why not?

I might have been tempted to have a 4th if I'd been younger and circumstances different. Now my three are adults, I am kind of glad I didn't. Still supporting all three in one shape or form. Don't know when I'll ever get them off the damn payroll!!

ThereSnowLimit · 10/12/2023 21:08

In your situation I wouldn’t, no. But if you’re going to, crack on while you’re still young.