I'm FUCKING sick of this, come wail with me and help me please.

[MademoiselleFrenglish]

Right. Started my period this morning, onto cycle 12 and I mean BUSINESS. No one seems to want to talk to us until we've been suffering endlessly for over 48 years, so I'm taking matters into my own hands.

I've obviously read all there is to know about conception and what you should/shouldn't take bla dee bla but I'm looking to go back to basics and would like some MN knowledge, please.

Me:

• 28 years old
• Regular periods my entire life
• Average cycle 29 - 30 days
• Average luteal phase 12 days
• Periods usually last about 4-5 days with only 2-3 days of heavy bleeding, not too much cramping
• Quit smoking a year ago
• Don't drink much alcohol
• 1-2 cups coffee a day
• Breathtakingly beautiful and perfect in every way
• Healthy diet - I calorie count on My Fitness Pal, diet is mainly Mediterranean as I live in France
• Have had 2 chemicals, I believe, but also possible that the lines were evaps and it was just a dodgy batch

DH:

• 31 years old
• Never had a period 🙂
• Healthy, works out, good diet, quit smoking a year ago, no issues in the bedroom, good sex drive, very good at getting things off of high shelves etc etc

Supplements I take:

• 120mg - 240mg CoQ10 daily
• Folic acid daily
• Vit D daily
• Vit C every now and then

Supplements DH takes:

• 120mg CoQ10 daily as long as I have enough left for me, if so, he goes down to once every couple of days until we can get more
• Vit D

I bought Maca powder recently, I've read the good and the bad but I think I'm willing to give it a go, so will take 1 tsp daily and DH probably will do the same.

Mentally, I'm flitting between "I'm so fucking DONE with TTC screw babies and their stupid little STUPID faces, I don't need one!" or wailing on the bathroom floor in a puddle of my own tears, OR floating around the house in an impenetrable bubble of positivity repeating the mantra "everything will work out in the end" whilst waving around smoky sage and fairy tears. So all in all, pretty good.

I'd just like some advice, really.

Firstly I like the sound of you!

Secondly, clear blue digital ovulation sticks really helped us with timings, finally successful after 14 months TTC, so worth a go.

And don't feel bad about internally rolling your eyes at people (it always seems to be the ones with lots of kids!) who breezily say "relax and it'll happen for you!" with a cheery smile while you're broken inside. Those of us who have been there understand what you're going through.

Everything crossed for you

I would definitely recommend a male fertility screen given he has had 2 hernia repairs.

I'm sure you mean well but if you're speaking to someone struggling with a fertility journey then this can be really painful and frustrating to hear and is pretty insensitive.

OP may not take your comment badly but many people would so it could be good to think about how it feels for someone struggling fertility to be on the receiving end of it.

Sorry I should add not to scare you as it's quite rare but hernia op in men has been known on rarr occasion to affect fertility particularly if a certain type of mesh used in the repair or issue in surgery.

Download an app called Flo and make sure you DTD in your fertile window.

@SiennaMillar I've managed to get his baths to a lower temperature and he only has a couple during winter anyway. He doesn't drink any type of caffeine (and is a smug bastard about it). Doesn't have much stress, nor soya, loves nuts and turns his nose up at anything that isn't whole milk, so that's all v v v good. I've been wondering about the OPKs to be honest. I've got CB ones on the way and they'll go in the cupboard until Jan, if I decide to use them at all. I'll stop using the Easy@home ones I think.

@Crabacus I bought a BBT thermometer months ago, used it 3 times and realised I was already obsessing over it! So stopped using it straight away (although did stick it in the chicken once to see if it was done - it wasn't).

@SilverBranchGoldenPears Yes I usually always orgasm during sex. He's not just good at getting things off of high shelves 😉Will try and stop the extra quickies during fertile week though and just do things properly!

@monsteramunch Thanks! 😁Yes, I always do (not so inwardly) roll my eyes at those comments. The worst came from the pharmacist when I told her I was beginning TTC and wanted to know if there were any vitamins I should take to be in top health and she replied "No, nothing. Just relax and it'll happen before you know it!". Went in 2 weeks later with a cold and came out with more vitamins than I could carry. I was furious.

@Castlereagh No worries! Better to know than not know! Will talk to the doc about it if no luck in Jan, thank you!

It took me and DH 2 years with our first. I was convinced something was wrong as I always had irregular periods. The only thing my GP would do was give me a blood test to see if I was ovulating. I never was because they insisted I had to have it day 13 when I had 40 day plus cycles Anyway the month we were finally going to be referred to get all the tests. That month we were moving house and I had given up and was too stressed with the house move. We did the deed literally once and I got pregnant! So being extra stressed and hardly trying worked for me .
Jokes aside if you have the money I would recommend having the tests privately. I will say many of my friends and myself included never really shared how long it took ttc and you would probably be surprised how common it can be to take over 12 months. I believe each cycle is about a 20% chance if you dtd over your fertile time so you could just be having a bit of bad luck.
You also mentioned chemical pregnancies. I would ask about proestrogen which afew friends of mine had due to multiple miscarriages. Good luck OP

I tracked LH using the easy@home sticks and also did BBT to confirm ovulation. I know you said you abandoned BBT because you were obsessing, but perhaps it's worth doing it for one month just to make sure you're actually ovulating at all/ovulating when the LH tests are showing. Most people ovulate 12-48 hours after a positive ovulation test so BBT should help you better understand when exactly you're ovulating.

I also took conceive plus ovulation support tablets. I bought pre-seed lube but didn't use it before we conceived so can't give a review on that! I've heard good things about those applicators that you wear internally to catch the semen but have never used them myself. My friend recommended the ferti-lily.

I also want to echo others on here suggesting a sperm test for your partner. I think you can order them and they aren't too unaffordable.

Good luck!

@namechange7479 It's honestly mad how many people ended up conceiving when they couldn't be bothered/didn't have time to try that month. Think I'll busy myself with baking Christmas cookies and perfecting my mulled wine recipe for the next month, maybe it'll happen then 😂I'll look into private tests in January. I have a good friend who went through the whole process recently, so I'll have a chat with her too and see if she recommends any clinics etc, thank you!

@applesandmares I'm 99% sure I'm ovulating. I have the same tell tale signs every month and my levels are good on my premom app and on the strips, always very very dark when they should be etc. I'm going to buy a sperm testing kit in January and I've heard about the ferti-lily cup but haven't done much research, so will also do that, thank you!

@MademoiselleFrenglish how long do you DTD for after your peak LH test? I think this is where I went wrong with my first. I think I must ovulate quite a while after my surge as it was the month that we DTD a few days after my surge that we conceived. Just a thought.

Once my period ends, we average once every 2 days. Then about a week after my period ends we up to every other day until my OPKs start getting darker. Once the OPK line is as dark as/darker than the test line we go to once a day for about 4-5 days, then back down to every couple of days for a few days. I know when ovulation has finished as my libido disappears entirely! In general I seem to ovulate between CD15 and CD20 but as I don't use BBT, we cover all our bases for that entire week.

I think we may try DTD every couple of days for the full cycle. Can't hurt (well there are some friction issues after a while...)

Look it up it helped me twice. Your ovaries can be stimulated with fertility reflexology. It's fascinating. They can tell you if any blockages etc

The only things I did was use Preseed lubricant, and took "trying for baby" vitamins (yes that's the actual name haha) I fell pregnant first month, we also just had a massive amount of sex all month tbh we didn't want to start tracking and charting straight away and lo and behold we didn't need to in the end. I'm sorry, I know it's not this simple for a lot of people but I think sometimes it feel really overwhelming and complicated when it doesn't need to be (in the first instance). Best of luck OP!

private sperm analysis is cheap and non invasive. You could literally book this in for Monday? There are kits you can buy online too for about £50-60

“Stupid little STUPID faces” 😂🤣😭😭😭 I’m done, that got me so good 🤣👌🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Another one for keeping your arse in the air for as long as possible post-splooge. Hope you have success and pass on the perfection genes, très funny.

I cut out caffeine and alcohol and used pressed lube.

Pre-seed!

I have zero advice - my first time TTC was nearly 8 years ago (big gap in the middle as I split with my ex husband), but nothing definitively works or doesn't work for me. Total luck of the draw as to how fertile you are as a couple!

But I love your attitude and your post made me smile - really hope you get your BFP soon. After a year definitely go to the GP and get the ball rolling on tests, best to rule out if anything is medically getting in the way of you conceiving.

We tried solidly for 16 months and previously for just under a year a short while before that (however at that time my thyroid was nuts so we were aware we had 0 chance). We just got our bfp this cycle, the things I did differently were:
1- paid for Ivf and was due to start that on the next cycle. Instead I got a positive!
2) upped the coq 10 to 600mg
3) started taking optibac for women
4) husband put the fertilily in for me (this was our 4th month using it but first cycle with him putting it in)
5) went for a walk every day and looked forward to period arriving to get on with Ivf!
It sucks I cried all the time waiting for the miracle. Now I have severe anxiety worrying that somethings going to go wrong!

Defo get checked though you should be eligible for basic tests now. All our tests came back normal, so unfortunately it can just take time

@Hurdygurdy12 it was said tongue in cheek.
I'm sure OP isn't taking my advice as gospel or medical

Love your list!

one basic thing is missing though, which days of the month are you horny? (No need to share with us!)

I was seen after 3 losses. It was at that point I was made aware I ovulate much earlier in my cycle than usual. Was told to try regularly throughout the whole month rather than on set days/weeks. Worked really well for us.

Y

@MademoiselleFrenglish I can relate to this so much. I’m on cycle 17 currently last day of af. We’ve tried just about everything including opks, bbt, vitamins, having sex everyday or only once, skipped a month and relaxed, legs on the wall after and orgasm everytime, I’m definitely ovulating, I don’t smoke or drink alcohol or coffee. We’re both healthy weight, my partner smokes but has cut down a lot over the past year, his libido is very much fine and so is mine. It’s been so long and I’ve somewhat relaxed about all the tww and timing dtd so we do it when we feel like it about every other day maybe every 2 days. Don’t have the energy right now to do all the testing, maybe next year but I doubt it as we’re planning on selling our house and building our own.